On that Fateful Day (Undergoing MAJOR Rewriting)
by xXGemini14Xx
Summary: All Ayame Fujiko ever wanted was to have a normal college life with her two bestfriends- Hide and Kaneki. When one of them turns into a half-ghoul before her eyes, the rose-tinted world she knew will soon come crumbling down to reveal a path of thorns...
1. Binge Eater Rize

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except for my OC. Credit goes to the author to Tokyo Ghoul. I also do not own the book cover, credit goes to its creator as well. Also this is taken from my wattpad account and transferred here for the sake of entertainment and sharing my fanfic. The events follow the manga but with my own OC as part of the story line.**

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 _A/N: Rewritten on 10/07/17_

 _This has been edited before but due to some circumstances, I've decided to completely overhaul my entire fanfic. There is a chance that some parts might be deleted or changed so if you feel lost then please reread this from chapter one again. I'm sorry for the inconvenience but I wanted to try and deliver a better reading experience to you all and create a whole new world similar yet somewhat different from the manga-verse of TG and TG:re._

 _So once again, let me welcome you all to my first ever TG fanfic!_

\--*--

 **Chapter I: Binge Eater Rize**

 _"Normal is an Illusion... what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly..."_

 **-Charles Addams-**

\--*--

-*Flip*-

My eyes twitched and then calmed as I took a long sip of my mocha-flavored drink.

-*Flip*-

I felt a vein pop as I controlled the urge to yell inside the shop. I could feel Hide's nervous gaze at me as he desperately tried to warn his best friend of the impending danger that was to befall him.

-*Flip*-

That was the last straw and I swiped the book as quickly as I could and gave him the death glare. His eyes widened for a second and then when he saw the look of irritation on my face, he suddenly paled and gulped.

"Seriously, Kaneki. I was already giving you the signs but you were so engrossed in that book of yours to notice." Hide sighed as I triumphantly smiled and placed the book far from Kaneki's reach.

"But I was getting to the good part, Ayame-san. Could you at least let me finish the chapter?" Kaneki begged but I shook my head. After I just swiped the book from him? Did he think I was stupid?

"No. We finally get a day off since school's been cancelled and I refuse to spend it with you doing nothing but reading this difficult book and Hide being his usual perverted self." I pointed out. Hide scowled at my remark and Kaneki whimpered at my angry tone. Glad to at least know they understood.

"All three of us have been friends for as long as I can remember, Ayame. We see each other every day that it's starting to make me sick." Hide joked and I slapped him with Kaneki's book which made Kaneki pale.

"My... B-bo..." He could only whimper while Hide sent me a glare as he rubbed the bruise beginning to form on his head.

"See, this is why no guy would like you. You're like an ape-woman!" He exclaimed before dodging another hit from me. I clicked my tongue at his triumphant look and threw the book back to Kaneki who quickly checked his book for any damages.

"Ape-woman your face! Like you've ever had a single girlfriend." I snapped back and the two of us began to bicker, with Kaneki being in the middle- back to reading his book while dodging cups that aimed his way. The sound of the T.V. stopped Hide from his attempt to throw a cup my way as his eyes and ears strained to the news being broadcasted. A grisly scene appeared on screen as the news anchor relayed the events of today's headlines.

 _'On the 28th, part of the remains of a man's body was found on the street by the Takada Building. Fluids from what is thought to be a 'Ghoul' was left at the scene. Investigators are considering this the work of an 'Eater' type and are commencing a search in the surrounding area. There are fears of an 'Eater' attacking the city of Tokyo but... What are they actually like? Today we will ask Dr. Ogura, a researcher who studies 'Eater' types...'_ The news continued on but I tuned it out, getting worried at all the talk about these so-called "Ghouls".

"Heh, what a sketchy looking guy. Even his get-up looks suspicious," Hide remarked after the news ended.

"It is quite scary though, the Takada Building isn't far from here remember." I reminded him to which Hide just shrugged and a mischievous smile formed on his face.

"Though I doubt they'd want a piece of you. They'd just spit you out the moment they got a bite." He joked, making me squash the cup in my hand as a tick mark appeared on my head.

"Now Kaneki on the other hand would be eaten up in a second. A scrawny kid like him who's always reading difficult books." Hide added in and Kaneki shut his book with a sigh.

"What do you mean difficult? If you and Ayame-san would just pick up a book then you'd both understand."

"Me and books just don't mix, Kaneki. I'd just bore myself to death on the first page." Hide yawned as he rested his head on the table. I guess, even if we did fight a lot, Hide and I did have one thing in common- our boredom for books.

"Anyways... I was just thinking. Not once have I ever seen a 'Ghoul'. Do they even exist? Monsters that eat people..." Kaneki trailed off and both Hide and I gave him a curious look.

"They must exist. I mean it is all over the news." I replied as all three of us started scribbling something onto a piece of paper.

"I've heard they disguise as humans and lie and wait... then they suddenly appear just like that," Hide said before he frowned at his work and grabbed an eraser. I saw Kaneki deep in thought as he continued to scribble on his sheet.

"What if Ayame was a Ghoul!? It'd explain why she's so scary like a monster." Hide nodded proudly to himself as I resisted the urge to hit him again.

"Why is it always me? What about Kaneki? He could be a Ghoul." I gestured to Kaneki which took him by surprise.

"Idiot. If I had been a Ghoul then both of you would be dead." Kaneki pointed out and paled when he realized what he had done. Hide controlled himself not to laugh as I flinched at what Kaneki had just called me.

"Did you just call me an idiot!?" I growled and almost toppled him off his chair, earning us a few looks from a couple of people in the cafe.

"Y-you said 'disguised as' right, Hide? What if they're just monsters in the shape of man?" Kaneki speculated before flinching in pain when I pinched his cheeks painfully.

"Awaye-chwan, iyt huwts." Kaneki cried pitifully until I released him while he rubbed his sore cheeks.

"Oh you mean something like this?" Hide showed his rather... ummm... scrawny illustration of a Ghoul. I snorted at his work, which earned me a glare as I snatched Kaneki's work from the table.

"At least Kaneki has more skills in art than you." I snickered when we saw Kaneki's take on the idea of a Ghoul.

"You're so high mighty, well let's see your 'Ghoul'." Hide demanded as he snatched my sheet from my side of the table. He and Kaneki stared at the picture for a long time before bursting into giggles. I turned red in embarrassment when Hide waved in the air my terrible stick-man rendition of a Ghoul.

"Well, at least I know who last place will be." He smiled haughtily as I snatched the paper back and dumped it in my bag.

"Dammit, Hide. I really hate you right now." I grumbled, getting even more pissed off at the sound of their chuckles.

"Anyways, let's just talk about something else." Hide's smile widened as he wrapped his arm around Kaneki's neck.

"For example," Hide whispered in Kaneki's ear. "Which one's the coffee shop girl you were talking about?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes before sighing at my two friends. "Seriously, of all the things to talk about, we talk about girls?"

"Ack! You guys are shouting! Hide stop looking around." Kaneki tried to shush Hide until Hide's roaming eyes stopped and I followed his gaze to a beautiful waitress taking orders over at another table. Her blackish-violet hair reached till the nape of her neck and a long bang covered half her face until the chin. She looked to be about our age or a year younger and I wasn't surprised why guys would fawn over her. With that smile and body... she was no doubt very beautiful.

"Is it her?" Hide and I said in unison and Kaneki turned to the girl and blushed.

"N-no, she's a waitress here. I was talking about a customer." Kaneki stuttered but went unheard as Hide raised his hand and called the girl over. Kaneki cringed when she approached us and smiled as she took out her note pad.

"Excuse me! Can I have one cappuccino please? What about you guys!?" Hide asked rather excitedly at both of us. Ugh, another prey for Hide's little pick-ups.

"I-I'm fine..." Kaneki only said whereas I ordered another cup of mocha. While the girl was busy jotting down our orders, I saw Hide smirk as he leaned back and gave the girl one long look.

I couldn't help but sigh and think, _'Here he goes again...'_

"Excuse me, but what might your name be?" Hide flashed her a smile and the girl just looked at him nervously.

"K-Kirishima T-Touka," she managed to say before Hide grabbed her by the hand which made mine and Kaneki's eyes grow wide like saucers.

Well... He's being straight forward today.

"Kirishima-san! Do you have a boyfriend!?" Hide suddenly asked excitedly and Touka's eyes grew wide in surprised as she blushed.

"I-I... I don't!" She shouted and ran off.

"Real smooth, Hide. Real smooth." I chuckle and Kaneki glares at Hide, reprimanding him for doing such a thing.

"Just don't do anymore weird things, Hide. This shop is the only connection I have to that girl." Kaneki sighed while he rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

I chuckled at his pitiful state and slapped him at the back before speaking, "Cheer up! Maybe it's a sign you're not meant to be."

At this, Kaneki turns bright red and lowers his head, prompting me to try and gain Hide's love-struck attention.

"Did I hit him too hard?" I asked Hide as he turned to Kaneki and asked him if he was okay. Kaneki pointed weakly behind us and we turned to find a beautiful and voluptuous woman with long purple hair and mesmerizing light violet eyes enter the cafe. She wore a long dress that showed the cleavage of her breast and I saw countless of men turn her way as she walked in and took her seat on the farther part of the cafe.

"Oh, so it's that girl..." I said in awe before I heared a slap and I turned to see Hide rest his hands rather harshly on Kaneki's shoulders.

"Give up man!" Hide shook his head before jutting his chin to the woman, "A hottie like her? I bet she'll transform the moment you took off her glasses."

"I guess we will never make a match..." He only mutters dejectedly which made me feel bad for Kaneki. I understand Hide meant well but for you to just say it frankly... well it was one flaw Hide and I had.

"But it's fine just seeing her right? You never know, fate might have a way with things." I shrugged and I saw him smile at the idea.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So what, you're going to be a love expert now?" Hide grinned and I nodded which took them by surprise.

"What? Our friend is love sick, Hide! He needs our help."

"But you have no experience with guys!"

"And neither do you have with girls." I rebutted which caused us to argue again while Kaneki tried to stop us.

"It's alright guys! Besides... when our eyes meet she smiles a little. Maybe if she shared the same feelings as mine..." Kaneki trailed off and we stared at him like he had just grown two heads.

"You kinda being that type of guy... it's creepy..." Hide could only say in shock. Even I couldn't believe it... my own shy friend actually thinks like that?

"Did Hide finally get to you!? Oh god... why my innocent Kaneki." I cried and he only stared at us in embarrassment and exasperation.

"You know she's giving you a forced smile because she thinks you're suspicious." Hide only pointed out and Kaneki blushed crimson.

"Don't be stupid!" He exclaimed and Hide just waved him off as he picked up his things while slinging his backpack.

"What off so soon?" I said as I took another sip from my mocha that was now beginning to turn cold.

"Well I got to see the girl Kaneki was talking about but you know me, I'm a busy man."

"Yeah... right." I scoffed and he just shrugged.

"Well good luck delusion boy! See ya ape woman! Good bye Kirishima-san!" Hide waved as he walked off.

"D-delusion boy?"

"Who are you calling an ape woman!?"

"..." (Touka: Ugh... that guy.)

With Hide gone, Kaneki and I just decided to take our seats. Having nothing better to do, I took out my laptop to finish my essay whereas Kaneki continued to read his book. It wasn't because we ran out of words to say, it was just... what one would call the comfortable silence.

After all, all three of us had been friends since we were very young, our bond isn't that easy to break. It was no wonder why I never made any more friends. Kaneki and Hide were the only people I needed. Even if Hide was sometimes annoying or if Kaneki was a shy cry baby, I didn't care. I owe this present self of mine to them after all.

They are my most precious treasure.

"Ah!" I looked up from what I was doing and saw Kaneki apologizing to the woman with purple hair. She got down to pick up his fallen book and her eyes shone in interest at the literature she was holding.

"This is interesting. I was reading the exact same book." She winked at him and I felt a proud sensation in my heart. See, Hide was wrong. She now looks like she's interested at my friend.

"Do you like him? Takatsuki?" She asked but Kaneki was too tongue-tied to speak. Oh come on Kaneki! If you mess up now you'll never get the chance... He stuttered for a bit but I knew it was futile. I guess I have to take matters into my own hands then...

"He's a die-hard fan of the guy. Has all his novels in his house. Heck, He never stops talking about him." I joined in and froze when I felt the hairs on my skin rise. For some odd reason, I felt as though the woman was glaring at me before turning back to a blushing Kaneki with a smile still plastered on her face.

How odd. It's not like I was bad mouthing the author right?

"Is that so?" She giggles and they soon begin to talk about Takatsuki Sen and his works. I take this as my cue to leave and I bid Kaneki a good luck before heading out.

"I guess she's found another one." I stopped halfway through the door and turned to see Touka and the manager looking at each other worriedly.

It could have been any other person they were referring to but why did I feel like it was directed at that woman Kaneki was talking to right now. Something felt wrong as if this was a calm before a storm...

 **-The Next Day-**

"Eh, so you're going out with her already?" Hide and I said in unison as Kaneki nodded happily at the announcement. It was a typical sunny day and the three of us decided to spend our weekend at a nearby restaurant.

"I guess people do get lucky sometimes..." Hide trailed off.

Kaneki blushed while scratching his cheek. "Well I do owe Ayame-san a thanks. If it hadn't been for her then I'd never have gotten the chance to talk to her."

I couldn't help but blush at his compliment, quite glad that I actually made his day.

"Really now? How about being my wing woman next time then?" Hide turned my way and I shook my head.

"The women of this world are much safer away from you, Hide."

"You didn't have to be so blunt... So Kaneki, what's her name then?" Hide asked after frowning at my rather painful rejection to helping him catch a date. Kaneki blushed and coughed to try and compose himself

"Her name's Kamishiro Rize. This time we're going to give each other novel recommendations." He said rather proudly. A book... recommendation? Well it sounds... nerdy. I guess Hide is right, Kaneki just scored himself a sexy and nerdy chick.

"It's my first ever outing with a girl... it's a dream book store date!" He elaborated rather excitedly before I whacked him on the head.

"What do you mean first outing with a girl? Are implying that I'm not one?" I cracked my fingers as Kaneki whimpered.

"What I-I mean is a girl besides you, Ayame-san." He apologized and I huffed before taking my seat.

"When did you even consider yourself a girl? Unlike Touka-san or Rize, you have zero sex appeal. Your strength is like a man's and even the way you dress is like a guy." Hide pointed out and I turned to my outfit which consisted of a black long-sleeved hoodie and a pair of jeans with blue rubber shoes. I glared back at him and grabbed him by the collar.

"Are you implying something, Hideyoshi?"

"And whatever would that be?" He smirked at me and I pushed him away. Zero sex appeal my ass, he's just upset Kaneki got a girl first before him. I continued to mutter curses at him while he ignored me and turned back to the main star - our friend Kaneki.

"I don't really understand the appeal of a date in a book store but... you go and have fun, okay." He smiled and Kaneki beamed.

"Thanks a lot guys!" He grinned and I couldn't help but grin as well. I guess I never really have the heart to stay mad at them for long.

"When it's over you better tell us the juicy stories, okay!" I patted him on the back before we went our separate ways.

\--*--

 _'Do I really look like a guy?'_ I pondered to myself as I stared at the mirror, dressed in another different colored hoodie and jeans. I tore the fabric off my body and tossed it on the floor.

"I miss my sister, she always knew how to dress me up." I mumble while I padded off the tiny kitchen and cooked myself some instant noodles before dressing up into my pajamas.

Living in a dorm far from home is hard... I miss mom's cooking, dad's stack of blue prints scattered in the house and even my sister's dress up time. I guess that was the reason why when it concerned Hide and Kaneki, I always had time.

Being far from home can be very lonely.

But it's not like I feel lonely most of the time. After all, Kaneki and Hide always made up for it when we're at school or when we get the chance to hang out. I guess with Rize finally in the picture… it just made me nervous at the idea that Kaneki might have little time to hang out with us. I know it's not in his nature to leave his friends but I just can't help but feel like we're getting left behind.

 _'An identical incident has occurred on Shirakami Street. The fluid's composition matches that of the incident from the 28th...'_ I switched the cable to a different channel that talked about how to dress up in a more feminine fashion, my mind just trying to stay positive and focus on a different topic rather than Kaneki and Rize.

"I guess I do have to work on becoming more like a female..." I say to no one in particular as I sip the soup and sigh, that feeling still lingering in my body. A sense of worry and nervousness as if something ominous was about to descend over. I didn't know why but it was just how I felt, seeing as good things have been happening lately and I can't help but wonder if a trade-off will come at a price…

 **-The Next Day-**

"This should do the trick." I tie the red bow neatly like a ponytail and admire it in the mirror. Following the fashion advice on the television, I decided to go with a white short-sleeved sundress with dandelion prints on the hem. The dress was tight which highlighted my curves making me laugh when I remembered Hide say I had no sex appeal.

Ha, wrong again, Hide. I actually have a nice body.

I take a faded white cardigan with me and grab my white purse and laptop before putting on my sandals and leaving the house.

So for today's mission... prove to Hide and Kaneki that I'm actually a girl. Easy enough but where do I start?

"How about that Italian restaurant Hide was suggesting us the other day..." I think to myself and nod. Not only is it in the center of Tokyo, it's also near a university so chances are that I might meet a few nice guys, right? Feeling optimistic at the prospect, I hail a taxi and jump in, telling the driver my destination for the day.

"Looking pretty today, aren't we. Getting ready for a date?" The taxi driver greeted and I grinned. Ha, a first compliment from someone other than Hide or Kaneki.

"You best be careful though... I wouldn't be surprised if something other than a human nabs at you." I felt the temperature turn cold at the driver's warning my smile faltering in the process.

 _'Something other than a human... was he referring to a Ghoul?'_ I put on my cardigan to hide my skin at the thought just as we were nearing the location of my supposed 'date'.

"It is broad daylight so I doubt they'd make a scene but please... do be careful." Were his last words before he drove off.

Great, now I feel too scared to even show off some skin... just the thought of attracting a Ghoul suddenly scared me. Although I had yet to see one, the paranoia in me just wouldn't let me have fun... I guess I'll just have to forego the idea of finding a date and just head on to the place to have lunch...

\--*--

"One lasagna, please." I ordered before taking out my laptop and doing another one of my home works. So much for dressing up... I just wasted my time only to do my homework at another restaurant.

"So Kaneki-san what is your number one recommendation?" My ears perked up at the sound of that familiar name and I looked up to find Kamishiro Rize talking to Kaneki not too far from my table.

Wait- of course! This was the restaurant Hide himself recommended 'us'. Knowing Kaneki, he would've wanted to impress Rize on their first date and so probably decided to take her here. This 'is' technically his first date so who best to take advice from than Hide himself...

Of course, Hide could barely even catch a girl's eye with his attitude but this was Hide we were talking about, surely Kaneki figured that he had good tastes to recommend prospective dates, right?

It's a good thing I'm dressed differently right now. If Kaneki saw me, no doubt he'd think I was spying on him. Oh the embarrassing words Hide would subject me to!

"Oh, speaking of Takatsuki, his short story collections is just as interesting too." She continued on and on until I ended up tuning out her voice. I guess they are a match in heaven.

Two book fanatics... I feel so dizzy just thinking about it.

"Oh, is something wrong?" I could hear Rize ask curiously and I turned to find a blushing Kaneki, his eyes looking away from what I assumed was Rize's cleavage. Not Kaneki too... I guess guys just can't help the allure of an almost exposed breast.

"Here's your meal." The woman said just as she handed me my order. I was about to take a bite but paused when I saw Rize walk by, heading for the restroom. I look at her petite form and wonder to myself if maybe I should go on a diet... nah!

"I'm going to die someday so why not enjoy what life has to offer." I stuff myself with lasagna and savor the dish before swallowing it.

I see Rize walk back and when our eyes meet, I felt as if a hundred needles suddenly pricked at my body. That look... such a murderous aura. I tried to shake that feeling away as I look back to see her waving at me kindly.

Did I just dream that up?

I look back to the lasagna and push the food away, my stomach no longer in the mood for another bite.

"Maybe I should just head home..." I sigh to myself as I get up from my seat and exit the restaurant.

\--*--

"Is this really mess up Ayame's life day?" I wonder to myself aloud as I walk towards the destination of my house. It was already getting late and still not a single taxi even dared to stop for me. It was fine when it was in the morning... so what makes this time any different...

Oh yeah, because almost all of the people are going home by then.

"That's it! I regret ever leaving the house." I mumbled angrily before deciding to just head on to a coffee house and wait it out until the area wasn't so crowded before I catch a cab home.

Taking sharp turn from the restaurant, a yelp escapes my lips when I collided onto a passing civilian and apologized profusely for my carelessness. He didn't seem to mind, even giving me a brief smile before moving on.

Just as I sighed in relief at managing that embarrassing encounter, my body could only freeze when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

"Ayame-san? What are doing here?"

There before me stood Kaneki and Rize, the former looking at me curiously while the latter's face was unreadable. I felt like I had blacked out for a minute, cursing myself to the oblivion that they had caught me when I specifically tried my best to stay hidden.

What was I going to say? Being honest and telling them that I was out to prove myself an eligible bachelorette was stupid and even more suspicious to Kaneki who already knew first-hand about my stalking issues with Hide whenever we hear a rumor of him catching a date.

"I-um... Wanted to eat out and try the restaurant Hide recommended us. I didn't think we'd see each other... Fancy seeing you both here..." I laughed nervously, avoiding the suspicious gaze Kaneki was sending me.

"Do you want to come along then? We live quite close to each other so we can walk home toge-,"

"No!" I quickly stopped him, taking him by surprise at my sudden rejection. What an idiot! This was their first date, wasn't it? If Hide taught him any better, he should know that having me tag along is like the biggest no-no you would ever do. Does he want her to hate me? She'll only get turned off with him if he asks me to come along.

Not only that, I would be practically third-wheeling and that's even more humiliating. Gods, Kaneki can be so dense sometimes!

"I mean-," I try to correct myself while adjusting my cardigan and purse. "I'm waiting for someone so-,"

"I don't mind the company so you don't have to feel nervous, Ayame-san," Rize cuts me off making me shiver at the unnatural way she smiled at me. She must be clearly pissed at me now.

"Really? What do you think, Ayame-san?" Kaneki (ever the oblivious one) brightened up when she agreed before turning to me with an expectant look on his face. I could only face-palm internally to myself, wondering how Kaneki couldn't hear the way her tone implied otherwise.

It was obvious she wanted to be alone with him and was only inviting me since Kaneki was my friend.

"Really, I should stay-,"

"No, I insist..." Rize tried to assure me before the tone of her voice changed, her brows etching in worry while she glanced carefully around us.

"Um... my house is a little bit before the Takada Building street. Recently, there was an incident there."

"Oh, you mean those Ghouls," He said and Rize nodded.

"I'm scared of walking home alone... I think about it so much that I can't sleep at night. I've been worried about it ever since." Rize continued on as her body shook from fright.

I couldn't help but suddenly feel sorry for her. The fact that she was willing to accept my sudden entrance into their date out of fear for being left alone in a dangerous area kind of made me feel guilty for thinking badly of her. Even though she clearly wanted to spend the day with Kaneki, she had decided to bring her pride down and admit that safety in numbers would be the better option.

"How about we walk you home then." Kaneki suggested to which Rize smiled-

A smile so sinister I turned completely pale at the sight. I blinked a couple of times, wondering if I was just imagining it. This was probably the third time I saw that expression of hers, like a huntress marking her prey. I don't even know why I was seeing it, since there was nothing that we did that warranted such a reaction.

As we continued to walk away from the crowd that began to thin, the empty alleyway of the Takada Street where we arrived felt suddenly ten times colder as I watched Kaneki and Rize's back walking ahead of me and talking casually with each other about topics I couldn't seem to comprehend due to the anxiety eating up at me.

This feeling of fear and worry... The last time I felt this frightened... I couldn't seem to recall when and yet the feeling wasn't foreign.

Like a fly caught in a spider's web- trapped and completely at the mercy of death...

"I can walk alone safely from here on now." Snapping me from my inner turmoil, I saw Rize casting us that unnatural smile of hers again, her hands to her back.

For reasons unknown, I felt as if my body had gone light, relief washing over me that soon she would be gone from our sight. It was rude to think so but it was like warning bells were resounding in my mind- the farther we were from her the safer we would be was what it told me.

As if a past experience reminded me that people like her were dangerous. Something I found quite laughable given that it was my own doing that had paired them up in the first place.

"I see." Kaneki returned her gesture as well with his own nervous smile but I could hear the slight tone of disappointment in it that the escort had ended probably too soon for his liking.

"I had fun," she replied before taking us by surprise when she abruptly embraced him, Kaneki's cheeks a flaming red as well as mine. She didn't seem to mind that I was watching, her hands snaking around his back as she rested her head on his neck which made me quickly look away in embarrassment and awkwardness.

But that was my undoing, the moment I looked away was the moment I heard an ear splitting cry that made my blood turn cold.

A glare of black and red greeted me when I abruptly looked up, Kaneki's figure backing away while gripping his bleeding shoulder tightly. Horror and palpable fear could only flicker in my eyes at the sight of Rize, her lips stained with blood while her tongue licked at her bloodied hands in ecstasy.

Adrenaline kicked in the moment she so much as moved, my hands grabbing Kaneki by the arm before we both made a run for it.

"Hello, police! I need help please. Umm... My name is Fujiko Ayame, I'm here at the street near the Takada Building. Please, I need help. We're in trouble! I-I think it's a ghoul!" I urgently called before rounding a corner with Kaneki in tow.

"Hehe that expression is exquisite! Yes... it's me. It never occurred to you both did it?" She cackled at us as she slowly bent down, like a lioness ready to pounce at her prey.

"That I am a Ghoul!" She screamed in demented glee.

"You're both making me shudder." She cooed and was about to pounce on us when I did the most idiotic thing ever.

I threw my phone at her direction.

I didn't know how it happened really. My body just acted on its own. I saw Rize's surprised expression at what just happened and I used it as an opportunity to gain enough distance from us.

"A-Ayame-san!? Where are we-,"

"Shut it! I'll explain to you when we get out of this mess." I only said. We were about to make it to an open area when a tentacle shot out of nowhere and grabbed Kaneki by leg, making us painfully hit the ground.

"Got you~~" She purred and glared at my direction.

"Here to foil my plans, neh~ Ayame-san but not to worry, I always have an extra stomach for seconds. Although, I do prefer men over women." She giggled and I felt Kaneki push me behind him as he did his best to put on a brave face in front of Rize.

"L-leave her out of this!" He shouted and I saw Rize frown at his bravado.

"Kaneki!" I felt tears escape my eyes as I gripped onto his good arm tightly. Kaneki the cry baby... since when did he put up such a brave face? Is he seriously thinking that Rize would let even one of us survive!?

"This must be the first claw you have ever seen... It'd be fun to scratch the inside of your stomachs when I'm through with you!" She cackled and I watched as she raised the tentacle into the air. Her strike came down but Kaneki pushed me away and dodged the tentacle in time, using the pen as a distraction before grabbing me and making a run for it.

"Fufufu~ too slow." She murmured and the sound of something wet being stabbed echoed through the alley. Blood smeared my face as I stared in horror at Kaneki, impaled by the tentacle and sent flying to a nearby metal wall.

"K-KA-KANEKI!" I screamed in horror, so loud I felt like my lungs would explode.

"Hehehe, did you die, Kaneki-san?" Rize smiled in pure glee as she sauntered towards Kaneki's body. I clumsily scrambled to his side, blocking him from the monster that was Rize.

"What? You want to join in too? Can't you wait until I finish him off first?" Rize raised her tentacles, ready to attack as I hugged Kaneki tightly, ready to receive her blow.

-*Splat* *Clang*-

The sound of metals ringing against each other and the sound of something being squashed made me open my eyes to see several metal beams impaling Rize on the floor. Her dead eyes wide in shock as if she had never expected such a twist to happen.

"Did she... die?" I asked to myself, wondering if this was all a dream or not. I felt something warm and sticky soak in my hand and my eyes turned wide when I realized that this was no dream.

Turning my head I see Kaneki, unconscious and his blood creating a huge puddle before us soaking my white dress in crimson red.

"Kaneki? KANEKI!?" I called out to him as I felt for his pulse. It was weak but if this went on...

"Help! Please, anyone help!" I shouted desperately, my voice so hoarse as I pressed my cardigan on his wound.

"Oh god, Kaneki please! Please don't die on me!" I cried while screaming for help. Please someone... anyone... save my friend...

Don't let him die… don't let them die…

"Did you hear that noise!? Wait is that a person!? Get an ambulance quick!" Several voices resounded and my tears continued to overflow as shadows gathered around us to help.

"Please save my friend!" I cried when the ambulance arrived and the men lifted him into the vehicle.

"We'll try ma'm but with these critical injuries he might not-," The man tried to say but I refused to listen as I gripped Kaneki's hand tightly.

"This is all my fault, Kaneki! I never should have..." I cried continuously begging some unknown force out there to save him. Just please...save him. It was all I could think of as they rolled him out of the ambulance and into the ICU. I continued to grasp his hand tightly, praying over and over again for his recovery.

"I'm sorry but this is as far as you can go, ma'm." I heard someone say as they pried my hands from Kaneki's and rolled him into the operating room.

 **\--To be Continued--**

 _So how was chapter one? Rate and Review guys! Always expecting to know from someone how my story is going._


	2. Aftermath

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the creator of Tokyo Ghoul!**

\--*--

 _A/N:Rewritten on 10/16/17_

 _Another edit for the story. I redid some scenes and erased some events that seemed off to the story. Of course, majority of these have been overhauled but I can't guarantee that there won't be any grammatical errors, missing words, and misspellings since it's hard enough as it is to proofread your own work._

 _Also, the rating would be changed to 'M' due to the swearing and the typical TG gore and blood-fest scenes._

\--*--

 **Chapter II: Aftermath**

 _"It was you who brought color to my life. You changed my life, all by yourself."_

 **-Sawako Kuronuma (Kimi ni Todoke)-**

\--*--

I stared at the ceiling of my room, books scattered here and there and the T.V. switched on to some unknown channel.

How long has it been since that day? Had it been a week already or maybe two? I don't know... I lost count on the day the doctors told me he was finally stable but was forbidden to see any visitors.

I only got to see him once and that was the day he told me to never say anything about Rize being a Ghoul, that her death was all some sort of accident and he got injured when she tried to save him. I didn't understand why Kaneki begged me not to tell Hide, why he would protect a Ghoul like Rize... but nevertheless I complied and kept the whole thing to myself for his sake... I didn't want Hide to worry about it too. It was then I realized that it was probably because as his friends, we should have noticed it sooner but we didn't and it felt like we failed him as a friend.

I didn't want Hide to think of that too.

-*Ring* *Ring*-

My eyes wandered to my phone and I saw Hide's name on the screen. How long has it been since I last went to school? I don't remember... Actually, I don't really care.

Tears stung my eyes as the events on that day replayed over and over my mind. Kaneki's bloody body and Rize's declaration as a Ghoul... I didn't want to believe it was all real but every time I call Kaneki's number and no one answers, I know that none of it was a dream. That Ghouls are dangerous and that my friend nearly got killed by one.

 _'Was the girl registered as an organ donor? Do you even have approval from her family?'_ _'Did you let her die? As a doctor, aren't you supposed to exhaust every option!?'_

 _'Her death was confirmed when she was brought in. We believe that she had died instantly. And I also believe that it is my mission as a doctor to save lives that are presented to me. That is how I made my decision.'_ The T.V. droned on, my back against it as I stared absent-mindedly at the passing clouds in the sky. A knock resounded from my door and I weakly shouted a 'wait' before switching off the T.V. and walking to the door.

"What the hell? You look like a mess, Ayame." Hide greeted me when I let him in. He placed a few notes on the table before helping himself to some coffee and junk food.

"I don't need the notes, Hide. Why are you even here?" I snapped while he continued to watch me fix my stuff. I know he was only concerned but I didn't like it. It was my fault after all, why Kaneki's in the hospital right now.

"I'm here to stop you from making a mess of yourself." He pointed out and that's when I lost it and grabbed him by the collar.

"H-how could you even say that? You weren't even there when it happened! If I hadn't done it then maybe he'd have never met a-," I stopped and let Hide go.

That's right, I couldn't tell a soul about Rize's true nature. I could only glare at him and pushed him away clumsily which earned me a painful thump to the ground on my bottom.

Looking down on me with pity, Hide could only reach out his hand to help me up as he spoke, "If Kaneki found out what you were doing these past few days do think he'd be happy? He's alive isn't he and that's what matters. Stop putting the blame on yourself, Ayame. It was no one's fault."

All the frustration and regret bottled up in me was beginning to flow out at his words. I know it was no one's fault but I just can't help it. I feel responsible for what happened to Kaneki but I should've also realized that Hide felt the same too.

Although he looked cheerful to me, I knew deep down he was just as worried. He may look like he carried it better than me but his eyes betrayed the fear in them at the state of our friend. It made me guilty at how much of a mess I was and blaming myself while Hide tried to stay strong for me.

I cried like a child on his chest upon realizing these thoughts. Crying for both me and Hide for having to watch our own friend go through such a hard time. Hide was never one to openly cry, always keeping it to himself until everyone was gone. He wanted to look strong that way but his eyes always betrayed him.

It was a given that Kaneki was the cry baby from the three of us, while I was almost in between. I always tried to hold my tears whenever I got caught in a fight trying to defend Kaneki. Even though I act like a tough guy, Hide and Kaneki always found a way to break down my walls and let the tears out.

I felt his hand pat me gently on the back to calm me down while I continued to sob on him, grasping onto his shirt tightly until it turned into hiccups and sniffles.

I know Hide can be stubborn, so crying for him was all I could do. When he returned my gesture with a firm embrace of his own, I knew that his own mask was beginning to crack too.

For the sake of cheering him up, all I could do was quickly push him away when I finally calmed down and realized the position we were in. He seemed confused at first but thankful nonetheless when I saw him lift his lips up a bit into a light smile when he realized what I was trying to do.

"Ugh, you will not speak about this to anyone EVER! You hear me, Hideyoshi?" I sniffled and his eyes softened as he nodded.

"Aye, aye ma'm. But there's no stopping me from telling Kaneki after we head on over to Big Girl later." Hide's smile widened, the event momentarily forgotten when he saw my eyes turn into saucers.

"He's finally discharged? Since when?" I shook him rather harshly, his eyes swirling from the sudden action.

"If you were more attentive to your phone then maybe you'd have known sooner. Knowing you, you refused to answer any calls hence the reason why I came to pick you up." Hide pointed out and I squealed in relief at the thought of Kaneki finally up and walking. The memories of that night slowly fading from my mind when I quickly ran to the bathroom to get changed.

Kaneki... he's going to be okay.

\--*--

"Hide! Ayame-san!" My head whipped up to see Kaneki running towards us. We both waved back but I was the one who ran towards him and engulfed him in a bear hug.

"Oh god! I'm so glad you're alright! Hide and I missed you so much! How are you? Did they treat you right? Are you hungry? Hide's treating us to some hamburgers, I can't wait! Big Girl has the best hamburgers after all." A jet stream of words tumbled out of my mouth surprising both him and Hide. I couldn't help it though, I was worried sick after all.

"Well I'm fine if you're asking. How about you guys?"

"Ha, fine as ever but Kaneki you should have seen Ayame cry a while ago. I never realized she was the clingy type when she cried." Hide whispered and I slammed him on the head with my fist.

"It was supposed to be a secret, Hide!" I blushed red in embarrassment and I saw Kaneki laugh making me turn even redder.

"Did she now... Thanks for worrying Ayame but no need to worry. I'm back." He smiled the honorifics gone to show he was serious while I wiped the tears from my eyes that threatened to escape.

"Kaneki! You made her cry again, now that's a feat haha."

"A-Ayame-san!?."

"You idiots!" I cried while giving them the happiest smile I could manage. Both of them returned the gesture before Hide broke the trance by stating that we'd better head on inside since he was starving.

"Ayame-san." Kaneki called out when Hide walked into the restaurant.

"Mhm?" I turned waiting for a response.

"Thanks." He smiled and I returned the smile with a crooked one of my own.

"Anything for a friend."

"Three big burgers oh but I'll have eggs on mine." Hide ordered when we got in and took our seat while the waitress jotted it down before walking off to deliver the order.

I continued to fiddle with the straw in my drink as Hide complemented the waitress' courteous gestures. Everything felt so peaceful today, as if this was like every other day we'd hang out to get something to eat, the events of last night drifting off into some far away recesses of my mind. It made me feel comfortable whild I rested my head on my propped up arm and listened to the noisy chatter of people around us.

"But anyway, your doctor sure took a lot of flak, didn't he? On the talk shows and stuff there was nothing else." Hide brought up, causing me to stiffen while I glanced at Kaneki as he leaned on his chair, swirling the drink inside the glass.

"Your doctor was on news? I didn't seem to notice though."

"Geez, Ayame. It was all over the news!" Hide sighed in exasperation and I shrugged at his response.

"Sorry, I wasn't in the mood those days." I apologized as I picked at one of the ice cubes in my drink. I was so worried about Kaneki's well-being that I guess I never really tuned in more into the real world.

"Well anyways, the problem was performing the transplant without the consent of the board or the bereaved family." Kaneki explained and Hide nodded.

"But that girl... she didn't have a family, right? And besides, she really did seem dead on arrival." Hide elaborated and saw Kaneki's face turn grim. I stopped picking at the ice cube as the words clicked in and my eyes went wide as I turned to Kaneki.

"T-transplant? They performed a transplant on you? Who was the donor?" I asked in disbelief and I saw Hide sigh again and Kaneki's face darkened.

"Are you seriously going to bring this up? The donor was that Rize girl who died remember. God, what's up with you today, Ayame?" Hide clicked his tongue and then snapped his head to Kaneki who seemed just as out of it ad I was.

"Oh, sorry about bringing it up." Hide apologized but Kaneki assured him it was alright. I, on the other hand, gripped my glass tightly at the idea that Ghoul parts are somehow inside of my friend right now. What was that doctor even thinking? What if something bad happened to him because of that?

"So, isn't there a guy named Nishitani in your department, Kaneki? I saw his girlfriend the other day and she looks exactly like that pro-wrestler Nakasu..." Hide changed the topic but I noticed that Kaneki wasn't even listening one bit. His eyes looked glazed and I saw a bit of saliva drooling from his mouth.

"Oi, Kaneki! You're ignoring my fascinating story." Hide complained, snapping Kaneki back to reality while he quickly wiped the drool away and just looked down.

"I'm listening, Hide. You got a pro-wrestler for a girlfriend... congrats." Kaneki waved him off and I frowned. On any ordinary day, I would have laughed at that but today... today no longer felt like those ordinary days. As if something was wrong with Kaneki, like he was hiding something from us.

Knowing Hide and his gifted detective skills, he should have noticed something as obvious as this. If he's playing stupid then he has a good way of showing it. I wanted to ask Kaneki if he was alright but with the way things were right now, I didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Thanks for waiting!" The meal was finally served as we all gave our blessings and readied our utensils. I took a bite and savored the delicious taste of the food in my mouth. Ah, Big Girl has delicious hamburgers indeed.

"Hm? You're not eating?" Hide asked worriedly and I turned to see Kaneki staring at his food as if it was some sort of alien from outer space.

"Oh, Yeah..." He snapped from his daze and quickly took a bite as Hide munched on another piece of hamburger.

"Guys... are your meats cooked okay?" He suddenly asked before downing all his water in one chug. We looked at him weirdly before nodding to his answer.

"Why is it undercooked?" Hide asked and Kaneki nodded.

"Yeah..."

"Well how about you take mine then, I'm not really that hungry." I say as I pass my plate on to him. He gives my plate a long stare as if he was contemplating about something before taking a piece of the meat and chewing on it. His eyes went wide before he heaved up the entire contents of his stomach on the table.

"Kaneki!?" I rubbed his back gently as I stood up to his side while Hide called for a waitress to clean up the mess and ask for the bill.

"You didn't have to force yourself if you're still sick, you know." I reprimanded him as I led him to the bathroom's sink to clean him up.

"I'm fine, really. It's just that, I've been having difficulty eating, that's all. I guess I'm not used to eating solid foods yet after being in an IV drip for almost a month." Kaneki assured me before he heaved again while I massaged him gently on the back.

"Geez, Kaneki. You should really go see a doctor."

"I-I... I guess I should."

\--*--

I opened the door to my house and turned on the light. Despite my incessant plea of accompanying him to the doctor, Kaneki assured me he was well enough to go there himself. I understand he doesn't want me to worry but I just can't help it. Besides my family, they're important to me too so I can't help but feel like an overprotective person towards them. I switched the T.V. on to drown out my stress before I headed off to the kitchenette to cooked myself some instant noodles.

 _'Due to the predatory Ghoul incident that happened near the Takada Building. People are at unease at the thought of Tokyo being attacked.'_ The woman announced and I perked my ears at the news being broadcasted right now.

 _'Today we have an expert from the Ghoul research division. Here is Dr. Ogura to give us more information.'_ The same shady man appeared on the television as he began his long speech on the diet of ghouls.

 _'Ghouls, you know, have to consume large amount of meals in a short term. They can survive a month or two on one dead body. But there are a number of Ghouls who consume more than one for the sake of pleasure. Make no mistake these are nasty creatures.'_ He explained as my eyes remained glued to the screen.

So no wonder Rize attacked those people... to Ghouls, humans are just food to be eaten.

By why go to such lengths. Why not eat the same food we eat?

 _'Can't Ghouls be satisfied with just ordinary food?'_ As if reading my mind, the woman asked the question and I saw the doctor laugh as if she had just asked something stupid.

 _'You're on that seat and yet you know nothing. Ghouls are incapable of digesting any food that is of non-human origin. This is probably due to a particular enzyme they have. Furthermore, because the structure of their tongue is different from ours, human food feels very uncomfortable to them.'_ My eyes went wide at his explanation as the events with Rize, Kaneki's transplant, and the event at Big Girl swirled in my mind.

Could it be that when they transplanted Rize's organs into Kaneki? Could he have suddenly turned into a Ghoul?!

I quickly fumbled for my phone and dialed his number. After a few rings, voice mail picked up and dread washed over me as I quickly scrambled into my jeans and hoodie and dashed out of my apartment. Hide and Kaneki lived not too far from me, seeing as the dorms were quite huddled to each other, so getting to their home took only a few minutes.

A few minutes that, to me right now, was very important with the revelation I had just received...

"It's stupid to think this way but I just can't shake the feeling..." I huff to myself as I run towards the direction of his house. I could see the lights swtiched on inside while I walked up to the apartment to knock on his door.

"Kaneki? Are you home?" I called out from outside before the sound of footsteps followed and the door opened slightly to reveal the tired face of my friend. He looked out of it, his hair completely disheveled and his face unnaturally pale that it made me wonder if he did go to the doctor like I told him to or just went home or maybe… went hunting for food.

"Ayame-san… what are you doing here?" He asked me which made me freeze at what I was about to say. Was it safe to tell him my hypothesis? It's been bugging me since he'd been so out of it after his discharge but this was Kaneki I was talking to. Wouldn't he tell me if something was bothering him? Am I really just doubting him, thinking that he could be hiding something from me? Is that really a good way a friend should react? But I was worried and it didn't help he looked so ragged right now. I closed my eyes and shook my head. He had to know what I was feeling. If he didn't then he'd never tell me.

"I was just worried. You weren't answering your calls so I thought something might have happened. Did you go see a doctor?" I asked him honestly and I saw his eyes soften and shook his head.

"I'm sorry but I didn't get the chance to… maybe tomorrow. I'm sorry if I made you worry, I fell asleep when I got home."

"What! I'm so sorry for disturbing you… really I am. It's been a day after your discharge so you must be tired. I'm sorry." I apologized profusely which earned me a tired laugh as he waved it off. I felt at ease to know he still had the strength to pull off a light mood. Maybe I was hallucinating? Maybe I was just so caught up in worry that I acted more of a mother hen around him.

"I'm glad to know you're concerned about my well-being but I'm fine, really. I'm fine…" He chuckled while resting his hand on his chin my eyebrows raising curiously at his action.

"Are you _really_ fine?" I asked again wondering why he would be hiding something from me. I wasn't stupid, we've be together since we were kids. Hide told me back then that when he hid something, he would usually rub his chin as a habit. But why wouldn't he tell me anything? What's really going on? Was I not worth it of the news to know what he was hiding? Did Hide know about this?

"I am. I'm as fine as I'll ever be. I just need some rest." He lied again but I didn't bother to pry any further than I should. Maybe it wasn't the right time, maybe he'll tell me when everything finally calms down. I know Kaneki… he would never hide anything from me.

"Okay. Sorry for disturbing you then. Good night." I greet him and he returns the gesture with his own as he begins to close the door. Giving up for now was the only thing I could do. Maybe I should talk to Hide? Maybe he'd know what to do.

"Oh, Kaneki." I add one more time as I watch his eyes turn to me with curiosity and worry.

"Yes?"

"Always remember, okay. That no matter what happens Hide and I will always be right by your side." I assure him with a small smile, my final attempt to see if he would budge and I watch his eyes widen slowly before he smiles, a smile that for some reason felt so lonely and empty to me.

It looks like I failed...

"I know… I know." He trails off before he closes the door and I walk down the building.

"Maybe I'm just being paranoid... yeah, that's right this could all be just a case of paranoia. Ever since that day, I just felt like everything changed ever since he met Rize. I have to understand she's gone and that everything's back to normal but why am I still feeling uneasy.

As if I'm missing the bigger picture in all of this...

\--*--

"Knock, Knock!" I called out while knocking on the door but no one answered. I could hear the sound of running water inside so I knew he was home.

I just really couldn't get it together after the events of last night. I know it was becoming too forceful but I was his friend, right? I had to know how he was doing. He shouldn't be hiding something like this to me after all. I was so worried about him during those days he wasn't at home and was in the hospital. If only he could understand and just tell me what's wrong. It wasn't out of paranoia anymore, it was out of concern and it wasn't helping that he was being secretive about it. If it meant knocking him senseless to get him to speak then I would do it.

A minute passed before I huffed and pulled out a spare key from my bag that jingled next to Hide's spare key and my own. Seriously, it's a good thing three of us each had a spare key made for our apartments in cases like these. Seeing as it was only the three of us to fend for ourselves here in Tokyo, we decided to have spares made in the event something wrong might happen and we needed help.

"I'm coming in!" I warned him and opened the door to see a dark apartment greeting me. I cautiously removed my shoes by the racks and gripped my bag hard as I walked past the hallway towards the kitchen to see the faucet turned on.

"Kaneki?" I called out worriedly after switching the faucet off and went to search for him in the house. Seriously, this is a small apartment, the least he could do is holler to tell me where he is. After checking the empty bathroom, I was about to check his room when I tripped and fell face first on the floor.

"Ouch! what the-," I nearly cursed in pain but stopped when I saw Kaneki sprawled on the floor, his favorite book in hand and his eyes staring blankly into space. I quickly scrambled off my position and checked for his pulse. Oh good, still alive... but why on earth would he be on the floor? He has a bed right over there? Could he be sick? I knew it! He really wasn't feeling well. To be hiding something like this from me? Did he really think I wasn't worth it to know about this?

"Kaneki! Are you okay!? Seriously get up, what on earth are you doing on the floor?" I reprimanded him as I helped him up and dragged him to the bed. He still seemed out of it until his eyes went wide and he pushed me away rather painfully.

"What was that for!?" I answered angrily until I saw the horror on his face as he quickly covered his salivating mouth.

"A-Ayame-san? How did you get in? No, never mind that, just get out!" He begged, no it sounded more of a demand. I sighed angrily at his panicked face and whacked him on the head.

"Idiot! I was worried when you were giving me those off answers last night. I'm not stupid Kaneki so I know when you're hiding something. Lo and behold here you are! I knew getting us spare keys was a good idea. You look sick and you need to see a doctor! I can't believe I left you alone to suffer last night." I explained while I grabbed his hand and tried to help him up to the door.

He shrugged his arm off from my grip and stomped to the bathroom to turn on the faucet, "I don't need a doctor! I hate him, it's his fault why I'm like this!"

Following his form, I saw him breathing hardly in the sink like he was going to heave again and it made me worry about what he had just said.

"His fault...All he did was-," I paused and when realization hit, I felt my blood turn cold. No way... but I was so sure he looked fine last night... There's no possible way he would have turned into a Ghoul, but if what Kaneki said was right and by some odd mutation, receiving Rize's organs had really turned him into a Ghoul then...

"No matter where I go... I can smell it, the scent of food and yet when I look-," He cried and when he turned to me my eyes went wide and fear overtook when I saw his left eye turn into a mix of black and red.

"K-Kaneki?" I weakly called out as I backed away a bit from him. He stopped talking and his head lowered itself as if contemplating about something but I knew that wasn't the case. How long has it been since he last ate? Knowing him he would never have the heart to kill a human so the question should be...

How much self-control did he have left?

"You know... it feels so odd. Back then, you smelled so much of perfume but now... why is it that you smell like...food..." He rambled and I flinched as his eyes hungrily looked into mine.

"Just one bite... I haven't had a meal for so long and I am so hungry..." He continued to salivate before he lunged at me and I dodged him just in time and ran for the door. Dammit! So he did turn into a Ghoul and now he's as hungry as a starved lion. I want to believe that he wouldn't kill me but those eyes-

I knew he couldn't see me in them.

"Shit!" I panicked before I dodged his attack again and ran to his room when he blocked the way to the door. Okay, make it a smart and hungry lion. He obviously knew I was aiming for the door behind him. I backed away slowly from him, hoping to see an opening and make a run for it.

"Kaneki! Get a grip on yourself! It's me remember! It's Ayame! You wouldn't eat your friend right? I know deep down you wouldn't. You're human, Kaneki! What about Hide? Do you think he's food? He's not right! Right!? Dammit Kaneki snap out of it!" I begged, frightened as the gap between us grew closer. Am I not even getting to him?

"Now!" I scream and just when he jumped, I swerve to the left and make a mad dash to the door. Just a bit more and-

My felt my feet trip on something and my entire body hits the cold wooden floor. I turn to the source of my doom and I saw Kaneki's book sprawled on the floor. Dammit book, you take vengeance on me at a time like this!?

"Meat...just one bite..." I flinched and I turned to see Kaneki looming over me, his mouth turning frothy like a rabid dog and his left eye pulsating a nightmarish red. I gulped and tried to back away as fast as I could but his hand shot out and grabbed me by the arm. I tried to pry it free and it sent us tumbling on the ground with him on top of me.

Fuck.

"Kaneki, please! Please snap out of it!" I felt tears overwhelming me as he drew closer, the fear in the pit of my stomach about to explode. My heartbeat quickened and my breathing hitched as adrenaline took over and I did my best to kick him off of me. His grip on me only tightened as he straddled my waist to keep me from kicking him.

"Kaneki! You idiot! Dammit, get a hold of yourself!" I did my best to struggle and kick at the same time. Please, just wake up!

-*Crunch*-

Unbearable pain like a dull knife twisting itself on my shoulder before lazily hacking it off caused me to emit an ear-splitting scream from my throat before his hand clamped my mouth shut from making any more noise. Something wet and sticky coated my shirt as I saw Kaneki's face rise and his tongue darted out to lick the blood off his lips.

The coppery scent of my blood entered my nostrils, making me squirm in pain, my labored breaths in near hyperventilation was like an animal about to be slaughtered. My eyes stared in horror at the sight as he savored the taste, the blood on his lips dripping on my cheek which made me flinch. The pain was unbearable, like my shoulder was being pressed on until it broke - pinpricks of tears trickling down my face in the process.

The blood was pooling until it reached my shirt's sleeve, the blood being soaked by the sleeve as well and making it sticky. I flinched when his thumb wiped the blood off my cheek mercilessly before he lifted it up to his lips to lick it off.

The incapability of escape made me numb and frozen in terror, my eyes hazily watching my own childhood friend about to eat me whole. It was like I was a pig about to be culled and eaten by the lion- I didn't think that my own friend would be the one killing me.

His head lowered again to lap at my wounded and possibly torn shoulder, my body flinching at the burning sensation his tongue did on my wound. He was obviously taking it slowly regardless of his hunger, he wanted to probably savor the dish before digging in. It made me shiver because this wasn't him acting of his own volition. He was in pain and losing control of his sanity because of hunger.

Even normal humans would eat each other in such a case.

I tried to stop him from committing this unforgivable mistake. Knowing him, he would never forgive himself if he killed me all because he lost control. As much as it horrified me, he was a ghoul now... And as his friend, as the one person besides Hide who he could count on, I had to help him go through with this painful process.

After all, it had been me who had caused that meeting and I have to shoulder that burden until the end.

"K-Kaneki? Are you- can you hear me now?" I tested to see if he was sane enough to negotiate with, using my other hand to rest itself on his chest and lightly push him. I flinched when he growled at my attempt, both his hands suddenly gripped my arms tightly and slammed it down onto the wooden floor.

I yelped in pain at the ferocity and that must've been enough to snap him back to reality, his head jerking up while his eyes slowly went wide when he met my glazed and fearful ones before he quickly jolted away from me as if he was being electrocuted.

"A-Ayame-san? Shit, what have I done?! No, no, no, I'm not a monster! I'm human... I'm human... I'm not a monster..." He suddenly whimpered and sobbed as he collapsed on the floor at the realization of what he had nearly done. The coppery smell of blood still stuck to my nose as I weakly got up and felt my shoulder. Groves of what felt like bite marks marred my skin while blood still continued to flow from it.

I watched his whimpering figure at the end of the room, mumbling incoherent words as he shook uncontrollably. I still couldn't move, the shock was still there. The fear of death gripped me as I watched him, his body hunched and his hands raised in defense as he tried to block his face from seeing mine.

"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to... Ayame-san..." He continued his wails as I watched him, my other hand trying in vain to stop the overflowing blood escaping my wound.

"Kaneki..." I tried to call out his name, watching him flinch when I did so. The fear within me vanished this time as I observed him crying in anguish. What was I thinking? This was no monster... even if he did just attack me... this was no monster...

This was- is my friend- Kaneki Ken.

 _ **-Flashback-**_

 _"Hide's not here to protect you again, wimp!" The sound of raucous laughing made me look up from what I was doing and I saw a group of boys crowding around a boy with black hair and eyes. He whimpered at their pushing and I flinched when he tripped and fell in the river._

 _"Hahaha! Serves you right, let's go guys." The boys sneered as I watched them leave. I turned to the boy, drenched in water, as he quickly saved the soaked book and walked to the grassy meadow. I could see the tears overwhelming his eyes while he controlled the urge not to cry._

 _"It's no wonder they won't stop. You look like an easy prey to pick on." He flinches at my voice and he turns to see me standing in front of him._

 _"Rather than a person who hurts others, become the person who gets hurt... If I retaliated... I don't want them to hurt Hide too... So I'll endure it for the both of us," He says and I raise an eyebrow curiously at him before laughing at him._

 _"What's so funny!?" He demanded in embarrassment._

 _"Relax! For a kid like me, you have an odd way of thinking." I admit and I see him look at me with a frown still on his face._

 _"Is... that wrong?"_

 _"Not really but... I admire your self-sacrifice, it makes me jealous," I say and I see him blush. I guess he was never the type to receive such compliments._

 _"Well... thanks for the compliment. My name's Kaneki Ken by the way." He smiled shyly and I felt return the sentiment. This kid has a very infectious grin..._

 _"Fujiko Ayame, nice to meet you, Kaneki Ken." I greet as well before shedding off my jacket and draping it around his shivering figure. His eyes widen at the abrupt gesture before his cheeks blush at scarlet._

 _"My home's not too far so you didn't have to..."_

 _"Idiot. I'm your friend now so I do what I can for you! It'd be lonely to play alone so I don't want you to get sick." I proclaim loudly making him flinch._

 _"H-Hai!" He stutters and I giggled._

 _Yup, I definitely found myself a good friend. The color I was searching for in this blank canvas - it had to be him._

 _ **-Time skip: Tomorrow-**_

 _"Hide!" I heard Kaneki yell one day and I get up from my seat to look out the window and see the same boys ganging up on Kaneki and a sandy-haired boy. I gripped my paper tight, got up from my seat, and slid the window of the school open before jumping out_

 _"Looks like you're outnumbered, Hideyoshi! What do you have to say for yourself? If ya just let us play with bookworm there then maybe you wouldn't be in this position." The kid taunted and the kid named Hideyoshi glared at him._

 _"As if I'd let you harm my friend!" He shouted and the kid grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up._

 _The boy was ready to aim his fist at Hideyoshi before speaking, "Ya sayin' something Hideyoshi? Would you like a little piece of this or something?"_

 _"Pick on someone your own size!" I screamed bloody murder and as he turned, a huge branch hit him and knocked him out, blood oozed down his face and I saw his lackeys cower in fear at my glare._

 _"It's an ape-woman!" They screamed in horror and ran off inside the room. I huffed triumphantly at myself before turning to the two boys behind me._

 _"A-Ayame-san?" Kaneki said in disbelief._

 _"W-wait? You know this brute girl, Kaneki?" Hideyoshi gulped as I glared at him at using the word 'brute'._

 _"Yeah, I met her by the riverside during dismissal." Kaneki recounted._

 _"Fujiko Ayame! Get in here this instant!" The teacher's voice made us flinch and I saw both of them looking at me worriedly._

 _Kaneki worriedly called for me, "A-Ayame-san..."_

 _"Aw man, you're so dead!" Hideyoshi clicked his tongue worriedly for my sake before he added, "Why'd you have to go and fight our battles?"_

 _I ended up laughing at his words, making them even more worried before I spoke, "Rather than a person who hurts others, become the person who gets hurt... I learned that ideal from someone..."_

 _"How noble of you. Thanks by the way, the name's Nagachika Hideyoshi but Hide is fine." Hide grins as he reaches out his hand for a shake. I take it and we firmly shake hands._

 _"Fujiko Ayame, a pleasure to meet you."_

 _ **-End-**_

"That's right..." I say as I crawl my way to my friend's fetal form. He was in pain... he tried to control this by himself even if this wasn't his fault. None of this was his fault... so why? Tears trickled down my face as I watched him pitifully.

"Why did it have to be him? It was my fault right? So why am I not the one being punished for being so ignorant about it?" I whisper as I try to reach out to him, his form visibly shaking. His face refused to turn to me, to let me see what he had become and it only made me guilty-

He didn't deserve any of this.

"Kaneki... I'm so sorry," I repeatedly apologized, it was all I could give him but it would never be enough. I couldn't turn back time, to take back having ever mustered the courage to push him with a Ghoul like Rize.

Would comforting help? Or would it only make me an insensitive person because I could say it so easily since I wasn't the one suffering.

Steadying my voice, knowing that it was the only thing I knew I could do to atone, I spoke, "You told me when we first me that, rather than a person who hurts others, become the person who gets hurt. Well, I don't want you to hurt anymore... you and Hide are important to me too so please..."

I gingerly took his bloody hand over mine, his body freezing before tearing away from me and backed away as much as possible. He was like a wounded dog, cowering in the corner- hoping to melt into the walls and stay as far from me as possible.

He knew what he had become and it's because of that realization he believes that he could never stay with us. How typical of him. Acting like a martyr...

So I tried again to take his hand because I was just as responsible for him turning into this.

"No, no, no! Let me go, I'm not a monster! I'm not a monster!" He tried to push away but I gripped him tightly.

"You idiot!" I finally yelled at him before continuing when I managed to make him meet my own eyes, "Who ever said you were one? To me you're still Kaneki Ken, my best friend! So what if you look different or eat different!? Does that really make you a monster? What matters is the heart... you have the kindest heart in the whole wide world. How could you even say you're a monster because of that?"

"A-Ayame-san..." His voice cracks while I gently grip his hand and mustered a small smile, "Yes. I'm here, Kaneki."

His pitiful whimpers resound in the confines of his room, his grip on my hand tightening as he repeated aloud that he was no monster while I assured him so that he was not one.

Just as the adrenaline settled down, I could feel my whole body grow heavy. It looks like I used up all my energy... At least, I managed to calm him down.

"Ayame-san?!" Kaneki called out to me worriedly, his body suddenly moving forward to catch me before my face could hit the floor.

His body was warm, the beating of his heart like a lullaby sending me to sleep. "I'm sorry... I must be feeling tired after all that..."

"I-what should I do?" He panicked, making me chuckle at his childish worrying. Glad to know, he's somewhat back to normal.

"Just let me sleep, Kaneki..." I murmured when I felt sleep taking its hold, my eyes fluttering shut.

I could feel his hold on me tighten before my body felt like it was being adjusted and an arm was suddenly hooked under my legs and I was hoisted up, my ears having the perfect angle to properly hear his heartbeat.

I guess Hide is right... I am too noble. I laugh inwardly as I begin to doze off, the soft sheets of his bed greeting my tired body when he settled me down. I guess there was nothing to fear. Kaneki's a good person who would never hurt anyone no matter how evil they were.

That is why I have to protect them.

 **\--To be Continued--**

 _And done! Whoo that was hard to edit. I guess everyone knows what's next right!? Yup we finally get to meet up with my favorite female character of the series, Touka-chan! Hope you rate and review guys!_


	3. Somewhere to Belong

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except for my OC. Credit goes to their respective owners.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited on 10/20/17_

 _Once again another revamp of the chapter. I want to thank HiddenPotato for pointing this out to me in the reviews. I reread the part and yes, I'm quite shocked as to how I missed that part about Touka. It's been a while since I read the manga so I was already used to her calm demeanor when it concerned humans. So that was why I decided to overhaul the chapter to fix the issue. I do hope it turned out well. If ever you reach the part and wonder as to why Touka suddenly stopped herself then my only clue is her father._

 _Well this is the end of the A/N!_

\--*--

 **Chapter III: Somewhere to Belong**

 _"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."_

 **-Maya Angelou-**

\--*--

I groggily opened my eyes to the sound of glass shattering and Kaneki screaming and gagging. I tried to get up to see what was wrong when an overwhelming jolt of pain shot through my entire body. I whimpered as I felt my shoulder to feel a medical padding taped over it. Memories of a while ago flooded my mind and adrenaline rushed through me as I fumbled off the bed only to collapse and fall face first on the floor.

Why does this always happen to me?

I hear the commotion stop and hurried footsteps followed before Kaneki's worried expression appeared by the doorway of his room- his left eye still a glaring mix of red and black.

"A-Ayame-san? You're awake already? Are you hurt!? Did I-I..." Kaneki panicked as he hovered to me before he backed again and whimpered in pain. I watch him worriedly, knowing full well that blood alone will not help him go through the hunger. He needed meat and it must hurt him to see me, seeing as I am now literally the 'meat' that he needs to survive.

"I'm fine but still a bit dizzy. I guess blood loss got to me, did you do this?" I ask while pointing to my bandaged wound. He nods in reply while covering his nose in a failed attempt to block out my scent. In normal days this would have offended me but... I have to accept the fact that this is no longer those days now is it?

"I tried to stitch it so it's a bit sloppy, you'll need a doctor if you want to avoid infection." He managed to say and I sigh in relief, I guess he managed to maintain a bit of self-control. It is true that I need to see a doctor but I didn't want to risk them finding out about Kaneki's secret, no doubt the police would try to kill him if they found out.

"I'll hold. I don't think this bite will kill me. Besides, how do you think a doctor would react if he sees a human bite mark on me?" I point out.

"It is true they might get suspicious but if you don't treat that wound fast-," He tried to say but I quickly shush him and sighed in exasperation.

"I won't die. Seriously, you worry about the tiniest of things. All I just have to do is treat the wound regularly and I'll be fine." I assure him and this time it was his turn to get irritated.

"Tiniest of things?! I just tried to kill you, aren't you at least a bit worried, Ayame-san? What if I didn't stop then? You could have died and it would be because of me..." He raged, trying to control the tears that fell down his worried face. I chuckled a bit at his little rant and watched as he stared at me in disbelief as if I had just lost it.

Well I couldn't blame him, people would think the same thing if they saw us right now.

"You couldn't even hurt a fly if you tried and you think you tried to kill me? I'm here alive and breathing right? So stop wallowing in the past, what's done is done and since no one is dead, I think everything went smoothly." I argue and watch him turn silent.

Accepting his silence as a victory, I try to get up from my sitting position before my eyes trail to a piece of parchment on the table. Kaneki follows my gaze and he quickly grabs the parchment and tosses it into the trash bin.

"That's nothing. Besides, I have great news... well, if you can call it 'great' but at least I have something to quench the hunger..." He quickly strays the topic away from the parchment but I didn't mind. What mattered to me right now was what he had said after.

"A way to quench the hunger? What is it?!" I didn't mean to shout but this news really meant something seeing as even Kaneki felt relieved at the idea of an alternate solution to his 'diet' issue.

"Coffee," He only said and I raised a curious eyebrow at his direction.

"Coffee? As in the powdered one?" I asked and he nodded.

"Well I can eat the beans but it's better brewed. Unfortunately, it's not enough to use coffee to mask the taste of the other foods but at least it's a discovery, right!" He elaborated. He seemed in high spirits at the discovery that it made me feel guilty, seeing as coffee would be the only thing he's going to eat for the rest of his life. It's not bad, since his genetic make-up is now that of a ghoul but...

How long can he last before he realizes that coffee alone will not help him... how long until the craving for human flesh begins to gnaw at him again?

Kaneki's voice snapped me out of my inner thoughts when he spoke again, "I don't have much of it in stock, so I was planning on going to the convenience store to buy."

"You're going out? Wait, let me get my jacket," I say as I try to move, only to kneel again from the pain of the wound.

"Maybe it's best that you stay here to rest. I'll be back soon so you don't have to worry." Kaneki tried to assure me but I was having none of it.

I was wounded, and obviously incapable of defending him but I didn't want to let him out of my sight after what just transpired a while back.

"No. I'm going. I'll let the painkillers handle it," I simply said and watched his brows furrow in worry as if contemplating any other way to get me to relent and stay here.

I wasn't going to give him that chance, knowing how he always got himself into trouble whenever he went out on reckless pursuits like these. We were having a long staring contest and it was obvious who was winning. Kaneki was the first to look away and I smirked in triumph at my victory.

"Let me get the painkillers..." He sighed in defeat before standing up to head on over to the bathroom.

\--*--

"It's getting cold...how troublesome."

We were walking side by side under the night sky, our source of light weren't from stars but from the streetlights that were stationed along the way.

I puffed out a warm breath, watching it turn into fog while digging my hands deeper into my pocket to stay warm.

I always did hate the cold months. For some odd reason, the coldness always made me feel lonely and afraid. The blanket of freezing white during winter was uncomfortable to me... I couldn't understand how people enjoyed them.

"I forgot. You always did hate the cold months, Ayame-san," Kaneki spoke.

"I hate the way the frost nips at your skin. Even the way snow falls from the sky unnerves me. I don't know why, but for me- winter has always been a season for parting..." I trail off before my eyes darted up to spot the convenience store not too far.

Casting Kaneki a reassuring look, I take his hand and drag him lightly to the store. "Come on, let's go buy that coffee."

It wasn't my intention to dampen his mood so when I saw his face brighten up a bit at seeing the store, I was glad to know that I had managed to make him forget about my hatred for the cold. He didn't need those murky thoughts right now. So every ounce of hope we could get, we would sieze it if it means helping him at least get his life back to normal.

"Welcome!" The man by the cashier greeted us when we came in, my hand immediately grabbing a basket and heading on over to the aisle where they kept the coffees.

"So... What brand do you think is the best one?"

"H-huh?" Kaneki looked at me questioningly, which made me roll my eyes while nudging him with my elbow.

He winced at the pain while looking at me, "W-what was that for?"

"We have to at least choose the best, right?" I reminded him, his eyes widening in realization at what I was trying to get across. As much as it was painful to admit, coffee was the only thing he had going for him. He might as well choose the best one and make the most out of it.

"If you're both looking for a good flavour, Blondie Coffee has the best one out of all the instant brands," Another voice joined in to which both our heads snapped to the source to see a slim man a few years older than us with messy hazelnut hair and eyes obscured by a simple pair of glasses.

He gave us a quizzical look to which I spoke up first when I realized that we were probably staring far too long than intended. "Oh! Um... Thank you."

"No problem." He immediately shrugged before taking his coffee and proceeding to the cashier to pay.

"Well..." I trail off before looking back to Kaneki with a shaky yet reassuring smile. "Blondie Coffee it is!"

\--*--

"You do not owe me!" I argued when we exited the convenience store, my hands pocketing my wallet while Kaneki was carrying the plastic bag full of coffee.

Typical of Kaneki, he had completely forgotten to bring his own wallet. So I ended up paying for him, to which he promised he'd pay me back to which I adamantly declined. I was just as guilty for him ending up like this so even these small gesture was the least I could do for him.

Of course, Kaneki knew of what I was trying to do and would have none of it. I guess having nearly grown up with me and Hide, even he had developed our stubbornness.

"At least half of it?"

"No means no. Can't you at least spoil me just this once, Kaneki?" I begged him to which I was greeted with nothing but silence.

Turning around to see what was wrong, I noticed that he had stopped walking and was scanning the place before him. I decided to walk back to him and snap him out but the look on his face made freeze- the wound on my shoulder suddenly throbbing at the memory of those eyes.

"K-Kaneki?"

"Something...Eat..." He murmured before he snapped and darted past me, his eyes obviously glazed which unnerved me.

I watched his figure make a quick turn, to which I decided to speed up and stop him. Whatever he picked up, it must be the scent of a human. Although, I couldn't help but wonder why he didn't attack me when I was clearly closer to him than whatever he was chasing. Could it be that he was still slightly sane to distinguish that I was no longer considered part of his food?

"Kaneki! Wait-" I tried to catch up and then froze when I saw him back away from the alleyway he entered in, his body collapsing to the ground with a look of utter horror on his face.

This time, fear sent me into overdrive as I hastily made my way to him but only to trip and gasp at the sight before me.

Two bodies lay next to each other, one belonged to a half-eaten man and the other one lost his head. I stifled a silent scream as I tried to get up, only to freeze when I heard an unfamiliar voice speak.

"Let's imagine. You find your lover naked and broken and in the same place is a man you don't know, stripped from the waist down and he says 'I didn't do it! I just happened to be here.' So do you believe him? If it were me, I'd kill the bastard."

I tried to get up and take a peek at where it was coming from. My eyes widened when I saw Kaneki being strangled by the man we just met at the convenience store... this man, he's a ghoul?! I tried to breathe in and out to calm myself as I tried to examine the situation.

If he is a ghoul then no doubt he'd be faster and stronger... My only advantage was that he hadn't seen me yet since I was hidden by the corner and his back was facing me. But that was as far as my luck could give me. Even if I did manage to get Kaneki out, how am I supposed to outrun that?

So how do I save him?

"Your feeding ground, you say? This isn't yours. This feeding ground is Rize's turf... Nishiki." As if hearing my prayers, another voice joins in and I see the man named Nishiki look up. I follow his gaze and my eyes widen at the figure sitting atop the ledge.

"Touka." Was his only answer as I stared in disbelief at the woman, whom I had originally met as a waitress, descend to the ground from her position. Don't tell me she's a ghoul too?! But she looked nothing like one back at the cafe-

A wolf in sheep's clothing... So this is the true form of a ghoul.

"Did you know? That woman died?" The man let Kaneki go as he adjusted his glasses and turned to Touka's direction. I remained propped up by the corner of the alleyway, trying my best not to make any move. I could still see Kaneki coughing as he breathed in a whole lot of air after being strangled. I wanted to run to his side and help him get out but I'd only get myself killed and knowing Kaneki he'd blame himself for it and I didn't want that.

"So does that mean this is your place now? Don't be stupid. Segregation of the 20th ward is our job." Touka scoffed and I saw the man's body twitch in what appeared to be irritation.

Stability team? Just what on earth is she talking about? Is it a ghoul term? Did they somehow establish a territorial boundary? Judging by how Touka described it, she seems to be part of some huge group that delegates the territory of this area to other ghouls.

"What!? The stability team? That spineless timid lot has no right to complain!" The man's red eyes glared at Touka, his voice laced with venom that it made me shiver in fright.

"This was originally my feeding ground until Rize came along and stole it!" He growled but it seemed Touka was unfazed by his growing anger. Only Kaneki and I flinched at his words, knowing full well that he had yet to show his true powers.

"If she's dead then it means this is mine now! Isn't that right!?" He argued and I saw Touka sigh in exasperation.

"The feeding ground Rize took over will be divided among the weaker ghouls! You have no right to decide what to do with it on your own free will and besides-" She elaborated, a taunting smile creeping up her face. "This tiny alley was stolen from you because Rize was the stronger one. If you want to blame someone then blame your own self for being so weak."

The man flinched at her words, anger and irritation coating his voice as he walked away from Kaneki and towards Touka. "Being treated like a fool by an impertinent brat... really pisses me off!"

He growled and poised for an attack, my eyes widening when I saw Touka vanish and appear moments later behind him, her sclera black and her eyes a bloody red.

"Well as for me, meeting idiots who think they deserve my respect just because they are older really pisses me off." She taunted and the man slammed his foot on the hard ground and turned to try and kick Touka when she jumped and vanished again before quickly appearing in front of Kaneki. The man cursed and I saw a huge gash appear on his neck and face. Since when-

"Nothing but shallow wounds-" He was about to say when millions of slashes decorated his body, blood soaking his entire outfit. How did she do that? Not only was she fast but she managed to wound him like that?!

"Should I cut deeper next time?" She eyed him menacingly and I saw the man curse and run off, knowing full well he had no chance in beating Touka.

Now that he was gone, my next problem was how I was going to get Kaneki out without Touka noticing. Although she's a ghoul who helped us, how can I be sure that she has no other ulterior motive? Can she even be trusted?

"Take the corpse and go weakling," she said, her voice breaking the suffocating silence. I saw Kaneki flinch with both shock and fear on his face. I wanted to get up and run to his side but my body remained rooted on the spot.

This fear... Touka's different from Rize. If Rize killed with force... Touka killed with speed, you wouldn't even know you had already died. If I provoked her, no doubt I'd be killed. I just hope she doesn't do anything to Kaneki...

"Sheesh, I guess I'll just ask Yomo-san to take care of it." She scratches her head and that's when Kaneki manages to speak, his voice shaky as he stared at the dead bodies by the corner where I was hiding, his eyes widening a fraction at the sight of me looking right at him.

"Just what are ghouls? They kill people and seem to have no connection to other ghouls... they have no concept of morals or orders. This kind of world... is the worst!" Kaneki screamed angrily when he finally looked away from me as if he couldn't stomach the sight of me having watched the whole fiasco that transpired.

This was his defense mechanism. The guilt of what he had done to me coupled by the fact that he let me watch all of this without doing anything was what made him yell like this. It was painful to watch because this was him near the tipping point. It wasn't just the ghouls... He was also blaming this world for what had happened to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he snapped at me too... After all, I had a hand in this too.

His suffering- I was also at fault.

Touka remained unfazed by his declaration as she walked over to the corpse and kneeled next to it. "As I can see it... this body is still uneaten..."

"As if I could eat it! I'm through with all that!" Kaneki cut her off, his voice angry and I couldn't blame him. He was still stuck trying to grasp this painful reality, of course he'd deny the idea that this was all real... I can't even help him understand... I'm not a ghoul and I wouldn't be surprised if he grew jealous of me and Hide. He was once human too, he did nothing wrong. So why was he the only one suffering?

"You are a fool. I should just give up already but if you do not have the courage to eat it... Let me help you!" Touka yelled and I saw her rip a portion of the man's meat and slammed it into Kaneki's mouth. For a second, I thought I saw him relish at the taste before he suddenly tried to vomit the whole thing out of his mouth. Touka stared at him helplessly, her eyes softening for a bit, the ghoul-eyes gone as she tried her best to let Kaneki understand.

"What's wrong? Eat," she tried to say it softly this time and Kaneki trembled as he stared at his own bloody hands.

"Kaneki..." I whisper worriedly to myself, unable to do anything to help.

"Why? Why am I doing this! I was wrong to eat that meat after all! That was what I thought and I tried to look for another way! Even so this is not what I want! H-human meat... I can't eat it! I'm human!" Kaneki cried. Touka stared at him as he sobbed and mustered his voice to say the next words that made Touka's eyes widen.

"Because I'm different from you monsters!"

If one could describe the atmosphere... I would say that it was suffocating. Touka looked completely frozen on the spot, her hands shaking uncontrollably as she stared at Kaneki's figure.

"Do you think I could eat human meat!? Don't lump me together with you monsters!" He added and that was when she snapped, her hands slammed straight to his mouth as he was pushed harshly to a concrete wall.

I mustered all my strength to get up whike she rammed Kaneki to the floor before lifting him up and slamming him again to the wall. If this goes on...

"Well aren't you noble. It's true you aren't a ghoul but... you aren't a human either." She pointed out harshly and I saw Kaneki's eyes widen as he absorbed Touka's words. Touka slammed her foot next to him as she inched closer, her voice coated in venom.

"As someone who can't be called one or the other, there's nowhere you belong."

"You're wrong!" I heard my voice shout and I see two of then turn to me in surprise. "True, he may neither be ghoul nor human but he belongs somewhere! He belongs here with me and Hide! He has somewhere to go back, he always has!"

"Ayame-san what are you-," Kaneki never got to finish his sentence before I felt a pair of hands grab me by the throat and pinned me to the wall. I gasped at the brute strength and saw to my horror that Touka was trying to strangle me, her eyes turning black and red before she pushed me harshly onto the wall.

"To think I let my guard down. Had you been quiet then maybe you would have lived but you've seen everything. I can't allow you to walk out alive."

"Leave her alone! She has nothing to do with this." Kaneki cried out when he tried to get up, his eyes looking at me with fear at my impending death. I tried to claw at Touka's hands but her grip was tightly coiling around my neck, black spots dancing in my vision from the lack of oxygen.

"She has everything to do with this now. I can't allow a human to live after seeing us. I doubt you even know the dangers we face!" Touka spat back at Kaneki which made me clench my teeth as I tried to muster a reply, my voice coming out in ragged breaths while doing my best to stay awake.

"I-I don't know what you feel. B-but I re-refuse to die!" I wheezed and Touka scoffed. "You have no say in this."

"I-I can't le-leave him… not yet. I made a promise to his mother... no matter what... I'd watch over him..." I coughed and for that instant, I saw her eyes widened as her hands let me go, causing me to collide to the floor painfully while I gasped for air. Kaneki was by my side in a heartbeat and I could see the worry on his face before he looked at Touka.

"Tsk. Watch over him? He'd kill you even before you can! Why even bother to live when you're going to die by his hands anyway?"

"I won't. I believe in him. He may be a ghoul now but it doesn't change how I see him. He's still an important friend to me. I would stay by his side even if it meant that I would have to die."

"What if I were to kill him now? Would you die for him in his stead?" Touka asked me, her glare only hardening as I tried to get up.

"I still want to believe that there are good in others even if they are ghouls. I think that had I been your friend… I would have done the same thing right now," I argued and I see Touka's eyes trailing to my now exposed wound and then back at Kaneki. I wasn't sure if my eyes deceived me but I thought I saw a bit of sadness in her eyes before it turned stone cold.

"Besides," I couldn't help but add while her glaring eyes assessed me with caution. "They say that you can tell a lot about a person based on how they make their coffee. I saw you were the one making my mocha drink when we visited... Although clumsy- it was the most delicious one I've had in my life."

My words had obviously taken her aback but she had a tough wall around her that was difficult to scale. As quickly as it came, the emotions in her eyes were immediately hidden behind her tall walls.

"A human dares to lecture me? Very well, if want to keep on putting human airs, go ahead and try to bring yourself to the edge of starvation. I'm telling you..." She trails off as she gives both of us one final look. "The hunger of a ghoul, is literally hell."

"I'll let her live but if she so much as tries to whisper about us then she'll be dead before a word even makes it out of her mouth." She threatens before vanishing to the roof above. Finally assuring myself she was gone, I collapse next to Kaneki's side, wiping the blood dripping down his face with the sleeve of my jacket.

"So I'm not human, she says. Although she does have a point," he suddenly spoke up as he turned to me with saddened eyes. His eyes trailed to the wound he had inflicted on my shoulder and the hand marks on my neck before looking away. I clench my fist as I watch him sit there, his eyes downcast and his form hunched as depression and realization clung to him like poison.

"A person who lives off eating other people... it isn't normal no matter how you look at it. Neither a ghoul nor human... there's truly no place for me. From now on, there is no one I can turn to, I'm on my own. Will I be able to live on like this!?" He moaned in self-deprecation and that was when I raised my hand and lashed it across his face.

He stared at me in shock, his hands holding the injured cheek. This was actually the first time I had slapped him on the face, I would usually pinch him in irritation but this time I was fed up with him that I just ended up doing it.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? What do you mean you don't belong anywhere? You have me and Hide right?! Or does the bond all three of us share mean nothing? I'm here right, the one human who knows you as both a human and ghoul! If I didn't care then I would have left you! But I didn't, I stayed because I care about you! The whole world may hate you but not me nor Hide," I scream at him, tears of frustration at myself rolling down my face.

Why is it that I can never reach him? I know his secret, I stayed next to him through it all and yet why does he still think I don't care? Just how many tears do I have to shed before he realizes that he's never alone? That Hide and I are just right here?

"A-Ayame-san..." Tears streamed down his face before the phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to see Hide's message on the screen.

 _'Not up for Asian history? Still need notes?'_ The message read and a smile formed on my lips as I tiredly leaned onto his chest before embracing him tightly. He flinched from the contact but nevertheless returned the gesture as he cried on my shoulder.

Leave it to Hide...

"See Kaneki, You still have a place to belong. As long as you have that, then everything will be alright..." I whisper.

That's right, so long as you still have us, you'll never be alone.

\--*--

I stared worriedly at Kaneki as we both made our way to the school grounds.

After the scuffle from yesterday, I decided that Kaneki needed to get out whether he wanted to or not. Though it didn't bode so well, seeing I had to force him and it ended with my stitch opening up, nearly making me faint. Luckily, Touka's forced attempt to feed him helped overcome his lust for hunger as he panicked at my bleeding shoulder and tried to help me stitch it again. After covering my wound with a gauze, we made our way this time to my apartment to get myself ready.

There was no way I was leaving him home alone. Knowing Kaneki, he'd try to make a run for it if I did. Although, Touka's threat from last night was also one of the reasons why he was forcing himself to go out. After all, her threat was no laughing matter and it scared me that if I even as so much closed my eyes then it'd be the last time I would be alive.

"Don't you think this eye patch makes me look a bit more suspicious?" Kaneki finally said as we walked past a few students who eyed us suspiciously.

"It will have to make do seeing as you have no control when it'll turn black. How Touka does it, I'll never know," I say, the mention of the frightening woman herself made him flinch.

"I'll be fine. I won't die."

"Sorry but I just can't help it. What if I look away for a minute and then she takes the chance to kill you? You didn't have to aggravate her."

"If I didn't then you'd be the one dead. Like I said, I'm alive right? So long as my lips are sealed then nothing will happen."

He shivered at the ominous words which made me look up to the sky as he spoke, "I wish I could share in your enthusiasm but the thought of you dying? I don't think Hide and I can live with it."

"I don't know much about Touka but she left me to live and that's what matters. Although I will live with the fear of watching out for her, I doubt she would kill me given the chance. I don't know why but that's just what I feel whenever I recall that night. Something I said must've proved my trust to her, if somewhat even a little bit, so I know that for now I'll be safe," I explain to Kaneki hoping maybe somehow it would alleviate the paranoia of my endangered life.

"I really hope you're right. But just to be safe, try not to walk home by yourself."

"Yes, mom." I saluted which made him frown.

"I'm serious! You can't die on me."

"You nearly died on me once so I know the feeling. Don't worry I'll do my best to steer clear of her if I can," I assure him before my head perks up to see the looming building of the lecture hall.

"I wonder how Hide will take it if he found out about Touka?" Kaneki asked me, probably trying to liven up the gloomy mood. I scoffed at the idea, while riding on his segue if it meant keeping him away from worrying about me too much.

"Tell him your secret then. If he accepts you then no doubt the same applies to Touka. Though I doubt he'd still think of her as the same shy girl he met back at the cafe once he sees what she can do."

"Ayame-san! You know I could never tell him! What if he hates me?" Kaneki teared up and I pinched his cheeks making him cry in pain.

"Idiot! I accepted you didn't I? What makes Hide any different?"

"You found out because it was accidental! I would never have told you if that didn't happen."

"Seriously, do you even think of us as friends?" I sigh and Kaneki's eyes widened as if I had just asked a stupid question.

"Of course I do!"

"Then you have nothing to fear then." I smile and this time he remains silent but his eyes still seemed sad. So I guess I still can't make him accept it then...

"Okay, I'll tell him myself but not now... I'll do it when the moment comes," Kaneki finally says as we round a corner of the school building.

When the moment comes? To Kaneki that means never. I sigh at his declaration and was about to remind him to keep it a promise when a shout made us look up to see Hide running straight for us.

"Damn you guys! Skipping class for so long. Kaneki, I don't know anyone from Asian literature except you! Put yourself in my shoes. And you Ayame, since when have you ever been absent? You were never the type to skip class unless it was important even if you never took them seriously! Am I missing out on something here?!"

Hide shook us violently and I couldn't help but flinch as he gripped my wound tightly. He saw my pained expression before letting go, the blood beginning to ooze from the gauze.

"What happened there?" Hide asked worriedly and I saw Kaneki glance at me nervously.

"I'm fine it's just a graze no need to worry." I assure them and Hide nodded but I knew his mind lingered on this wound.

"Well anyways! Where have you guys been? Rabbits can die of loneliness too you know! And what's with the eyepatch? Are you trying to be flashy or something?" Hide asked worriedly, both of us glancing to each other worriedly. Hide's question, though they look to have no deeper meaning, his mind is already reeling in the facts to unearth this mystery. If Sherlock Holmes needed a new assistant, He would hire Hide right away.

"You know Kaneki just got out of surgery so of course he needs the rest he can get to recover. And since when are you a rabbit? You don't even look like one." I lied on Kaneki's part before trying to veer the topic off. Hide eyed me from top to bottom and laughed.

"A rabbit is always better than an ape! At least I look cute... but you? I'd rather not say."

I felt a vein pop as I tried to make a grab on him but Kaneki stopped me. "What did you say?!"

"Your wound Ayame-san. And besides Hide, you know that's just a myth. You're not even a rabbit." Kaneki frowned and Hide laughed as he sweat dropped.

"Aw, come on. Whose side are you even on?"

"Nagachika!" We turned to the source of the voice and found two higher years walking to us. Hide waved back at them and Kaneki and I turned to each other, wondering who they were.

"These two your friend?" One of then asked and Hide wrapped his arms around our shoulders and grinned.

"Yup, my friends since grade school never really managed to get rid of them. This here's Kaneki and this one's the ape woman Ayame," He replied and I rolled my eyes. Always trying to be the cool one, Hide.

"These here are seniors from the school festival committee." Hide introduced and we nodded. "They even invited me to join in too!" He added and I chuckled.

"You? Guess they never really thought over that decision too well," I say before pretending to myself that I didn't see Hide pass me a glare.

"He just went up and said he wanted to do it." The other senior laughs and I turn to see Kaneki looking down as if deep in thought

"Would you like to join too? Are you both in any clubs?" They offered but I declined, Kaneki seemed like he wanted to say something but it was Hide who jumped in to answer for him.

"He can't... he has what you call committee phobia!" Hide explained as I controlled the urge not to laugh at the seriousness of his voice. Kaneki eyed him as if he had just grown two heads and the two seniors were looking at Hide in confusion.

"It's a sickness where if he joins a committee he will leak out mysterious fluids from his body due to pressure." Hide explained and I couldn't help but laugh at it.

"And how does it end?" One of them asks and I burst into fits of giggles making them eye me like I've just lost my mind. Oh my stomach! Just how on earth did Hide make them believe it?

"Death." Hide answered and winked at Kaneki making me laugh again. The two seniors paled at the idea and decided to not let Kaneki join much to his relief.

"Well, whatever. Just get the last year's festival clips from Nishio then."

"Roger!"

\--*--

We continued walking around school when I saw Kaneki's eyes straying to the couple who were enjoying a very delicious meal. Well to me it is but to Kaneki... he really misses being able to enjoy those times.

"Are you eating okay? You look pale," Hide suddenly blurts out and Kaneki flinches as I eye Hide nervously. Leave it to Hide's skills, so he did notice.

"You better eat up otherwise your body won't hold up," he reminded him and I see Kaneki nod glumly, his mind deep in thought. I stare at the three of us and wonder how things will turn out if Hide found out.

That's right, Kaneki is afraid of the idea. The idea that if Hide found out then no doubt it'd tear all three of us apart. He's afraid that the day will come where he will no longer be able to walk alongside us anymore.

He's afraid to lose the one thing that he can still call home.

 **\--To be Continued--**

 _I hope no one was OOC (inconsistent if concerning Ayame). Touka-chan makes her appearance whoo! Sorry for any spelling errors and such since it is difficult to critique your own work. Though if something unnerves you just let me know :)_


	4. The Deceptive Enemy

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. All credits go to their respective owners!**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 11/07/17_

 _Another edit on this chapter. Lots of errors I need to fix._

\--*--

 **Chapter IV: The Deceptive Enemy**

 _"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart…"_

 **-Anne Frank-**

\--*--

"Okay this is it. Wait a sec will you?" Hide smiled before he swung the door open making me widen my eyes. This man... does he even have a slight sense of decency?!

"Hide, you could have at least knocked..." Kaneki sighed before we were brought to reality by a girl's scream. Our mouths hung agape when we saw a girl, her bra slightly exposed, scream as she quickly got up from her position (which was on top of a guy) and ran out of the room.

"See! This is why you should knock, Hide!" I chided, my cheeks turning crimson at the thought of what they were about to do before we barged in. Hide scratched the back of his head in embarrassment before he turned to the man and bowed.

"Umm... sorry about that, senpai," he apologized and the man just sighed before shaking his head, his hazelnut hair messed up here and there as he continued sorting out things on his desk, his back faced to us.

"Nagachika, I hate it when people barge in my territory. Do you know how to even knock? Is that how you show your respect to elders?" He warned.

Hide chuckled nervously before he spoke, "I'm sorry... I really don't know what to say."

I face palm myself at his reply. The least he could do is apologize. Seriously, how Hide managed to survive with this kind of attitude is still a mystery to me.

"You should. You should have at least something to say. Do you think I'm trying to trick you with sweet lines and smooth words?" The man added in a rather irritated tone and all three of us could only stare nervously at what he was about to do. The scent of coffee engulfed the room as the man turned and I felt the blood drain from my face.

This man... he was the same one that attacked Kaneki in the alley.

I could see his eyes widen in recognition as he saw Kaneki and I. Kaneki flinched in fear while he backed away in shock, his body blocking mine - the shift in our behavior making Hide eye us suspiciously.

I nervously tried my best to keep up a poker face as he continued to look at us. No need to panic- he can't possibly attack us here. It's broad daylight, he isn't stupid enough to risk blowing his cover to exact revenge, right?

"Hey what are you guys doing?" Hide asked us both before we snapped back to reality. His cold and dangerous eyes glimmered for a bit before he scratched the back of his head and sighed.

"Why don't you both come in? You're both with Nagachika, right?" He said calmly and all I could do was stare in shock. Just now his demeanor-

"Yeah! These are my friends, Ayame and Kaneki. Been with them since we were kids," Hide introduced as the man walked past Hide and towards us- specifically Kaneki.

"So your name is Kaneki," He continued. I hid my shaking hands in my pockets as I nervously watched the man kneel down to Kaneki's level.

"I'm a second year from the pharmaceutical department, Nishio Nishiki." He smiled but I knew that he was sugar-coating that voice of his. If I had not known him then I wouldn't have noticed the venom that laced his voice as he took Kaneki's nervous hands for a shake.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." He grinned before Kaneki mustered a shaky greeting as well. Kaneki turned to me in fear and then to Hide and I knew what he was thinking. Hide doesn't know... and because of that he's in danger now that the man knows our relation... If both of us aren't careful... luckily, for now, this man doesn't know that I know his secret, it's an advantage for us if we ever hope to avoid him.

"You need some materials don't you, Nagachika?" Nishio got up and turned back to his desk as he rummaged it for the CD the seniors asked Hide to find.

"Ah yeah. I wanted to see about the last year's store," Hide elaborated just as Nishio brought out a small box and started searching in there.

I wonder if Hide had noticed? It'd be better off if he didn't. No doubt he'd be killed if Nishio suspected that Hide knew even a bit about his other self. Isn't that why ghouls blend as humans? So they can trick their prey before eating them. That is why their identity is kept a secret. It's obvious enough why no one has even seen a real ghoul and lived to tell it. Death is your price for knowing a ghoul's secret.

Didn't Touka warn me about that not too long ago?

"Over there umm... you guys try helping look for it too." Nishio's voice snapped me back to reality as he pointed to us a few boxes that we should look into.

Kaneki casted me a nervous look and I mustered the bravest face I could give him and nod. I guess we have to play his game then. Pretending that nothing happened is hard but if we want to avoid the dangers of Nishio attacking us then we have no choice.

"Not here huh... Can we just give up searching now?" Nishio sighed tiredly after he put away another box. Just a bit more...

"No... Please keep searching!" Hide begged as Kaneki and I put away another box in the corner. I saw Nishio's eyes widen as if realization dawned on him and I felt dread wash over me when he scratched the back of his head with a sigh.

"If I recall, I think I took that disk back to my home..."

"What seriously!?"

"No need to shout. I said I was sorry," Nishio apologized but I knew he was lying. That excuse... is he planning on luring us into a trap?

"It's a bother for you so how about we go over there together and get it?" He suggested and fear settled in my stomach as I eyed Kaneki, both of us realizing what he was planning. He is trying to find a way to kill us.

If we tried to stop him then it'd be dangerous. Knowing Hide, he might try to think why and it'll be bad if he tries to piece it together... could I at least bide some time? No, if I did he'd notice something is off...

So what can I do?

"To senpai's house?" Hide thought and Nishio nodded.

"Then it's settled. If you stretch yourself too thin every day, you'll forget some things."

"It is true..." Hide nodded to himself and I cringed. Damn it, Hide why do you always have to overdo things... why not wait for tomorrow? Why do you always choose the dangerous decisions even if you have the ability to avoid it?

"Sorry guys but you go ahead without me. I'm heading on over with Nishio-senpai to his house to get the CD." Hide apologized and I saw Kaneki freeze. That's right, we can't let him go alone...

"Umm... is it okay if we go too?" I suddenly blurt out and I saw Hide's and Nishio's eyes widen in surprise. Even Kaneki eyed me worriedly, probably wondering why I have to go too.

"No way! Kaneki needs to rest and you need to get that wound checked, Ayame. Besides, Nishio-san and I are going to have some pervy talk." Hide tried to dissuade me but the moment he saw our eyes, he must've known something was up or we wouldn't be begging him to take us along with him.

"It's okay if they come along. It's not like I have anything to show you in particular, Nagachika," Nishio caved when he eyed us before turning to Hide.

"Well it'd be awkward since this is the first time you met them senpai..." Hide laughed nervously and I saw Nishio take out his phone and dial a number. I eye him suspiciously as he excuses himself to make a call and walk to a portion of the room.

"Why did you suddenly..." Hide tried to say when we were finally out of ear shot. I wanted to tell him badly why but doing so would only get us in even deeper danger. I didn't want that to happen to them...

"Since it's been a while since we last went out together, it'd be wasteful to just go home alone," Kaneki immediately lied and I mentally face-palmed myself. Kaneki is such a bad liar... Hide gives him one more look before he turns to me.

"And you?"

"Is it wrong to go with you guys...besides, I just want to know more about Nishio-senpai. He seems to have this mysterious aura around him that it makes me curious." I try to feign a plausible girly reason as to why but mentally I feel like vomiting.

Who on earth would want to fall for a guy like him? Though luckily (which I hoped it was), Hide seemed to have fallen for my lie and I see his smile widen as I pretend to turn even redder.

"Seriously?! You do know he's a taken man, right? Hahaha, can't believe those are your types." He laughs and I punch him hard on the shoulder.

"Idiot Hide! You're being too loud," I scold him and Hide chuckles before I pass Kaneki a quick assurance that it worked...

Well I hope it did, for our sakes.

"Hide, are you good friends with Nishio-senpai?" Kaneki suddenly asks to which Hide looks up, deep in thought.

"In the number of times I talked to him...there was never a time that I didn't think he was poisonous... I might actually hate him is that's what you're asking," Hide replied and I sigh in relief, well at least this'll be the last time we'll be spending time with Nishio alone.

Though why is it that Kaneki and I seem to be seeing a lot of ghouls lately? No scratch that, Nishio was here from the very beginning... the only reason why we see them is because of two things-

One, it was because Kaneki had strayed to the ghoul's world and lastly, because it was only now that I decided to accept the truth that ghouls really existed...

\--*--

"It's just some taiyaki, but shall we eat?" Nishio suggested when we saw a store selling it not too far. It was afternoon by the time we went out and I saw Hide nod hungrily before I glanced at Kaneki worriedly and then glared at Nishio's back as he walked to the stall to buy. He's a ghoul right? So why is he buying human food? He shouldn't be able to eat taiyaki without feeling the urge to vomit. So why?

What is he planning?

"Here you go." He gives me a Taiyaki before he tosses one to Kaneki and Hide. Both Hide and I take a bite but my eyes trail to Kaneki worriedly.

"Kaneki, you're not part of the committee?" Nishio asks him and Kaneki snaps his head up and quickly shakes his head.

"Ah... that's right. Managing things isn't really my strong points."

"And you, Ayame?" Nishio asks me and this time I try my best to look a bit shy to fool them as I look down on my food to control the urge not to glare at him.

"W-well I really never gave it much thought but-," I try to say when Hide cuts me off.

"She's saying that if you need a hand she'd be ready to help!" I feign a glare at Hide before I freeze when I feel Nishio's hands on my shoulders, I look up and I pale when I see him smile at me, his brown eyes reading deep into my violet ones.

"Really? Well, it'd be nice to have a second hand to help me," he just says as he lets me go and I back up a bit and stay close to both Kaneki and Hide. The wound on my shoulder throbs from his touch and I see Hide pass me a peace sign.

Oh, if only he knew the truth.

"Ayame-san?" Kaneki asks me worriedly but I assure him I'm fine even if deep inside I can feel the fear and dread churning. We just have to endure a bit more...

"Someone who can't plan on their own won't be able to live a good life." I snap back to reality when I heard him talk before he bit the taiyaki and my eyes widened as he swallowed it like nothing happened. Even Kaneki seemed shocked, seeing as not once did he show any form of discomfort when he ate the food.

Just how can he endure something that even Kaneki himself looked so repulsed to eat? To be able to hide like a human, just how much self-control and endurance does a ghoul need to have?

For some odd and morbid reason, the way he does it is quite impressive though.

"You're not going to eat your share Kaneki?" Hide asks worriedly and Kaneki just wraps his and puts it in his bag.

"I'll just save it for later," he only says.

We round a corner as I stare at Nishio's figure walking ahead. I see a gauze taped to his neck and memories from last night remind me that he got it from Touka. I guess he's not fully recovered then...

"It shortly after the bend at the end here," he finally speaks and we turn to the corner of what he pointed out when I felt my blood turn cold...

This... this is a dead end.

"Huh? Seems like this is a dead end..." Hide trails off and I snap my head as quickly as I could and saw to my horror, Nishio kick Hide on the stomach harshly that it sent him flying to a bunch of wooden planks in the alleyway.

"Hide!" Both Kaneki and I screamed in unison before I felt strong hands grab me by my hair. I struggle to get free as the grip tightens and I scream in pain.

"Did you really think you could fool me? You were that human girl from last night. Did you honestly think you could do something if you came? Seriously, humans are quite stupid." He laughed darkly and I felt the air get knocked out my lungs as I was also sent flying to a group of wooden crates. Pain shot through my entire body as my eyes weakly watched Kaneki scream out our names. Dammit, what do we do now?!

"It was unexpected for there to be another ghoul in the same campus as me," he spoke before he adjusted his glasses and lifted Kaneki up by the neck. I mentally cursed at my weakness as I watch him tighten his grip on Kaneki's neck

"You stink... how disgusting. You smell like a female ghoul." He rambled on as Kaneki tried his best to get Nishio to let go. His eyes darted to us worriedly and I heard Nishio chuckle darkly while also passing us a glance.

"Did you really think you could go on happily like this? I mean why haven't I noticed you before this? What? Are you worried about them? Haha, I get it, Kaneki-," He laughed hysterically and I saw his eyes twinkle in wild excitement.

"You were planning on eating them, right?! The moment when you betray an idiot who believes in you and when their anguished expression emerges. The look of hopelessness and such from humans just doesn't stimulate one's appetite the same way right! You think so too! Don't you?!" He laughed, sheer terror overwhelming me by just looking at him.

 _'He's wrong...'_ I wanted to say but only blood dripped down my lips as I tried to move my injured body. I guess I broke a few ribs and bones as I wheezed at the pain of just moving.

"You mean... I was going to eat Hide and Ayame-san?! Who the hell would do something like that? I'm different from you!" Kaneki shouted angrily and my eyes widened in horror as Nishio stabbed him on the stomach with his bare hands.

"Ka-Kaneki!" I managed a weak shout as I saw him try to move, blooding oozing from the corner of his mouth.

"Touka, that idiot woman said the same. When some junior looks down on me and speaks like that, it really pisses me off," He mutters as he walks past Kaneki and walks towards Hide. I see his face contort into disgust for a bit before he gives Kaneki a glance.

"I guess your body is incredibly fragile. It's like piercing tofu." He chuckles and then turns back to Hide.

"Geez, whenever I move my body, I feel sick. It must be the fault of that taiyaki I just ate. To think humans eat something like that of their own free will. It's the same as eating horse shit." He said and I watched in anger as he reached into his mouth and started retching out the taiyaki that he just ate before he spat it on Hide's face.

Damn him!

"Ah, I feel so much better. Sorry, did I get your face dirty, Nagachika?" He chuckled and I clenched my teeth in anger. I felt my entire body shake from it but the pain of broken bones kept me from moving. Not that it's a bad thing, if I acted impulsively then Nishio would really kill me.

"Sorry, Kaneki but it looks like I got your snack a bit dirty." He laughed crazily and that was when I grabbed a nearby rock and threw it at him as strong as I could. The rock sailed and landed squarely on his head.

"Stay away from, Hide!" I coughed weakly.

-*Bam*-

My body froze when I saw a few inches from my face, a long tail-like muscle impaled to a wall. It looked like the same thing Rize had except this one looked like a razor sharp tail and not a tentacle. Since when did-

"Ah!" I coughed out in pain, blood dripping from my mouth as Nishio held me by the neck. I could feel his grip tighten as I weakly struggled to break free of him.

What is it with ghouls and strangling people?

"You should have just stayed quiet. I would have saved you for last but you really had to go and ruin it..." He chuckled darkly before he turned to Kaneki.

"These humans have been your friends for a long time. Just when the hell were you planning to eat them?!" He cackled and it didn't help that when his body shook my body did as well, adding more to the agony of my broken body.

"Waiting for a situation where you could attack them. The place is important too, right? How about telling your senpai huh, Kaneki~" He grinned and I flinched when he dug his foot on Hide's face. Damn this man, how long does he plan to play with us before the kill? He must be the type who tortures first before he does the evil deed.

"What were you planning to do? HUH!? Spoiling another's meal plan is the best kind of feeling!"

"They're not food! Get your foot off of him and let Ayame-san go!" Kaneki growled and I silently screamed as he tightened the grip on my neck while simultaneously digging his heel on Hide's face.

"What? I didn't hear you." He taunted and I weakly watched as Kaneki did his best to get up and run towards Nishio. Nishio's grip on me loosened as he tossed me like a rag doll onto the concrete wall and dodged Kaneki's punch. I coughed up more blood as I tried to get in more air, my body forcing itself to shut down but I refused. I refuse to close my eyes, I refuse to die like this!

"Are you serious? It's like you're attacking with a bag. Are you a woman?!" He egged him on and I watched in horror as he kicked Kaneki. His body soaring across the alleyway and into a pile of wooden planks.

"What do you think about my kick? If I had been serious then even Touka or Yomo wouldn't stand a chance!" He boasted and I watched worriedly as Kaneki tried to get up only to cringe in pain while gripping his stomach.

"But I really don't get you. After all to us, humans are just food. It's the same as beef and pork is to them. Why are you even pretending to be friends with food?" Nishio asked and for that moment I didn't see any form of murderous aura in his eyes, it was just plain curiosity.

Kaneki wheezed as he gripped his wounded stomach tighter. "I-it's not pretending..."

"Is that so? Well let's say it's true for now but can you really trust them? For one, Hide may sound and look idiotic but it's quite obvious he has a very good perception of things. Don't you understand that? He intentionally tried to make you guys leave because he sensed my intentions." Nishio pointed out before his eyes turned to me, making me flinch.

"Ayame was it? The human who knows of your existence, Kaneki. Just how long before she accidentally blurts out your secret? There are people out there who want to kill ghouls you know. That's why we try so hard to keep our identity a secret. To think you would allow a human to know your true self. It's like walking into a battle without a sword or armor, completely defenseless." Nishio added as he grabbed Kaneki by the head and lifted him up to face him.

"Does this eyepatch mean you have no control over your eye either? Without it, it'll only be a matter of time..." He concluded and ripped the eyepatch off of Kaneki's face before he tossed it aside.

"Stand up. Or do you want me to kill them both." He dared again and I saw Kaneki growl as he got up and tried to attack him one more time.

Kaneki was never the athletic type that was why he put more time into books rather that outdoor activities. Seeing him like this, if there was any way I could help him...

"What? Is too impossible for you?!" He yelled and kicked him hard enough that Kaneki slammed onto the concrete floor, the cracking of bones echoing in the alleyway along with the sound of his body hitting the ground. Tears welled my eyes as I tried to muffle my painful screams and tried my best to crawl to him.

"Did we play a bit too much? Though it was too easy when I let the kagune out," he said as a-matter-of-fact.

I could see that weird tail-like weapon of his move around, like a predator in excitement at a cornered prey. My body screamed in protest as I tried my best to stand in between them, my eyes weakly glaring at the Nishio.

"A-Ayame-san..." Kaneki managed to cough out but I refused to budge. I knew the odds were against us, death is obviously inevitable, but I refuse to submit to death without a final stand.

"Heh, how noble. A human protecting a ghoul? How pathetic..." Nishio grinned and before I knew it, his tail lashed out and dug onto my already wounded shoulder from Kaneki's bite the night before. I tried to muffle my scream, denying him of the satisfaction of my weakness which made him dig his tail-like weapon deeper before pulling it out and slapping me to the wall.

"A-Ayame-san!" Kaneki coughed as I dropped to the ground, my breathing labored while my blood continued to pool the alleyway. Kaneki lifted me up and I watched him tiredly as he tried to keep me awake.

"Seriously! What a sight for sore eyes. I guess I better make this quick-" He trailed off and just when he was about to attack us, he paused and my eyes widened when I saw Hide, his hand gripping onto Nishio's pants. Either he was awake or not I wasn't sure but to do something like that-

"His hand moved unconsciously? Or is he playing?" Nishio grinned evilly and I saw his tail wrap around his leg. I felt Kaneki shake beside me when a sudden epiphany brought me to my senses.

"Kaneki..." I tried to call out and he turned to me, fear and hopelessness evident in his eyes. If this is the only way to save us from Nishio... I just hope Kaneki doesn't go overboard and kill us before Nishio does.

"N-Nishio called that weapon of his a Kagune... R-Rize has one too right? I-if that's the case then maybe..." I tried to explain and wheezed in pain as I gripped my wounded shoulder, blood pooling more as I controlled the urge to stay awake.

"If you're right, how can I even control it?" Kaneki panicked and I knew the answer. Our life is on Kaneki's hands now and if he failed then we'll all be dead. All he has to do is believe and...

"You need strength. Here..." I managed to say and I pulled up my bloody hand and brought it to his mouth. He cringed and pulled away but I mustered all my strength and pulled him by the collar before trying to push it to his face.

"No, I won't-" He tried to say but my eyes was enough to make him comply.

"That's right, if we want to save Hide then we have no choice..."

"I trust you, okay." I nod in assurance after he licked my hand clean and set me down. It looked like Nishio was still too intent on killing Hide that he failed to notice the sudden change in Kaneki's aura.

To protect what matters, a sacrifice must be made. In Kaneki's case he had to resort to his ghoul powers. Was it wrong of me to force it on him? I watched him tiredly as the same tentacle-like kagune Rize had appear on his back. His expression completely hidden before he vanished and the kagune zoomed passed and swatted Nishio away.

"Tch. What the hell is that?!" Nishio shouted in surprise before he was quickly impaled by Kaneki's kagune. He wailed in pain as Kaneki hoisted him up, fear evident on his face.

It looks like the hunter has become the hunted.

"Dammit! Let me go! You'll kill me!" he screamed in agony before managing to slice off Kaneki's kagune and collapse to the ground. "Shit, to be outdone by this stupid brat!" Nishio spat, his voice livid, before he managed to get up and escape.

A sigh of relief escapes my lips at the sight of Nishio escaping. I looked back to Kaneki to pass him a thankful smile when suddenly my body froze when I saw his mouth watering.

No...

"Food... my most awaited meal," He moaned in hunger as he crawled his way towards Hide. No, no, no, no! Did it fail? Could Kaneki not handle the hunger? My body felt like it was on fire from the pain as I crawled to Hide, my eyes watering from both pain and terror. It was like I was in hell, everything was so hot and painful that I wanted to pass out.

"K-Kane-ki," I whimpered as I watched his hungry expression approaching us. No, please snap out of it...

Just when he was about to lunge at us, a figure from above jumped in between Kaneki and us. The descent was enough to cause the hood to fly off the figures head, my eyes widening at the sight of Touka glaring at him. What is she doing here? Even after I said that I would avoid her for our sake-

Don't tell me she's come to finish me off too?

"Move!" Kaneki rasped hungrily.

"I see you've become pretty reprehensible, you dumbass," she muttered in annoyance before throwing her cloak away to the side. "The pain and hunger drowns out all reason, it's so painful that you want to die. To free yourself from that pain, it doesn't matter even if you use your friends' lives." She added and I saw wisps of red gas begin to form on the blades of her shoulder. Is that her kagune?

"And after you've eaten them, then you'd wallow in regret while being covered in their blood and guts. That is the hunger of the ghoul... that is our destiny," she finished just as the gas solidified and I saw a crimson wing flutter from her back.

"Beautiful..." I couldn't help but say and her eyes dart to me in surprise before she quickly turned away and faced Kaneki.

"I see you're still alive. I had thought Nishiki would have finished you and make my life easier but he just had to run away half-way. Don't think that I'm not considering your death for the sake of our identity."

"I-If you had considered my death... then you would have let Kaneki kill me right here and now. Luckily, you didn't...I would have rather died by your hands protecting them than d-die by his... hands because he lost himself...I wouldn't- wouldn't... want him...to live with that guilt..." I coughed and watched her give me a long side-glance before turning back to Kaneki.

"Using me as a scapegoat to save him the guilt? Humans really are pathetic."

"Call it pathetic i-if you will... but he's someone... important to me and I- ***cough*** -would do anything to save him... from committing that o-one mistake he wishes to never do... I'm sure you've b-befriended a human too... I'm sure they would have done the same if they were in my shoes..." I defended which made her scoff as she stared at Kaneki's prowling figure, his eyes assessing and sizing Touka who guarded us from his approach.

"The only difference between you and her is that you know his secret whereas she doesn't. Humans are all the same, they fear the unknown and so will do anything to eliminate it even if they hurt others in the process."

"N-not all humans think like that." I wheezed and shuddered while trying to continue. "I-if I did then Kaneki... would have been long dead and we... wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Funny how I can just kill you all here right now and save me the trouble." She chuckles darkly.

"And yet y-you won't do it because deep down... you could be considering it- the possibility..." I gasped in pain as I tried to make a vain attempt as a shield to prevent Kaneki from pouncing at Hide first if he made it past Touka.

"Considering it? I'm doing this out of obedience. Had he not ordered it then I wouldn't have cared if you died. To think he even considers humans capable of change when clearly they've done nothing but make our lives worse every passing day. So don't even think you can sway me into thinking you can be trusted. Even he won't be able to save you if so much as try to expose us." She growled and I chuckled quietly as I watched her pounce at Kaneki, her body flitting in the air like a butterfly, lulling me to sleep.

Can something so beautiful really be this poisonous?

\--*--

I opened my eyes to see that it was finally getting dark.

How long was I out? I tried to get up before my entire body protested and I silently screamed in pain as I gripped the sheets tightly. Wait-

Sheets?

I looked around and saw myself in what looked like a bedroom. A desk stood next to the bed and I saw bloody bandages and a first aid kit on top of it. I checked my wounds and I saw stiches and bandages covering my body. Who did this? Could it have been Touka?

-*Creak*-

I snapped up when the door opened and I saw to my relief Kaneki standing there, surprise plastered on his face while the old man who I saw back in Anteiku stood next to him.

Wait, am I in Anteiku?

"I see one of your friends is finally awake. Though I am quite surprised. The damage she received was enough to render her unconscious for a few more days," the old man spoke, his tone soft and comforting as I tried my best to get up only to be pulled back down by Kaneki.

"Hide-" I tried to say but Kaneki cut me off and assured me he was alright. I sighed in relief at the thought that none of us died today and let Kaneki help me back down to the bed.

"I guess we owe it to her then." I add and both of them look at me questioningly.

"Touka, I mean. To be honest, I was worried but she sure saved the day. You should have seen it- the way she danced like a butterfly..." I added and the old man next to Kaneki chuckles.

"For a human to say that. You have my thanks. It's very rare to hear a compliment from a human. I think Touka-chan herself would be surprised. She is a very shy person..." He thanked me and I raised a curious eyebrow at him.

"By any chance... are you a ghoul?" I asked and for that split second I saw his eyes turn black and red before reverting back to its normal color.

"Anteiku is a haven for ghouls who cannot hunt. They were the people who gave me that package back at home," Kaneki confessed and my eyes widened at the thought that this place was actually harboring ghouls too.

"A human to know the true nature of Anteiku... you are actually the second. We do our best to keep this truth a secret but I believe I can trust you. After all, you kept your friend's identity a secret and that is enough for me to know that you are different from other humans. Much like her..." The old man smiled as if reminiscing an old yet fond memory.

"Th-thanks... I guess," I try to say and the man chuckles.

He looks completely normal really. Like those typical grandfathers that look after their grandchildren when they come over. Even Touka, amidst her frightening persona, looked like an average student like us.

If they are both like this... does that mean that not all ghouls are evil? So are the people on T.V. wrong... or are they only spreading what they want people to hear? If that is the case then this world-

It's just so messed up.

"So... for now it seems I'll be working here to learn how to be a ghoul," Kaneki announced, pulling me back to reality as my eyes widened at the news.

Images of Kaneki in an apron while serving customers... it just sounds impossible. I laugh while wincing in pain and watched Kaneki turn red in embarrassment. Even the old man seemed amused.

"Wh-what's so funny about it?"

"Nothing really. Kaneki the klutz... how will you be able to do it? Serving customers, I mean. But if it helps you, then it's fine with me. Just know that now you have two homes. Here with me and Hide and with Anteiku. A home on both sides... now you'll never be able to say you're alone." I smiled and Kaneki looked at me in surprise.

"A-Ayame-san..." Kaneki trails off and I see the man next to him smile.

"I trust you guys will take care of him. The name's Fujiko Ayame by the way." I turn to the man and reach out for a shake. The man accepts the gesture and he gives me a kind smile and nods.

"And I am Yoshimura, the manager of Anteiku."

 **\--To be Continued--**

 _Done! Whoo hope you guys enjoy this!_


	5. Doves and Masks

**Diclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 11/17/17_

 _Errors fixed and sentences added to give a slightly deeper understanding of the situation._

\--*--

 **Chapter V: Doves and Masks**

 _"I think it's funny to know the person little by little through looking at their personality..."_

 **-Fujioka Haruhi (Ouran Highschool Host Club)-**

\--*--

"I was really surprised at that!" Hide narrated to Touka when I saw Kaneki appear out of the pantry. I tried to signal him a wave with my good hand but failed and tried to adjust my sling as I turned back to Hide to call him up for us.

After the incident with Nishio, all of us sustained heavy injuries. My arm needed a sling to help it heal so I was stuck using my other hand. Seeing as Hide was unconscious that time, Yoshimura-san specifically told us not to tell him what really happened that day.

I felt bad at having to lie to Hide but I promised Yoshimura-san I'd never tell a soul. Not only that, but I also promised Kaneki not to tell his secret to Hide. I hated being lied to, so having to lie to my own best friend? I tell you, it was complete torture.

"Oh! Kaneki!" Hide called out excitedly and Kaneki flinched as he walked to us. Touka sighed in relief for the rescue and I chuckled which earned me a glare from her.

For a strong ghoul, I'm quite surprised she can't handle Hide's antics very well.

"Hide? Why are you and Ayame-san here?"

"I heard from Ayame that you had decided to work here so I came to take a look," Hide answered to which I whistled innocently when I saw Kaneki pass me a light glare.

"What? I couldn't help it. Hide deserved to see you in an apron," I giggled to which Kaneki only sighed. At least Hide should be entitled to this kind of secret being told, right? Although, I could feel Touka's intense gaze, I tried my best to ignore it.

I know it was dangerous to bring Hide along, seeing as we are both humans but we are Kaneki's friends too, the least we can be allowed to is to see him when we can.

"I'm surprised you're working here but the uniform looks good on you. Unlike some people..." Hide complimented before his eyes trailed to my new outfit. I blushed scarlet in anger since I couldn't hit him due to my injuries.

"Is it wrong to wear a dress for a change? It's hard putting on my normal attire since my wound itches when my pants cling to it," I defended while Hide passed me the look that said 'Yeah...right.' which all the more made me upset. Do I really look hideous in a dress?

"Thanks, Hide. I think Ayame-san looks good on a dress though," Kaneki remarked which made my eyes widen in shock from his words. For some odd reason, the way he said it made me feel a bit embarrassed and self-conscious. I mean it is the first time Kaneki commented on what I wore.

He was always so absorbed in those books of his that he never really sounded earnest when he commented on my choice of clothes. So for him to actually be looking at me and saying I looked nice was really shocking on my part.

"What?! Are you blind? Even if you dress an ape it'll still be an ape!" Hide ruined the moment with his comment and I saw Kaneki pale when he saw the murderous aura I was giving Hide.

Damn him! There's never really a moment he would just stop teasing me.

"Heh~ well, Ayame is an exception for once. You know you really should dress like that more often," I heard Hide add before I could kick him. My eyes widened in disbelief at his comment seeing as never once had Hide remarked that I looked good in anything. Did Nishio kick him too hard?

"Maybe then you'd finally get a boyfriend!"

No... he's still the same annoying Hide!

"G-guys... I appreciate the visit but please at least order something or it might get the manager in trouble." Kaneki tried to stop us and I huffed in anger while Hide apologized and gave our usual order.

"You may have won the battle Hideyoshi, but not the war," I say and Hide chuckles. "We'll see." He smirks before he turns to Touka with a different grin plastered on his face.

"Touka-chan, Would you mind making it for me?" Hide whispered and I saw Touka muster a nervous smile.

"Y-yeah..."

"Also! I'd like to thank you for the other day," Hide added and that was when I tensed. That's right, Hide doesn't know the truth...

"Other day?" Kaneki asked and I mentally face-palmed myself. Does Kaneki not realize what he had just done? I saw Touka pass him a tensed look before Hide raised a curious eyebrow at Kaneki.

"Idiot. She helped us in the car accident, right? Nishio-san was critically wounded and was hospitalized. It was Touka-chan that nursed us to back to health, didn't she," Hide pointed out and I saw Touka pretend to smile shyly in thanks.

"I don't really remember much of the accident but somehow it felt like Touka-chan was by my side the whole time..." Hide trailed off and clasped his hands around Touka's which surprised her. "Truly thank you! So as thanks... let me treat you to lunch."

We may fight a lot and he always teases me whenever he has the chance but Hide is my best friend and I love him regardless. To have to lie to him is difficult for me. There are times I wish that he'd catch on but the thought of him getting hurt because of knowing the whole truth scared me. That is why, even if it torments me, I have to endure.

No matter what, I musn't tell Hide the truth...

Touka eyeing me like a prey is bad enough but to get Hide to suffer it too? I don't think I could fathom what she would do had he found out the truth. It hurts to not say anything but Touka's words really had a pronounced effect on Kaneki. Just by the way he eyed me and Hide warily when we entered the café was proof he was worried about us because of his state. Although, I can assure him that I'll do what I can to keep Hide and I safe, I know he's not taking any risks and that's what scares me.

Because even the quiet man, when provoked, can do frightening things.

\--*--

After Hide had left, I decided to linger and wait for Kaneki's shift to finish so we could walk home together. Due to the injuries I sustained, the university gave me a month to heal. It worked well for me since I get to check up now and then on how Kaneki is progressing but unless I manage to perfect the upcoming midterms, then I'll be forced to repeat the whole semester which made me pale at the thought.

"Sorry are you okay?" I overheard Yoshimura-san say before I knocked twice and Touka opened the door.

"Ayame?" She passed me a suspicious look before I bowed in greeting.

"Is Kaneki here?"

"He's here. What brings you here? Don't you have class?" She interrogated and that was when I explained about my leave and my reason for the visit.

I guess I can't blame her. I am a human after all, trespassing onto a ghoul's territory is asking for trouble. Even if Yoshimura-san said I was trustworthy, to Touka, it'll take more than that to convince her that I wouldn't betray them.

"Well, I doubt he needs a nanny to take him home. If you know what's good for you, I suggest you go home," she threatened and I gulped, cowering at the sight of her glare.

"Ayame-san?" I saw Kaneki peeking from behind Touka and I sighed in relief at his quick rescue. Touka gave me one long look before she slowly backed away and let me in, her glare boring holes through my head, making me shiver.

"Yo! Kaneki. How's training?" I asked casually, trying my best to hide my nervousness and I saw him look away while scratching the back of his head.

"I take it that it didn't go that well... But don't worry! Practice makes perfect after all!" I assure him before Yoshimura-san grabs his attention and gives him a cube.

"I was thinking you were still repulsed at the thought of eating people so I prepared that for you."

"A sugar cube?" I wondered as Kaneki held it up to inspect it.

"What's it made of?" Kaneki asked but Yoshimura-san could only pass him an apologetic look and shake his head.

"It's better if you didn't know..." He only said and I didn't need any explanation to know what he tried to imply from only those few words.

"Though it'll only be able to curb your hunger. Whether you like it or not, the time will come when you really have no choice but to eat meat," Yoshimura-san added and I looked at Kaneki to see his rather dejected form. I couldn't help but take his hand and squeeze it in assurance.

I know it wouldn't help much but it was the only thing I could do... I didn't know what pains ghouls had to go through to survive till now. So, as a human, this was the only thing to assure him that I was here if he needed help.

"Well, that will be all for today. It's time to close the shop so I'm leaving that up to Kaneki-kun and Touka-chan." Yoshimura-san dusted his hands on his apron before he dismissed us.

Touka walked out of the room first to use the bathroom while Kaneki took the liberty to clean the cafe first. I was about to follow him out as well but I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked to see Yoshimura-san looking at me.

"Yes, Yoshimura-san?" I asked curiously as he gestured me to a seat where we could see Kaneki work but was out of his earshot. I wonder why he called me so suddenly? Did I do something wrong?

"How are you? To be honest, wounds like yours need more than two months to heal..."

"I'm fine Yoshimura-san! No need for a ghoul to worry about a petty human like me. You have your own problems and I don't want to worry you by having to be one of it," I assured him with a smile to which he chuckled in reply. If I hadn't known the truth, no doubt I'd dismiss him as a human, almost like a long lost grandfather of mine to be precise.

"Oh, you're not a problem."

"For Touka, I am... This is a big secret so I know she has apprehensions about me being here but I want to be her friend too. She helped us and I owe her my life..." I confess.

Touka, if she ever accepts me, would probably be the first friend I'll have outside of my home town. Growing up with Kaneki and Hide, I never really gave it much thought to make any more friends. I know ghouls and humans will never get along but I want to change that.

To be one of the people who knows about them and to live knowing they know about me as well... it's dangerous, I know, but I want to bridge that gap. Then maybe... one day, humans like us will see the good side of ghouls and not just the bad ones.

That is why I want Touka to understand that I'm not a bad person...

"I understand very well where Touka-chan is coming from but I also want her to understand that not all humans bear the same idea about ghouls. Like you, there are some who want to cross that bridge. Your willingness to do that for Kaneki-kun is proof. I suggest you give her some time. She'll warm up to you soon," he advised me and I follow his gaze to Kaneki and Touka, the latter scolding the former for not doing a proper job at mopping the floor.

My eyes meet Touka for a second and I wave a hello. She quickly looks away, a blush creeping up her cheeks as she tossed the mop to Kaneki and stalks off. Give her some time,huh?

"I almost forgot. The reason I called you is to give you a warning," Yoshimura-san called my attention and the way his voice turned serious made me worry. A warning? It made me feel like that this was the start of something big and dangerous.

"I already warned Kaneki-kun but it's also right to tell you as well. You never know who you will meet, Ayame-san. I tell you, there are times the sheep is more frightening than the wolf."

"What are you getting at, Yoshimura-san?" I asked worriedly.

"Ghouls and humans love to hang out and rest here. So whether it be an attaché case, a briefcase or any big bag, when a human walks in the shop with it please don't hesitate to call out to Touka-chan or Kaneki-kun," He explained.

"Why? Is there something about it?" I wondered, curious as to why he seemed worried about people walking in with those kinds of bags. Did it mean something to ghouls?

"I'll explain some other time but please keep a look out for them when you visit next time."

"Okay, I will, Yoshimura-san!" I nod. He smiles and thanks me as he gets up and excuses himself just before the bell to the store rings and I see an older woman walk in with a young girl. A mother and daughter perhaps?

"Welcome!" Kaneki greets them and the older woman smiles while the younger one moves behind the older woman.

"Oh, a new worker?"

"Yes, I'm Kaneki."

"Well hello, I am Fueguchi and this here is my daughter. Come now, say hello, Hinami," the mother greets and the girl named Hinami peeks from behind her mother and manages a soft hello.

I giggle quietly at the cute girl. As shy as Touka huh...

"Ah, Ryouko-san and Hinami!" Touka's voice rings in an upbeat tone and I turn to see her walk past me and greet the pair. Well, this is a first. It's my first time seeing Touka smile. I guess these people mean a lot to her to get her to change like that.

"Hello, Touka-chan!" Ryouko-san greets back and I see Hinami wave, a smile plastered on her cute face. How adorable...

"The manager is waiting on the 2nd floor. Go on up," Touka adds and I see them both walk past me and up the stairs. Hmmm... For them to be looking for the manager, don't tell me they're ghouls? I wonder what they are doing here?

"They came here to pick up a package," As if answering my question, I turn to see Touka talking to Kaneki right after Ryouko-san and Hinami walked upstairs.

"Package?" Kaneki wonders and I see Touka sigh.

"Meat. The same package as yours," she answers and my mind reels back to the time I saw the same package Kaneki had thrown in the garbage a few nights ago. Then does that mean they're like Kaneki?

"I guess there are ghouls like them then... Ones who can't hunt for food." I join in and I see Touka pass me an apprehensive glare and nod slowly.

"Ehh! Is that something that can be decided on? Well, I guess if it's for old people and women..." Kaneki trailed off and I saw a tick mark appear on Touka's forehead and groaned.

"Your constant questioning is annoying me! Go ask them instead! How annoying," she huffed, turned and walked away from us. Well I am here so Kaneki just asking too much about her friends made her a bit uncomfortable.

"Do I really question a lot?" He turned to me worriedly and I chuckled. "Well you question too much, I give you that but Touka was just worried. One look and it's quite obvious those two mean a lot to her."

"They do?" Kaneki asks and I face-palm myself. Yep, he asks too much questions and some of which are just too obvious to answer.

"Did you see her demeanor change when they walked in? They are obviously regulars and you saw Touka, it's the first I've seen her smile." I point out.

"So what's wrong? Why is she worried?" Kaneki asked and I sighed. "She doesn't trust me that well yet and since I'm here, you asking a lot just doesn't sit well with her."

"What?! How can she not trust you? The manager trusts you, right?" Kaneki said in disbelief and I smiled sadly.

"You'll never know a person's true intention until you've spent years with them. I would do the same thing Touka just did if it means protecting those who matter to me." I say, while staring outside the glass windows of Anteiku. I watch people pass the shop, completely sucked in their own world while others are waiting by the shop for someone as the scenery is colored in a fading sunset hue.

"I've known you since we were kids, Ayame-san. I doubt you'd betray us," Kaneki defended and I smile to myself. In this bustling city that is far from home, Hide and Kaneki are my only family. It's obvious we'd rely on no one else but each other but-

With how things are turning out... Ever since that night with Rize- it feels like I can't seem to trust myself sometimes. All the decisions I've made so far have done nothing but cause us trouble. Kaneki would obviously disagree but, like I said, I just couldn't find it in me to be cautious.

"I would never betray you nor Hide. I would rather die than do that. But if worse comes to worse and I am forced to reveal Anteiku's true nature... then before that day comes, please... kill me," I say and I see his face widen in horror.

"W-what are you saying, Ayame-san? Kill you? I can't do that! You must be joking?!" His voice was rising a bit now but I remained rooted on my seat.

"If this place is gone then... I'm just trying to compromise. I wish I could tell Hide too but the risks outweigh the benefit. I wouldn't want him to die because of something such as revealing the truth. I know it was selfish of me that time to pester you into telling him but you were right. I can't afford to be selfish now," I reasoned.

"There it is again, compromise. Touka mentioned the same thing when it was concerning Hide. I understand secret is a big thing and yes I admit I think that Hide can't know to keep him safe but to put your life down just to protect me... that's preposterous! Do you think I'd be happy knowing you died because of me?" Kaneki argued and I gripped the hem of my dress tightly.

"I'm just trying to keep everyone safe... I know that there are people who hunt ghouls for a living. If I slip up... I don't want that. That's why please at the very least..." I try to say and I felt Kaneki grip my shoulders tightly as he forced me to face him.

"You trust me right, Ayame-san. Then I trust you too. I've seen what ghouls can do and being one of them... these powers can help me be stronger and I'll use it to protect you and Hide. So don't bear the burden alone. We will bear it together. For the sake of both Hide and the people of Anteiku," Kaneki assures me and I muster a small smile.

Hide and I were always the ones protecting him, to hear him say that... he really has gotten more independent and strong. But...

"It's better to get hurt than to hurt others... if things really go out of hand then..." I mutter too low for him to even hear.

I won't hesitate to end my own life.

\--*--

"A mask?" Kaneki asked one day to Yoshimura-san while I took a sip of the mocha drink Kaneki served me.

After the events of yesterday, it was quite obvious that Kaneki was trying his best to avoid me from ever mentioning it again. I guess I may have overdone it this time... I admit it is wrong of me to give him that burden. I never should have suggested it, I was just scared... I didn't want them to get hurt.

"I think you should have a mask. We all carry one after all," Yoshimura-san replied while arranging the shelves of the pantry. It was Friday in the afternoon and seeing as I had nothing better to do once again, I decided to observe Yoshimura-san and Kaneki having the conversation.

"Hehe a mask, huh? Imagine the look on Hide's face when he sees you." I giggled and Kaneki sighed. No doubt he'd be teased by Hide for the rest of his life. Actually... make it the both of us teasing him for the rest of his life.

"Touka-chan. On your next day off, would you mind taking Kaneki-kun to get his mask made?" Yoshimura-san asked and I saw Touka's eyes widen.

"Why do I have to spend my day off with that guy?" She complained and Kaneki flinched at her glare.

"Kaneki-kun will get lost if he goes alone and he might get scared if he's alone with Uta-kun," Yoshimura-san explained and Touka sighed in defeat. "That's true..."

"Ummm... excuse me but what does a mask do?" I asked and Touka passed me a worried glance.

"Doesn't really concern you, Ayame," she replies and I frown. Yup... she really is avoiding me...

"Now, Touka-chan. Ayame means no harm and think it's alright if she knows... if what Yomo-kun says is true..." Yoshimura smiles before his face turned grim making me worried. "I heard from Yomo-kun that two police investigators are in our ward."

"So it is much safer to have him get his mask as quickly as possible," Yoshimura-san elaborated and I saw Touka's face glare at Kaneki once again, making him flinch.

"Oi, Eyepatch. Saturday, 4:30, Shinjuku Train Station, east entrance. If you're late, I'll kill you," she threatened and stalked off outside the pantry.

Woah... she looked very scary just now.

"Hmm, I wonder what kind of mask will you have, Kaneki?" I wonder as I think of the many types and styles of mask in mind. I hear Yoshimura-san chuckle and I turn to see him smile.

"If you want, you can tag along with them," He offered and my eyes widened.

"For real?! I mean... isn't it kind of suspicious for a human like me to go there," I say in surprise before asking.

The thought of going with them sounded fun but what if I meet ghouls along the way? I don't want to get them into trouble... I doubt Touka would even feel thrilled to have me walking along with them.

"Not really, the shop caters to both humans and ghouls. I think it'd be nice for you to meet other ghouls besides me and Touka-chan. After all, not every ghoul hunts humans. Some also befriend them," Yoshimura-san assures me.

"Well it'd be nice to meet another ghoul that actually befriends humans. Though, I don't think Touka will be excited at the idea of me tagging along." I frown and Yoshimura-san chuckles.

"She'll be fine. Just give her time."

"Mind if I tag along then, Kaneki?" I turn to ask him. Worry etches his face but nevertheless he complies.

"Don't worry, between the two of us, I am the least susceptible to danger." I assure him and he frowns, making me laugh. "Well, with that settled, I'll meet you guys there."

\--*--

"I thought she said 4:30?" I huff while adjusting my sling. The clock read 5:13 on Kaneki's phone as we scanned the area for Touka.

"Well she did but..." Kaneki trailed off before he cried in pain and I saw Touka adjust her leg in what looked like a kicking pose. Her eyes meet mine and her brow raised in suspicion as she approached me. "What are you doing here?"

"Yoshimura-san said she could come along," Kaneki immediately defended me while he rubbed the spot where Touka kicked him. She gave me one final sweep and sighed before walking away.

"Fine but you're responsible should anything happen to her." She only says as we scramble to follow.

A few people give Touka a second glance and I think to myself if they would do the same thing again if they found out the truth about her. There are times I wonder to myself if I were a ghoul, would Touka befriend me too.

Not once had she actually started a normal conversation with me. It was usually questions about why I was there or telling me off if I tried to ask something related to the ghouls. I really didn't mean any harm in our conversation, I just... Wanted to get to know her more.

Then maybe if I did, I'd be able to see the real her behind that cold shell she's always hiding in.

"What?" Touka's voice snapped me back to reality and both Kaneki and I flinched at her.

"N-nothing!" We both said in unison and turned to each other in surprise. Were we both just staring at her!?

"Then stop staring," she ordered and we nodded and looked away while failing to see her cheeks sporting a crimson shade.

"S-so I guess we are going deeper into the city then?" I ask, trying to break the silence, as we make another turn into an alley way and walk down a few stairs. Just how much deeper into the city are we going?

"No, we're already here," she answers quickly and both Kaneki and I stop in front of a shop that read 'Hy Sy art mask studio'

"Well it looks welcoming," I compliment at the simple decoration outside the shop. Touka and Kaneki enter the building and I quickly follow inside, carefully making sure I didn't trip when my eyes tried to adjust to the lowly lit shop.

"Or maybe not..." I add when I see the inside of the shop and pale at the sight. Several masks of macabre design hung the walls of the room, some looking like gas masks while others are made to resemble clowns. I moved a bit closer to Kaneki seeing as it didn't help that the mannequins were skeletons.

"Uta-san? Are you here?" Touka called out before we split up to look around the shop. I decided to check on the weird occult-like masks inside one of the glasses and wondered where this Uta guy got his inspiration for making them.

"I guess he already went home..." I heard Touka say before the sound of Kaneki's scream made us turn to see why.

"What are you doing... Uta-san?" Touka asked in exasperation and there I saw Kaneki lying on the floor while looking up at a young man with black hair, his hair's left side shaved off and multiple piercings on his face. He wore a white sleeveless shirt with a pair of normal jeans and a black jacket that he wore half-way which failed to hide the numerous tattoos that decorated his body.

"Sorry, I thought I'd try to scare him," he merely said as his eyes turned to us. The sclera dark and the iris red, a clear indication that he was a ghoul.

"Oh, and I see you brought a snack," he added when his eyes trailed to me and I shivered as I hid behind Touka and Kaneki.

"No, she's not food. She's...a friend of this guy," Touka sighed before pointing to Kaneki. Uta-san just shrugs and walks to the door to switch the open sign to 'closed' before he walks back to us and we follow him into his studio.

"Uta-san is the one who makes the ghoul masks," Touka introduces him, her hands in her pocket and Uta-san gives us a slight nod. Those piercings and tattoos... he really looks very scary.

"Hi, I'm Kaneki. Nice to meet you," Kaneki greets and I bow afterwards before introducing myself. "My name is Ayame. Nice to meet you too... Uta-san," I say before I see Uta-san give Kaneki a sniff and Kaneki cringes making me worry.

What is that guy doing?

"You're the one Yoshimura-san mentioned. Your scent is unusual," he murmurs before Touka sighs and reprimands him.

"Uta-san you're scaring him."

"Sorry about that," he apologizes before he gets up and begins to gather his drawing materials. "This guy needs a mask doesn't he, Touka-san?"

"Yeah, as do I. We all have to be cautious for now," Touka replies and somehow the aura in the room suddenly turned uninviting for some odd reason.

"Seems some police investigators have been loitering around. I heard they found Renji-kun too."

"Yeah... Yomo-san said so too. Did you hear that from the manager?" Touka asked and Uta-san nodded as he searched for a pencil and an eraser.

"But usually those people tend to leave the 20th ward alone since it's docile. As I thought, it's due to Rize's influence isn't it? If that's the case then that woman was really the worst," Uta-san replied and my eyebrows raised in curiosity at what he just said.

Our place is docile? What does he mean by that?

"Um... the 20th ward is a peaceful area? But I don't think it's really that calm..." Kaneki, as if reading my mind, asked and Uta-san passed him a look.

"You'll understand once you live in another area. Wards 1-4 are uninhabitable and the 13th ward has so much bloodshed that it's scary. There's a lot of us so there's dispute over places to eat. On some lucky nights there's even a show of cannibalism so there's never a dull moment," he narrated and I gulped at the idea of ghouls eating each other. Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess...

"If you want, I can gobble you both up in one bite," he offered and both of us cringed.

"N-no thanks!" We said in unison and I see him finally take his seat and ushered Kaneki forward.

"The 20th ward is nice enough and peaceful. It has Anteiku and it's huge," he adds while patting the seat in front of him. "Sit down and I will measure you."

Peaceful huh? I guess it is, considering the fact that Nishio's attack on us days ago seemed like a distant dream right now. Though, I can never erase what happened to Kaneki... being able to just stay like this... really makes the 20th ward peaceful after all.

"First a few questions. Are you allergic to rubber or metals?" Uta-san asks a few questions while I browse around a few masks inside a glass container. A white mask catches my attention and I wonder to myself if it'd be nice to get one... but if a ghoul mistakes me for another ghoul...

"Maybe next time..." I sigh and walk back to Kaneki and Uta-san, the latter busy measuring Kaneki's face.

"Kaneki-kun do you have any lovers?" He asks and I giggle when I see the shocked look on his face.

"No! I've never had one," he denied. I see Uta-san munching on an eyeball and I flinch but do my best to act unaffected. If I ever hope to understand ghouls then I should accept the fact that seeing them eat human meat is a normal thing to do.

"Huh? So you're that then... do you think girls younger than you are cuter than ones of the same age?" He asks another question and I see Kaneki laugh nervously.

"I-I wonder about that... I don't even think about it," he answers honestly and my mind thinks back to Rize and wonder if he has the hots for older women then.

"Or is it that you like older girls then?" He asks and Kaneki cringes when Uta-san swallows the eyeball whole.

"Um... if our ages are close then it really doesn't matter," Kaneki manages to answer and Uta-san nods before he passes me a stare and I shiver nervously.

"What about a close friend? Someone you grew up with?" He asks and I turn scarlet at the implication of his question. Kaneki looks at me and turns red as well before looking away. Is Uta-san up to something? Why did he ask such an awkward question?

"Um... how are these connected to making a mask?" Kaneki tried to change the topic and I see Uta-san look away from me and began to jot down notes on his sketch pad.

"The more I know about you, the greater my motivation will be." He answers and the moment he looks to Touka, I shuddered at the thought of the next question he'd ask. "What about Touka-san? Do you think she's cute?"

"Touka-chan!? N-no... because I think she's a little scary," he admits and I see Uta-san stop working and give Touka a long stare as well.

"I wonder if she really is? For me, she looks more like a hard worker."

"Hard worker?" I ask and Uta-san nods.

"It can be said that it's like walking a tight rope for us to blend in a human place. Every second is spent wondering 'can I continue?' or 'will I fall?' If your feet get tangled then you might fall into the bottom of hell and if you don't cross the whole distance then in that instant, everything will disappear," he explains and I see Touka grab a mask and stare at it for quite a while.

"So you mean to tell us that being too involved with humans tightens the rope?" I ask.

"Yes. That is why Touka-san is walking an incredibly tight rope. Not only with her job in 'Anteiku' but in her school and around her friends as well," Uta-san answered and I frown. Is this really the Touka I am hearing right now? Last I checked, she didn't really like the idea of my presence in Anteiku so to hear this side of her... it really is odd.

"I wonder why she would associate herself with humans even if it exposes her to great danger?" Kaneki asked and Uta-san stares down on the ground as if deep in thought.

"Hm, why indeed. It is certainly true that you can segregate yourself and live safely but..." He trails off and when his eyes meet mine, for once I didn't flinch. It looked as though he seemed happy at my presence that it made me curious as to why?

"I occasionally have human customers come to the shop and in that moment I get excited. I'm not really sure how to explain it but... I really am happy to have them," he adds and in that moment I realize that ghouls, like humans, love the idea of company too.

I guess Yoshimura-san is right. No wonder Touka seemed apprehensive of me. A human who lives with ghouls. A human who knows their secret and yet still stays with them. No doubt it isn't normal for a human to feel like that. The more I look at it, the more I feel grateful for knowing about them... Yoshimura-san and Uta-san's kindness... even Touka's mysterious character all gives me a little look into this world of theirs.

"Ghouls are no different from humans. Even you long for company and a peaceful place to live," I say aloud and I turn to see everyone giving me a surprised look.

"Sorry, I guess I'm prying too much into your little world but if you'll let me... I know you have apprehensions and I know that my words may not seem the most convincing but I'll show you, I'll prove to you I'm not like them. That I am actually a human willing to walk that tightrope too and bridge this gap between us," I assure them and I see Uta-san smile and Touka quickly looked away but for that fleeting moment, I thought I saw her smile a bit.

"Ayame-san," Uta-san calls and I look at him questioningly before he grabs my hand seats me on a chair. He begins to measure my face and quickly draws a rough art of my face's measurement.

"Umm... I really don't need a mask," I try to say but he continues to sketch anyway. I was about to protest again when I felt Touka's hand on my shoulder telling me to stop.

"I guess you could say that it's his way of... thanking you. Really... thanks. I know we didn't get off to a good start. Hell, I doubt I could trust you fully but… the manager said to give you time and to be honest, to see such a persistent human doing their best for us can be annoying yet for some odd reason, it feels slightly warm inside," she manages to say and I feel myself beam and she stutters.

"W-what's that look for!?"

"Because we're friends now. From now on, when you need help, you can come to me and Kaneki for advice." I smile excitedly and she looks at me in disbelief. "Hah?! Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Nu-uh! Well maybe physically yes but socially... well you need to work on that."

"A-Ayame-san..." Kaneki tried to stop me before Touka pushes him away.

"Wait, did you just insult me?"

"Whatever do you mean? I'm just happy that I finally get to have a normal conversation with you." I giggle and she turns silent but a blush creeps up her face.

"Alright. I'm done taking your measurements. I'll send the masks over to Anteiku when I'm done," Uta-san joins in and we all take that as our cue to take our leave. I give my bow of gratitude before following Kaneki and Touka out the shop.

I guess today isn't so bad after all.

\--*--

"Hey, you were completely terrified of Uta-san's appearance weren't you?" Touka asked Kaneki while we were walking back to Anteiku. It was getting pretty late so I had to stay close to them, seeing as Touka warned me of the dangers that could be lurking around the corner.

"Honestly, yes but after hearing him talk he actually seems pretty kind," Kaneki replies as we round a corner and we appear at the alley way where we first entered.

"By the way, Touka. What are masks used for?" I asked again, hoping maybe this time the gap between us moved slightly closer. I saw the disbelief in her eyes as she turned to Kaneki to see that he didn't know as well.

"Geez, the manager didn't even explain something so crucial..." She sighed while scratching the back of her head. Crucial? What on earth would be so crucial as to even require a mask?

But for her to have to explain it means that, deep in her heart, maybe she opened up a space for me. I smiled at the thought before I was brought back to reality by Touka's voice. "Do you know what a ghoul investigator is? Even you've at least heard the name, right?"

"Well, yeah we heard it on the news but they never really explain what these investigators do," I answer and Kaneki nods next to me. Somehow though, the name itself doesn't feel right with me...

"Those insane bastards are itching to kill all of us. If we expose our faces to them and we don't kill them off... it'll be really troublesome for us. Therefore, we wear a mask," Touka explains and the conversation I had with Kaneki the other day suddenly surfaces from my memories.

"Troublesome?" Kaneki asks and Touka sighs.

"Idiot. If they are able to match your face and find your true identity, no matter how you look at it, it will be bad. Use your head for a change," she replies and I couldn't help it when I shivered at the thought.

Those people... obviously they will use everything they can to weed out the ghouls. If they finally set their eyes on Anteiku...

 _Then they'll die just like_ ** _them_**...

Then I'll do whatever I can to protect it... even at the cost of my own life.

 **\--To be Continued--**

 _Done! Man that was long 6000 words, it's a new record. Read and Review guys! Till the next chapter!_


	6. Terrible Reality

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 11/17/17_

 _Once again errors are fixed._

\--*--

 **Chapter VI: Terrible Reality**

 _"I'm afraid to lose someone, more than the pain of being alone, more than anything..."_

 **\- Yuka Azumi (Gakuen Alice)-**

\--*--

"Kaneki, you're..." Hide trailed off, his eyes wandering elsewhere as if deep in thought. I looked away from the textbook I was reviewing and eyed Hide warily. There he goes again with those suspicious questions of his.

It was a typical sunny day and all three of us were busy just hanging out somewhere in the university campus. Well, make it Hide and Kaneki hanging out, since I had a lot of catching up to do before the midterms.

"Hm?" Kaneki looked at Hide worriedly as well before we saw him smile as if he had actually found the word he was going to say.

"You're starting to look a lot better lately!" He said and I sighed inwardly in relief. Thank goodness I didn't have to lie to him... but Hide is right though, I'm not sure if it is because of the sugar cubes but... it is a relief to know that Kaneki is looking okay.

"At least you don't look like a lifeless zombie anymore," Hide pointed and I giggle when I see Kaneki frown. Lifeless zombie, huh.

"How's your job doing though? Seeing as you have a mother hen who wouldn't stop hovering over you every now and then," Hide asked before his eyes trailed to me followed by a smirk.

"I-I am starting to get used to-,"

"Who are you calling a mother hen?! I'm just concerned for him, is that wrong?" I huffed and Hide chuckled. Ugh, he always knows when to drive me up the wall!

"Glad to know some things never change. But to be honest, you have to stop mothering him, Ayame. If you go on like that, he'll become more dependent on you. A chick's got to learn to be able to fly on their own too, you know."

"A chick?" Kaneki sweat-dropped at Hide's description of our situation but I, on the other hand, frowned.

Mothering him? Have I really been that way towards him? How is it wrong to be concerned for him? He's still trying to adjust being a ghoul so he needs some moral support every now and then. How is that even considered mothering?

"Umm...Nagachika-kun?" Before I could make a comeback to defend myself, a foreign voice suddenly intruded our group and all of us turned to see a woman looking at us cautiously. Wait... this woman-

"You're Nishio-senpai's... girlfriend, right?" Hide asked before she rummaged for something in her bag and took out the CD.

"This is from Nishiki-kun..." She replied as she handed the disk to Hide. Why on earth is she here? Does she know and is now making a plot to trap us? Did he put her up to it to make it less obvious he wants revenge? So many questions piled up in my mind as I watched Hide nod in thanks and the girl turned to walk away.

"Umm... where is Nishio-san hospitalized? Is it okay to visit him to see how he's doing?" I heard Hide call out but the girl didn't reply and instead walked quickly away from us.

"Ehh? Did I say something wrong?" Hide wondered and my brows creased with worry.

It's quite obvious that Nishio isn't in the hospital. That story was just to conceal from Hide what really happened that day. The question I would like to ask is about his girlfriend. Why did she hand the disk to us? Wouldn't it be obvious that after what he did, he'd try to avoid us from now on? Is he using her to investigate us? Does that girl even know Nishio is a ghoul? Unless she's...

"What's wrong you guys?" I snapped back to reality when I heard Hide's voice and I turned to see that Kaneki too looked surprised as if he'd been snapped out from thinking. Were we both thinking the same thing just now?

"Sorry, what?" I asked Hide again and he sighed in worry.

"You guys were just ignoring me! You even had angry looks in your eyes. Is there something wrong that I should know about?" Hide frowned and I quickly panicked inwardly to myself at his question.

Were we really that obvious?

"Eh, were we really making that face?" Kaneki laughed before his eyes widened when he saw the time on his watch.

"Is break finally over!?" He added in surprised as he quickly got up to get his coat.

"What? You have work today?" Hide laughed and I sigh in relief that, unintentionally, Kaneki had just saved us from Hide's prying.

"Yeah I do. I'll be going now!" Kaneki apologized as he packed up his things and waved us a quick good bye.

"What? Not following him this time," Hide wondered when he saw me wave a good bye as well. I frowned at his question and sighed.

"No, not this time."

"What's this? Did you finally admit that you've been mothering Kaneki?" Hide chuckled and I smacked him lightly on the head.

"Idiot! Since when do I even mother him? Is it wrong to be concerned as a friend?" I retorted and I saw Hide frown as he played with the straw of his drink.

"It's not wrong, even I get concerned from time to time when it concerns both of you. I'm just worried that mothering him too much will make him dependent on you. I don't know why but right now... I think that's a bad idea," Hide explained and my brow arched in curiosity at what he said.

"I understand being too dependent on someone can sometimes be bad but what I'm doing isn't really that bad to make him too dependent on me. There are times he can actually be capable by himself without me around," I defended to which Hide sighed.

"That's not what I meant... I understand you need to learn to depend on others but Kaneki shouldn't always depend on you. That's what I'm trying to say," Hide explained and I felt a vein pop at what he just said. Why can't Kaneki always depend on me? Is he trying to say that I'm not that capable of helping him?

"As if you have what it takes to be a dependable friend?" I argued, my voice nearly a growl at Hide's words. Is he really trying to pick a fight with me right now?!

"Stop getting so worked up about it, Ayame. What I mean is that Kaneki can't rely on the two of us all the time from now on. I don't know why but... that's just how I see it. It's like he's gone off somewhere where we can't follow... and it scares me because it makes me start to question if maybe a time will come where he won't need us anymore," Hide gripped his cup tightly, hurt clearly evident on his face from my words, and that's when his words finally sunk in to me.

"What are you talking about Hide? What makes you say that that could happen? Kaneki isn't the type to abandon us!" I defended. That's right, even if he walks a different path from us right now, it doesn't mean he'll leave us. How could Hide even think of that?

"Ayame please answer me honestly..." Hide whispered and I gave him a worried expression when his face darkened. His eyes looked conflicted as he tried to find the right words to ask me.

This Hide is different. It's rare for me to see him so serious right now. Usually he'd suddenly make a joke to ruin the tension but this time it's different and it frightened me.

"By any chance...Do you know that Kaneki is now a ghoul?" He asked and I felt my blood turn cold at his question. How did he even come to that conclusion? Did Kaneki finally decide to tell him? No, that's impossible! Kaneki would never risk Hide's life just to reveal his secret...

How much does Hide know about all of this?

"Idiot! How could you say that? We've grown up with Kaneki since we were kids. He eats the same food we eat. Remember, ghouls hate human food but you could see the joyful look of Kaneki when he eats burgers. How could he possibly be one?" I tried to run damage control by pointing out the obvious fact. How long has he known about all this? Was he really awake that time when Nishio attacked us? Did he overhear everything?

"Stop lying, Ayame. I may act like an idiot sometimes but both you and Kaneki are like an open book. There's nothing you can hide from me," he pointed out and I could only look down and try to calm my erratically beating heart. Maybe I should have just tagged along with Kaneki. That way, it'd have been much easier living with the idea that Hide had known nothing about all this.

"How long have you known?" I whisper, finally deciding to consent to his question.

No use denying it now. The mere fact he questioned me of Kaneki's true nature was proof he knew something. When Hide asks questions, he always had proof to back it up. So even if I did deny it, he'd always find a way to prove it wrong.

I could see him sigh as he scratched the back of his head, a small smile appeared on his lips as he chuckled. "I had my doubts. I didn't want to believe it at first but when I overheard him talking about it with the cafe's manager... well I managed to piece everything together. In fact, I'm starting to think that everyone in Anteiku might actually be ghouls."

I could only stare at him guiltily when he finished his observation. Did he feel betrayed that he was the last to know? Kaneki and Hide had known each other much longer before I came along. Did he feel upset that between us, Kaneki had chosen to confide in me rather than him?

"If it helps... I found out about it by accident too. Had I not visited him that day then maybe even I wouldn't have known... I'm sorry for hiding it, Hide. Kaneki begged me not to say anything about what happened between him and Rize." I apologized while gripping my drink tightly.

This was why it was so hard to lie to your own best friend. When they find out the truth without you telling them you begin to feel guilty. Even if he denied the fact that he was angry, deep inside, I will never be able to erase the fact that I lied to him. Not only that but I also broke my promise with Kaneki by telling Hide.

"I'm sorry..." I felt tears roll down my face. I tried my best to rub it but no matter how hard I try the tears just won't seem to stop.

"Haha, look at me... I'm such a mess," I laugh bitterly to myself, tears still streaming down my face. Something soft rubbed itself on my face and I flinched in surprise when I saw Hide wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his jacket. He had that gentle look on his face that it made me look away. I didn't deserve it...

"Now, don't act like some shoujo manga girl and think to yourself that this is all your fault and that I should be hating you. It doesn't suit you since you're an ape woman and all," he joked and I frowned.

"How could you be joking like nothing is wrong? Aren't you mad at what I did? Keeping this from you, our own best friend of all people! How could you say that you wouldn't hate me? I failed as a friend!" I shouted but it wasn't directed at Hide... it was directed at my pitiful self.

"Let's say we switched places, would you hate me for not telling you?"

"What are you talking about!? Of course I wouldn't-"

"Well there you go, Ayame! That's the answer. How could I possibly hate you for that? Weren't you doing it to protect me? If that's the case then why should I be mad? So stop pinning the blame on yourself. The mistakes of this world are not yours alone. It'd be more upsetting for me if you carried this weight like some martyr. Isn't that what friends are for? To help each other?" Hide grinned and I felt more tears well up my eyes as a small smile crept its way up my lips.

"Stupid Hide! Stop acting like a shoujo manga boy and acting like a hero!" I cried as I tried to wipe the tears off my face.

"Shoujo manga boy?! Who was the one who started crying in the first place?" Hide pointed and I couldn't help but smile at his reaction.

"I can understand the dangers of knowing the secret of the ghoul world. That's why Kaneki won't say anything to me. I'm just glad to know that even if all I can do is watch, at least you're there to help him, Ayame."

"What are you talking about, Hide? He has both of us remember? Just because you're supposed to not know anything doesn't mean you can only watch! A real friend will do what they can for their own friends," I reminded him after I managed to wipe my tears away. I could see him smile faintly before he scratched the back of his head as he stood up.

"Man! This was supposed to be a normal conversation and look where it went… I can't stand all this sappy drama." He sighed but I could see his eyes glimmer with what looked like determination as he got up from his seat. The promise I once made resurfaced from my mind as a smile of assurance crept up my lips.

"I promised that I'd do whatever it takes to keep Kaneki from being lonely. Looks like that promise doesn't apply to just him now," I murmur more to myself. I could hear Hide calling for my name and I look up with more determination than ever as I run to his side.

"Geez! What took you so long? I could have sworn you looked like you were dazed or something. What? Did my good looks finally reach you? Sorry, but I don't date brute women," Hide joked and I felt a vein pop and tried to swing at him. Just when he was about to get ready for the blow, I stopped halfway and lightly tapped him on the head.

"Really, Hide. Do you ever get tired of teasing me? Well, no matter… It never gets old anyway." I grin and he returns the gesture as well with a smile of his own. That's right, in this messed up world where anything unpredictable can happen-

It'd be nice if something like this could last forever.

\--*--

"Well, see you tomorrow!" I wave good bye before Hide and I parted ways. I looked to my watch to see that it was almost quarter to five which made me wonder if I'll ever make it home before night time comes.

"Ayame-san?!" A familiar voice called out and I looked up to find Kaneki leaning by a wall. The conversation with Hide quickly resurfaced in my mind as I mustered a light smile and walked to him.

 **-A Few Hours Ago-**

 _"What do you mean I can't tell him that you know?" I said in surprise as we entered a nearby restaurant to have our lunch. I could see Hide frown at my question as he leaned back on his chair and sighed._

 _"From what you've just said. Kaneki was supposed to tell me himself if he ever got the chance, remember? "_

 _"Yeah, but you know as well as I do that that isn't going to happen! This is Kaneki we're talking about or have you forgotten? " I retorted. Why does it have to be like this? Wouldn't it be much easier on all three of us if Kaneki knew? The thought of having to lie to Kaneki too made me cringe as I stabbed angrily at my food._

 _"It's not like anyone's going to find out… It'd be easier for Kaneki too if he knew you knew. He wouldn't have to force himself just to blend in."_

 _"Remember, Kaneki is different from us now. Meaning that he has to get used to how ghouls live too. He's risking his life out there just by staying in Anteiku and catering to both humans and ghouls. This is why I said you're mothering him too much. It scares me to think that someday he might go away but as a friend… I also have to stop spoiling him. The mere fact that that he still comes to school and talks to me is enough to assure me that that has yet to happen."_

 _"But Hide…" I tried to reason but stopped halfway when I saw the serious look on his face._

 _"I know you mean well but you have understand that knowing a ghoul's secret is dangerous. Touka herself already proved it by what you told me. I can already deduce that the reason why only few people know of it is because only few of them live to tell the tale. Even if some ghouls have already accepted you, it doesn't necessarily mean that all their kind would too. Kaneki probably already has his hands full watching out for you, adding me to the mix will just make it worse. As his friends, keeping this to ourselves is the least we can do for him."_

 _"But don't you want to go back? To those happy times too? Back when we could act normally without keeping any secrets…" I trail off, my eyes watching the window where I saw a groups of friends pass by having fun. Hide follows my gaze and I could see his reflection smile like he's reminiscing those days as well._

 _"Believe me, I want it as bad as you do but there's nothing we can do. If we want what's best for him… this is the only way," he replies with finality and I watch the traffic light turn red before I close my eyes and nod._

 **-End-**

"What are you doing here, Kaneki?" I asked and he quickly looked down, trying to avoid my gaze.

"Well, I'm just hanging out here, is it wrong?" He asked as he finally looked up, his hands cupping his chin as he did his best to look me in the eye.

I frowned at his answer and quickly walked to him and leaned by the wall. I've had it with the secrets! If I can't say anything to either of them about the truth then can I at least be entitled to what they're up to?

"I'm so tired of all of this Kaneki. So you better tell me what you're up to or I'm not going to leave," I say with finality and before he could answer me, a black car parks in front of us and a tall man with silver hair and dressed in a long overcoat exits it and looks at us.

His cold eyes land on me for a moment before he turns to Kaneki as if expecting something. Who is this man? By the looks of it, he means no harm but for Kaneki to meet a stranger like him out of the blue… don't tell me he's a ghoul too?

"Um… are you Yomo-san? I'm Kaneki Ken, Touka-chan's replacement…"

"I've already heard about it. Hurry up and get in," he only says and I can see Kaneki laugh nervously as he nods and begins to walk to the car.

"Wait!" I say and grab him by the shirt stopping him in his tracks and causing the silver-haired man's eyes to dart to me. I coughed nervously as I try my best not to shiver under his stare.

"Where do you think you're going? Leaving with some guy without telling me what's up?" I ask worriedly but before I could hear a reply from Kaneki, I see the man named Yomo loom over us as he rests a shoulder on Kaneki.

"Get in the car," his words cut like a knife and I could feel the weight in them as I helplessly watch Kaneki get into the car. I could see him pass me a guilty look that meant he was sorry as Yomo followed behind.

"Know your place… if you know what is good for you," I thought I heard Yomo say before he got in the car and they both sped off.

 _"I know you mean well but you have understand that knowing a ghoul's secret is dangerous. Touka herself already proved it by what you told me. I can already deduce that the reason why only few people know of it is because only few of them live to tell the tale. Even if some ghouls have already accepted you, doesn't necessarily mean that all their kind would too. Kaneki probably already has his hands full watching out for you, adding me to the mix will just make it worse. As his friends, keeping this to ourselves is the least we can do for him."_ I remembered Hide's words from back then and I couldn't help but clench my fist in frustration at the thought. I know it's dangerous and I know that not every ghoul would agree to accept me but I find it unfair that just because that's the case means that I can no longer hang out with my friend like old times.

"That's just wrong!" I say to no one in particular as I turn and make my way back to my home.

 _"Stop getting so worked up about it, Ayame. What I mean is that Kaneki can't rely on the two of us all the time from now on. I don't know why but... that's just how I see it. It's like he's gone off somewhere where we can't follow... and it scares me because it makes me start to question if maybe a time will come where he won't need us anymore."_

Could Hide's words finally be coming true? The way I see it, the closer Kaneki comes to learning about his other half, the more he gets farther away from us. Could this event right now be proof that sooner or later he'd leave us? That he'd embrace his ghoul side completely and go off somewhere where we can't follow?

"I don't want that… tell me that's not true…" I mutter weakly as I lean my head on the door to my house. I quickly turn and lean my back on the door as I slid to the floor and my eyes drifted to night sky.

Having been with them for so long… never straying too far from each other, I didn't think that this day would actually happen. A day where I'll wake up in the morning and finally realize that nothing will ever be the same…

"Hide makes it sound so easy that none of this was my fault… Wasn't the whole cause of this mess all because I tried to help Kaneki get together with Rize? If only I had known she was a ghoul then maybe I wouldn't be sulking here wondering if one of my best friends will one day leave me." I sigh as I wrap my arm around my pulled up knees and buried my face in it.

"Why can't I just wake up from this nightmare?" I ask myself and I couldn't help but laugh bitterly forcing myself to be more realistic and realize that this is no nightmare. That all of this is true and no matter how hard I pray or wish for a miracle to undo all of this, nothing will work because that's just how painful the reality of life is.

It's a cold and bitter world where every little thing you do determines the outcome of the future and when the time comes to reap your reward, you'll only come out with two outcomes; either you get the good fruits and enjoy what it can offer you, or you get the bad ones and suffer the consequences of it.

Unfortunately, it looks like what I reaped is a rotting one, the worst of the worst. A harsh reminder that even if I were to cross that boundary to get to where he is… nothing will change because-

He is a ghoul and I am a human.

 **-To be Continued-**

 _Probably the shortest of all the chapters with only 4000 words. So this doesn't really have much scenes in the manga considering the fact that I had to, at some point, make Ayame realize the dangers of trudging into the ghoul world since she's human and who would be the perfect person to help her realize that? Well it's her other best friend, Hide!_

 _I had to put him in here because even though he literally didn't have as much scenes in the manga, he deserved to be have a role here since this is Ayame's POV and not Kaneki's. Also, I didn't mean for Yomo-san to come out as a bit rude... he was concerned, really, but seeing as he is a man of few words well.. It looks like Ayame misunderstood his intentions._

 _So there you have it guys! Hope to hear from you all so don't forget to rate and review! Always good to know what you guys think and if ever you need to point something out in my work that I have to fix just let me know._


	7. Mother and Daughter

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 11/23/17_

 _Fixed the errors and added new dialogues._

\--*--

 **Chapter VII: Mother and Daughter**

 _"We love our mothers unknowingly, and only realize how deep-rooted that love is at the ultimate separation."_

 **-Guy de Maupassant-**

\--*--

"Gah!" I hissed angrily and ripped the page off of my notebook before tossing it in a nearby trash bin. The midterms will be a week from now and I still can't understand this problem! If only I hadn't gotten injured by Nishio then maybe-

I stopped halfway from my thoughts and sighed. How long has it been since the accident? How long has it been since Kaneki had been a ghoul? I gripped my pencil tightly as I closed my book, the mood to study completely thrown off.

I know sulking will get me nowhere but I just can't help it. The events of yesterday replayed over my mind and it didn't help that the person who slapped me into realizing it was none other than a ghoul. His eyes that day regarded me with such coldness that just the thought of it still made me shiver. Did he really hate me that much? And to think I couldn't do anything and let Kaneki go with him.

How can I be such an idiot?!

"Ayame? It's rare of you to be here in the university during the afternoon. Usually, you'd be off to Anteiku to check up on Kaneki right now," I heard a voice say and I looked up to see Hide looking down at me, his hand holding what appeared to be a book.

"I have studies to catch up to, remember. Besides, I find the thought of you finally holding a book quite a rare sight too," I reply and he chuckles as he sets the book on the table and sits across from me.

I gave the book a quick look and noticed that it was somehow a book about ghouls, I eyed Hide suspiciously as I picked up the book and turned to scan the pages. "Histories... Anatomy... Diets and Lifestyle? Why are you reading something like this?" I asked him and I saw him shrug before he took the book away from my grasp.

I thought he said we had to keep a low profile concerning Kaneki and ghouls? Just what is Hide up to?

"Nothing really. The thought just piqued my interest. Better to study on what we're up against so we can help Kaneki too, right? Weren't you the one that said that if it concerns friends, watching from the sidelines is never an option?" Hide grinned and I mustered a small smile.

That's right, I was the one that said that because I thought that such a boundary between humans and ghouls never really existed. Little did I know, that not everyone agrees to such an idea. No matter how hard I look at it, humans will always be hated by ghouls and vice versa.

-*Ring* *Ring*-

I could feel my new phone vibrating in my pocket and I took it out to see who texted. A scowl plasters my face as I flipped the phone shut and began to gather my things. I had totally forgotten that it was today!

"Why the angry look now?" Hide asked me worriedly and I sighed before explaining to him why.

Apparently, today was the last day for my medication. Because of that, my doctor advised me to go over to the hospital to have my check up and see how my arm was doing.

To be honest, I was really apprehensive when Yoshimura-san suggested me to see a doctor after the events with Nishio. After all, the wound Kaneki inflicted on me was still slowly healing and I didn't want anyone finding out about it. Even Hide didn't know much about where I had gotten it and, as much as I didn't want to lie to him, this was one secret I couldn't possibly have the courage to tell him.

I assured them I was fine with the hasty treatment they did on me but Yoshimura-san was adamant. When I voiced my concern, I was immediately assured that the doctors wouldn't notice anything off about the bite wound on my shoulder. Apparently, Kaneki's slightly sloppy stitching had deformed the wound, making it appear more like a saw had gone through it than the jaws of my own friend. So with reluctance, I had no choice but to see a doctor just to appease the people at Anteiku that I was in good condition.

It was funny, really, how slowly that shop had become a second home to me.

\--*--

"Vitals are stable and there doesn't seem to be any abnormalities with your arm. Congratulations, you're now fully recuperated!" The doctor congratulated me and I mustered a weak 'yehey!' while exercising my now cast-free arm.

"Of course, I'm still scolding you for failing to go to a hospital after the accident you got into. Those wounds would've been infected if we didn't intervene in time. Just because your friend knew first aid doesn't mean that you should ignore the basic rules, understood?" she continued to reprimand me, making me chuckle nervously while nodding.

"I'm sure if your parents found out about it- they'd be worried sick!" she continued which made me freeze.

"T-there's no need for them to know. Besides, I'm already fully recuperated as you've said so yourself I don't want them to worry anymore than they have to," I assure her, recalling the time that I had to beg the school themselves not to tell my parents. It was an arduous process, especially with how strict they were when it comes to keeping students safe.

It took an enormously good lying on my part to assure them that I would be the one to contact my parents.

I saw her cast me a worried look but didn't bother to ask me any further as she quickly got up and began to fix her things. Odd... wasn't she supposed to give me another check up again just to make sure?

"Um... Doctor? Aren't you forgetting something?"

"I'm sorry but I have a very important patient to attend to so I'm leaving the checkup to another doctor. Is it alright with you?" she apologized while admitting the truth but I assured her it was fine before she thanked me with a smile as she opened the door and quickly excused herself.

There's no need for her to pry anymore than she had to. Besides, the next doctor would just have to prescribe me my medication, I doubt there'd be any need to check over my wounds since the previous doctor herself already listed it down.

Of course, now that I was alone, the memories of last night immediately invaded my mind and I couldn't help but feel even more depressed. Should I confront Kaneki about it? No... If I did I'd just worry him. As what Hide said, he has to learn to adjust to being a ghoul, I'll only get in his way if I told him my problem...

"Agh! Why did he have to turn into a ghoul?" I complained and froze when the door slid open. Crap, did someone hear me? I hope I didn't say Kaneki's name out loud! I was about to apologize but my eyes turned as wide as saucers when I saw the doctor who was to handle my medicine.

It was none other than Kaneki's doctor, Dr. Akihiro Kanou.

"Good afternoon, Ayame-chan. My name's Akihiro Kanou, the doctor assigned to you for your checkup today." He smiled gently as he put his things on the table and faced me. I tried my best to put up a poker face while managing a small 'hello'.

This man, during that time did he know? Shouldn't he know? About Rize's true nature? I doubt a doctor wouldn't know, I mean shouldn't ghouls have like... I don't know... different genetic makeup compared to us humans. It was the reason why I was reluctant to go to a hospital in the first place.

So shouldn't he have noticed it? Or are ghouls really that identical to humans except for their diet and that weird weapon they called a 'Kagune'?

"Hmm... your face looks familiar. By any chance are you that man's friend? The one that I operated on not too long ago?" He asked as I bit my tongue to hold back a retort and nodded.

Probably, this doctor didn't know. He was only trying to save a life, right? If he hadn't done it then Kaneki would be dead right now. It would be wrong to blame others for my own mistake. He might not have known because if he did then wouldn't the entire public know of it right now? It'd be no doubt that rumors would spread from the operating room but so far I've heard nothing.

If that's the case, rather than hating him, shouldn't I owe him for Kaneki's life then?

"Yes... and I want to say thanks for helping my friend, Dr. Kanou." I bow, causing him to chuckle as he pats me on the head. "No need to thank me. I was only doing my job as a doctor. How is he though? Is he doing well?" He asked and I stiffened a bit from his question.

So he didn't know that what he transplanted into Kaneki was a ghoul's organ? How do I even answer this question? I fumbled for the words in my mind as I did my best to give him a vague yet acceptable answer.

"He's doing... fine," I answer simply. Kanou merely replied to my answer with a satisfied nod as he began to check my medical records while reading my pulses from time to time. I guess it's also a good thing this doctor didn't know... If he did, then no doubt it'd be another problem for Kaneki.

I just hope this doctor never finds out... imagine if the Ghoul Investigators Yoshimura-san spoke of decided to search here too? Just the thought of it scared me. I don't know what those people would do if they get their hands on my friend.

"Hmm... You have such an astounding medical background here, Ayame-chan," Dr. Kanou commended as he browsed my files. I couldn't help but fight back a blush in embarrassment as I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.

"Well, my mom always did praise me for my amazing immunity system. To be honest, I've never really gotten sick in my whole life," I admitted with a slight pride in my heart. Actually, didn't Yoshimura-san ask me about my quick recovery from Nishio's attack last time?

"Really, now? Good to know you're taking care of your body. After all, a human body is a sacred thing, one that must be cared for by its owner. Well, I believe I have kept you here for too long. Fortunately, your examination yielded no anomalies. Also, I have prescribed you some medicine to help your body adjust. If anything should happen don't hesitate to call me," he instructed as he handed me a medical certificate and my medicine.

"Thank you very much, Dr. Kanou," I bow in thanks before slipping the paper in my bag. He gives me a gentle wave in reply as I slip through the door and head on over to Anteiku.

 **-3rd Person POV-**

"She really is a rather astounding...specimen. I wonder..." He mutters to no one in particular as his eyes linger on the door where his new lab rat had just exited from.

"I guess it wouldn't help to try something 'new' now would it? I have much time to spare lately seeing as my first experiment has yet to show his true potential." He cups his chin, deep in thought as he slowly leans on the reclining chair.

"Looks like I'll have a lot of researching to do afterwards..."

 **-Ayame's POV-**

-*Ding*-

"Ah, Ayame-san long time no see," Koma-san greeted when I entered the door. I return the gesture with a smile and scanned the cafe for that familiar black hair.

"If you're looking for Kaneki-kun, he's upstairs talking with one of our guests," Koma-san answered as if reading my mind.

"Oh...I see." I frown and inwardly sighed.

Why am I even feeling so conscious about the idea of going up? I've done that countless of times before so what makes this one any different? Or is it because I only realized now that during those times, I was actually being too nosy in their 'ghoul affairs' to even think about how it must've felt for them to see a human wandering too close into their territory without so much as batting an eye.

"You can go see them if you want," Koma-san snaps me out of my inner turmoil and I stared at him wide-eyed. Did he just welcome me to go up? Didn't he feel the least bit wary about my presence in their lives?

"A-are you sure? I mean... the guest might not really feel comfortable at my presence," I asked worriedly. That's right, what if they too had the same eyes as that man with Kaneki...

"Uncomfortable? Whatever made you think that? In fact, I think your presence might be welcoming for Hinami-chan. She's homesick lately so a few people coming up to meet her would be great," Koma-san chuckled while busily wiping a glass dry with a cloth. Hinami-chan? Could he be talking about the same girl that visited with her mom a few days ago? I think they were Touka's friends...

"Aren't you at least a bit worried since I am a human? Don't you feel uneasy having me set foot into your world like this?" I blurted out and quickly covered my mouth in surprise at what I had just said. Did I just spill my problem to Koma-san?!

I could see him stop wiping the glass, his eyes widen in surprise for a bit before he laughed and continued to wipe the glass again. "Do you hate Anteiku, Ayame-chan?" Koma-san suddenly asked me and I quickly shook my head.

"How could I hate the one place that took in someone important to me and treat him as part of the family? I owe this place and the people here much more than what I can give."

"Well then, neither does Anteiku hate you too. How could we hate a person who's tried their best to understand us? The manager trusts you and if he does then you're a good person to me too. Wherever you got that notion of being too nosy, I'll never ask if you don't want to say it but just so you know, whether you are a human or a ghoul, you're a family of Anteiku too." He just smiles and I felt something wet run down my face at his answer. I gripped the sling of my bag tightly while furiously wiping the tears of joy and relief that flowed down my face.

"T-Thanks Koma-san..." I only manage to say after finally wiping the tears away. Koma-san just laughs at me and waves it off as he hands me a tray with three cups on it. "Sure thing, Ayame-chan. Now, how's about you go and give them these drinks to start it off? I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Sure!" I say with a bit more pep into my voice than I realized. He gives me one final reassuring nod when I take the tray and excuse myself to go upstairs.

I should understand that not every ghoul will understand my existence in their world but it is glad to know that it isn't 'everyone' but only 'some'. Knowing that ghouls like the ones in Anteiku exist and accept me then I'll be alright. Even if Kaneki might one day walk a different path from both me and Hide, I should understand that I have no choice but to accept it. What I have to believe in is that no matter where he goes, the bonds between us three will never fade. If he ever decides to go back...

Then I will welcome him with open arms and say 'Welcome Home'.

\--*--

-*Knock* *Knock*-

I rapped softly on the wooden door and waited patiently while holding the tray of steaming coffee tightly. I wonder what Hinami-chan is like? Last time I saw her, she was a shy little thing, always hiding behind her mother. Did she have a dad? If she did, well it seemed weird that I didn't see him... unless he's back home since I recalled that they were guests that came here to get a package, meaning they buy 'food' here and then after a while head home.

"Ah! Ayame-san" Kaneki greeted me, snapping me back to reality when I saw his face peeking from the now opened door. I managed a smile and lifted the tray of coffee to show him.

"Koma-san said you were here entertaining a guest. He told me to bring these up, thought you guys might like some," I explained and Kaneki glanced a bit behind him and nodded.

"I'm sure Hinami-chan will like another serving," he added and backed away from the door to let me in.

A slight gasp made me quickly turn to the source to see the same brown-haired girl I saw last time. Her eyes widened in surprise before she lowered her head shyly. A notebook and a book lay on the table as I made my way to her and put the tray on the table.

Well here goes nothing.

"Hello there." I smile and watched her muster a nod before her head lifted up, her eyes looking into mine.

"A-Are you…human?" Hinami asked softly and I could have sworn she turned a bit pink as she fiddled with the hem of her dress.

"Well...umm... yes. I'm a friend of Kaneki here. The name is Fujiko Ayame but Ayame-san is fine." I smile. I was ready to accept the fact that she would suddenly feel scared about my presence here but imagine to my surprise when she tilted her head.

"Big brother's friend? So do you read books like him too?" She asked and I could hear Kaneki chuckle. My eyes drift to the book on the table and realized that the cover had Kaneki's favorite author written on it. So she's a fan of Takatsuki too?

"Sorry but... to be honest books aren't really my kind of hobby. I only use them for studying since I have no choice," I admit while scratching the back of my head sheepishly in embarassment.

Hinami-chan frowned a bit at my answer before she quickly took my hand and guided me to sit next to her. A ghoul willingly holding my hand... It wasn't something I was expecting but the warm feeling in my chest made me blush.

"I don't go to school... so I write the things I discover here on my notebook. Mom said it'd help," she murmured while sporting a light blush. I patted her head gently and nodded to what she had said. Teaching herself is a huge feat for her age. I guess her mom doesn't want her to have to go through a very long tight rope... no wonder she had those curious glint in her eyes that longed for knowledge.

"Oh, is that so? Well, you don't have to worry. There are a lot of people here who'll help you then! I may be weak in language but if you need help in history and science then you can count on me," I giggle and Hinami-chan's eyes shine with something akin to excitement as she begins to ask Kaneki to help her with understanding the book's content.

Ghoul and human. Two different beings wandering this very earth. I smile to no one in particular at the thought and shake my head as I observe Kaneki and Hinami-chan reading a book. That notion is wrong. If you look beyond the line then you can see that there really is no difference at all. We all have feelings and we all breathe the same air...

So why can't we just learn to get along?

I understand that ghouls have a certain appetite for 'humans' only but it wasn't their fault, right? It's not like they wanted this life they are in. That's why it's no surprise why they grew hostile towards humans. We deemed them as demons and made rules that ordered them dead... we call them harmful to the human race and yet we are no different.

We kill each other for power, we wage wars, we strip people of their beloved ones and yet we don't see this... all we see is how 'evil' the ghouls are and we project our sins onto them. I can't believe that I actually thought of such things back then. Just by looking at Anteiku and Hinami-chan, I know that that isn't the case. If only humans could see past the walls like I did then maybe they'd see the beautiful side of ghouls too.

"Hm!" Hinami-chan perked at the sound of the door open and we all looked up to see Yoshimura-san and Hinami's mom enter the room. Her eyes dart to me warily for a bit and then her eyes soften when she sees Hinami-chan leaning by my shoulder. Yoshimura-san nods at me approvingly and I blush at the gesture and smile back.

"Mother!" Hinami-chan runs over to hug her mom tightly and I smile at the scene. A mother and a daughter's love... how genuine and warm to see. My mom was also the clingy type and every day we would spend the afternoons watching the backyard lazily while chatting about any topic we could find. Really, a mom is a girl's bestfriend.

"Umm... Did you know! Kaneki-san taught me a lot of words! Also, big sister Ayame told me what it feels like to go to school! It actually sounds fun!" Hinami-chan narrated excitedly and I saw Fueguchi-san's eyes smile warmly at her daughter and began to pat her on the head affectionately.

"Oh, is that so? Thank you so much to both of you." She bowed at us and both of us chuckled nervously.

"It's alright, we actually had a lot of fun!" Kaneki assured her on our behalf. Fueguchi-san nonetheless bowed again in thanks before Yoshimura-san gave them a spare umbrella and they both bid us farewell.

I watch their figure exit Anteiku and hope to myself that we can all meet again soon. It'd be nice to have a chat with Hinami-chan and her mom... They look like very kind people indeed.

\--*--

"See you tomorrow, Kaneki!" I waved and quickly lifted my hood up before opening the umbrella, the rain coming down hard on it. I glance at my watch to check if I had still had enough time to make it to the library before I slip into the masses of people that all tried their best to shelter themselves from the downpour.

"Judging by the time right now, I still might make it to the building and borrow that book… How troublesome, just when I thought that I had no remedial classes tomorrow," I sigh as I round the corner that would take me to the train station.

The rain continued to pour and I mentally cursed my luck when water began to drench my shoes. Maybe I should have just worn sandals… The squishy feeling of water inside my shoes irked me as I walked through the countless of unfamiliar faces that walked the opposite direction.

"Okay, Ayame. Just think positive things and it'll all turn out well," I chant to myself over and over. The words Koma-san said to me replayed in my mind and I felt a smile tug at my lips. Hinami-chan's adorable face also surfaced in my mind as well and I felt my steps lighten a bit.

That's right, something good came out of this day. To think I managed to befriend other ghouls besides the ones working in Anteiku! It looks like my circle of friends has finally begun to grow. It'd be fun to see them again and hang out. I'd love to know more about Hinami-chan and Fueguchi-san after all.

"A ghoul mother and child? But they look like ordinary humans to me!" A passer-by whispered to her friend and I felt my feet skid to a halt at what she had just said.

"Did you see those Ghoul Investigators? They looked pretty serious about the situation so it must be true," her friend whispered back.

A feeling of dread churned in the pit of my stomach as the faces of Hinami-chan and Fueguchi-san surfaced in my mind. My feet suddenly caved from the frozen stupor I was in and I felt my heart beat fast as my umbrella flew from my grasp and I literally pushed away a couple of people in front of me. Tell me that what I just heard isn't true… Ghoul Investigators… Hinami-chan and Fueguchi-san…

 _'Where are they?'_ I mentally screamed in my head, avoiding the colorful curses that greeted me as I pushed more bodies away from me. Running without a plan is suicide. It would have been easier if I had gone back to Anteiku and asked for help. Yoshimura-san or maybe anyone in Anteiku might be more suited for this situation than a human like me.

Could a human like me even do something? Could I even try to persuade them? No, that's stupid! If I did then they'd think that I'm a ghoul or worse… they might force me into revealing Anteiku's true nature and I didn't want that!

What can I even do?

-*Bam*-

I fell butt first into the wet floor, a warm body on top of me. I opened my eyes and I see a shivering Hinami. Her eyes wide with fear, tears overflowing down her face as her body shook in complete shock and terror.

"B-Big Sister… Mom s-she… t-they…please h-help…" she hiccupped as she cried onto my shirt. I embraced her warm body tightly before shrugging my hooded jacket off of my body and wrapping it around her.

"I'll try to see what I can do, Hinami-chan. Try to get to Anteiku, see if you can call for help." The words just tumbled out of my mouth as I tried to assure her that everything would be alright.

She looked lost for a minute but when she managed to let my word sink in, she nodded rather weakly before I quickly let her go to get help. I managed to get off from the floor as well, my body now shaking from both the fear and the cold.

"I assured her but can I even do anything?" I clenched my teeth as I sprinted to the corner of a building. I could hear murmurs of people mentioning a 'monster' running amok and I knew I was getting close to the scene.

Fueguchi-san… I barely know her yet I'm risking my life for her. People would laugh at my stupidity but is it really stupid? To do nothing when a daughter will be soon stripped away from her own flesh and blood? Only an idiot would ignore something like that, right?

 _'Just like last time, you are unable to do anything...'_

I shook the voice in my mind away. Kaneki would have done the same had he been in my shoes. He'd do what he can to help even if it meant getting himself hurt. Wasn't that the manifesto he taught me? It's better to get hurt than be the one who hurts?

-*Thud*-

The moment I turned the corner, my eye stared in horror as I saw Fueguchi-san, her eyes a glaring mix of red and black. Huge muscle-like wings that took the form of butterfly wings lay limp on the cold and wet cement as four figures in suites hovered over her tired body. I quickly turned back and hid behind the corner wall, my body shaking in fear at the sight.

"The mother is throwing away her life for her child. I hate it how ghouls imitate human beings. How disgusting," a voice that sounded like it belonged to an old-man sneered as I heard footsteps shuffle on the wet floor.

I could feel my body shaking uncontrollably, the voice almost reminiscent like I've heard it from somewhere before. I didn't know where but it was a voice enough to render me paralyzed with impalpable fear.

I tried to shake the fear away, my arms snaking around myself to vainly stop the shaking. I can do it… they can't harm a human… What am I even doing here if I can't even save a life? I promised Hinami-chan didn't I? Until help arrives, I have to do what I can to stall them.

"Amon-kun, you've done enough. From now on, I'm going to use this guy…" The old man cackled and I heard a click before a sound of something hard landed on the ground and thrashed on the cold wet concrete.

"Ahhh…what are you going to do… no way…" I could hear Fueguchi-san plead. I could hear the man laugh sinisterly at her plea and I gripped my wet dress so tightly as my body shook from both fear and rage.

To think such a human like him even exists? How could he imply that ghouls have no hearts? I saw it with my own eyes how ghouls are. They're not beasts… they're like us in more ways than one. He's wrong! Ghouls are… ghouls are…

"Anguish, despair, hatred! Such great expressions! More… let me see more!" He cackled maniacally and that was when my body snapped.

"St-," I was about to shout when I felt a hand cover my mouth and pull me back. Something warm wrapped me in a hug as I turned and I saw Kaneki, his eyes wide in alarm. His other hand covered Hinami's mouth as he backed her away from seeing any more of the grisly scene that was unfolding before us.

"Sorry but… time's up," I heard the old man laugh and I saw in complete horror as a huge tail-like blade ripped Fueguchi-san's head off of her shoulders.

A silent screamed escaped my mouth as I stared in complete horror at the sight. Kaneki could only stare in horror as well, his hands now blocking out Hinami-chan's eyes from seeing the gruesome end that became of her mother.

That sadistic old man… those people… do they even have a heart?! To kill without hesitation? Are ghouls really nothing but a hunting game to them? Fueguchi-san… she didn't deserve it… she was a good person. Hinami-chan is proof of that. Why? Why did it have to be her?

Why?!

 _'Once again, all of them are dying before you with you unable to save a single one,'_

"Ay…me…n…Ayame-san! We have to go!" I snapped back to reality when I felt Kaneki shaking me. I turned to him with tear-stained eyes as I gripped his arm tightly, trying my best to salvage whatever self-restraint I had left from shouting in horror and anguish.

Hinami-chan had fainted in his arms and I felt utter dread and revulsion ripping at my heart like saws. I couldn't do anything! Even after I assured her it was all going to be okay. I really am a worthless human! I wouldn't be surprised if she hated me… it was my own kind after all that murdered her mother in cold blood.

"Ayame-san, snap out of it! We have to move. They'll catch us if we do nothing." Kaneki shook me again before I managed a weak nod as he hoisted up Hinami-chan on his back and we both made a run back to Anteiku.

Fueguchi-san…the scene continued to replay in my mind as if torturing me, making me trip a few times as we turned another corner of the street. Why did she have to die? Why do the good people suffer the painful deaths? She wasn't even doing anything wrong...

Hinami-chan…

I turned to the unconscious girl and wondered to myself how she will go on without Fueguchi? What about her dad? Did he know? That his own wife is already dead? How would Hinami-chan be able to go on without her own mother to guide her? Something so traumatizing and at such a young age… why did it have to be them? Why are the people around me always getting hurt?

Why are the people around me always dying…

\--*--

-*Ding*-

The moment we opened the door to Anteiku, I felt my legs turn into jelly as the adrenaline began to wear off. I saw Koma-san, Irimi-san and Yoshimura-san rush to us worriedly as Kaneki and I collapsed tiredly next to each other. Hinami-chan was carefully lifted by Koma-san before he and Irimi-san took her up to the rooms. It was only the three of us left and I felt myself still shaking from the aftermath of Fueguchi-san's gruesome death.

"I-I'm sorry…" I croaked. It was the only coherent word I could muster as tears streamed down my face and I sobbed uncontrollably on the floor. Even if we only just met today, her presence actually made me see a more beautiful side of ghouls.

A mother's sacrificial love for her child… her wish to see her daughter live on. I could still hear her final words for Hinami, her smile so bright it made my heart crack to see it shatter in one swing.

"Hinami…live…"

 **-To be Continued-**

 _Chapter VII is up guys! It was hard writing this chapter considering the fact that I had to write Ayame's inner turmoils at the thought of being unable to do anything to save Hinami's mom. Putting myself in her shoes, it was no surprise the conversation and narration was all mixed up. Any person with a right mind would obviously just blank out in an event like that, right?_

 _Also, I find this part of the manga sad, considering that fact that even if Ryouko-san had barely any scenes, she somehow made an impression on me and it is quite upsetting that she had to die so soon in the series. A mother's love is really something else isn't it?_

 _On another note, it looks like Kanou has set his eyes on Ayame. I wonder how this will work out?_

 _Well, that's it for the A/N. Hope you guys fave and review! Stay tuned for the next chapter._


	8. Blurred Lines

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 11/23/17_

 _Errors fixed and dialogues edited._

\--*--

 **Chapter VIII: Blurred Lines**

 _"People can have friends. They can be together. But when you think about it, you'll see that originally, we're alone..."_

 **-Osaki Nana (Nana)-**

\--*--

Where am I?

 _'Why?'_ A voice cried and I opened my eyes to see a horrifying sight unfold before me. Blood splattered the ground where she lay. Her dead eyes staring straight at mine. People in black coats surrounded us, all holding me down and their faces sneering and laughing like demented clowns.

 _'Liar! You couldn't do anything,'_ she wailed in accusation, her kagune thrashing wildly on her back. I felt tears of horror well up in my eyes as I tried to shake the figures that tried to hold me down. I didn't mean it! I tried to break free but their grip only tightened as she came closer to me. Her hellish red eyes looking down at my restrained figure.

 _'A worthless human. To think I entrusted her to you! You deserve to die!'_ Her huge butterfly-like wings all aimed at me and before I could shout her name, begging her to stop, they pierced into my body and I lost consciousness...

"Ahhhhhhh!" A guttural scream erupted from my mouth when my eyes flew open, earning me a splash of cold water on the face. A pair of warm hands held me down tightly and I looked to its source to find warm and tired dark eyes looking at me worriedly.

Kaneki?

Tears flowed down my face as I hugged him tightly, my body shaking while sobbing uncontrollably from the nightmare I had just woken from. Fueguchi-san... her face in my dream... tormenting me... I couldn't do anything to save her. She died because I didn't have the power to stop those Ghoul Investigators.

"Ayame-san... it's only a bad dream. We're in Anteiku right now. You passed out right after we ran in the store," Kaneki tried to calm me down but my grip on him only tightened. Only a heartless person could easily brush off that scene without so much as losing their minds. To think people like those investigators do these on a daily basis.

That old man who-who hacked her head off... how could he smile like that?! Did he even stop to think of who would be affected if Fueguchi-san died? Didn't he even feel any remorse at all?

"H-Hinami-chan? How is she?" I mustered to say. I could feel Kaneki stiffen a bit at my question but then his shoulders relaxed as he carefully pried me off to look me in the eye.

"She's... sleeping. We had a meeting about it and... Touka-chan didn't seem happy at the decision," he carefully explained. I felt my stomach drop at the thought of how I'm going to approach Touka-chan from now on. I doubt she'd want to even speak to a human like me.

After all, it was my own kind that killed someone precious to her. Just when I finally assured myself that I could actually coexist with them. Just when I finally managed to get Touka-chan to accept me, all of it just vanished in the blink of an eye all because of my weakness.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault... had I been stronger then maybe Fueguchi-san..." I apologized to Kaneki. I know a simple apology wouldn't cut it. I don't even know how I can face everyone in Anteiku right now. Most of all, I don't know how I could face Hinami-chan after all of this. She lost her mother for crying out loud!

That hopeful look she gave me when I assured her that everything would be alright. It's obvious she'd hate me... hate me to the point that she'd want me dead. Maybe if Kaneki or anyone from Anteiku had been the one who found Hinami-chan first before me... then maybe...maybe...

"No one's blaming you okay, Ayame-san. In fact I should be the one apologizing for being so useless. I'm a ghoul and yet I couldn't do anything to help Ryouko-san. All I could do was prevent Hinami-chan from seeing any more than she had to. Maybe if the one Hinami-chan had met was Touka-chan or Yomo-san then maybe everything would have been different..." He bowed so low as I stared dumbfounded at what he was doing.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through such a traumatic event because of what I had become and the people I am now surrounded with." He finished while shakily taking my hand in his.

Hide once told me that the sins of the world are not mine to bear. Looking at Kaneki bowing before me like it was all his entire fault... all I could do was rest my forehead on his and sigh... So even Kaneki thought to himself that the world's sin was his to bear as well. Looking at Anteiku, they'd never have blamed us for what happened to Fueguchi-san.

I know that but still...

It hurts just thinking of the 'what if's' that could have prevented it.

"Yoshimura-san and the others didn't want to make the 20th ward even more suspicious to the eyes of those investigators that's why no one made a move against the 'Doves' as he had called them. That's why..." Kaneki trailed off, the grip he had on my hand tightening as he faced me more seriously this time.

"For the time being... please stop visiting me or Anteiku. Until this whole thing blows off, then everyone we associate ourselves with will be in danger. So please understand..." he added and I felt as if time froze at his words, my thoughts getting even more jumbled than it already is.

I understand that right now, it's dangerous for the ghouls of the 20th ward to be too care-free. I understand that the time will come when Kaneki would tell me that I couldn't follow him any deeper into this world he entered in. I understand so well and yet why does it hurt so much to hear him say it? Hide said this time would come right but why?

The water works just won't stop flowing.

"A-ayame-san-," Kaneki tried to reach out but I only ended up flinching and backed away from him. I was just too shocked to accept it. Kaneki isn't the type to pull off jokes after all. After what happened today, it's only natural he'd be worried for me.

I know that but just when I have finally been accepted why did we have to part too soon? Even if he did say that we'd meet again after this, it's quite obvious that things will never be the same. That's why I'm too afraid to even stray too far from him. Because if I did, then I'd never see him again. Did he even consider what Hide and I are feeling about this? Making decisions by himself...

Why does he make it sound so easy?

"I-I understand. But I c-can come back right? After all of this ends?" I could only say. The lie felt so foreign in my tongue that I wanted to wipe my mouth and scream at him why he'd do something like this so suddenly without my consent.

I wanted to get angry but what if... it was for the best? That dream I had of Fueguchi-san... I really couldn't save anyone. Right now, I'm more of a liability than an asset to them. Everyone means well and they're doing it because they are concerned. I said I'd be more understanding of this... It's hard but isn't it what people do to say they care, right?

Right now, the only thing assuring me is hoping that all of this will fix itself in the end.

"I'm sorry... Kaneki. It's late so I should be heading home now," I say blankly while I scramble off the bed and grab my bag. That's right, patience will always win out... I just have to be patient and wait for him to come back to us... be patient...

"Let me walk you home." He offers but I refused. I couldn't face him right now. Is it selfish of me to feel hurt? To avoid him and act like I wasn't upset about all of this? It's better to hurt than to hurt others... If that's the case then I mustn't complain about all of this.

Isn't he hurting just to help us? That is why, in turn, I'm going to hurt myself to help them as well. No matter how far he drifts away from me and Hide, no matter how much it hurts to see him go- I'll... I'll endure it all for their sake. Anteiku is his home too. If it's to keep it safe then I shouldn't be a burden to them.

It's the least my useless self can do for them now.

\--*--

"Good night, Kaneki." I bow, not meeting his gaze. I was too afraid to look into them and see what those eyes showed. Since when did I feel so afraid of those eyes?

When we were kids, there was never a day I'd not look into them. Those honest eyes that couldn't lie to me, the eyes that always showed compassion to anyone. Since when did I begin to stop looking at them? Was it because they began to become so secretive? So full of things that I'll never be allowed to comprehend and ask about? Was I the only one from the three of us who finally realized that all this time we had finally been drifting apart?

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you? It's dangerous when night comes, ghouls aren't the only ones you should worry about," Kaneki offered one last time but I still remained firm and said it was alright. He has more important things to worry about. Like how Hinami-chan would fare after the death of both her parents to those 'Doves'. That's right, after finding out about it, I just felt even worse for not being able to save her last light.

Such a young girl and she has lost so much. No matter how you look at it, ghouls are like humans. The pain of loss and the pain of loneliness, they too know what it feels like. Anteiku is the only place she can call home now. She needs everyone there if she will ever be able to move forward again. That's why my presence will only make it worse. If the Doves find out about me then Anteiku will suffer.

I've already killed Fueguchi-san. I don't want to end up destroying her last refuge left.

"Good night... see you next time," I try to say the last line with a little more effort. I wouldn't be seeing him for a while after all. With the Doves prowling about the 20th ward, no ghoul is safe.

Even if it hurts, I have to endure for a bit. I did promise that I was willing to hurt myself than to see those dear to me suffer. Anteiku accepted me in as part of their family and I intend to keep it safe.

"Good night, Ayame-san," Kaneki bids and I nod back, mustering a small smile and wave before walking to the direction of my home.

In a span of a few months, many things have happened. After Kaneki became a ghoul, I kept telling myself that I would do anything to help him and his new family - Anteiku. I even said to him that I would willingly die just to keep this home of his safe.

It was the least I could do for him. Hide told me it wouldn't be long before we can no longer walk in the same path with Kaneki. The terrible reality was painful but I told Hide I would endure it so that we could all go back to those fun times. I didn't think that that day would come so soon. Just when I was finally able to grasp this new found feeling of acceptance into a different world... it all ended too soon.

But...

"I did say I would endure it. For this new world he can belong in. I did say it, didn't I? I even told myself he was always welcome to come back. I will continue to believe he will one day return to us too. But until then... I have to bear with it and wait patiently for that time," I whisper and look at the night sky.

Stars twinkled ever so beautifully and the moon was full and luminous that it seemed to brighten the whole view before me, a light in the darkness.

\--*--

"I'm home," I say to no one in particular as I stepped into my empty house. I set my shoes by the doorway and placed my bag on my bed as I rummaged for my pajamas in my drawer. I strip out of my damp clothes and toss them in the laundry machine before walking into the bathroom to wash myself.

The warm water cascaded down my body, soothing the sore muscles and calming my shaking body from the memories of yesterday. I punch the bathroom walls lightly as tears streamed down my face.

 _'For the time being... please stop visiting me or Anteiku. Until this whole thing blows off, then everyone we associate ourselves with will be in danger. So please understand...'_ Kaneki's words rang loud and clear in my head.

Why did the Doves have to come to the 20th ward? Why did they have to ruin everything? Even if I kept telling myself that it's the right thing to do, it's still easier said than done. Until this whole thing blows off? When will that time come? Tomorrow? Next week? A month? A year?! It's too vague and it makes me terrified when I think of it. I sigh deeply, closing my eyes to calm myself with the sound of rushing water.

"Kaneki's doing what he can to endure… I have to try too, right?" I mutter as I clench my hands tightly. Hide knows the feeling too and yet he continues to act like its normal. I know he's worried too, he's just better at acting than me. He knows the risk but he's letting Kaneki solve it on his own.

Unlike me, Hide knows when to pitch in if things get bad. He knows when to help and when to let them do their own thing. I, on the other hand, always help even if they don't need it. I never put into mind if the person can handle it. If I can help then I will. It never occurred to me until now that Hide was right, I was mothering Kaneki too much. Too much to the point that it was difficult for me to let go and watch him move on without me there.

I really am immature and selfish, huh.

"I really do hope all of this blows off soon," I sigh after drying myself up and getting into my night clothes. I haven't even been gone that long and I'm already starting to miss everyone in Anteiku. I know they don't blame me but I want to make amends, especially to Hinami-chan and Touka-chan. Even if they say it's fine and that they don't blame me, I want to at least say ask for forgiveness.

To apologize for forcing myself into their world without consent. I want to apologize as well for trying to act like some hero when I know that I am only human. After that, I also want to say thank you…

To thank them for accepting me into their world even if I am a human. For letting me see a world beyond what those people around me say about ghouls. Fueguchi-san showed me that even ghouls have a bond between families. The way she sacrificed herself for Hinami-chan. Kaneki really is lucky to have found a warm family like Anteiku… That's why if it means protecting it, then I have to do my part too.

-*Ring* *Ring*-

"Hm?" I open my phone to see that Doctor Kanou was calling me. I wonder how he got a hold on my number? Did my doctor give it to him? I slide the call to answer and I put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I ask and I hear the sound of papers being flipped and people talking in the background.

"Ah, Ayame-chan. Sorry is this a bad time?" Doctor Kanou asked and I assured him it was alright. Did something happen, I wonder? "Oh, good. I was wondering how you are? Are you taking the medicine as how I prescribed?" He asked and my eyes dart to the small bottle by my bedside table.

"Two pills a day. One for morning and evening, right?" I ask. He did say it was some sort of stabilizer for post-injuries.

"Yes, yes. I was worried the medicine might be too strong for you, seeing as the medicine is usually prescribed for adults above the age of twenty-five. If it's alright, would you come by tomorrow for a check-up?" He sighed in relief before asking me about the check-up. My eyes drift to the calendar on my desk, the word 'visit Anteiku' written in red ink on the specified date.

"Of course. I'm free tomorrow," I say as I cross the words off the calendar and write my scheduled appointment on it. I look at the following days and sigh when I see all of them have the same appointment.

I guess I have to rewrite my entire schedule then…

"Thank you, Ayame-chan. Well, see you tomorrow," Doctor Kanou replies before I say good-bye and switched off my phone.

I plop to my bed with a soft thud and look at the ceiling of my room. I guess this marks as Day 1 of my new day without having to visit Anteiku. I turn to my left and I see my desk stacked with papers and books and I groan.

"I guess there's no more reason for me to have to skip on my studies, huh?" I frown. Why did Kaneki and Hide have to enroll at such a prestigious school like Kamii University? The quota grades are so ridiculously high that I'm surprised I always manage to get by with the skin of my teeth.

Could this be one of Kaneki's laid out plans too? Could he be telling me that rather than hang out in Anteiku and do nothing, I should be in the library and study?

"How cunning… To think he's trying to use such an excuse just to get me to study. Oh, he'll pay alright…" I laugh evilly to myself and then sigh again. Stupid, Kaneki would never do something silly like that… But I guess it's alright to try and do something different for the time being. I need something to take it all away…

To take away the feeling of loneliness that is beginning to creep its way into my heart…

\--*--

"Heh? Are my eyes really deceiving me?" Hide nearly shouted, earning us a glare from the librarian. My scheduled appointment was in the afternoon, so to kill time, I decided to go over my notes and prepare for the upcoming quiz next week.

I wasn't surprised Hide would freak out. I usually reviewed an hour before the exam itself since it didn't matter to me back then if I got a perfect or not, so long as I didn't fail.

"You're being too noisy, Hide." I frown as I flip the book to the next page and began to answer the problem.

"Sorry but who are you and what have you done to my friend?" Hide made a makeshift shield, using his arms as he watched me with a feign look of suspicion. I close the book and sighed. "I'm not an alien, Hide. I just decided that maybe now is the right time to study, that's all."

"Did something happen in Anteiku?" His next question made me glance up at him and I see the worried look in his eyes. Leave it to Hide, nothing really escapes his observant eyes.

"Yeah… something came up," I merely reply before he leans closer to me, his eyes now showing a piqued interest to my vague answer. "Does it have anything to do with those investigators? It was all over the news last night?" Hide theorized and I nodded.

"Looks like until everything blows off, Kaneki said that I can't visit Anteiku for the time being. I know he means well, that's why I need to do something to pass the time until things settle down. If I don't, then this feeling of worry and loneliness will just drive me mad,l" I confess and Hide whistles.

"Sounds like a case of love-sickness if you ask me." He snickers and my cheeks turn pink as I quickly stood from my seat, alerting both the entire people in the library and the now fuming librarian.

"Please sit down and keep quiet!"

"Y-yes, ma'am!" I stutter and sat back down to my seat, my cheeks still blushing madly. Love-sick? I am not love-sick! How could Hide even insinuate something like that? Kaneki's like my brother! That'd just feel off!

"How could you even come up with an outrageous conclusion like that? You worry about him too, right? Don't tell me you're…" I trail off and my eyes widen at the thought… all this time don't tell me-

"Idiot! I don't swing that way. You of all people should know that," Hide defended as he whacked me on the head. I cast him a heated glare while massaging the bump on my head. He didn't have to hit me so hard!

"Yeah, yeah. You like them 'well-endowed'. But I just said that to make a point. I am not love-sick. I'm just worried," I defended and Hide sighed as he leaned back on his chair. "Fine, deny all you want but my intuition never lies." Hide just shrugs before the phone in my pocket begins to vibrate- alerting me that my appointment as coming up.

"Sorry, Hide looks like I have to go," I excuse myself as I begin to pack my things.

"Sure, Ayame. See you tomorrow and take care." Hide smiles and I nod as I gave him a good-bye and walked out of the library.

Unbeknownst to me though, I failed to hear the next words that left his lips.

"You're not the only one feeling lonely and worried too…"

\--*--

"I am here to have my appointment with Doctor Kanou," I say and the nurse runs over her files before giving her approval and leading me to the said doctor's office.

"Good afternoon, Ayame-chan."

"Good afternoon, Doctor Kanou." I bow before I close the door and take my seat in front of him. Several papers were neatly stacked on his desk and I thanked myself for not deciding to take medicine as my course. Paper works and I just don't mix. I can already imagine what the office would look like if I were a doctor. No doubt it'd bring more harm to the patients than good.

"How's the medicine, Ayame-chan? Do you feel anything off?" Dr. Kanou snaps me out from my daydream and I shake my head.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, really."

"Well, it's only been a day so the effects may not have yet occurred. But just to be on the safe side, would it be alright if I take a sample of your blood?" He asks me after checking my vitals and jotting them down on a paper.

"Sure but shouldn't it be my prescribed doctor handling that kind of work?" I wonder and Dr. Kanou's lips curve into a frown as he readies the needle from the medicine cabinet.

"I guess you weren't informed then. Apparently due to some circumstances, your doctor had to be reassigned to a different branch to help a patient. Seeing as I was the acting doctor on his behalf, they decided to assign you to me."

"Oh, I see. Well I guess it can't be helped. I leave everything up to you then, doc!" I grin and I see him smile faintly before he tried to inject the needle, only for it to split in two, taking us both by surprise.

"Well, this is bad. I'll have to remind the management to check stocks again and remove the defective ones. It'd be dangerous if our patients get harmed because of poor quality." Dr. Kanou sighs as he rummages for another needle, this time, the needle itself managed to insert into my skin and draw out my blood.

"Sorry for the inconvenience, Ayame-chan," Dr. Kanou apologized but I assured him it was alright. Besides, it's not like he could have predicted the needle to be defective, right?

"I'll send the records to the lab for testing. If there is no irritation or anything abnormal happening then you may continue to use the pill. Just don't forget to notify me should anything happen." Dr. Kanou smiles after he bandaged the spot where the needle pricked me.

"Sure thing."

"Thank you. You may now take your leave." He nods before I excuse myself with a bow to take my leave.

Just as I was about to reach the handle to the door, the door itself slides open and my eyes widen when I see two identical people in front of me. Twins? Well they do look alike, minus the part where one has white hair and the other one has black hair. Other than that, they both have the same medium length hair with bluntly chopped bangs.

"Ah, Nashiro and Kurona. So good of you to drop by," Dr. Kanou greeted as I walked out of the room. I could feel both their eyes boring holes into my back as I speedily walked away from the room.

Such cold eyes. I could still feel goosebumps on my skin even after I exited the hospital. I wonder why they would hold such expressions? It was as if they hated the entire world and wanted it to burn.

"But it's not like I have the right to pry. It's not like I'll meet them again." I shake my head, erasing thoughts about them as I continue to walk back home.

 **-3rd Person POV-**

"Doctor," The white-haired twin spoke up after she tore her long gaze from the retreating figure of her master's patient. Kanou stroked his chin thoughtfully, his eyes looking at the vial that contained his experiment's blood. "Yes, Nashiro?" He asked but it was the black-haired twin who responded.

"Is she the one?" She asked and Kanou chuckled.

"She wouldn't be here if she wasn't, Kurona. To be honest, I was quite worried that it might not have worked but it looks like I don't even need to check her blood to know it did. This, enough, is proof. To think I had to use a specialized needle just for it." Kanou smiles as he lifts to show to the twins the broken syringe.

"To think it all happened in a span of one day. Looks like I really will be very busy after this. I think you both already know what you should do by now," Kanou adds and both twins look to each other and nod.

"We know. We will proceed as planned."

"Good. You may now take your leave." Kanou waves his hand and both girls bow and take their leave.

"Iris… they say that the iris wards off evil spirits but wouldn't it be interesting to see such a flower bloom into something evil? A demonic flower that consumes anything. Such a tragedy I will enjoy creating…"

 **-To be Continued-**

 _I decided to deviate a bit from the ordinary course of the manga just to give a little more credit to my OC. She is a protagonist too so she needs a lot of exposure rather than just acting as a third eye for the entire series. I think I don't need to elaborate the end... I'll leave it you guys to guess :)._

 _Sorry if Hide is starting to be more of a background character here. I'll do my best to make sure everyone gets enough screen time and development. I hope no one is OOC. If there are any please let me know... Last thing I need is to ruin the cast by making them OOC._

 _Anyways there goes the A/N. See you in the next chapter! Don't forget to review and favourite :)_


	9. What the Heart Yearns

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 11/25/17_

 _Errors fixed. Deleted some lengthy dialogues as well to make the pacing better._

\--*--

 **Chapter IX: What the Heart Yearns**

 _"Even though we both know that our loved ones will never so much as look our way, we can't erase that small something within us that continues to hope in vain..."_

 **-Kain Akatsuki (Vampire Knight)-**

\--*--

"The answer would be 53," I reply and the professor nods at my answer before he jots down the solution on the board. I take my seat and my eyes drift to the window, watching the students walking in groups and laughing.

"Day 2," I mutter to myself. It's been two days since the incident with Fueguchi-san and two days since I've last stepped on the grounds of Anteiku.

I promised myself I would be patient so no matter how tempting it is for me, I always try my best not to run there. I even made sure to take the long cut to the university just so I wouldn't pass by those familiar glass windows and see Kaneki and everyone inside.

"Nice going with the answer there, Ayame," I heard Hide whistle and I turned to see him grinning at me. I muster a small smile in return before I turn to the professor who was now giving out handouts for the upcoming quiz.

Well at least I'm not completely alone. I've noticed lately that I've actually spent more time in Anteiku with Kaneki than with Hide that it made me feel guilty realizing that Hide must've been lonely with both of us not around.

And here I was complaining that I was always lonely... I feel downright awful for not even noticing my own friend's feelings.

"Sorry, Hide," I apologize which took him by surprise. Even if he says it's alright, I still want to say it. It really was selfish of me to say such things in front of him without even realizing that he was also feeling the same thing. I keep forgetting that even Hide can get lonely too.

"I don't understand what you're apologizing for but do understand that, as my friend, I'll forgive you either way."

"Even if I killed someone?" I joked and he chuckled.

Hide's much stronger than me. He knows what's wrong with those around him even if they don't say anything. Even if he gets lonely, he does nothing to confront Kaneki about turning into a ghoul. He understands well enough the risks and let's time itself do its magic than rush into things. He's much more patient than me and for that I'm glad to have him as a friend.

"Well, that might be a different story. Unless you have a valid reason for doing it, then as a friend, I'll have you sent to jail," he replied with a grin and we both laugh, earning us another reprimand from our professor.

"Nagachika-kun and Fujiko-san... why am I not surprised. If you find my lectures so amusing to laugh about then how about explaining it to me after classes in the faculty room," our professor warned and the entire class giggled making Hide and I turn pink.

"Does this count as a valid reason?" I ask and a smile creeps up Hide's face. "I guess I can allow this reason for now." He chuckles softly.

Leave it up to Hide alright, between the three of us, he's always been the mediator and the one who gives fun in the group. I guess you could say that in our odd little group, he's the one who gives it life when the need arises. Kaneki may have shone color into my dull world but Hide's the one who heightens its color and hue.

Really, I don't know what my life would be without them.

\--*--

"That will be the last time I ever try to piss him off." I groan before taking a spoonful of burger steak into my mouth. Classes ended early today so Hide decided to treat me to Big Girl, saying something along the lines of considering it as a victory feast after getting past that humiliating sermon from our professor.

The place held too much memories, seeing as this was the exact same place Kaneki gave out his first clue that he had changed into a ghoul. That he could no longer eat those delicious burgers he had grown to love so much. It felt off that it was just Hide and I eating here, usually Kaneki would comment on the delicious burgers and we would laugh about how he'd turn into the burger monster someday because he ate too much of it.

I felt myself smiling a little at those distant memories and hoped one day that even if it may not be the same, we could all at least share this table again without having to hide anything from one another.

"It was difficult to keep a straight face in front of him. The way his wig was slightly tipping to the left when he shook his head... Seriously, I was dying inside from laughter."

"I know what you mean and did you see the way Airi-sensei was looking at him? It was so obvious she saw it but she couldn't say anything lest she got a scolding from him too," I pointed out, clutching my stomach in pain from laughing too hard.

Several people looked our way, some had dirty looks because our voices were too loud but we didn't care. We were making up for lost time after all and just hanging out like this helps forget the loneliness aching in our hearts.

"Good to know you're enjoying yourself. I was starting to worry that Kaneki's shyness might've started rubbing off on you. Glad to see you're still the same tomboyish ape-woman I grew to know and love," he joked before dodging a fist that nearly hit him square in the face.

"Can you stop it with the nicknames? I've already decided to wear much more girly clothing just for you guys to stop calling me a tomboy! I haven't even punched anyone in a long time so clearly I'm mellowing down, enough to the point that you don't have to call me an ape-woman anymore." I defended myself while glaring hotly at Hide's snickering form. Even if we are trying to make up for lost time, there are times Hide really knows when to irritate me.

"I can't help it really. It's been a long time since we've had a normal conversation like this that doesn't concern ghouls," Hide adds, my eyes widening at the realization. No wonder there was a nostalgic feeling in it regardless of the irritation I was feeling.

I guess it really has been a long time since we've had a normal chat like this. Thinking about it, it doesn't feel bad to forget and relax but the moment Fueguchi-san's death surfaced in my mind, I knew that it would be wrong of me to erase their existence in my mind. Anteiku is a part of my family now too, I can't just pretend they don't exist just to fool myself.

"Ayame?" Hide called out to me worriedly before I decided to spill out what I was just thinking and hoping somehow he understood too. The fact that I've grown to accept the ghouls as well as how some of them have begun to accept me too. He didn't seem surprised at my conclusion, instead he looked to be happy as he nodded at the thought.

"It's good to know that they actually accepted you. I wouldn't know what to do if they didn't. I doubt Kaneki would stay silent but still... Making enemies out of ghouls is pretty dangerous."

"I know that, but if it means I can continue to support Kaneki and be by his side as his friend then it doesn't matter if they accepted me or not. Though, I am still relieved that some of them accepted me, it'd be much easier to move around them now without getting into trouble," I admitted.

"It's a relief, yes, but don't forget your place too, Ayame. I don't want to judge books by covers until I've seen it myself but I'm saying this to you as a concerned friend. You're balancing in a very thin rope too and don't forget that. Anteiku may be welcoming but I doubt those outside of the café would like the idea of a 'human' knowing what they are," Hide reminded me, the seriousness in his tone making me nod solemnly.

There it is again, the look that makes me nervous as if I were being scrutinized under a microscope. We may have known each other since we were kids, but this expression of his is something that is new to me. After all, it was ever since we stepped into Tokyo that he had begun showing this new side of him.

Grasping the cup in my hand, I sigh and nod. "I know, Hide. That's why I'm taking Kaneki's advice too by staying out of Anteiku for now. With the ghoul investigators on the prowl in these parts, my existence in Anteiku will only cause more trouble."

It's the only thing I can do for now since I really am just a 'human'. This is Anteiku's business and even if I don't like it, I have to accept the fact that this is now Kaneki's business too.

"You know, seeing you so depressed over something like this, it really makes me rethink about what I had said the other day. Even if I am his friend, I make sure to let him do things his way. It's not that I don't care, I'm just there if he asks for me but until he doesn't then it means he can handle the situation himself." Hide points out and I raise a curious eyebrow at him. I know he was just talking about Kaneki but what did he mean when he said that he had to 'rethink' what he had said the other day?

"I have no idea what you are talk-,"

"It means that your concern is sounding more like a worried girlfriend," Hide cut me off and that was when I nearly choked on my drink making me cough painfully. G-girlfriend?! I would've laughed at his deduction had it not been for the unwanted passage of juice that prevented me to even manage a chuckle.

"* _Cough_ * since when did * _Cough_ * that even come * _Cough_ * to mind?" I managed to say and took a napkin to wipe my mouth. Hide clearly seemed amused at my hilarious sight as he shrugged and leaned forward, his arms resting on the table. "Not too long ago. Seriously, even a blind person could tell by the way you fuss over him that there is something there."

"Something there? It's a concern for a friend… a family member! How could you even say it went beyond that?" I pointed out, my cheeks now sporting a blush at even thinking of Kaneki as something more than family. First it was Uta who brought up the idea and I let it slide because he really didn't know much about us… but to hear it from my own friend's mouth is just outrageous!

"Come on, Ayame. Even you've never shown that deep of a concern for Yukiko and she's your own sister, adopted or not." Hide countered and I shook my head profusely.

Yukiko is different, she's my older sister and it's the role of the older one to be more concerned than the younger one not the other way around. I think of Kaneki like a little brother that needs a lot of help since he clearly looks like he can't even fend for himself. Just how can Hide not see that?

"Yukiko is my older sister, she deserves to be more concerned about me than the other way around. Kaneki's like a little brother to me and it's only right that I'm concerned about him like the older sister I should be."

"But he's five month's older than you. Clearly you are the younger sister." Hide argued and I sighed in irritation.

"Why are you even forcing this idea?" I finally say and Hide blinks at me as if I had just said something stupid.

"It's because believe it or not, I really am glad we met you. Even if I've known him the longest, Kaneki never really told me anything that troubled him. I guess it's because I never really forced him to that's why I'm regretting for always staying silent and letting him endure it by himself," Hide admitted with a bitter smile while leaning back to his seat.

"'It's better to get hurt than hurt others…' I find that quote of his to be silly though. If you always endure the pain by yourself then it'll kill you deep inside. Isn't that why we form bonds? It's not only the happy things we should share. To know a person better, then it is also relevant to share your pains as well," Hide finishes while I continued to stare in shock at what he had just said.

So Hide was thinking of something like this all along? His regrets about staying silent and to even thank me for even meeting them. I couldn't help but remain silent, taking in his words carefully and replaying it over my head.

"Unlike me, you're a very forceful person. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but that's one thing I commend about you. You know when something is troubling him and you don't stay silent about it. You care too much about others that it doesn't matter if they say they need help or not, you'll still aid them no matter what. If Kaneki ever ended up with someone like you then I wouldn't mind. He may be shy but he's a stubborn kid. He needs a person who knows him well enough to know when to stop him or encourage him to move forward and I think you fit the bill," Hide concluded, my cheeks turning crimson again at his approval. I really didn't know I had that much influence on Kaneki. For Hide to have actually pointed something like that out…

"But still… I really am being honest with you but I have no feelings for him that go beyond friendship. But... Even if that were the case, I'll still look after him. After all, I value both of you as very important people to me too," I admit and Hide merely smiles and shrugs.

"We'll see. I'm sure you have yet to realize it. I'm quite surprised how terribly dense you are." He chuckles and I frown. "Are we going back to this again? Seriously, I have no feelings for him." I groan but knowing Hide, none of my words seemed to enter that thick skull of his. I think that the dense one here is him and not me.

Right?

"Ugh, now you're making me think about it!" I blush scarlet which all the more made him laugh. Why am I even considering it? Kaneki is my brother and it'd feel like incest! It's just wrong in so many levels to consider the idea of liking him.

"Wow, maybe I was wrong. You catch on fast." He grins before dodging the empty cup thrown his way.

"Stupid Hide!"

\--*--

It was noon by the time we parted ways on the intersection. Hide waving me off and me waving back tiredly. The thought of ever liking Kaneki lingering my mind like a plague.

"Stop it! Stop even considering about it," I say to myself in irritation as I cross the pedestrian lane and make my way to the next building. Even if I did admit I like him, I doubt he'd feel the same. I mean, he thinks of me like a sibling too! Wait-

Why am I even thinking that far off ahead!

"That idiot! I'll definitely wring his neck." I groan, thinking of Hide's sudden epiphany of my feelings for our book-worm of a friend. How could Hide even say that when Kaneki and I clearly have opposite tastes.

In fact, isn't his type of people like, I dunno… like Rize. It was quite obvious Kaneki fell for her because of their similar taste for books. Something which I clearly lack. I frown at the thought and for some odd reason a bitter taste of that thought stayed in my mind. What the hell?! Don't tell me I'm actually jealous of Rize?

"She's a ghoul for crying out loud! Of course she has to look beautiful to lure prey," I mutter and face-palm myself for even comparing my looks to her.

I really am going insane…

That's it! I've had it. I made a mental note to try and forget all of this and just head home. To hell with the thought, there is no way I have fallen for Kaneki! He's my friend, it's only right that I'm concerned about him considering that his problem is something more than the typical college problems. With that thought in mind, I decided to march back home by taking the turn but completely froze when I saw the familiar brick walls of Anteiku glaring right on my face.

Seriously?

"What is it?" Just when I was about to make a turn, hoping that Kaneki didn't see me, I heard Touka's voice coming from the alley way. Her voice sounded like she was in pain and it made me worried.

Touka and hurt put in the same sentence made me think something bad had happened to her and I decided to take a peep. My eyes widened when I saw her slouched next to the back door of Anteiku, her left arm clutching her right arm painfully. I was about to walk to her and check if she was okay but my body froze when someone answered her question.

"Here's treatment for your wounds." That voice… I felt my heart beat erratically like I had just ran a marathon and my cheeks turned crimson again from Hide's teasing a while back.

No doubt this voice belonged to Kaneki.

"I don't need it," I heard Touka growl lightly. Knowing her personality, she'd refuse any form of help if possible. But Kaneki, in a sense, is like me, willing to poke his nose in someone's business because he cares about them.

But why on earth would Touka be hurt? Something like that couldn't have possibly come from an ordinary kitchen accident. Don't tell me the 'Doves' got to her? But by the way Anteiku has remained quite must mean they didn't see her face. Could she have been wearing a mask?

I felt relief wash over me at the thought but nevertheless. That would mean the ghoul investigators are now after her… Just the thought of her getting hurt… It made me feel scared and worried at the same time.

"All your darting around is irritating for a mere human," she spoke with a rather irritated voice.

"I'm partially ghoul now too, you know." Kaneki argued back and I heard Touka scoff at his answer. "You're just a remnant of one pretending to be an ally. What if I said to you to go and kill those damn doves in my place? Would you do it? You can use Rize's kagune so it may be possible. You did that to Nishiki before, right? " Touka added while Kaneki stayed silent.

Knowing Kaneki, he could never hurt anyone. He's too kind to even lay a hand on anyone, whether they are good or bad. I know what Touka's trying to say but still… revenge is never the right thing.

Nothing good ever comes out in taking revenge. But who am I to judge? I wasn't the one that lost a friend or a mother. I can't act like a saint and say it out loud when I don't even know what it feels like...

"There's no way a coward like you could have the courage to do that. I can't depend on the manager or anyone either. I already understand all of that. In fact, it'd be better for a murderer like me to die. I know there are good people among the humans but… ghouls like Ryouko-san and Hinami are killed arbitrarily without being able to help themselves. Without knowing anything… without seeing anything," Touka replied, her voice shaking in what sounded like regret and frustration.

Touka knows she's in the wrong and yet she fights. She knows there are good humans too but she wants 'us' to realize that there are also good ghouls too. Like Fueguchi-san and Hinami-chan, those who just want to live in peace with the humans. So this is what a ghoul's life is like.

A never ending tragedy. How will Kaneki even handle it?

"Just like you said, I don't have the heart to kill humans but I don't think the existence of the 'doves' is a bad thing… I don't think you are right either. But the day I saw Ryouko-san's last moments, I did have a strong thought…" Kaneki trailed off and I took a peep to see him standing over Touka, his eyes closed as is contemplating.

"Whether it's a person's death or a ghoul's, if that person is someone I know then I can't stand it. That is why if… if you died then I would probably be sad," he added with finality, my eyes widening when I saw him open his eyes, those eyes that bore something akin to sadness and what looked like affection. I should be proud to think that he would be that honest and strong enough to talk back to Touka but why-

Why can't I seem to shake this bitter feeling away?

"Ah, is that so? So what did you want from me then?" Touka managed to snap out of her shock as well and asked, a small smile playing on her lips. The moment the words left Kaneki's mouth, I felt as if time had just decided to freeze on me.

"Teach me how to use the kagune. I can't kill the 'doves' but… doing nothing is also unacceptable," I saw his face change in that instant, the shy Kaneki I knew when we were young vanished and in its place was someone I clearly didn't know.

What I wasn't seeing was the human him that I grew up with but rather the ghoul in him that accepted his fate. In a span of one day, he changed without me there to see it. Had I not accidentally walked here then I would have never known this new side of him… because in all honesty he never would have told me.

Even if I confronted him about it, he'd never tell and this was a part of him that me as a 'human' would and should never know.

The bitter feeling in my chest only tightened as I quickly walked away from the scene, not wanting to hear any more of it. This was why I didn't want to leave his side because I didn't want to miss out something like this. I know Kaneki well enough to see that this ghoul-side of him is something I can't know. Whether it's out of concern or not, I don't know any more. Even if I try to act like it's not happening, it's clearly obvious that Hide is right.

"He's drifting too far… to think I only looked away for a bit," I bite my lip, trying not to cry in front of the people I walked by.

The mere fact he had accepted to fight the ghoul investigators was a clear sign that he was now a full-fledged ghoul. I could no longer see traces of the frightened guy who hated the idea of being a ghoul. I knew this day would come and yet to see it slap you in face makes it worse. To think it was done 'supposedly' behind my back.

\--*--

-*Bam*-

I slammed the door behind me when I made it into my house and dropped my things to the ground, not caring when I walked into my room with my shoes still on. I plopped to the bed and hugged my pillow tightly, trying my best not to cry but all to no avail. My body shook violently as the tears of realization soaked my pillow. This bitter feeling in my chest only intensified the pain making me succumb into fits of sobbing.

Hide is right… no wonder the feeling was so painful… I care for him too much and yet he can't seem to confide in me about something this big. It was like a stab to the back because it was as if he had no faith in me even if I was the one there next to him all this time.

The bitter feeling in my gut was jealousy, the ugly truth that because I was a human and that he was now a ghoul, something like him liking me back was impossible. To see him find a family and bond in Anteiku made me grip the pillow tight, knowing fully well that the moment he raises his kagune against those doves was the day he would have made a choice.

That between me and Anteiku… I knew that he would never look my way again.

 **-To be Continued-**

 _Poor Ayame. To think she finally realized her feelings only to find out she may never be able to say it. I'll be honest but I hate quick paced romances. Just because she admitted she may have fallen for Kaneki doesn't necessarily mean that Kaneki feels the same way... yet._

 _I'll leave it up to the timeline and plots on how their interaction will be from now on. Again, please remind me if any characters were OOC, as I said before the last thing I need is to ruin the story by making them OOC. Thank you so much for reviewing and following guys! You don't know how much this means to me._

 _There goes the A/N guys! See you on the next chapter!_


	10. Truths and Secrets

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture.**

\--*--

 _A/N: Reedited 01/25/16_

 _Errors fixed and minor changes added to dialogues._

\--*--

 **Chapter X: Truths and Secrets**

 _"If these feelings won't go away, then I need to stop running from them..."_

 **-Haru (Tonari no Kaibutsu-Kun)-**

\--*--

 _I opened my eyes to see a vast expanse of blue sky. I looked down and saw my own reflection on what appeared to be a huge mirror that reflected the sky above it._

 _"Where am I?" I ask myself as I continuously walked in this odd yet peaceful world. Is this a dream? It's the only explanation after all since a world like this is impossible. I blinked from the sun that shone bright and my eyes quickly strayed to something that fluttered past me._

 _"A butterfly?!" I say in surprise as my eyes continue to follow the insect. Its purple wings danced in the windless scenery, like a small dot of violet in a sea of blue and white._

 _I felt compelled to follow it and soon the world before me vanished and its place was an endless field of violet irises. My shoeless feet scrunched up to the feel of the earth on my skin as my body continued to chase after the ephemeral creature._ _The moment my eyes blinked from the sunlight that penetrated it, the butterfly vanished and my eyes widened when I saw a familiar figure surrounded by pale white carnation flowers._

 _"Kaneki?" My voice croaks and my eyes widen in horror when the sky before me darkens into grey and the entire sky cries tears of blood, soaking the white carnations in red._

 _An ear- splitting cry followed and my body reacted as I ran to Kaneki who was howling in pain. His kagune exploded from the back of his waist, the scale-like tentacles thrashing wildly around it._

 _"Kaneki!" I shouted this time, tears stinging my eyes as I tried to dodge the oncoming onslaught of his kagune. I muffled a scream when one of the tentacles grazed me by the shoulder as I dodged another one that was aiming for my chest._

 _"I-I'm no monster..." His voice cried. When I made it to him, I quickly took him into my arms and assured him that he wasn't one. I assured him that I would be there for him no matter what. He's still Kaneki, the same one I grew up with and nothing will make me stop believing that._

 _I will accept him for who he is..._

 _"Really?" My body froze when the sound of something being pierced echoed in the now quiet field. My eyes widened when I let Kaneki go and I saw his kagune piercing me in the stomach, the blood flowing out and coating the already crimson soaked ground._

 _"Huh?" I managed to say before he retracted his kagune and I collapsed to the ground. I looked up in shock, staring right back at Kaneki, his eyes turning to mix of red and black. Almost like he was fully consumed by the ghoul inside of him._ _Why? He would never hurt me, so why am I lying on the ground and bleeding to death? Why is he looking at me like that? Like I'm something distasteful to him... This isn't him!_

 _Who is this monster?_

 _"I can see it clearly written on your face. A pathetic human could never understand. Monster? Hah! Here you were shouting how I'm the same no matter what and even said you'd accept me for who I am! I can't believe you're such a liar, Ayame-san!" Kaneki chuckled evilly, his eyes mixed with what was akin to disgust and insanity._

 _"I-I'm not lying! Who are you? You're not him! Kaneki would never hurt me! He values his friends more than anything!" I coughed, blood dripping down my mouth as I tried to get up._ _That's right, Kaneki could never hurt me nor Hide. That's the kind of person he is. He's stronger than that... I could see Alter-Kaneki laugh even more manically now as he stabbed me again in the stomach and lifted me up._

 _"How stupid can you be?! Values his friends? He abandoned you both and joined the ghouls! He even said so himself that he'd use the kagune against those doves. Even if he didn't want to kill them, the chances he might is still high. He's already a ghoul, Ayame-san."_

 _"This is why you are so cruel. You refuse his very existence as a ghoul even after you've said that you would accept him no matter what. His ghoul side is his self too but you refuse to see it. How annoying," Alter-Kaneki could only scoff and tossed me across the field._

 _I'm... a liar? I couldn't accept his other half?_

 _"How disgusting. Even after you admitted that you love him..." Alter-Kaneki could only say as he stared down at my battered body. Even after I've admitted it to myself... I can't believe that I'm so heartless. Am I really nothing but a selfish human being?_

 _To think that time and time again, I always kept telling him that he would always have a place to return. Is this why he had chosen Anteiku over us? Because he knew that all I had been feeding him were the lies he expected?_

 _If that's the case... then I have no right to tell him what I feel. I fear his other side after all, the side that I know nothing about, the side that thirsts for blood and human meat._

 _"I fear it..." My body shook, fear gripping my heart as I stared at the ghoul before me. I no longer have any right to stand next to him. In this tightrope that I walk on, it is clearly obvious that I have already fallen. I might as well just die if in the end I can't even learn to accept this side of him._

 _"'Maybe if you became a ghoul then maybe he'd look your way again.' Is what you're thinking, right? Such a stupid question. You've had it in you all along, Ayame-san. All you need is to accept it and let it take control..." Alter-Kaneki grinned evilly._

 _I immediately screamed in pain after he spoke, it felt as if a hundred needles started bursting forth from my back. My eyes could see nothing but darkness before I collapsed to the ground._

 _When my vision returned, the bloodied carnations were now replaced by red lilies that started to mix with the irises._

 _Something that sounded like ripping flesh echoed in the carnage and all I could do was scream for it all to stop._

 _'Don't forget who you are, Aya...' another voice spoke before I lost consciousness._

\--*--

My eyes flew open, my chest taking in ragged breaths and my right hand outstretched as if reaching for something. I closed my hands slowly into a fist as I lowered it and curled myself on the bed. Just a nightmare... there was no way something like that was real and yet...

My body just couldn't stop shaking.

My dream was like an open book terrorizing me with the guilt in my heart. After the events a week ago, you could say that I didn't want to accept it. The idea that Kaneki is now a full-fledged ghoul. I care for Anteiku too, because if it hadn't been for them then I don't know what would have become of my friend but I know deep in my heart that I also harbor a small shard of jealousy towards them.

After he had become a ghoul, it was as if Kaneki had begun to shut us out. Like Hide and I were no longer allowed to follow him. Hide hoped time would fix it but I knew that wasn't case. I tried to take matters into my own hands and yet I couldn't do anything. Nothing changed and Kaneki just drifted farther away from us.

"Where did I even go wrong?" I mutter bitterly to myself. But who am to say that I have the right to care for him? I couldn't even accept this side of him whole-heartedly. I don't have any right to tell him my feelings and it isn't like he'd return those anyway.

He's a ghoul now, no doubt he'd say it's too dangerous or we're in different worlds now... that's just the type of guys he is. Didn't he realize that it also hurts those around him when he tries to act like a martyr?

-*Ring*-

The sound of the doorbell echoed in my room and I groaned as I rolled of my bed, my eyes darting for a bit to the calendar and my eyes widened before I sighed.

"Looks like Hide's fetching me again," I mutter to myself upon realization that I had actually woken up late and that I already missed two of my morning classes. It's been happening a lot lately after the incident with Kaneki. My will to keep on living a normal life felt like it had been dashed on that day we met Rize.

Studies felt like a chore lately, my mind always drifting to Kaneki who I worried for constantly. Hide was kind enough to help me get through most of the work but even then my mind continued to wander. Being pulled into the world of ghouls also unplugged me from the rose-tinted world I lived in. It was hard to get back and it affected me terribly.

Even Kaneki felt distorted in this new reality I ended up in, my dream a reminder that 'normal' is nothing but a different side of a coin.

"I'm coming!" I announce before I adjusted my appearance in front of the mirror and opened my door. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw that it wasn't Hide who greeted me but none other than Uta, his shades blocking what his ghoul eyes were showing.

"How odd to see you here, Uta-san. Shouldn't you be more careful now that the doves are here?" I carefully asked when I welcomed him inside the house. I curiously glanced at the paper bag he placed on the table before he took his seat and I offered him some coffee.

It was careless, I know, to invite a ghoul I barely knew of into my home but the dream just wouldn't stop tormenting me. If I want to prove those delusions false then I should at least try to make an effort to befriend other ghouls more. Besides, Touka trusts Uta so I can trust him too.

"Hiding will only make me more suspicious since ghouls usually cower under the presence of a Dove," he explained before he took the coffee from me with a small thanks.

"I guess they wouldn't think that a ghoul would dare to show their faces in broad daylight... So what brings you here? I doubt it's for a simple chat," I ask and that was when he stopped sipping his coffee and looked at me. I shifted uncomfortably from my spot, knowing full well his eyes were on me.

He may be wearing shades but I know very well that he's scanning as if trying to get a read on my actions. "I came here to hand this to you," he simply said as he handed me a small box that came from the paper bag.

I gave him a curious glance as I took the box and carefully opened it. My eyes stared in awe at the mask that was inside the box. It was simple yet you could tell that Uta's hands have really outdone themselves.

It was as if the mask itself was like a second face that stared back at me, the hollow eyes reading right through my soul. The white half-mask's long pointed ears were decorated in spiraling red and black, the eyes having red eyeshadows that accentuated its narrowness.

Uta-san really did well with this creation of his.

"Kitsune. A free spirit yet loyal friend. A befitting role for you, Ayame-san," Uta pointed out with a small smile as he helped me put on the mask.

A feeling of belongingness engulfed me as I stared at myself in the mirror, the mask a perfect fit as if it had given me a new identity, an identity that made me feel like I was one of them.

 _'Don't forget who you are, Aya.'_ Somehow, that voice in my dream resurfaced in my mind. The voice that felt oddly familiar yet I couldn't place a name to the voice that was my only solace in that nightmare.

"It looks good on you. Makes me think that it wouldn't be bad if you had turned into a ghoul... though, if Kaneki heard it, I doubt he'd want you to be one," Uta spoke up, snapping me back to reality and my shoulders sagged at the mention of my friend.

Uta must've noticed the change in my mood because the next thing he asked made me widen my eyes in surprise. "If you're worried about him then you can come with me and deliver his mask," he suggested, the offer too tempting to decline and yet I couldn't… I promised him that I would be patient so forcing myself would just make him worry.

It's like we haven't seen each other in decades and meeting him again so unexpectedly would make things awkward.

Just when did I feel so embarrassed about it?

 _'Liar,'_ I could hear Alter-Kaneki's voice whisper in my head as the scene from my dream replayed itself. The hesitation only worsened when I thought to myself that maybe it was because I was afraid.

Afraid that I would see someone else and not him, someone that I feared because that side of him was what was tearing us apart. But if I didn't go... wouldn't I lose him even more? I really am selfish, to think that I had to break so many things just to prove myself and to see him again...

"You're not breaking any promises by going, Ayame-san. Visiting Anteiku as a customer is normal," Uta pointed out as if he had read my inner turmoil.

I understand seeing him is normal but the thought of having to face him with a half-hearted feeling is wrong. I know so well and yet I can't help but want to go... just to see how he's doing, if he's okay and healthy. I also want to see how everyone is doing, if they're all safe and that the doves haven't gotten to them yet.

I also want to see Hinami-chan, how she's faring and if she's eating and getting enough sleep. I want to face her properly too, after all, I did make her hope for something that didn't happen. I have to apologize for hurting her...

What I didn't fear were the ghouls, per se, but the fact that it's because I am a human that I will never be able to understand them and soon grow apart from them. I told them I would learn to understand them better and yet I don't even know the deeper side of them.

"I-I'm going." I finally decided. That's right, when did I become such a coward? Even if Kaneki always told me to stay put, when did I ever listen to what he said? Didn't I promise myself that no matter what, I would learn this new world of his whether he wants to or not.

Anteiku has accepted me as part of them too, right? It's like I'm a family member now so I have every right to worry about my family. Blood isn't the only thing that ties people, it's bonds as well. Mom, Dad and my sister… even if I don't share the same blood with them, they love me nonetheless.

It's the same thing with Anteiku. I can't believe I let something as shallow as jealousy get in the way.

"Give me a moment will you?" I ask Uta politely and quickly prepared myself for our reunion after one week. It may be short but being apart for that long can really take its toll.

Hide isn't the only one who can get lonely too. I decided to message him though, Hide has the right to know this even though he has to pretend not to know anything. I know Kaneki will scold me for this but it isn't like I lied to Kaneki… Hide found out about him even before I could say anything.

I quickly tied my hair into a messy bun after getting changed and hoped to myself that when I get there I would have enough courage to prove my dream wrong.

\--*--

"Is there something wrong?" Uta finally asked me as we stood in the front doors of Anteiku. I continued to play with the edge of my cardigan and shook my head but, in truth, my mind was still reeling at the multiple things that could happen if I met up with Kaneki even after he told me to lay low for now.

Would he be mad? Surprised or a mix of both? Ugh, just the idea makes me so nervous that I don't even know what comeback I would say if he tried to scold me for walking in here so carelessly.

"…I…I'm going to…do it…" Muffled voices echoed beyond the door and before I could stop him, Uta quickly opened the door, making me tumble right next to him. My eyes widened at the scene before me and I felt my cheeks turn pink at the sight of Touka-chan and Kaneki about to just… just…

"Huh? Uta-san? Ayame-san?" Touka said nonchalantly and Kaneki's eyes turned to us, his eyes meeting mine in complete surprise.

 _'Well I guess it is 'surprise' then instead of a mix of both.'_ I thought to myself as Uta and I continued to stare at the duo. I felt a twinge of something bitter linger in the back of my mind at the sight before recalling their conversation yesterday but I immediately shook my head to dispel those thoughts and told myself to shut up.

I have no right and I have to accept that.

"Sorry," Uta managed to say and was about to take me out with him before Kaneki begged us to stop and that we somehow had gotten the wrong idea.

After he explained his side that was when Uta decided to come in and put the paper bag on the table whereas I took my seat on the chair by the glass window of the shop.

"I finished the masks so I wanted to deliver it as soon as possible. Truthfully, I wanted to have Ayame-san deliver it you since I already gave her her mask but since I took the trouble of leaving already just to hand it over to her house, I decided to head on over here to see you wear it, Kaneki," Uta explained just as Kaneki eyed me worriedly before looking back to Uta-san.

"You mean you went to Ayame-san's house to hand her mask?" Kaneki asked slowly and I immediately gulped upon the realization of where he was getting at.

Uta tilted his head and nodded which all the more made me pale. Since when did the mighty me turn pale at what Kaneki was thinking about this? Since when did I get scared at what he would say to me?

Oh wait…It all started when I began to fall for the guy…

All those bottled up feelings I mistook for thinking he was like a brother to me? I didn't think that Hide of all people would be the one to point it out to me that it was something more than that. I can already see Hide smirking at my obliviousness and I sighed as I fidgeted nervously from Kaneki's worried gaze.

"I think I already said that. Besides, I already ate before I left so I wasn't in the mood to eat her," Uta replied causing my eyes to widen in sync with Kaneki's. Wait, so if he didn't eat before he left then he-

"Uta-san stop teasing them." Touka-chan sighed and I caught a brief glimpse of Uta smiling before he apologized which made me slump back on my chair tiredly.

"But still… just a piece of advice, Ayame-san. Just because Anteiku trusts me doesn't necessarily mean you should trust me too. You should know full well that you are human so it wouldn't hurt to be a bit cautious even if the person visiting was Kaneki-kun," Uta immediately reminded me to which I frowned.

"I understand the risks but I trust Kaneki with my life. We grew up together so I know he won't hurt me," I quickly defended my friend and that was when the memory of the dream invaded my mind, making me second-guess myself after I blurted out my retort.

No, the dream's wrong… Kaneki would never hurt his friends.

"True, but don't forget that the one you grew up with is completely different from the man standing here before you. I think the old wound on your shoulder is proof enough," Uta pointed out and I instinctively covered the old wound with my hand in surprise.

"Hey, wait a minute Uta-san! It's true I may have acted out of control then but staying here in Anteiku helped me control that. I won't hurt any of my friends, human or not." Kaneki defended himself and I saw Uta-san remove his shades as he eyed Kaneki with those ghoul eyes of his.

"That may be the case now but don't forget that for a kagune to use its true potential, those cubes alone are not enough. One way or another you will eat human meat and I wouldn't want to have to hear from Touka-chan that you obtained that power by eating your friend."Uta's answer made me widen my eyes. So if Kaneki ever hopes to defeat a dove, he would have to use the full extent of his kagune, the cubes are not enough so the only way he can defeat them is if he eats... human flesh?

"Kaneki?" I turned to him, hoping to elicit a response but his reaction alone was enough to tell me what he was thinking. I gripped the edge of my cardigan tightly and got up to glare at Uta. No, not now, not when I still haven't said my side yet…

"What on earth was that for?" I suddenly demanded, my glare fixed on Uta as I stood up from my spot. "I understand the concern but please don't predict things when they haven't happened yet. He's got enough self-control after staying here in Anteiku. I apologize for being reckless and I won't let it happen again so please-,"

My voice softened as I controlled the urge not to cry. "Don't give him any more reason to stay away from us,"

I turned away from Uta after saying my piece only to see Kaneki's surprised expression. After all, it's not all the time I'm honest with my feelings but this time it's different. I don't want him to consider this possibility and completely isolate us from him for good.

Even if it means well, I hate that idea. I always admired Kaneki for being able to do anything to protect his friends but this… this is just him being selfish. If he has the right to be a selfish kid then I have the right too! Can't he just for once stop acting heroic and learn to rely on us? I hate seeing Hide's lonely look and I hate seeing Kaneki act like a martyr and tell me I can't do this or that because he's a ghoul!

I'm sick and tired of it and who cares if I'm scared of that side of him. My feelings overthrow that and I would rather die than to lose those bonds.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were feeling that," Kaneki managed to say to which I huffed, walked over to him and punched him on the face which took everyone by surprise.

Kaneki stumbled to the edge of the counter as I hoisted him by the collar and gave him the most menacing glare I could manage. I could already imagine Hide chucklinging at how the ape woman's here again when I saw the look of fear and shock on Kaneki's face. If it means beating him up then I would gladly do so to knock some sense into him and get my point across.

"Don't you think for a second that trying to avoid me will solve this, Kaneki Ken. Hide and I suffered one week without your presence so it would do us some good to at least attend classes. Stop pushing us away. Hide may not know the reason why but at least try to remember that you have human friends too. Damn it, stupid tears," I managed to say while trying to allude to them as well that Hide has no clue about Kaneki's circumstances to keep him safe. I rubbed the stupid tears that rolled down my face, cursing inwardly at my pathetic attempt to act like I was mad.

Who am I kidding, after finding out my feelings, it's just hard to stay mad at the guy.

I was about to give him one more round of scolding when I felt something on my head and my eyes widened when Kaneki pulled me in for a hug. I stood frozen at the sudden action, my mind suddenly blank and my cheeks sporting a deep crimson color. His hand continued to pat me on the head making me turn even redder.

"Sorry, I thought that isolating myself from you both seemed the safest way but I guess I overlooked how it would affect you and Hide. Maybe I went about it the wrong way but please try to understand that I was doing it to keep you guys safe. I know apologies may not be enough but-," Kaneki continued to apologize and I stopped him by hugging him back, something we haven't done since we were kids.

I could still feel the heat on my cheeks as I tried to calm my beating heart and sighed. "Did you think Hide and I would stay mad at you? You have reasons and we respect that but please- don't act by yourself to try and fix it. You have to learn to lean on us too, you know. I forgive you but if you try and pull a stupid stunt like trying to keep me away from Anteiku then you're in for a world of hurt." I threatened and I feel his body vibrate as a small chuckle escaped from his lips, making me smile.

"Yeah, I won't make the same mistake."

It's okay… just this once to-,

"So when are you guys going to let go to get Uta to put on Kaneki's mask? " Touka's drawl broke the moment and that was when I realized our situation and I quickly pulled away, my cheeks still a bit pink from embarrassment.

"S-sorry about that," I stutter and pull away, the awkwardness between us getting worse. I coughed to try and gain my composure and apologize for the sudden outburst. I hear Touka scoff and my head flips up to see her smiling at me.

"Nice punch. The guy deserved it, maybe it'll motivate him more to try and gain some muscle." She chuckled and Kaneki turned red in embarrassment.

"I'm not weak! Ayame-san just took me by surprise that's all." He defended wot which she just waved him off and turned to Uta. "Yeah, yeah. So Uta-san, when ya gonna give him the mask?"

Uta wasted no time to pull out the mask and help Kaneki put it on. I watched in fascination as he carefully arranged the mask onto Kaneki's face. The moment he was done, I stared in curiosity as to why he would put the eye patch on the opposite side of his face. I mean, wasn't the purpose of the mask supposed to hide the eyes?

"Sorry but I wanted to see the eye that's usually hidden. That's why I put it on the opposite side of the face," he spoke as if reading my thoughts. Once again, a bitter feeling settled in my stomach at that explanation. It's quite obvious that by wearing that mask-

He was already willing to become a ghoul.

 **-3rd Person POV-**

"Any news on your precious subject, Doctor?" A voice in the shadow asks and Kanou passes the stranger a quick glance before looking back to his piled up papers.

"No development as of yet but I don't plan to give up on him. He is a very important specimen. Besides, I have time to spare since I found a new rat."

"Oh? Do tell," the voice asked, curiosity coating their voice. It wasn't the first time the doctor tried to play God after all but it never stopped them from getting fascinated since he always seemed to surprise them with his new creations.

"A human who possesses an Rc level of a ghoul. Usually such a trait like that would mean that that person could be prone to a new disease spreading around called the 'RC Cell Over-Secretion Disease'. If you must know it is a disease that occurs in 1-3 million people. I was about to give up on the experiment when I found out about it but this new info made me rethink that decision," Kanou explained and that was when he turned the screen towards the visitor which showed a background data of a girl with black shoulder-length hair and violet eyes.

"Fujiko Ayame? Is she your new test subject? How adorable," the voice giggled before Kanou typed something else on the screen and showed it again to the visitor.

"I'm quite surprised that a human family was willing to adopt a half-ghoul into their home. It seems she's like you, though her human-side is more dominant than her ghoul one." Kanou elaborated before the visitor giggles and shakes her head, the bandages giving away to show her left emerald eye that twinkled with sadistic excitement.

"Not really… After all-," she stopped half-way and spun around to take her leave.

"She has yet to see the true meaning of hell…"

 **-To be Continued-**

 _Here's chapter X guys!_

 _Looks like secrets are unraveling one after the other for Ayame. How will these things play out in the upcoming chapters? Tune in for the next chapter and don't forget to favorite and review guys!_


	11. A Past Forgotten

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture.**

 **A/N: Now for the Reviews! I decided to write this down since I at least wanted everyone to know that I am reading your reviews. You know that for a writer, reviews are like their lifeline so here are my comments for your reviews:**

 **PrettyChelsea:** Thank you so much for reading my fic! At first I was really thinking about how I was going to get Ayame to go to Anteiku without trying to use the typical _'Oh I just felt like I had to go there'_ feel since clearly it was making her look like she was forced into the picture. Luckily, Uta made an appearance here since _I_ am following the manga and decided "why not try and get her to go with him". I know he has a somewhat different side to him than what we usually see *Ahem: I hope I am not trying to spoil anyone here* but since that part has yet to come I decided to stick with his natural character instead before he... well you guys already know.

 **J.M.E.G is Awesome:** Haha I'm glad you actually noticed that. Since I was already in the double digit chapter I thought, "Why not try to make this chapter slightly more interesting" and *bam* I decided to add Eto in here to allude her alias to the chapter's number. Also, I love your enthusiasm to help me better understand Eto and her ideals (seeing as so far the manga and the anime is the only thing I've read and watched) so I will take up your offer on checking this site when I get the chance ;)

 **Number 2415 L.S:** Shucks, looks like my surprise has been found out XD. I saw your post from before and realized that I didn't think someone would be able to spot my little hints and put them all together so quickly. Wish I could give you a cookie but it looks like all I can afford is a cyber cookie (::)

 **Bloody Sky Full of Stars:** Glad to know my fanfic left you speechless XD.

 **Blanknight:** You don't know how much those words mean to me. So from the bottom of my heart, Arigatou Gozaimasu! I really do hope that I can continue to live up to all my reader's expectations.

 **Guest:** I'm glad to know that I actually improved in writing Ayame and incorporating her into the story. I guess she really did seem forced in the first few chapters and I'm glad to know that you pointed it out for me. I'll try my best next time to allow her to flow in freely to the story that it'll make you think she was really a canon character too.

 **Becka3490:** Thank you for the fave XD. I'll do my best to update soon too so just stay tuned.

 **There you have it guys! The recent reviews and my replies. Now back to the story!**

 ** _A/N:_** _Reedited 01/25/16_

 _Errors and Dialogues fixed for better reading_

* * *

 **Chapter XI: A Past Forgotten**

* * *

 ** _"The world has been painted red. It's already at a stage where it cannot be changed back..."_**

 ** _-Yukki Cross (Vampire Knight Guilty)-_**

* * *

"Agh!" Kaneki shouted painfully before he was sent to the ground with a swipe from Touka-chan's Ukaku. It was a little after the shop closed when Touka-chan decided to drag Kaneki into another one of their sparring. After my little outburst the other day, Kaneki, against his will, finally agreed that it was alright if I watched them train. Touka-chan was against this but after much persuasion, she finally agreed with the lingering threat of slicing me to pieces if word of this got out. I zipped my mouth shut and nodded but I knew that she wouldn't hurt me.

Even if it feels odd for a human to trust a ghoul, I just felt this odd feeling that she may mean well but she wouldn't lift a finger at me. I guess Uta-san is right, I really do have to learn to know where I belong. I know he means well from that warning the other day but I guess you could call me a reckless and stubborn person. So what if the danger is there… I just have more faith in them, that's all and even if I don't know when I may die, I just know that it won't be in the hands of these people. That's how much I trust them. That is why I know full well that even if Touka-chan threatened me each day, I know she wouldn't hurt me.

"You coward…should I break more of your fingers? How can you even call that a Rinkaku?" Touka-chan glared and Kaneki only sighed as I watched him worriedly. Seeing as I was watching them train, it was easy for me to pick up on some of the ghoul terms they kept on mentioning. Apparently, A Kakugan was the weird thing that ghouls have that makes their eyes turn like that. When I asked for what purpose it was, Touka-chan just glared at me making me quiet down. Even though she refused to mention anything about it, Kaneki was still kind enough to explain me the basics of a ghoul's body which only made Touka-chan upset. The Kagune, which I already guessed was a ghoul's predatory organ, actually took me by surprise when Kaneki mentioned that there were different types and so out of curiosity, I asked him multiple questions about it while we both tried our best to ignore Touka who was already boring holes into me with those glare of hers.

"So an Ukaku is a speedy ghoul? Meaning they are light fighters but because of this they have low stamina?" I ask when we decided to take a break while I continued to picture Touka's wing-like kagune that danced in the dark like a one-winged angel. Kaneki nodded as he took my notebook and began to sketch the diagram of the kagune's hierarchy.

"Usually an Ukaku-type has a kagune that appears on the back. Due to their ability to shoot projectile-like spikes from afar, they are mostly long-ranged fighters." Kaneki explained before wincing in pain when Touka hit him on the head.

"Idiot! Do you really intend to tell a human about our secrets?" She asked angrily but went unheard when I grabbed her by the hands and begged her to show me once again her kagune.

"What? Like I'll listen to you!" She hissed.

"But please, Touka-chan! I want to see those wings that dance in the night! The way the colors mesh in the dark make it like you're dancing!" I complimented which made her blush and look away.

"Sh-shut up! No means no." She stuttered and stomped off leaving me to pout at her lack of enthusiasm to show me. I mean, what's the harm in showing it to me the second time?

"Hey, Kaneki. Touka called yours a Rinkaku. What did she mean by that? Is yours different?" I turn to Kaneki and he scratched the back of his head and nodded. I guess calling it 'his' kagune was still a foreign word to him since he did 'obtain' it from Rize and it wasn't really his to begin with… I frowned at the thought and quickly apologized for saying something to mean.

"No it's fine. Besides, I'll get used to it." He only said and an awkward silence engulfed us. Me and my big mouth… I decided to sit next to him and looked at the sketch, hoping somehow to avoid making this anymore gloomy than it already is.

"So an Ukaku is weak to Koukaku? What's a Koukaku then?" I asked and Kaneki gave me a soft sigh and a light smile, knowing full well that I was trying to ease the conversation. I guess we really means that much to me, it's like there's this odd string that connects us and make us empathize with one another. It's the same thing Hide did to me when we were talking about Kaneki and my dilemma at his sudden announcement to keep away from him and Anteiku. It was like Hide was reading through me then and was trying to assure me that all I had to do was to try believe more in Kaneki. Likewise, I also empathized with Hide's loneliness and it was because of that that we made a promise to watch over Kaneki as friends. I laugh inwardly to myself at the thought and a light smile played on my lips.

No matter what happens, these bond will never be severed from us.

"Are you listening, Ayame-san?" Kaneki snapped me back to reality and I turned to him and apologized which made him sigh. I laughed at his defeated face making him pout which this time made me turn pink. Ugh, did he really have to play at me like that? Back then I would hit him or laugh at him when he did that but how come… how come… this time, I found that side of him cute just now!?

"Really… let me repeat what I just said. Koukaku's are released below the shoulder blade. I heard from Yoshimura-san that a Koukaku is heavy and extremely tough. Of all the kagunes, they have the greatest sturdiness and are especially suited for defense." He explained as he drew a sloppy rendition of a human back and started to list down the Ukaku and Koukaku on the location of the shoulder and below the shoulder blades respectively.

"And here…" He trailed off as he wrote the Rinkaku on the position of the back of the waist.

"Is where the Rinkaku is. It has an appearance similar to scaled tentacles and Yoshimura-san told me that they have powerful regenerative abilities that some of them could even survive the most critical damage done to them. Its peculiar appearance and structure yield a superior striking power, making them excellent in brute strength. Some users, according to Yoshimura-san, are able to manipulate the shape of their kagune, such as changing its usual tentacle form into swords or claws. Though to be honest, even if I am a Rinkaku-user, I still can't seem to see how that's possible since I can't even do anything with mine but bring it out." Kaneki sheepishly sighs in embarrassment but I assure him that he'll be able to do it someday.

I know I said that I hated the idea of him going through with this, but I knew I had no choice. If I stopped him, it would only hinder him. Ghouls are even more dangerous than humans, due to the fact that they are willing to eat their own kind to survive. I wouldn't want some random ghoul eating my friend for dinner. Even if he's willing to protect Anteiku now, just knowing that he'll be there for us even though we walk on different worlds is enough to assure me. As his human friend, this was the least that I could do. To hope and pray that deep in my heart, he would still come back to both us and Anteiku.

"I guess the last one is a Bikaku then? I overheard from Yoshimura-san that that Nishio guy was one." I frowned when the memories of that time invaded my mind. I could see Kaneki think deeply too but he erased the thought quickly as he scribbled the name at the tail bone of the drawing. That's right, that Nishio-guy is not going to hurt us. Kaneki made sure of that when he whipped his ass. I laughed at the thought but made no comment because even though it was a day to celebrate it was also the day that Kaneki nearly killed Hide and I had Touka-chan not appeared. I didn't want to make him be more painfully aware of this side of him so I tried to erase those thoughts and listened to him explain.

"A Bikaku is good for medium-distance attacks and has decent offense, defense and speed. Thus, they have no notable strengths or weaknesses, meaning the kagune itself is treated as a surprise _trump card_. Also it has better speed and durability against the brute-force, breakable Rinkaku, allowing them to cut off the rinkaku's kagune. However, a Bikaku will be overwhelmed by the faster Ukaku-user and will lose against the Ukaku's long-range attacks." Kaneki ended his explanation as I stared in awe at the different kagunes that he drew.

"It's like a rock-paper-scissor thing then? I mean, an Ukaku which is light and fast is weak against the tank-like defense of the Koukaku. Likewise the Koukaku's defense is only destroyed by the fast healing yet brute Rinkaku. All though they are fast healers, Rinkaku's are weak to the onslaught of the balanced Bikaku who can incapacitate their kagune's in a few attacks. Bikaku's may be the balanced one of the group but their only flaw is the quick actions of the Ukaku. It's like a cycle and it'll be easy to remember." I grin proudly at having easily remembered what Kaneki explained.

"I didn't think you were going to be in on this so it is quite a surprised when you asked me." Kaneki laughed. Glad to at least know that he's lightening up again.

"Quite a surprise really, but if you really want to know so much about us. Why not help us out in something as compensation for knowing that kind of info." Both of us cringed at the ominous sound of Touka-chan's voice and we both gulped when we saw her glaring at us. I could feel the color draining from my face as she continued to walk to us with that angry look on her face.

"Nooo!" We both shouted in fear before the whole scene suddenly turned black.

* * *

I sighed as I looked at the watch and read the time. Twenty minutes already passed and still no Touka-chan to be found. Kaneki and I were scared shitless when she approached us yesterday but all she did was tell us to meet her tomorrow by the subway before stalking off, which made us worried and curious at the same time.

I wonder what horrible punishment does she mean to give us?

"Do you think she plans to skin us alive?" I mutter in horror which made Kaneki pale.

"I-I doubt it…"

"Why do you sound like you're not so sure? Don't tell me she's done it before?"

"Oi." We both shouted at the same time and turned to Touka-chan who was holding lots of paper bags with her. Could it be that inside those are the torture devices she'd use on us!?

"T-touka-chan? Y-you're early to-," Kaneki stuttered and then stopped when he saw the paper bag she was carrying.

"What's in those bags?" He asked worriedly and I was about to await her answer that it was for torture but my eyes widened when the answer left her lips.

"Clothes of course. Here!" She tossed the bags at us and I quickly checked and sighed in relief. Looks like she wasn't lying this time. But what sparked my curiosity was why she was giving us school uniforms.

"Come on, Ayame. Get changed into those Kaneki!" Touka waved him off as Touka took me by the hand and dragged me to the girl's bathroom to get dressed.

"Any reason why we have to wear these, Touka-chan?" I asked when we reached the bathroom and I began to undress myself. Touka merely grunted as she pulled off her shirt and pants, before turning to me as she put on the skirt that reached till her mid-thigh.

"I'll explain it when we get there so hurry up and get changed." She ordered and I pouted as I put on the skirt and began to lift my inner shirt off. The moment I removed the shirt, I noticed Touka looking at me weirdly which made me uncomfortable. Does my body look bad or something?

"If I heard correctly, Kaneki attacked you when he first turned into a ghoul. Bit you on the shoulder right? But it's odd to see that there doesn't seem to be any source of that wound now. For a few months I'm surprised you heal that quick." She asked me and I tilted my head curiously, wondering if she was turning blind or something.

"What are you talking about? The wound is right-," I was about to point and gasped when I saw the woundless shoulder glaring at me from the bathroom mirror.

"N-no way?" I say in surprise as I try to feel for the scar only to for my fingers to meet with nothing but smooth skin.

"How is this even possi-,"

"Are you guys done yet?" I could hear Kaneki call out and I see Touka giving me a suspicious and grim look as she quickly dressed into her uniform.

"I don't know what's going on but if it's bothering you then I'll leave it to you to explain it to Kaneki. Although I don't want to judge too early but…" Touka trailed off and shook her head as she helped me fix my tie.

"Never mind. Let's go." She sighs and I only nodded absent-mindedly at her assurance, my mind still in shock at what I had just seen. The moment I put on the shoes, I emerged from the bathroom and blinked when I saw that Kaneki was nowhere to be found. I saw Touka calling for me and that was when I noticed that she was with some guy who had unruly black hair.

 _'Hm, looks like-,'_ I thought and stopped midsentence and pointed in shock at Kaneki.

"Y-you look different." I say in surprise which made Touka huff in pride at her ability to 'disguise' us.

"Is it that bad?' Kaneki asked worriedly and I patted him on the shoulder.

"Nah, not really. You look like a normal high-school student." I grin while avoiding Touka's gaze at me. No use telling Kaneki about it right now. No doubt he'd get worry and start to think if ghoul's can transmit their powers via saliva too. I don't want to bring up old wounds and I hope Touka can understand that for now. Besides, it's been a long time since that incident happened so it's no surprise that the wound would heal by itself.

That's right, there's nothing to worry about it.

* * *

"Would you explain this already, Touka-chan? Making us wear a uniform, messing my hair up… what the hell is going on-," Kaneki kept on asking since we left the subway and continued to walk towards the business district of Tokyo. I was about to pipe in too but stopped when Touka finally paused and looked up. We followed her gaze and there before us loomed a tall building that shone in the afternoon light.

"CCG?" I question as I stare at the nameplate that stood not too far from the building. Next to it was a huge bulletin board that had a lot of papers attached to it. Touka followed my gaze and walked on over it while motioning us to follow.

"The Commission on Counter Ghoul. That is what this place is called." She merely answered and my eyes widened when pieces finally connected.

"D-don't me you're planning to go in there?" Kaneki panicked and Touka scoffed and shook her head.

"Not 'you're' it's 'we're'." She merely said as she began to read through to papers posted on the bulletin board.

"Look at this." She added and my eyes began to read the different names on the board. The Binge Eater…. Gourmet… wait-. My eyes stayed rooted on one particular paper and I felt my blood turn cold. Touka seemed to notice my gaze as she ripped the paper I was staring at and handed it to Kaneki.

"This is a wanted list for Hinami. Usually the doves get information from ordinary people so this is where our plan begins. Today, we are students from Shuuyuu High. I'll do the talking and the two of you will act as the yes-man." She planned as we walked towards the huge building. I could see Kaneki fidget worriedly and wondered if it was because he was having a hard time trying to adjust to the fact that he wasn't wearing an eye-patch today? I felt myself frown since back then, he never really worried about things like that when he was still… human.

"Act natural." Touka warned the moment we entered the vicinity and my senses quickly turned into overdrive as I scanned the many suited men that walked by while trying to act like a natural high school student.

"Hello how may I help you?" The lady in the booth greeted and that was when Touka began her act while showing the poster of Hinami's description to the lady. I felt guilt ripping me apart at having to use Hinami as bait, considering the fact that I had a hand in hurting her like this. Sorry may not be enough but I will make sure that when I see her again, I'll properly ask for her forgiveness.

"The person in-charge is on their way so please take your seat and wait." The lady bowed as she motioned to a guest lounge near the exit. My eyes continued to take in the office's landscape before they fell onto a weird contraption that resembled a metal detector. I was about to dismiss it as one but when I saw a police officer with a gun enter, it made me curios as to why it didn't sound an alarm. If CCG is really meant for countering ghouls then I find it weird that they have such lousy security if that was the case.

"Hey, Touka-chan. What's that gate for?" As if reading my mind, Kaneki voiced out his question and Touka's eyes followed our gaze to the gate where the doves darted in and out. Her face turned dark before she answered.

"It's an RC Scan Gate. I don't understand it that well but usually ghouls have a higher Rc factor that is ten times than that of humans. When those cell readings are examined, a ghoul can be found out in just one try. It seems that that gate can elicit a response that's why ghouls can only go so far as this. They aren't widely used since they are very expensive but it seems major companies have already started adopting it." She explained and I gripped the hem of my skirt tightly as I thought about how this technology could affect ghouls like Touka-chan and those in Anteiku. No doubt if this technology were to become successful then…

"If that happens we'll retreat back into the underground…" Touka-chan finished and my head snapped up to meet with her eyes. What is this feeling? Even if I told myself that I wanted to know a lot about them, why is it that somehow, I felt as if I wanted them to win this battle of theirs against the humans?

 _'Even if you're a human too? Are you condemning you're kind to such a life?'_ My inner thought asked me and I shook my head. No that's not it… I wouldn't wish for the humans to die and let the ghouls rule. It'll be no different if that were to happen. I know it's impossible but why can't both side just get along? I know it's an impossible wish but there are times I really wished that someone as insignificant as me could at least be able to do something prevent ghouls like Ryouko-san from dying and at the same time prevent ghouls from hunting down innocent humans…

"Sorry for waiting. Oh, what cute informants we have here!" I snapped back to reality when I saw a very cheerful woman approach us with a pen and notebook in hand. Touka began her story whereas Kaneki and I continued to act as her yes-man. My eyes continued to observe the lady before us and wondered to myself if she's killed ghouls before too. Seeing her cheerfulness, I deduced she didn't because her eyes held no sort of emptiness that could kill a living being with just a swipe of their blade.

"I heard the mother ghoul was already eliminated by two elite investigators from the main branch so I think they'll find the escaped ghoul soon." I overheard her say and I bit my lip wondering why she could say something like killing a mother and daughter to be something like that of an animal being hunted down.

Was my observation about her wrong? Could she really kill?

"Is that so? What a relief but… killing such a young child seems a bit heartbreaking, doesn't it?" Touka-chan replied and I could see the anger seething slightly from her gaze as she stared at the lady before us.

"It's okay because ghouls aren't humans. Since we have concerns that they might cause us harm then it's natural for us to want to destroy them." The lady smiled and I could see the shock look on Kaneki and Touka's faces as all three of us stared at this woman who could smile so earnestly and yet say something so horrible. I guess my observation about her was wrong then… this woman, no, this entire place seems to be ignorant to a ghoul's real life. Don't tell me that back then, I was like this too? That I was actually part of this ignorant society that didn't care what happened to the ghouls so long as they didn't harm us. I cursed at myself for being so stupid then as we got up to leave after talking with the woman. I cast her one last look and for some odd reason felt relieved that the me 'now' will never end up like her.

For the sake of every ghoul who accepted me and for letting me see their 'human' side then I'll make a more valiant effort to help them. This new world that Kaneki himself wished to protect too, even if there are times I will doubt this decision of mine, if it is for the people who took me in like family then I will protect them too.

 ***Thud***

I felt like hitting something or someone and fell to the ground on my butt. I cringed in pain as I massaged the sore spot and looked up to see an old man with long white hair and dressed in a long grey trench coat looking down on me. The moment our eyes met, I felt my body grow numb and my mind turn blank as fear began to grasp me tightly. This man… somehow he seems familiar as if I've seen him somewhere before. A flash, like a jolt of electricity, pierced my memory as an unfamiliar scene replayed in my mind.

* * *

 _"Mom? Where's dad?" I asked, my feet dangling on the very tall chair as I stared at the back of a woman with long black hair that reached till the small of her back. The woman stopped wiping the cup and set it down before she turned to me, her violet eyes trying its best to seem assuring._

 _"He's out… looking for food. I'm sure he'll be home soon so be more patient okay, Ayame-chan." The woman assured me and I felt myself bubble with excitement at the thought of the surprise he might bring home for me._

 ** _*knock* *knock*_**

 _My head snapped excitedly to the door and wondered if maybe dad had finally come home. I quickly slid off my chair and ran to open the door, not caring when my mother called out to me because I was so excited at what dad had brought home for today. I twisted the knob and was about to shout 'welcome home' when an unfamiliar man stood in front of me, his clothes covered in red. I tilted my head, wondering who he was and why they were carrying a briefcase with them._

 _"Ayame-chan I told you to-," I could hear my mom say before the sound of shattering glass made me turn to see that she had dropped the cup. A feeling of worry settled in my stomach as I stared at my mother who had a mix of fear, anger and rage mixing in her eyes. The man behind me chuckled as he patted me on the head and handed me a sack that felt so heavy when I held it._

 _"Your dad and I have been good acquaintances. Seeing as he was still busy doing an errand, he decided that I hand this to you seeing as you were so looking forward for his surprise." The man smiled and I grinned excitedly wondering what surprise dad had in store for me._

 _"No… wait, Ayame-," My mom tried to stop me but it was too late. Staring right back at me with dead eyes was none other than my father, his hair covered in dirt and his face as pale as snow. My body shook as I dropped the sack and his head rolled out of it causing my mother to scream in shock, pain and disgust. The man behind me laughed manically as he waved his briefcase and it turned into a blade that shone in multi-colored arrays of blue, green and red. My mom only shouted louder, tears stinging her eyes as she glared at the man._

 _"A human harboring a ghoul and not only that, to think you even had a child with such a creature. Such a vile human being. I look forward to punishing filthy animals like you. I wonder how he would react though? When he realizes that I killed you with his own kagune!" He laughed and was about to swing it at me. My eyes could only watch in horror as my mother pushed me back and the blade ran through her chest, shock only written on her face as she turned to me and said only one word._

 _"R-run…" A loud thud resounded in our home as my mother collapsed on the ground. Blood pooling the floor. I back away from my mother's lifeless body, her final words taking time to react before I heard the man laugh before me._

 _"A ghoul crying for her parents? How pathetic. I find it disgusting that ghouls would imitate humans. But rest assured, you'll be joining your mom and dad soon when I'm through with you." He walked to me and was about to raise his sword when-,_

* * *

"Ayame-san!?" My mind snapped back to reality and saw Kaneki and Touka looking at me worriedly. I scanned the place we were in and wondered why we were outside of CCG.

Since when did we get out?

"Are you alright? You've been spacing out ever since you bumped into that man. For a minute I thought I saw fear in your eyes. Do you know that man?" Touka-chan asked me worriedly and I was about to answer her when something stopped me.

Somehow… what on earth did I just recall? For some odd reason I know I did recall something but I just can't seem to remember it. It had something to do with that old man but all I can elicit from his face was an odd sense of fear. I could still feel my body shaking from seeing him and wondered to myself why I would be afraid of someone I had just met?

"I- I don't know really know why. Must be because he was a dove and it set me on edge to know we were so close to one." I could only hypothesize seeing as I really had no reason as to why the man gave me so much fear when I saw him. Touka and Kaneki seemed to accept my answer, considering the fact that I was really honest when I said that I don't really know why the man scared me.

"Anyways, we should thank the half bastard here for saving us." Touka-chan huffed as she pointed to Kaneki who scratched the back of his embarrassingly.

"Huh?" I asked and Touka slapped him on the back rather harshly before she turned away from us and started to walk.

"That man tried to get us to go through the Rc Scan. Seeing as you were out for a minute, he grabbed Kaneki and for some odd reason the Rc Scan detected him as 'clean'. I don't care how he did it but that guys just saved us from a whole lot of trouble." She explained as she quickly walked away. Kaneki followed suite and it took me a while to follow as my eyes turned back to the tower of CCG.

 _'Ghoul Investigators huh…'_

* * *

 **-Back in CCG (3rd Person)-**

"Mado-san." A voice called out and the man with white-hair and dressed in a trench coat turned to face his partner.

"Amon-kun." He acknowledged the young man with black hair. The man eyed him worriedly, wondering why his superior was just standing in the same spot for quite a while. Due to the death of his fellow comrade he assumed that his superior would accompany him to the wake but clearly that wasn't the case.

"Why are you in a place like this?" He questioned and the man name Mado just curiously stared at the doors to CCG before answering his partner.

"Well… there were three students who came to give information earlier. I knew immediately something was up with them. I took the boy who couldn't calm down through the gate for a check but it seems somehow I was mistaken. I wonder if it's a sign that I am already getting old?" He wondered but besides those two curious kids, the third one caught his interest as well.

"Those eyes. I've seen them somewhere before." He said to himself as he pictured that girl's image into his mind. That black hair and those violet eyes, he just couldn't seem to quite pinpoint where he had seen them before. Maybe he really was getting old, considering that he was already becoming forgetful.

 _'Maybe checking the database might shed some light.'_ He thought to himself as he waved his partner a quick good-bye and strode towards his office.

* * *

 **Yes I am on an updating spree right now. Got no classes today due to the weather so I have free time to update this fic *celebrates*. Looks like Mado is somehow connected to Ayame and here we see a portion of her past before her adoption. I'm glad that a lot of people consider this a good fic and it makes me want to try harder to appease everyone as I continue to write it. If ever there are OOCs please do not hesitate to tell me seeing as I am trying my best to get everyone in-character. Last thing I need is to spoil it by making them too OOC. Thank you for the support and I hope I can make everyone enjoy this fic more.**

 **Fave and Review Guys**!


	12. Lost and Found

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture.**

 **A/N: Now for the Replies :)**

 **lovinurbuks:** Thanks for the feedback. It makes me happy to know that you think it's a great story. I'll really do my best to keep up with everyone's tastes and let them enjoy this fanfic of TG.

 **Number 2415 L.S:** Actually I was already thinking about the 'losing control part and killing them' but then the idea that having amnesia due to trauma was a much more better approach for me since it made her have interactions with people other than those in Anteiku (i.e: her connection to Mado) and also to make it more understandable as to why she doesn't even know that she is a half-ghoul.

 **PrettyChelsea:** The part about Kaneki follows the manga and I wanted to keep it that way rather than get Ayame to do it. I decided that she would take Touka's role of bumping into Mado since it made me easily insert her past into the picture so we can all have a better understanding about Ayame's past.

 **MsParthenopaeus:** I'm glad you enjoyed my work XD

 **Now back to the Story!**

 ** _A/N:_** _Reedited 01/31/16_

 _Dialogues and Errors fixed!_

* * *

 **Chapter XII: Lost and Found**

* * *

 ** _"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over… She began to fly…"_**

 ** _-Spirit Science-_**

* * *

 **-Unknown Time (3rd Person)-**

 ***Huff* *Huff***

"Oof." A weak squeal erupted from the mouth of a little girl as she collided with the snow covered dirt road. She shivered violently in her blood-stained dress as she tried to get up and run as far from that scene as possible.

 _'A bad man came to our house… Mom told me to run and hide… Dad must be somewhere out there… Mom's hurt and I have to find Dad…'_ The girl tiredly thought to herself as she hid behind a bush, the sound of quick footsteps trudging through the thick snow coming closer.

"Did you find it?"

"No, I lost track of it the moment we made the turn."

"Damn it!"

Her heart quickened as the sound of the footsteps got closer. ' _The bad people are coming… Mom? Dad? Where are you?'_ She cried to herself, warm tears cascading down her cheeks, her bare feet turning blue from the cold snow. Winter had always been her favorite season so why?

Why does her winter right now feel so unbearably cold?

"Mom… Dad…" The girl continued to whimper as she huddled closer, doing her best to warm her frozen fingers with her breathe. Where could her parents be? Didn't her mom say that her dad had gone out to look for food? Where could her dad be? Surely he would have sensed something amiss, right? If only her dad had been there then the bad guys wouldn't stand a chance… that's why-,

 _'Have you forgotten?'_ No. That was a dream. It was not possible.

 _'Really? But you saw it with your own eyes, right?'_ Did she really see it? No it was too dark. She didn't see it… she saw nothing.

 _'But it rolled out of the sack, remember?'_ No that wasn't him, he couldn't have… it was a joke a bad joke played by the bad guys to trick her.

 _'A joke? But how could something like that be a joke? You saw the man covered in red right? That wasn't an illusion! That was blood! Your precious daddy's blood!'_ No! The little girl covered her ears, trying in vain to close off the voices that toyed with her mind. No! There was no way her dad was gone. Mom said he was the strongest out there, there was just no way he would lose to anyone if he was strong. That's why, what she saw was a lie, a very bad dream she would soon wake up from.

 _'How about you go back? If it really is a dream then why are you hiding in fear? Wouldn't running back home to mom and dad be safer?'_ The voice taunted as the girl continued to shiver both from the cold and the fear of facing the reality.

The reality that both of her parents are gone.

"I found it!" One of the voices shouted and the girl snapped her head up to see three people surrounding her. In the middle stood the same man that visited her home. His eyes twinkling in an odd yet frightening glee as he aimed the sword at her.

"Now where were we?" He chuckled as a horrified look was plastered on the girl's face.

 _'That's right. You weren't dreaming at all…'_ The voice in her mind chuckled darkly as the girl shouted in horrified agony at the sight of the gleaming sword before her.

"Oh, I see you recognize it. That's right! This is daddy and this here…" He trailed off as he threw something at the little girl's lap. The girl looked down at her lap and her eyes could only stare at it, the agony and horror completely reaching its breaking point.

On her lap lay her mother's severed finger, the wedding ring glaring at the girl in the moonlight.

"Hahahaha! Look at it! Look at how the monster cries for her mommy. Oh how wonderful! Now show me, show me your power! Let me see what kind of Quinque I can make out of it!" The man in the middle laughed hysterically as the shocked child stood shakily, her right eye turning black and her iris a deep crimson red as she stared in complete horror at her enemies. Her mind had gone blank now, unable to comprehend the trauma that had been presented before her. Fiery wings that resembled that of a butterfly's blossomed from her shoulders coloring the ambiance in a pulsing mix of violet and black. The man watched in excitement as two tails appeared from her tail bone. The kagune thrashing wildly on the snow covered floor.

"Sir allow us to-," One of his men was about to propose but the man stopped him. No, this ghoul will be his new collection. To think he had finally found a chimera, what a stroke of luck this is and he wasn't about to let someone else steal that chance from him. Killing ghouls is his life now and to deprive him of such was the same thing as depriving a human to eat.

"Well? Come at me little filth." The man readied his blade to block as the girl vanished and appeared in front of him and aimed her kagune at the sword. The sword shook in his grasp causing the man to eye it curiously for a second before he saw the girl vanish and his eyes widened in slight surprise.

"Gwah!" One of his men shouted before the sound of something hitting the snows with a thud followed. The man didn't have to know that one of his men had just fallen victim to this ghoul. He smiled at this 'rare' find of his and wasted no moment to issue a retreat to his subordinates so that none of them would get in the way.

"But Inspector Mado! If we leave you then-," One of his men tried to reason but Mado stopped him. He pointed the sword at the subordinate and the man gulped in surprise and fear at the sight of the sword a few inches from his face.

"Now, now. I'm capable of taking this down on my own. I'm not stopping you if you want to stay but it won't be my fault if you get in between of me and this ghoul and I end up stabbing you." He warned lightly but it was enough to get the man to comply. After all, it was already a common rumor… no a truth around CCG when it concerned this man.

That Kureo Mado was one crazy person.

"Yes, sir. Everyone move out!" The man complied and ordered a quick retreat to all the remaining forces. The park slowly turned quiet until only the sound of the tails slamming onto the snow was heard. Mado readied his blade, his foot slowly inching forward until the girl vanished and he quickly swerved to his right and blocked the tails that were aimed at him. Luckily, since the girl was still young, she had very weak strength so it required two of her tails just to be able to go on par with his Quinque.

 ***Rattle***

Mado's Quinque shook from the impact which forced him to back away and pull up his other briefcase to summon a Koukaku shield that easily blocked the projectiles that the girl just released. Mado smiled again at this little monster that could keep up to him regardless of her small size and inexperience in the field of combat.

"Although it might get a bit sticky considering the fact that my sword is starting to feel heavy for some odd reason." Mado muttered to himself as he dodged another oncoming attack from her Ukaku and easily swiped off the tail that was aiming for his chest. A painful howl echoed in the silent night as the girl tumbled to the ground from the pain. Mado stood above the ghoul, his smile never wavering as he watched the ghoul pathetically try to get up. His foot quickly stepped on the remaining tail to prevent movement and the ghoul looked up to meet his face.

"What? Out of gas already? As expected of an inexperienced Ukaku-user. Though, it is still nice to have found a fine chimera such as you to be part of my collection."

"Give them back… them back…" The girl could only beg which made Mado chuckle. Oh, the sound of filth begging for mercy. It was music to Mado's ears. He wondered if his wife ended up like this too on that day. Alone and begging for mercy? He laughed to himself. No his wife was stronger than that, she would've stared at her killer's eyes, relinquishing him of the joy to see her in pain.

"Ah, Kasuka. It looks like it'll take a while for me to finally avenge you. But for the meantime, I'll help myself to a little bit of fun before that." He cackled and was about to stab the ghoul with his Quinque when the blade suddenly rattled again and exploded into a million pieces the moment it connected with the weak shield the girl tried to make with her Ukaku. Mado stared in curiosity at his broken blade before he turned to his prey only to see an empty pile of bloodied snow. Mado looked up to the roof of the houses and spotted his prey jumping from roof to roof, the wings blazing in the snowy sky.

"Ah, it looks like I've underestimated our little filth. But it's not like I didn't deal any damage. By then she would have died of either hypothermia or blood loss even with fast regeneration abilities. A wound from another kagune usually takes a considerable amount time to heal. Just when I thought I would have another weapon… looks like I'll just find a new one then." Mado said to no one but himself as he retracted the shield and broken sword before walking back to look for his men.

* * *

 _'Dad saved me…'_ The girl huffed as she jumped from roof to roof before slipping from exhaustion and fell to the concrete streets. She didn't know how she got injured though, the last she recalled was when that man threw… he threw…

 _'Mom…Dad…'_ The girl wailed in pain, blood seeping to the concrete. Where could she even go? Her parents are gone and she doesn't even have any relatives that lived here. In fact, she never even knew any other family members besides her mom and dad. Fatigue washed over her as she tried to get up but only to collapse to the ground, her eyes hazily looking up at the snowy sky.

 _'Will I finally see mom and dad?'_ The girl thought to herself as she tried to catch the falling snow, her bloodied hands touching the frozen water. The sound of footsteps running to her echoed in the night and the girl wondered if the bad guys had finally found her. She wanted to run, yes, but to where? If her parents are really gone then wouldn't it be better if she were gone too? That way, she would finally be able to go to where they are.

How she hated being alone.

"Hey! Are you alright! So much blood… Honey, Help me here! There's a wounded child!" She could hear a woman's voice shouting. A figure loomed over the girl, black eyes meeting tired violet ones. She felt herself being lifted from the cold snow, the warmth of the person lulling her to sleep. The girl gripped onto the stranger's shirt, taking the woman by surprise as she looked down on the sleeping figure, wondering how such a small child procured such wounds.

"Kyoko! I heard you shouting what-," A man jogged to his wife and stopped midway when he saw Kyoko holding an injured child in her arms. Groceries forgotten, the man ran to the child to check her pulse and sighed in relief to know she was still alive.

"We have to take her to the hospital. From there we can then contact the parents. I don't know how she ended up like this but it's only right that we help." The husband planned out and was about to call on the phone when his wife stopped him. The man turned to his wife and followed her gaze to the child's wounds that were somehow healing slowly by themselves. Worry etched his face as he looked back to his wife to see that she too had come up with the same conclusion.

That this child was not a human but a ghoul.

"Let's take her back with us, Shin." Kyoko suggested which made Shin's eyes widen.

"Are you insane? Her parents could be lurking around the corner. Have you forgotten that ghouls eat humans? It's too dangerous."

"But if we leave her here she will die! We can't just leave her like this." Kyoko argued, making Shin wonder why on earth his wife was so hell bent on saving this ghoul.

"Besides, I doubt her parents would look for her..." Kyoko trailed off and before Shin could ask why, the woman pointed on the girl's hand and when Shin looked, his eyes widened as he backed away from the severed finger the girl desperately held onto. How his wife could stomach the sight was beyond him but it did answer one question though and that was the fact that this girl was now all alone.

"Mom… Dad… don't leave me alone…" The girl whimpered in her sleep causing Shin to look at it with a mix of apprehension and pity. He was always aware that ghouls were dangerous but looking at this girl made him wonder if all ghouls were really evil. This ghoul that his wife cradled, he wondered how much she went through all alone and in such a state. If his daughter, Yukiko, were in the same predicament wouldn't he want someone like them to help her too?

"Shin?" Kyoko called out to him causing Shin to sigh.

"Fine, but we must not let CCG find out. Who knows what they can do if they find out we're harboring a ghoul." Shin finally agreed and Kyoko beamed happily before offering a quick kiss to her husband's lips.

"And this is why I married you!" She giggled and Shin blushed scarlet as he quickly picked up the groceries and followed his wife.

"Oi! That was unfair and this is a child we're taking in not a cat, Kyoko. How on earth are going to raise it while making sure she keeps her identity a secret?"

"We'll raise her like a human, silly. Besides, I'm a teacher so I can handle her education until she reaches middle-school. By then she'll be able to control her powers."

"And Yukiko?" Shin asked worriedly for their daughter's safety. Kyoko slowed a bit, her eyes darting to the girl's sleeping figure.

"Yukiko did always want a younger sister. So we can just tell her we found one!" She tried to sound a bit optimistic.

"She's a ghoul! What if she hurts her?" Shin reminded her. Sometimes, Kyoko did have the tendency to forget such major details.

"She won't hurt, Yukiko." Kyoko said with such assurance which made Shin wonder sometimes where his wife found such optimism. Was this why he married her? Because she somehow made him have a more positive outlook in life.

"How can you be so sure?" Shin finally asked and his wife smiled as they continued to walk back home.

"Because we are family. Family members never hurt each other."

* * *

"Papa, Mama! Welcome Home!" A girl with black hair and eyes greeted happily as she watched her parents enter their home.

"We're home, Yukiko." Shin kissed his daughter's forehead. Yukiko giggled happily before her eyes trailed to the figure in her mother's arms.

"Who's that?" Yukiko asked curiously, causing Shin to turn to his wife worriedly. Kyoko merely smiled as she gestured her daughter forward to give her a full view of a sleeping girl. Her tattered clothes showing a few scratches and scars that were, to Yukiko's amazement, were already disappearing.

"Yukiko, this is your new sister!" Kyoko said excitedly causing her husband to sigh, wondering how his daughter was going to take in this sudden announcement.

"Sister?" Yukiko asked and Kyoko nodded. Shin was about to get in between the mother and child, hoping to properly explain to his daughter the situation when his he saw his daughter's eyes twinkle as she closed in on the unconscious girl.

"Really!? I've always wanted a little sister! Did the stork drop her down? I thought they dropped babies so why is she so big?" Yukiko blabbed on making Kyoko wink in secret to her now shocked husband.

"I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree then." Shin sighed, realizing that his daughter had in fact, taken after her mother. The sudden noise caused the girl in Kyoko's arms to stir making all three of them turn to her as she slowly opened her violet eyes.

"Wh-where am I?" The girl asked, her voice rasped and ragged. Her eyes scanned the house and saw three people huddled around her. Her head throbbed painfully as the woman steadied her and helped her to the living room. The girl felt something in her hand and she lifted up her hands to see a severed finger on her palm. The memories flooded her in an instant, causing her to tremble violently.

"Are you okay!?" The woman asked her worriedly but all she got as a reply was a wail so loud it made all three of them jump in surprise. Shin couldn't fathom what this girl had been through because her cry felt so raw and sharp that he could feel his heart throbbing painfully in his chest. He cradled the now crying Yukiko in his arms, knowing full well that his daughter couldn't understand why her 'sister' was crying so painfully. Kyoko quickly hugged the girl to soothe her, trying her best to stop the tears.

"Why did they leave me? Why did the bad man take them? What did we do wrong? Mom! Dad! Where are they?" The girl kept on crying, gripping onto the finger so tightly while embracing the stranger before her. So she was right, her parents are indeed gone. Such a little girl all alone to fend for herself in the streets!? It was unforgivable! This was why she became a teacher, because she loved kids and wanted to do whatever she could to help them. It was her maternal side as well that spurned her to help this child whether she was a ghoul or not.

No matter what, she just couldn't leave this child alone.

"Shh… it's alright, sweetie. You're safe now. No one will look for you here. I understand you've went through so much that not even words are enough to describe it but please don't be scared. I'm… no… we're here for you. Now look at me-," Kyoko tried to soothe the child as she slowly lifted the girl's head to face her.

"From now on, I'll be your new mommy. My name is Kyoko and over there is your new daddy, Shin. Also you have an older sister and both you have to get along. Her name is Yukiko." Kyoko tried to explain slowly, doing her best to act strong and assuring to the frightened child.

"No… mom and dad are gone! I'm all alone…" She cried and Kyoko embraced the child again to try and keep her from breaking down any more than she should. She hated seeing this child so broken. It was worth a shot to try and convince her that she could live with them like a family but it was quite obvious that this girl was far from moving on. Who wouldn't be, what she saw must've been so traumatizing that it left her in this state.

"You're not alone okay! Shh… I'm here, mommy's here and so is daddy and big sister. No one is going to leave you alone, okay! We won't leave so don't cry…" Kyoko kept assuring her. The girl continued to sob but it was assuring for Shin to know that his wife must've finally gotten to her because the girl was finally calming down, her wails finally turning to sniffles as she hugged Kyoko tightly. Yukiko stopped crying as well, watching her new little sister with worry which made Shin wonder to himself how it was so quick for Yukiko to form such a connection to the new addition of the family.

"Ma…Mama?" The girl slowly whispered into Kyoko's ear causing her to turn to the girl who, after crying so much, had fallen asleep on her shoulders.

"Shin, take Yukiko back to bed. I'll handle it from here." Kyoko ordered her husband. Shin gave her a worried look but nevertheless complied and helped Yukiko to her room, much to Yukiko's disappointment since she wanted to play with the little sister. The moment the two were finally out of earshot. Kyoko hoisted the child up while gently taking the severed finger from the sleeping girl's hands. Slipping the ring off of the finger, Kyoko then placed the finger inside a small box she found in a drawer and placed it in her pocket as she helped the little girl wash up and get changed.

"Kyoko, are you done? Yukiko's already fast asleep." Shin peeped from the guest bedroom that Kyoko had now decorated to look somewhat like a kid's room. Kyoko quickly put her fingers to her lips as she tucked the girl in before walking out with her husband to the living room.

"I buried it." She simply said and Shin nodded, knowing full well that she was referring to the finger that girl was carrying with her.

"But why only the finger? Why not the ring?" Shin asked when he saw his wife holding onto the ring in her hands. Kyoko smiled sadly at the little jewelry as she put in her pocket.

"She would look for it. I wouldn't want her to lose something like this, it's her last memento from her parents after all. I'm sorry if it suddenly turned out like this but she'll adjust. I want to help her try and face the future. It was painful seeing her like that, Shin. Like she had already given up everything. It's just too sad…" Kyoko cried before Shine pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I know. Isn't that why I agreed to it? Because I thought that, if it had been Yukiko, wouldn't I want someone to help her too? We may not share the same empathy but that girl needs someone to lean on. Besides, it isn't so bad to add another addition to the family." Shin grinned at his wife. Kyoko wiped the tears on her face and smiled back as well, thankful that she was blessed with such a family.

If she was this blessed, then surely she would help that girl find a reason to live too.

* * *

The girl opened her eyes and scanned the room, wondering why she felt so tired and sleepy when usually she was such an early bird. Bird's chirped outside in the sunny winter day, making the girl frown at the sight.

Winter was never her favorite season.

Her head throbbed painfully as she tried to carefully get off the bed, the sheets oddly foreign to her touch before she slipped and fell face-first onto the wooden floor. She cringed in pain and froze when several footsteps echoed in the hallway and the door burst open to reveal two people looking at her worriedly. Her eyes trailed to the woman as the woman kneeled in front of her and checked her for any injuries.

"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" The woman asked and the girl was about to answer when she stopped halfway. There dangling on the woman's neck was a familiar ring and the girl felt her eyes water as she quickly hugged the woman, taking her by surprise.

"Mom! Ayame had a bad dream… I was so scared." The girl cried as she hugged Kyoko tighter. Kyoko, still in surprise, stared at the little girl who just last night refused to acknowledged her as her new mother.

"What was the dream about, Ayame-chan?" Shin asked, completely surprised himself as to the girl's sudden change in character. Ayame wiped the tears in her eyes and was about to answer when she paused, her mind completely blank as to what the dream was about. She looked worriedly into her parent's eyes, trying her best to recall but she could not.

"I-I don't know what it was about but it was scary… that's all I know…" She shook her head, wondering why she was forgetting something like a dream. Both her parent's turned to each other worriedly, wondering what was going on when Kyoko replied to Ayame's curious stare.

"Ayame, do you know what happened last night?" Her mom asked and Ayame tilted her head, wondering why she was asking such a question.

"I was-," Ayame was about to say when her mind went blank again making her wonder what she had done the other day. Her frown only deepened as she tried to recall anything to mind but only an empty echo resounded from her memories.

"I don't know… mom, why can't I recall?" Ayame asked her mom and Kyoko could only look back to Shin worriedly.

 _'Amnesia?'_ Kyoko thought to herself but if it was the case then why did Ayame call her 'mom' by instinct? Surely if she had no recollection of yesterday then it's impossible for her to remember the part where Kyoko told her to call her 'mom' and Shin 'dad'.

"Ayame-chan? Why do say that I am mom?" Kyoko tried to ask doing her best to stay calm so that Ayame wouldn't bring up any painful memories in her mind. The last thing Kyoko wanted to do was suddenly let her remember something so traumatic.

"Huh? But I've always call you mom! Besides, you and dad are the weird ones, mom." Ayame pouted her dream forgotten and her focus now as to why her mom was asking her weird questions today.

"W-what do you mean?" Kyoko asked worriedly, wondering if maybe Ayame had recalled something bad because of her. Ayame quickly pointed the ring on her neck and Kyoko's eyes widened, thinking that maybe she had finally regained her memories.

"Did you and dad fight? Both of you never remove your rings no matter where you go even if you are at home. If it's because of Ayame then I-I-," Ayame was about to cry when Kyoko panicked and assured her that she wasn't the cause.

"Could it be she jumbled her memories because of the trauma?" Shin asked his wife quietly, Ayame looking between them curiously, her tantrums finally appeased when Kyoko wore the ring and when Shin managed to convince her that he had lost his and was going to look for it later. Kyoko turned to her husband, the same thoughts swirling in her mind.

"But what makes you say so?" Kyoko asked her husband and Shin wondered to himself too before Yukiko burst into the room, her eyes locking with Ayame who was sitting on the bed.

"Ah! There you are." Yukiko grinned making Ayame frown as to what she wanted from her.

"Yukiko-nee. What do you want?" She asked worriedly making Shina and Kyoko look at Ayame in shock and worry. Before Kyoko could react, Shin quickly told Ayame and Yukiko to play outside for a bit making Yukiko grin and Ayame frown.

"But I hate snow!" She pouted but reluctantly went out anyway when Yukiko half-dragged her out of the room and into the bathroom to get changed. Only Kyoko and Shin remained in the room, trying to decipher the mystery behind Ayame's jumbled memory.

"If her memories are jumbled then it means she has no recollection of the incident with her parents. If that's the case then she should be asking who we are and not calling us mom and dad." Shin explained but even he was confused as to why Ayame was behaving like this. Kyoko took in his explanation and thought of the reason as well until her eyes settled onto the ring on her finger and a realization hit her.

"What if she knows about last night?" Kyoko hypothesized making Shin frown.

"Then she wouldn't be calling us mom and dad. Surely she'd have remembered her real parents and would be crying right now, not playing outside with Yukiko."

"No, what I mean is, what if the trauma of her parent's scrambled her memory about them but because she couldn't accept their death, she wanted to think that they were still alive. Meaning that what I told her about us being a family stuck into her mind, causing her to think that she had always been with us as a family! It would explain why she called Yukiko 'big sister' and why she questioned us about the ring. To her we were always her parents because of what I told her about us becoming her family. The only assurance that she had to make this idea from her jumbled memories possible was because of the ring." Kyoko explained further before she pulled out the ring and showed it to Shin.

"So she has jumbled recollections of the past but her memories are so mixed up to the point that she thinks she grew up with us all this time like a family even if she can't recall it?" He repeated and Kyoko nodded, her eyes looking pitifully at Ayame playing happily with Yukiko.

"Her assurance for the memory is the ring I wear. Because it came from her mother, it is the only sign she has that I am her mother. Even if she can't recall, as long as I wear this ring then she will know I am her mother. I know it's too much to ask but we can't let her remember yet, Shin. You know as well as I do what will happen if she remembers. Until she reaches middle-school just please bear with me." Kyoko gripped her husband's arms and looked up to him, begging him to understand.

"I understand, Kyoko so don't worry. What I'm worried about is if that's the case then no doubt she has no recollection that she is a ghoul. How will we hide it from her? Ghouls eat nothing but human meat." Shin worriedly looked to his wife and Kyoko cringed her grasp loosening on the ring.

"So we have no choice?" She looked up and only a grim look was on Shin's face, a clear indication that they had no choice if it meant helping the girl.

"Just when I thought that everything was finally going well…"

* * *

"Yukiko! Ayame! Breakfast is ready!" Kyoko called out and she smiled sadly at the pair that was now laughing as they ran back home. Surely, there was another way? But Yukiko would get suspicious if she wondered why Ayame didn't eat, they couldn't possibly do something to destroy such a relationship? Ayame sat on the table and scanned the food, her eyes settling on the omelet that Shin was now cutting into four parts.

"Omelet please!" Both girls said in unison causing Shin to frown as he placed the dish on Yukiko's and finally reluctantly on Ayame's plate.

"Last one is a rotten egg!" Yukiko taunted playfully and Ayame grinned before both started to wolf down on the dish. Kyoko and Shin watched in anticipation, wondering if Ayame would notice something off with the dish and in the process remember everything after she figures out that she is in fact a ghoul. That everyone in this room aren't her real family and that her real ones are no longer here… Kyoko and Shin just couldn't bear to see the girl break again.

"Seconds!" Both shouted in unison and this time it took Kyoko and Shin a second to respond before the kids eyed them worriedly.

"Is there something wrong, mom… dad?" Ayame asked as she gazed worriedly at her parents, wondering why they were so pale like they've seen a ghost or something. Shin was the first to break from the shock as he tried to act natural and put the egg on their plates.

"Are you sure you'll be fine, Ayame-chan? You might get a stomach ache if you eat too much." Shin asked worriedly and Ayame frowned wondering why her dad was stopping her from eating more.

"Eh? But you and mom always cooked lots for breakfast… Bacon, egg, bread and cheese. You always told me to eat lots so I can be healthy!" She pouted and it took Shin a second to understand the situation. A ghoul enjoying human food? Surely that was impossible… and yet here was a ghoul eating before them human food… did it mean that there was a chance? A chance that he and his wife could help this girl find a reason to live?

"Kyoko?" Shin turned to his wife who looked completely in shock. The room suddenly turned quiet and Shin noticed that Ayame and Yukiko were looking at Kyoko worriedly.

"Mom, why are you crying?" Ayame asked and Kyoko just shook her head, wiping her tears as she hugged both of her children tightly.

"Nothing… Mom is just very happy."

* * *

 **-Timeskip: Present (Ayame's POV)-**

I opened my eyes and felt something warm slide down my face. I groggily got up from my bed and looked at my alarm, sighing when I saw that I woke up too early.

Did I cry in my sleep?

This never happened before until I met that old man. The tears in this dream were painful but somehow during the end I would stop crying for some unknown reason. I don't know what the reason was but it made me remember everyone back home, which made my heart constrict in both pain and loneliness. I remember when I entered middle-school when mom and dad admitted that I had been an adopted daughter. It shocked me at first but for some odd reason I was expecting it. I don't know why but that was what my heart told me. They were afraid to tell me at first but I told them that it was alright, after all, they were my family now. They were the ones that raised me and made me who I am today. Mom, Dad and Yukiko even Kaneki, Hide and Anteiku… they are all family to me. Family is not ruled by blood after all, it is the bonds that forge it and make it strong.

"And yet for some odd reason why do I feel so sad?" I say to myself as I stare at the morning sky. That's right, every time I see the ring mom handed to me that came from my real mother, I feel a strange mix of sadness and anger. Sadness because it felt like it was too late to see them, it was as if they were in some far place where I couldn't reach them. I was angry as well but not at them but at… That's right, I couldn't explain why I was angry and at whom I was directing it at. I sighed as I scratched the back of my head in irritation wondering why I couldn't recall anything about my real parents.

I asked mom and dad before about my real parents but they always avoided talking about it. All they kept repeating was that they found me passed out in the snow and decided to take me home. Mom told me that it was the ring that made me mistake them for my parents and because I was too young they couldn't reveal the truth to me that time so they played along with what I said and they became my parents. I grew up with that idea in my mind until I reached middle-school and mom told me the truth.

"Now it makes me want to search for them…" I mutter to myself wondering where they could be right now…

After all, wouldn't it be nice… to have a family reunion with them again?

* * *

 **Yes a past arc for those of you who are wondering. Thank you for the fave and review guys. Sorry but this is the last time I'll be updating this fast since October is up and professor decided to let us answer a whole book and pass it before the end of October otherwise our grades will be left blank. Don't want that now because I don't want to have to repeat his subject again (T-T). Please tell me if there are any inconsistencies with this chapter, since I wanted to show Ayame's take on her parent's death and how she came to have amnesia about it but I couldn't really see if there were any plot-holes in it since it really is hard to edit my own work.**

 **Once Again Fave and Review Guys!**


	13. This World We Live In

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!**

 **Xavier Rall** : Thank you for thinking of my fanfic that way. I know I have a bit of errors here and there but I will do my best to make you enjoy this fanfic even more!

 **Number 2451 L.S:** Well I'm not surprised why you would think it to be relaxing seeing as the scene is the usual way a Tokyo Ghoul episode would start off with (you know, all the angst and the gore).

 **lovinurbuks:** Thank you for the support! In fact, I'm quite pleased to announce that our assignments are finally over and I can finally start updating again. I'm glad to know I did well with her tragedy because this will actually be the first fic where I tried to see how well I can do tragedy story.

 **Blanknight:** Thank you and I wish I could always update that fast but college has been tough lately since I'll be graduating soon but I will do my best to update. Thank you for the support J

 **tats magicalmcguffins:** Thank you for your own share of experiences. Glad to know I managed to make Ayame a worthy OC for readers out there and I hope I can continue to do so in the upcoming chapters J

 **winddemon199:** The trauma did mix her memories but because she was a half-ghoul (natural born) who unlike Kaneki (who was artificially turned) Ayame had a human side that enabled her to eat human food (hence why she didn't feel disgusted when she ate those human foods).

 **Now back to the Story!**

 ** _A/N:_** _Reedited 01/31/16_

 _Dialogues and Errors fixed!_

* * *

 **Chapter XIII: This World We Live In**

* * *

 ** _"It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality."_**

 ** _-Rick Riordan-_**

* * *

 ***Ring* *Ring***

I growled angrily at the sound of my phone ringing and groggily got up the bed.

"I swear whoever woke me up from my nap time will-," I was about to complain and stopped when I saw Kaneki's name on the caller I.D. A feeling of worry settled in the pit of my stomach since it was unusual of Kaneki to call me so abruptly. He would usually leave messages and if it was asking us to hang out then he'd come get us himself. For him to call so suddenly meant something was off.

"Hello, Kaneki?" I asked when I picked up the phone. I heard Kaneki breathing tiredly from the other end and the sound of shoes running on asphalt moved in sync before Kaneki answered.

"S-sorry if I disturbed you but this is urgent. Did you by any chance see Hinami-chan?" He asked while huffing, taking in ragged breaths while waiting for my answer.

"No, I never really left the house. Is there something wrong, Kaneki? Did something happen to Hinami?" I asked, my voice slightly rising a little from worry. I fumbled off my bed and shrugged off my pajamas before quickly slipping into my jeans and blue shirt. After Fueguchi-san's death, I know Hinami-chan locked herself in her room. The thought alone made me guilty because I was there and yet I couldn't do anything to save her mother. I wanted to apologize to her as soon as I could and just when I thought I finally could, Kaneki calls me up and says she's missing.

Did she run away?

No she couldn't have… She wouldn't do something like that. Could it be vengeance? Revenge for her mom's death? She did see their faces before Kaneki covered her eyes just minutes before that white-haired man sliced her mother's head clean off the neck. I shivered at the memory and shook my head. Even if she did hate them, I doubt Hinami would have the heart to kill a human. I doubt Fueguchi-san raised her daughter to be a killer. Seeing as they couldn't hunt by themselves, it was obvious that Hinami couldn't kill. So then where? Where could she have gone?

"Tell me where you are so we can meet up. I'll help you look for her." I say over the line and Kaneki manages a slight yelp of disagreement before he answers.

"No! It's dangerous. If Hinami-chan really is missing then the doves could be involved. I can't put you in any more danger."

"I'll be fine if I stay quiet. I'll help you look for her. If it gets complicated then I'll leave. I don't want to sit here and do nothing, I'm as worried as you guys are too and I owe her an apology. Besides, you promised me, no keeping secrets or things to yourself." I retorted and a sigh escaped from his lips as he conceded defeat.

"I don't like this idea but fine, you can help. Just promise me you'll leave when it gets too dangerous." Kaneki begged me and I nodded.

"Deal."

"Then meet me near the intersection and please hurry." He replied before cutting off the call and I scrambled to put on my shoes. I quickly grabbed my keys and bag before locking my apartment and running out towards the intersection.

 _'Please, Hinami. Please be safe.'_

* * *

"Kaneki!" I huffed when I saw him pacing anxiously by the intersection. He quickly waved at me as I halted in front of him and huffed to regain my composure.

"Did you find her?" I asked but Kaneki shook his head before we started sprinting again while scanning the place for Hinami.

"Touka-chan's gone ahead to check. I wish I realized this sooner since it felt odd that she was sleeping for too long and didn't answer any of my knocks."

"Any reason why she'd run off?" I asked when we made a turn to the left that led to a bridge that overlooked a few houses. I noticed the crowd begin to thin out until it was just us as we continued to sprint towards the tunnel.

"I don't know the reason why but I think Touka-chan does but I didn't have time to ask since she flew off by herself." Kaneki shook his head before we skidded to a stop at the sound of his phone ringing.

"Hello? Touka-chan?" Kaneki asked and I stared worriedly, praying that it was good news. A smile formed on Kaneki's lips before he passed me a thumbs up and I felt the need to sigh in relief. Thank the gods, they finally found her.

"She disconnected the last minute but she said she found Hinami-chan by the Kasahara River." Kaneki sighed in relief and I paused before my mind began to wonder why Hinami would be there of all places. Wasn't that the place where Touka-chan tried to trick the doves into searching? Why would she be-,

"That's the Kasahara River we just left, isn't it! I will come right away! Until then." A voice shouted and both of us darted to see a well-built man in a familiar gray trench coat and a silver suitcase. The puzzles in my mind quickly connected together before I felt Kaneki grab me by the shoulder.

"Kaneki, that man…he's a dove isn't he. Not only that, but he mentioned the Kasahara River. D-does that mean-," I tried to say before he stopped me and turned to see him put on his mask.

Wait don't tell me-!

"I don't want to witness the same thing happen as that time with Ryouko-san. Please, no matter what happens, stay here. I'll try to hold him off." Kaneki said and before I could retort, he then jumped off the ledge and stopped right in front of the man who had now noticed him.

"That idiot." I cursed and turned to try and find Touka-chan and Hinami-chan. If that man that Kaneki stopped was heading there then no doubt Touka-chan and Hinami-chan are really in Kasahara River. Kaneki is right, I don't want to let them end up like Fueguchi-san. That is why I have to do what I can even in this weakened state of mine. Even if I'm just a human, there something I can still do to help, right?

"Please let me make it in time." I pray as I make a turn towards the tunnel that led to the elementary school. I tried contacting Touka-chan but she wouldn't pick up her calls. I have to get to her before that man kills Kaneki. It's not that I have no faith in him but Kaneki can't kill a human. He'll get himself killed instead by trying to bargain with a dove of all people. If Touka-chan were here than no doubt they'd be able to beat the guy. I know he doesn't deserve to die but it was either him or Kaneki and I don't want my friend to die.

"Touka-chan!" I shouted when I reach the elementary school and scanned the area to look for the river. There was no sign of life in the area as I jogged to the edge of road and slid down to the river. No doves in sight… did it mean that the one Kaneki was facing was the one meant to come here? If that's the case then I have to meet up with Touka-chan fast. I have to tell her that Kaneki's in trouble… it's the least I can do… the only thing a weak person like me can-,

 ***BAM***

A huge explosion erupted and I nearly fell from the tremor that came with it. My eyes looked up to the bridge and jogged towards it, wondering what on earth was going on. Could it be Touka-chan and Hinami-chan? If that's the case then what on earth was that noise?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A shout echoed in the tunnel and my feet quickened when I recognized it as Hinami's voice. A loud thud followed and I could faintly hear the sound of scuffle from within the tunnel.

"You scum!" I heard Touka-chan shout and my eyes widened when I saw her punch a yellowish wall that pulsed red from her contact. Isn't that a kagune? Don't tell me that's a ghoul?

"Oh. You still haven't learned, Rabbit." A voice sounded from behind the kagune and when the wall swirled my eyes widened in horror when I recognized that familiar white hair and grey trench coat. I felt my knees buckle as I collapsed to the ground, fear taking over while I controlled the urge to scream. Why is there a dove here? Wasn't that man with Kaneki the only one? Was this all a trap to lure out Touka-chan and Hinami-chan?

"As usual, you're just acting on impulse and without consideration. You're forever foolish and that is why you must die…" The man laughed, his laughter sending shivers down my spine as my body continued to shake. A loud thud resounded and I watched in terror as the kagune impaled Touka-chan to the wall. Why is this happening? Not only is Kaneki in a bind but so is Touka-chan. Why isn't there anything I can do to help? If this goes on then it'll only be a repeat of Fueguchi-san's death. My eye trailed to Hinami-chan's form and my eyes widened when I saw her straddling something in her arms. Don't tell me that hand-,

 _"Hahahaha! Look at it! Look at how the monster cries for her mommy. Oh how wonderful!"_ The voices in my mind flooded my thoughts as I closed my ears to try and block it out. This image, no matter how much you look at it, it looks so familiar. Like a blurred image turning sharper and clearer. Why does this feel so familiar? A painful feeling that makes me shake in fright and horror.

"When I killed Ryouko and her husband…hehehe… it was amusing. Now, which shall I use to entomb you?" The man chuckled and Touka-chan glared at him amidst the fact that his weapon was lodged on the side of her abdomen.

"I'm going… to kill… you… you bastard." She wheezed through each word.

"No… stop." I tried to say but my words only came out in whispers. Don't goad him anymore. That man… that man will kill you. Kaneki, Touka-chan, Hinami-chan… is there really nothing I can do? Why do they have to die? Why do they deserve to die? In this world we live in, why are ghouls the evil ones that need to be killed? I fear them yes, but do they really deserve death? When we kill a person for murder, people argue that it's inhumane, humans kill because they have a choice. Ghouls don't have a choice… it's either they starve to death or live. Is it really so wrong for them to live in this world?

Just what kind of world is this!?

"Is there something wrong about wanting to live? We were all given a life and raised with love too. If the only thing you can do is eat people then that's what you do, right? How can we live like you if we have a body like this? Bastards… all of you! Even I want to live like you guys too…" Touka coughed, blood dripping down her mouth as her steely gaze remained firmly rooted at the man in front of her.

"Hmm… this is getting boring. Now, it is time to die!" The man merely laughed as he waved the other weapon to pierce Touka-chan. Please move! I begged my body, trying my best to gain control over it as I clumsily tried to get up. If I don't hurry then they'll die. He'll kill her… just like that time.

Just like he killed them.

"Stop it!" I found my voice and shouted so loud that I could feel the whole room vibrate from the echo. The long whip-like kagune stopped inches from Touka-chan's face before all eyes turned to me. The look of surprise on Touka-chan's tired face, Hinami-chan's weary gaze and then man's slightly surprised expression all aimed at me as I remained rooted on the spot, my energy all spent on trying to stay up.

"I-idiot! What are you doing here? Where's that shithead? Why isn't he with you?" Touka-chan cursed and my mind remained blank at the thought of Kaneki and Touka-chan's plight.

"Oh, you were that student along with Rabbit and that other boy. Yes, yes. I remember you. Those eyes, I've seen them before." The old man chuckled making me flinch at his voice.

 _"A ghoul crying for her parents? How pathetic. I find it disgusting that ghouls would imitate humans. But rest assured, you'll be joining your mom and dad soon when I'm through with you…"_ That voice I've heard it before. That laugh, that face and those eyes that held a sadistic glee in the deaths of ghouls. I've seen them before…

 _'It was never a dream…'_ I could hear my mind whisper to my ear. Those snippets of images that I had waved off as illusions of my mind tried to piece itself together as I lost all energy to stay up and collapsed to the floor on my knees.

"Idiot! Forget about me and look for him! You'll get yourself killed!" I could hear Touka-chan shout at me but I stood rooted on the spot, my violet eyes looking back at the man.

His image burning in my mind.

"What? Have you forgotten me so soon? As for me, I never forget a face. Especially the face of someone I had failed to kill! Remember that day? When I killed them? Hahaha, look at your face. It's the same one you were making all those years ago!" The man cackled as my body shook at the images and memories that flooded my mind. My home, my mom… my father. That day when that man visited, the blood… the falling snow, the severed finger… stop… make it stop…

"Stop it! I don't know what you're talking about! Make it stop!" I closed my ears while continually shouting for those images to stop resurfacing. None of it is real, those are just illusions. They're not dead… no one is dead… no died that night… it was all a dream… a bad dream.

Please let me wake up from it all…

* * *

 **\- (3rd Person POV)-**

"Ahhhhhh! Make it stop!" Ayame shouted painfully, her hands gripping her head while shaking it furiously in pain and fear.

"Bastard! What did you do to her?" Touka spat angrily at the man and the man chuckled darkly as he stared at the feeble girl writhing on the ground in agony.

"I never forget a face, Rabbit. Especially those eyes. The same eyes that little Fueguchi is making right now. How many years was has it been since then? When I killed the ghoul they called the 'Kyuubi'. Ah, it was good times. I thought my job was over until I found out he had a family. A human family, can you believe it! A ghoul having a family how ridiculous." The man laughed manically making Touka glare harder at the man. 'Kyuubi', that name, Touka had heard of the infamous nine-tailed ghoul that roamed the 21st ward. But to think that such a ghoul actually fell victim to this man. She always pegged that ghoul as a lone wolf and yet to think he was actually capable of raising a family.

"Why are you even telling me this?" Touka coughed, wondering why the man was telling her such an irrelevant information. Sure she respected the ghoul but the 'Kyuubi' is dead and if what this man is saying is true then so is that ghoul's family.

"Because on the day I came to kill his family, I had a little mishap of letting one of them get away. It was a mistake on my part but to think fate would be so kind as to actually present her before me. Truly this will be killing three birds with one stone now." He chuckled and Touka's eyes widened in realization as her eyes darted back to the kneeling girl not too far from her.

"No-no way…" Touka could only say making the man laugh harder at his fortunate day. So that would explain why the scar on her shoulder was gone. Not only that but also the fact that when Ayame bumped into this man, her eyes widened in fear and recognition. But to think that it was possible that she was one of _them._ Did Kaneki even know of this? Was she hiding it from them? But why?

"Yes! That girl, to think I had not seen it sooner. The lone survivor of Kyuubi's family. The first chimera I had seen in my lifetime. Now I will make sure she never gets away! The twin-tailed butterfly who escaped from me those many years ago." The man laughed as he raised the whip-like Quinque into the air.

"Stupid! Get of there now!" Touka shouted, trying her best to get out and save Ayame.

"Now die!" He sent the Quinque at Ayame and all Touka could do was call out in a feeble to attempt to stop her death.

 ***Swish* *Rip***

A blur so fast darted out of nowhere and Touka stared in complete shock at the Quinque that fell to the ground with a splash. The man was shocked as well until he felt a pain and he turned to find that his right hand had just been cut off.

"Stop it… please… don't hurt them…" A whimpering plea said and both Touka and the man turned to look at Hinami, her huge wings unfolding and the two tails resting by her side.

"Just like father and mother… Don't do such a thing again!" Hinami cried as her two tails exploded and lunged towards the man. Mado, with all his strength, quickly pulled out his other kagune off of Touka's body and engaged Hinami in a fight.

"Spectacular! Just like that girl. To think you inherited those parts that could rival even your parents'. It's such a good material! I want it!" He laughed and grabbed the other Quinque and lunged for Hinami, the whip-like kagune immobilizing her other tail as he made a dash to Hinami.

"Join your family!" He shouted until a violet tail, like that of a fox's, lashed out and sliced off his left leg. Mado collapsed to the ground and turned back to see the other ghoul trying to get up from her fetal position, the tail lashing violently on the water.

"Ayame?" Touka called out and watched in anticipation as Ayame turned to her, her other eyes turning black and red.

 _'Just like Kaneki…'_ Touka thought to herself as Ayame turned back to the man, her eyes hollow and empty as if she had lost all sense of emotion in her.

"Don't kill them… mom and dad… don't leave me alone." Ayame whimpered to the ground her face buried in her hands as she cried like a broken child.

"Hinami… finish him…" Touka turned to Hinami, hoping the girl still had the strength to finish the man off. At this rate, if they don't act fast they could all be killed. Touka hoped Ayame could deal the finishing blow but the woman was too broken to respond to any of her calls. Just what had this man done to her? She scanned the area and cursed at her weakness and prayed that Kaneki could at least make it in time to save them. To think ghouls would pray to a god just made Touka laugh to herself.

Would this god even listen to her prayers?

"I-I can't…" Hinami whimpered and Touka's eyes widened in surprise. Why? Why couldn't she kill the man? She knew it was too much to ask a child to kill a man but it was either him or them, right? He deserved to die for his crimes, right? So why is she hesitating?

"He's your parent's enemy, isn't he?" She tried to reason out but Hinami shook her head in response.

"I can't do any more than this. I also thought about it. I wondered that if I took revenge on this man then would I be able to erase this feeling but that's not the case… I don't care anymore. I just… I want to meet with mom and dad again! I want to go back to those times when it was just the three of us. Being alone… it's so lonely…" Hinami cried and Touka could only watch until her eyes darted to the man and watched in horror as he grabbed the Quinque again and tried to aim it for Hinami.

"How disgusting!" He roared but before he could land a hit, Touka used every ounce of strength she had left and slit his throat. Mado gripped his bleeding neck hard while blood oozed from out of it as he collapsed to the ground.

"You g-ghoul bastards… You'll all die… do you ghouls even have a meaning to living? The idea that you have a life worth like ours makes me sick… How stupid…" Mado coughed as he tried to crawl his way to Touka, his shaking hand reaching out to her, taking Touka by surprise.

"I'm not done yet… I have to get revenge… I will on that guy… until I bury him with this hand… I can't die!" He coughed out, blood coming out of his mouth as the light finally faded from his eyes and he collapsed to the ground. Silence followed as Touka tried to collect her thoughts and gain her composure.

"Move it." She merely said to the corpse and stared in annoyance at the gloved hand of the man.

"Wearing gloves like these. Do you hate touching us that much!?" She growled and yanked the gloves off. She panted tiredly at her little feat until her eyes froze on the ring that decorated the scarred hand. She clicked her tongue in irritation at what she had done. Knowing fully well what this meant.

"Big sister!? Are you alright?" Hinami's voice snapped Touka from her thoughts and her head turned to see Hinami trying to talk to Ayame who had collapsed to the ground and whimpered in pain.

"Make it stop! Don't leave me alone… mom and dad… the bad guys are coming…" She wailed, her kagune dissipating and her eye turning back into violet as she cried on the ground. Touka walked next to Hinami and knelt by her side while looking at Ayame pitifully.

"I don't know what that man did to you but why didn't you tell us? All this time I was wary that you were a human, why didn't you tell us you were a ghoul and a one-eyed ghoul at that?" Touka questioned, trying to soften her voice so as to not scare her.

"I didn't know until now… until I saw what he had done to Fueguchi-san… All those memories came flooding back… I thought it was a dream that none of it was real… I blocked it all out hoping I could forget but it kept coming back… dad and mom… they're gone… they're dead, that man killed them!" Ayame choked and returned to sobbing, her cry so heartbreaking it made Touka grip the hem of her skirt in frustration. She just didn't know how to help comfort the girl. Hinami sat next to Touka, her hands unconsciously moving to Ayame's head and Ayame froze when she felt Hinami patting her on the head.

"I want to see them again too. Mom and dad but I know that they're somewhere I can't follow yet. It hurts to have to wake up every day, knowing that I'll never see them again but mom died so I could live. She entrusted me the future and I want to honor it. Wouldn't your mom and dad want that from you too, big sister?" Hinami asked and Ayame stopped crying as her eyes trailed to Hinami, violet ones meeting brown ones. To think the last person she would expect to comfort her would actually say those things. Did she deserve such words when she on the other hand had already refused to live when she found out the truth? Not only that, didn't she deserve Hinami's anger too because she had failed to live up to the girl's expectations to save her mother?

"Oi, Are you okay?" All three flinched at the familiar voice but only Touka and Hinami looked to up to see Yomo and Kaneki walk inside the tunnel.

"Yomo-san… Kaneki…" Touka merely said before she saw the worried look flash on Kaneki's face when he saw Ayame on the ground, her back facing him.

"Ayame-san? Why on earth is she here?" Kaneki demanded as he jogged to their positon and knelt next to Ayame's figure, who by now was trying her best to get up.

"I-I tried to call for help… When I got here, they were already fighting… fighting the…" She tried to say before she broke into sobs all over again.

"Oi! What's wrong, Ayame-san? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?" Kaneki panicked, unable to find a way to comfort his friend who was crying as if someone had just died. His eyes looked to Touka, hoping she could answer his question and Touka shook her head before gesturing to Ayame.

"I wish I could tell you but I think you deserve to hear the answer from her and not me."

"Ayame?" Kaneki called out, dropping the honorifics he usually used to tell her he was serious. Ayame stood unmoving from her spot before she turned away while trying to collect her thoughts. Tears still blurred her vision but nevertheless she still tried to use every strength she had left just to answer his question.

"Remember when I told you and Hide that I was actually an adopted daughter? And that I had no memories of my past before my adopted parents took me in?" Ayame asked and Kaneki nodded but couldn't understand why she was suddenly telling him this.

"I remember but this doesn't explain why you-,"

"Well, I remember. I remember it all now… I can't accept it but it's the truth and I don't how I can tell you without making it look like I'm some bad guy… I'm sorry… so sorry…" She covered her face with her hands while mumbling repeated apologies. Kaneki tried to comprehend what his friend was saying but she looked so out of it he just didn't know how he was going to get her to say a more coherent answer for him to understand. Just what happened here while he was busy holding back the other guy from a while ago?

"Time's running out, we have to go. Someone might come here at any moment so we don't have enough time to get the body." Yomo butted in, warning them of the time as he scooped up Hinami and motioned all of them to follow him. Touka followed next but not before looking back at the duo who were still on the same position.

"Ayame-san we have to go." Kaneki tried call out to his friend but no response came, just a gurgled mix of apologies and sobs as she remained still on the spot, the water soaking her entire clothes and drenching her hair in water.

"We have to hurry, just carry her." Touka piped in, her eyes tiredly looking around before turning back to both Kaneki and Ayame. Kaneki sighed at his immobile friend but nevertheless took Touka's advice and hoisted his friend up in a piggyback ride. Either it was because he was part ghoul or his friend hadn't been eating lately, Kaneki noticed how light his friend felt as he jogged easily to where Touka and the others were waiting.

"Let's hurry." Yomo-san merely said as they continued to walk away from the scene of the crime. Ayame had fallen asleep on her friend's back, all the energy she had spent wasted away and left her completely exhausted. Touka couldn't blame her for being so out of it but it didn't help her become any less suspicious of this human who only minutes ago she had discovered was exactly a half-ghoul. How she survived these many years without her friends realizing was a feat even Touka would admit was amazing. But still the thought of why Ayame had kept this a secret from them still lingered in her mind.

Just what could she even accomplish by hiding something big like this from her own friends?

"Is it okay if I live?" Hinami's voice broke her from her thoughts and Touka looked up to see Hinami gripping the shoulders of Yomo tightly in anticipation.

"Hinami-chan. I think that at that time… Ryouko-san was saying 'live'." Kaneki answered and Hinami's body froze before it sagged and the girl nodded.

"Yeah. I'm sure big sister Ayame's parents also said the same thing to her. Even if people tell us we can't exist, I want to make sure that big sister Ayame will not think of those things too. Because I want her to believe that she isn't alone…" Hinami trailed off, sleep getting to her as she slowly closed her eyes, unaware that her words had made Kaneki stop in his tracks. Touka noticed the pause in Kaneki's steps and she turned to see him completely frozen as he stared at Yomo and Hinami's retreating figures.

"Kaneki?" Touka called out, snapping Kaneki from his thoughts.

"Touka-chan… what exactly did Hinami-chan mean when she said those words?" Kaneki carefully asked her and Touka flashed him a look of surprise before looking away.

 _'The way Hinami-chan said it. It sounded like she was implying that Ayame-san was a-,'_ Kaneki thought to himself but stopped and shook his head. No, it was impossible that she was _one._ All three of them practically grew up together. She may have been adopted but the Ayame he and Hide saw was a human being. She ate what they ate without complaint and even got hurt by trivial things like paper cuts and knife cuts. For a child that time, no doubt they'd have no control over their powers or urges. She would feed if she was hungry and not once did Kaneki ever see that hunger for human flesh in her eyes.

There was no way she was a ghoul, right?

And yet why did Hinami-chan imply it that way? Touka-chan knew something but she refused to say anything. Kaneki wanted answers right now but he knew Touka-chan was right. He couldn't just ask them by force what was going on. He would have to hear it from his own friend what happened a while back and for now he would have to be patient and wait.

The moment Ayame opens her eyes, then he would ask her for the truth…

* * *

 **There you have it guys! Chapter XIII. Our assignments are finally finished so I can finally get back into writing. Thanks for all the support and your reviews are very much appreciated. It looks like Ayame's finally remembering her traumatic past and things are only going to go downhill from here since Kaneki is already suspecting something. I wonder what will happen next? Stay tuned for the next chapter!**

 **Don't forget to fave and review!**


	14. Raison D'être

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!

 **MsParthenopaeus:** Thank you for the support! I'm glad that you enjoyed it and I hope to make it even better as the plot progresses on.

 **lovinurbuks** : Well this chapter will explain your question so read on and don't forget to review J your reviews are very much appreciated!

 **LeafeonLover:** Thank you for giving this fic a chance! I know OCs aren't very much appreciated in fanfics so getting stories like these to be loved is very difficult on the writer's part. To know you enjoyed my fanfic is a good motivation so from the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

 _ **A/N:** Reedited 01/31/16_

 _Dialogues and Errors fixed!_

* * *

 **Chapter XIV: Raison D'être**

* * *

 ** _"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"_**

 ** _-Marilyn Monroe-_**

* * *

- **Unknown Time-**

 _"Mom… Dad… Don't leave me alone." I cried, the darkness engulfing me as the voices of my parents in agony rang all around me. In the distance, I could hear that man's laugh echoing along with their pleas and I opened my eyes to see blood everywhere, splattering me in crimson life force._

 _"If it isn't the little monster. Have you come to join your parents?" I flinched as a shadowed figure loomed over me and I looked up to see those wild and sadistic eyes looking down on me with glee. My body shivered as fear took over and my eyes scanned the place to look for them._

 _Mom… Dad…?_

 _"Are you perhaps looking for mom and dad? Well, they're right here, monster!" The man laughed as his coat bellowed in the wind and my eyes widened when I saw the bloodied and chopped up corpses of my parents on the floor. The sound of something being clicked echoed and I watched in horror as the man's suitcase shifted into dad's tail, the sword glinting as he stared in awe at it._

 _"I wonder… if your father had such good materials then perhaps… the apple might not fall far from the tree." He chuckled and raised the sword, readying for a strike that will take my life._

 _Only the sound of my screams echoed in the background before the sword took aim and stabbed me in the chest._

* * *

 **-End-**

"Aahhhh!" I screamed and my eyes flew open to see a familiar ceiling looking back at me. My heart continued to beat fast as I scanned the place cautiously. The moment I saw that I was actually in my room, my heart slowed and my breathing calmed as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I stared at my hands and closed them tightly into a fist as the memories flooded back again and tears escaped my eyes as I sobbed on my sheets.

So it was no dream after all…

"Mom… Dad…" I whimpered, calling out their names over and over again hoping to elicit a response. A response that would make me wake up from this nightmare. After finding out that I was an adopted child, I was hoping that my real parents were out there and they were somehow alive and well. To think that I had been living a lie this whole time. Now I know why my adopted parents never told me the truth. How my memories had been jumbled and how I mistook them for mom and dad. I'm surprised how Hinami-chan survived this predicament. The pain of loss is just so unbearable and just thinking about it makes me want to end it all.

"Ayame-san?" I flinched to the sound of another voice in the room and my head perked up to see Kaneki by the doorway to my room, his face glistening from sweat as if he'd just ran a marathon. Memories of yesterday quickly entered my mind and I quickly looked away from him. How can I even face him and Hide now that the truth has been revealed? All this time, I thought I was an ordinary human like them. I ate the same food they did, I got hurt and received scars like they did and even lived like them… I thought I was like them, a breathing and living _human_.

How could I possibly tell them the truth that I'm actually a half-ghoul!?

Would they hate me if they found out what I really am? Would they think that I'm nothing but a monster? That our friendship was only made because as a ghoul I had to play human to my prey so I could eat them later? Would they brand me as someone like Nishio who only enjoyed playing with food until I got tired and ate them? I don't want them to think that I lied to them! I had no clue what I was… I didn't understand why I could eat human food or get hurt and adding the jumbled memories I had… I would never hurt them, I would never kill them! I love them like family, so I don't want them to hate me. I don't want them to leave me like mom and dad.

"Oi, Ayame-san! Are you alright? Why are you crying? Answer me!" I could feel Kaneki shaking me as tears flooded my eyes, my vision blurry from the tears. Don't hate me… don't leave me… None of it was a lie, all of it was real. Those times, they were from the bottom of my heart, I'm not like Nishio. I wouldn't kill them for fun or because I was hungry. So please…

"Don't hate me…" I pleaded before my voice cracked and all the emotions I carried just tumbled out as I howled like a wounded animal. My parent's death, the truth of what I really am and how those around me would react to it. Was this a price of wishing to be of use to them? I always prayed I was strong enough to protect them but not like this… I didn't want to gain powers to protect those who would hate me for it. I don't want them to think I was hiding it, I don't want them to call me a traitor or fear me because of what I am…

"Ayame!" I flinched at the harshness of his voice and I felt him tilt my face to meet his.

"It's alright. No one's going to hate you." He added with a much softer voice this time and all I could do was embrace him as I cried on his chest, all the pain, the hate, the fear and the sadness escaping my lips in howls and wails.

"I'm s-so sorry… I-I didn't know, please don't hate me. They were all real, none of it was a lie, Kaneki. I'm not like Nishio… You, Hide and my adopted family are important to me. I would never lie about that so please don't hate me… don't leave me alone too." I sobbed gripping his shirt tightly. I felt him return the gesture with his own embrace, his other hand patting me gently on the head as he tried to calm me down.

"I don't know what happened back in the river but you should understand that none of us would hate you, Ayame-san so please calm down and start from the beginning…" He whispered, his assurances repeatedly soothing me until my wails turned into whimpers and my eyes could no longer shed anymore tears. I fumbled to tell him my story, how my family had been killed, that my father was actually a ghoul, the jumbled memories, how I lived not knowing what I was until I met the same man who killed them in the river. I watched his expression, my right hand gripping my left one tightly when I saw his eyes widen when I revealed to him that all this time I was actually a half-ghoul. I couldn't explain to him how it was possible and it made me scared that he would hate me even after he said that he wouldn't. It was a ghoul that turned him into a half-ghoul and because of that he lost his humanity. To know that his own friend was actually a ghoul in disguise and not only that could live like a human when he couldn't… I wouldn't be surprised if he hated me.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wished me dead.

"None of it was your fault, Ayame-san. It was too traumatic that you wanted to forget so why should I hate you for that? Even if you are a half-ghoul it doesn't necessarily mean that you are like Nishio. I know for a fact that the bonds we made are not fake, all of it was real and being a ghoul doesn't change that. You accepted what I've become without complaint and as a friend I will do the same. I'm sure Hide's no different if he knew, he'd probably laugh about it and finally have a reason to call you a brute and ape-woman now." Kaneki suddenly chuckled making me stare at him in surprise.

"How could you make it sound so easy? I lied to everyone, Kaneki! Aren't you mad? It was ghoul that took away your humanity so why? Why can you say it so easily that you don't mind that your own friend is a ghoul!?"

"Believe me when I say I am surprised since you acted so human, Ayame-san. It may be true that I used to hate becoming a ghoul but after watching Hinami-chan and Ryouko-san… I had doubts about ghouls being only evil. Seeing those bonds, I realized ghouls are like humans too, they too want to live a good life in this world. I believe your parents also wanted you to live a good life too that's why they risked everything to make you happy. You're a very important friend of mine, Ayame-san so no… I can never hate you. I believe you when you say that none of the bonds we had was a lie because how could those eyes that laughed and cried with us during those times be a lie?" Kaneki assured me with a smile and I gripped his shirt tightly and leaned my head to his chest, tears running down again my face in relief from his words.

"You always know what to say, Kaneki. Even if they do sound stupid and reckless sometimes… thank you for staying by my side. For accepting me and…for believing in me." I say in gratitude before my body freezes as I feel his lips on my forehead before he pulls away.

"Well, glad to know my reckless and stupid advices helped you." He smiles with that toothy grin of his and I can't help but return the gesture with a hug as I continued to cry tears of happiness on his shoulder.

"Thank you…"

* * *

"Are you sure you're ready to face them?" Kaneki asked me worriedly as I put on my coat. I gripped my bag tightly and nodded, knowing full well that this was the only way to set things right.

"I know their reactions might not be the same as yours but I don't want to lie to them any longer. Even if it hurts… I'm ready to endure it if it means setting things right." I admit and Kaneki chuckles making me glare at him, wondering why he found what I had just said to be funny.

"You make it sound like they would hate you if they found out. I'm sure no one in Anteiku would judge you for lying to them. If you explained your part properly then they'll understand."

"And Hide?" I asked and I saw his face turn grim at my question. This was another thing I could never forgive myself. To not let Kaneki know that Hide knew what had happened to him. Even after I told him how bad it was for me to lie to them this was one lie I couldn't possibly tell him the truth of. Hide made me promise not to tell and yet it pains me to not tell him. I know it's for safety measures but wouldn't it be the same as lying to both of them?

"No. Hide mustn't know. No matter what, Ayame-san, he can't find out. I know he may have an inkling of what's going on but I refuse to give him an answer. I know it's being selfish but please understand that it's for his sake so please… he can't know about this... about you and me." Kaneki replied more sternly and I knew he was serious which made me clench my hands into fists.

"I know…" I could only say to assure him but I know that my promise to him was only hollow. Hide already knew everything except for what I was so what was the point in keeping this promise? Ugh, how I hated this position I'm in right now.

"Ready?" Kaneki snapped me to reality and I flinched before nodding, my eyes barely looking at his as I brushed passed him and made my way to the door.

 _'I'm sorry Kaneki but… Hide has the right to know too.'_ I think to myself as we lock the door and proceed to Anteiku as planned. People flocked the streets on a busy afternoon day that I had to make sure my mind didn't wander and Kaneki lost sight of me. Even though we both knew how to get to Anteiku, I still didn't want to end up arriving there before he did. I couldn't stomach how to deal with everyone without his supporting presence around.

"Oh, Touka-chan!" My body froze when I heard Kaneki call out to someone and I looked up to see Touka from the other side of the pedestrian lane. Her eyes widened in surprise at our appearance before they turned quickly back into that cold look of hers as she walked to us.

"Why is it that wherever I go I end up seeing you guys? I didn't know you were into those kinds of things." She wondered and Kaneki blushed at the insinuation and shook his head furiously.

"No, you've got it all wrong! We were supposed to go to Anteiku when we bumped into you." Kaneki tried to explain and that was when I noticed Touka looking at me suspiciously and I gulped.

"I-I-," I tried to say but none of the words would come out. Why did it suddenly become so difficult to convey what I wanted to say? Just when both of us finally got our differences fixed. I'm sure Touka probably feels betrayed right now because I didn't say anything about what I really am.

"How's about stopping by our place then before you head on over to Anteiku? I'm sure Hinami would love to know how you are doing." Touka's voice made me snap up in surprise and I looked to see her slightly blushing, her eyes darting elsewhere.

"H-how-," I tried to say but Kaneki stopped me with that knowing smile of his. I turned back to Touka, hoping for an answer and I saw her scratch the back of her head embarrassingly.

"Something as traumatizing as that… I'm not surprised why you probably lost your memories hence why you couldn't tell us. I commend you for your bravery and… I'm sorry, for judging you without knowing the whole story."

"Judging me? You don't have to apologize for it, Touka-chan! It was my fault… For not telling everybody and-," I tried to say when she cut me off by lightly punching me on the head. I flinched slightly from the contact and wondered why she seemed so cool with all of this. Shouldn't she be mad because I kept a secret like this? I mean, friends shouldn't keep secrets from each other and yet I hid this from them all this time. Even if I had slight amnesia, it still doesn't justify the fact that I had hid it from them.

"You both really are idiots. All that matters is that you told us and everyone is safe. The past is past so don't let it haunt your present and future. I'm not mad because even in those short moments that you thought that you were human, you accepted us for what we were and for that… Thanks." Touka muttered and I felt tears well up at her words. To think that I was scared to be hated… Touka's words along with Kaneki's… It really is such a warm feeling.

"Oi! Are you hurt!? Bakaneki what did you do?"

"Me? You're the one that made her cry!" Kaneki defended himself and I couldn't help but hug them both tightly, thanking the sky for such great people to come into my life. I really hope that Hide and the others in Anteiku would be the same. To think that even in death, my parents would be watching over me from the heavens. I think that is the case.

Human or Ghoul… we are all blessed.

"Oi… Ayame." Touka called out to me but my hug only got tighter, a small smile forming on my lips.

"Thank you both so much…"

* * *

"Hinami, I'm home." Touka opened the door to her apartment and the sound of padded footsteps followed before Hinami's figure emerged from hallway, her eyes widening in surprise at our appearance.

"Ah! Onii-chan and Ayame-nee!" She beamed and I blushed at her greeting, wondering how she always manages to pull off those cute smiles.

"Hello. How are you, Hinami?"

"Fine now thanks to onee-chan. How are you, Ayame-nee?" Hinami tilted sideways to face me, her brown eyes filled with worry. So even Hinami-chan…

"I'm fine, Hinami-chan. Although still a bit shaken but I'm glad to know you are doing well though. Thank you for worrying and sorry for not being able to be of help last time." I bowed in apology. I felt a warm hand on my head and I turned my head up to see Hinami on eye level with mine, her lips curled in a small smile.

"You don't have to worry, Ayame-nee. Just never forget that you're not alone. We have each other, onii-chan, onee-chan and everyone in Anteiku. So I'm sure that you'll never be alone." Hinami assured me making me hug her in gratitude. Amidst that ghoul side of her that people feared, she really has a heart of gold. If humans could only see this side of them… then would mom and dad still be alive? Would Hide be standing here next to us right now? Surely, those doves wouldn't exist and this world… this world wouldn't become such a cruel place.

"Ayame-nee?"

"It's become a habit lately, Hinami-chan. Sorry but everyone's words are really assuring." I chuckle in embarrassment but Hinami only shakes her head in reply.

"Anytime, I was just worried that's all." Hinami smiled which made Kaneki chuckle.

"Leave it to Ayame-san to make everybody worried."

"What!? It was only this one time and besides, you're the only who makes everybody worry, Kaneki!" I defended, my cheeks turning slightly pink.

"Me? But who was the one who cried when we were kids when they fell down the stairs?"

"Well who got lost during our field trip and had everyone go on a manhunt instead to look for them?"

"Eh!? That was your fault because you left me to look at the ostriches!"

"Enough both of you! You're making a racket!" Touka-chan growled angrily before she smacked us painfully on the head. I cringed in pain, stars dancing in my vision as I gripped the sore spot.

"Why me too? You've never hit me before!" I whimpered and Touka huffed as she took off her shoes and led us to the living room.

"I thought you were human then. Since you're a ghoul, I'm sure you can take _my_ blows _now_." I flinched at her implication and knew right away that pissing her off was going to be very bad. Even if she is right and I can recover from whatever she threw at me… getting injured is still painful so it looks like I have to keep in mind to stay on her good side. Although, to know that we are back in talking terms right now is good to know. I'm not sure how I could stomach the idea if she and Hinami lost their faith on me.

 ***Ding* *Dong***

Our heads looked back to the door making Touka get up from her seat and proceed to the door. I looked to Kaneki for any answers but he could only give me a quizzical look before I followed Hinami's figure who got up to take a peek. I saw Touka look through the peep hole and I thought I saw her face turn pale before she looked to us and whispered us to hide, panic written on her face which made me wonder who on earth was behind that door.

"Who is it?" Kaneki asked as he walked on over to the hallway to get a peep. Hinami and I tried to stop him but it was too late when he made himself known and we heard a shout of surprise that came from a girl echo in the hallway.

"Eh, no way… it can't be… Touka-chan, you… I'd just be in the way!" We could hear the voice of a girl panic before we heard the sound of something metallic being moved. A few silences ensued before we heard Touka's surprised shout echo and both Hinami and I turned to each other and then to Kaneki in curiosity. The slamming of the door followed next and Touka emerged from the hallway, with a pot in hand and a tired look on her face.

"What's that?" I asked when she set it on the table and opened it. The scent of cooked meat made me look to see that inside the pot was meat and potato stew. I turned to Touka for an answer, wondering why she was holding something inedible for her.

"It's from my friend… Yoriko. The one who just visited. She wanted to eat it with me but when she saw the shoes, she decided to leave." Touka answered, her eyes looking worriedly at the pot on the table.

"A human friend, I can assume and by the looks of it… she doesn't know." I hypothesize and the look on her face was enough to give me an answer.

"Well then… it's a waste but we have to throw it." Kaneki could only say as he picked up the pot but only for it to be snatched away from him by Touka.

"Dumbass! What are you doing? I'm going to eat it because she went out of her way to make it." She barked angrily which made my eyes widen in surprise. Even after she said that humans aren't to be trusted. Touka-chan can sometimes be such a liar. The mere fact she would eat something poisonous to ghouls is proof she really cares about this Yoriko person. Human or ghoul, we all care for those around us. It'd be nice if she could learnt to accept Hide too, then it's be nice to hang out like this without the fear of being found out.

"Time to eat!" Touka shouted, her bowl filled with the food and was about to dig in when Kaneki piped in if he could join. I looked at Kaneki worriedly, wondering if he would be able to take the taste of the food.

"Here. You too." Touka snapped me to reality and I turned to see her hand me a bowl as well. I gave her a worried look but her eyes showed it and it made me pale. It was either I ate it or I get out. I gulped and took the bowl worriedly from her hands, my mind wondering if the food would taste bad. Although the thought of how I survived all this time with human food before I knew I was a ghoul was still a mystery to me, I gulped at the thought that maybe with my memories back, the food might taste bad and that alone scared me.

Would that mean that I would have to eat humans too?

"I-Itadakimasu!" I gulped and took a bite of the meat. I waited for the horrible taste of the meat to sink in, fear racing in my mind at the thought that if human will become my diet then… just like Kaneki… I'm sure I wouldn't be able to take it.

"Eh!?" I said in surprise as I chewed on the meat, the taste no different than when I usually cooked mine at home. Even the soup tasted no different. By the time I finished the bowl, I could see Kaneki and Touka turning green from the food. I looked back to the bowl and wondered how it was possible that I could still stomach the food without vomiting it. Was it because I was part human? But wasn't Kaneki a human too that turned into a ghoul or is being an artificial ghoul different from a natural-born like me?

"Ayame-san? Why do you look okay?" Kaneki asked me after I saw him down the whole cup of coffee in one sitting. I could hear Touka coughing from inside the bathroom before I turned to Kaneki and shook my head.

"I'm not so sure but I guess because I'm naturally born as a half then my human side must be helping me adapt to the food I take in."

"Heh… lucky. So then it means you can live off of either human flesh or human food then?" Kaneki asked me and that was when I froze at the tone of his voice and his implication. How could I be so stupid! It made me sound so heartless and inconsiderate about his situation. Of course Kaneki would feel wistful about it… It had just been a few months ago that he was human and was eating the same food that he was vomiting at right now. He kept control of not trying to eat human meat so for me to just outright say that I could bypass that handicap was like slapping him on the face.

"No! I-I mean… I'm sorry…" I apologized, my gaze looking down. The silence could only ensue making me gulp worriedly at what was running inside his head right now. No doubt he'd say it's okay but what if it really wasn't? What if he felt slightly betrayed at the thought of what I was capable as a natural born? I remember so well how he tried so hard to find something he could eat besides human meat. The desperation in his eyes and that hopeful look he gave when he found out coffee could work… It was painful to look at because we both knew that he could never go back and yet here I was… being able to eat human food… clearly somewhere in that mind of his, he would feel a little bit envious and it made me hate myself for being like this.

"No, it is fine, Ayame-san! At least it's good to know… that you don't have to suffer the same fate as me." Kaneki tried to assure me and I looked at him in eyes and searched for any lie in them. When I found none, all I could do was place the bowl on the table and click my tongue.

"It's better to hurt that to hurt others." I mutter too low for him to hear but before he could ask me anything, I quickly turned to him and tackled him to the floor, the look of surprise on his face as I glared at him.

"Stop that! Acting like a martyr. I used to look up to that side of you but right now… it makes it sound like an excuse. I was scared that you would hate me for being able to play a human even when I'm not and it made me glad that you didn't lie when you said that it was alright to be like this but still! Don't say it like that! You told me I could walk alongside you and I will do that even if it means suffering the same fate as you! So don't do it again… when you act like that, you sound as if you're going somewhere far away and it's scary… so… don't ever give me that look again."

"I wish it were that easy but you have to understand. I never wanted this fate to befall you nor Hide. I'd gladly take up this role anytime than make any of you do it and all I can do is nothing but watch you suffer. That's why treasure it! The feeling of being human. That's what I've been trying to say, Ayame-san. I took mine for granted that is why even if you aren't fully human, the mere fact you can enjoy that side of yours that is human is a gift so treasure it."

"I refuse to be happy while you are alone suffering this fate, Kaneki! How can it be lucky for me to act like a human when you can't enjoy it too? I wish I could treasure it but we are doing it together so even if I can be a human, I refuse to be one if it means that I have to do it without you! Hide is waiting remember? That's why... until all three of us can smile without any secrets then…" I could see his figure turning blurry from the tears as I gripped his shirt tightly. I know that wallowing in the past is useless but it's easier said than done. I still can't help but look back at that time. The time when all of us still lived without the knowledge of ghouls, where the only world we knew consisted of just us and our families. Had we not gone into Anteiku that time… had Kaneki never fallen for Rize… would things have been different? Surely, we would have been happier then, right?

"It's so easy to say but there was never a time I missed those days! I know so well that going back is impossible but I can't accept it! Is this really how it all boils down too? Well, I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! It's painful and lonely. Since when did it become like this?" I cry pounding on his chest angrily, the tears soiling his shirt. I lost my parents to a dove and I nearly lost my friend to a ghoul. Human and ghoul, I always tell myself that I want them to coexist so we can all be happy and yet why are both sides always trying to take away everything dear to me?

"I wonder sometimes if maybe it's because of me… after all, had I not stood up for you then then maybe you wouldn't have gone on that date with Rize… just like that time… had I not opened that door then maybe mom… maybe everything wouldn't have gone wrong."

"You're wrong, Ayame! None of it was your fault! It was my choice to go with her and I was glad you were there to save me… had you not come in time then maybe right now I would be dead… and with your parents, even if you didn't open the door, the doves would have still gotten to you! Everything happens for a reason. Even if those things are painful, isn't there a saying that it means good things would follow? Had they not died then we would never have met! Had I not become a ghoul then you would never have found a bond in Anteiku! You tell me that I'm the one acting like a martyr but you pinning the blame for all of this to yourself is silly! Remember, I could never hate you so don't hate yourself. No one hates you…" Kaneki shouted back angrily at me and I froze at his voice. I felt him shift from his position and I felt a painful smack on my forehead which made me grip it painfully.

"We all have the right to be selfish sometimes, Ayame. I honored your selfishness one time and let you stay with me but you should also honor mine. That is why you have to live for your human side too. If it's not for you then do it for me and Hide. For the human me who couldn't live and for Hide who's waiting for us. Can you? For me?" He asked me but more gently this time. I flinched at his request and gripped the hem of my dress tightly, contemplating his words and wondering if he was using some ploy again to say that everything will be fine when in fact all hell is already breaking loose. If not for me then for them… the most cliché quote I have ever heard and yet why does it always work? And that was when I completely remembered…

All of this was because I had fallen in love with my own friend.

"Oi, since when are you both going to hog my whole living room with your sappy drama?" I heard Touka growl and then flinched when I felt her presence next to mine.

"Ghouls want to be humans too. I understand you mean well with your words but abandoning your human side just to prove a point is an insult to us who long to be humans. The idiot here actually said something smart for once. If you can't live being a human for yourself then at the very least… live it for those who can't." She advised as she got up and shoved a plastic full of Yoriko's food onto my lap. I stared at the contents for a long time and then turned to see Kaneki give me that reassuring smile of his.

"It's a shame I can't enjoy such a nice meal but can you? In my place enjoy it for me too? Enjoy this food that Yoriko herself made for me. I don't know what pork or potatoes taste like so when you get home, can you write it down and tell me?" I heard Touka mutter and I turned to see her cheeks sporting a pink hue, her hands outstretched and on it was a piece of paper that had her number written on it.

 _"Everything happens for a reason. Even if those things are painful, isn't there a saying that it means good things would follow?"_ Kaneki's words echoed in my mind as I gripped the paper and the plastic with Yoriko's food fondly. Things happen for a reason and the bad ones come so that good may follow. Rather than live for a life that cannot happen… I have to live for a life that can. Even if it's hard, I have to endure. That is what Kaneki was trying to tell me. Easier said than done but he believes I can achieve it. If it mean I can let them live as a human in me then I will do it.

If it can, at the very least attain such a wishful thinking, then I will do it…

* * *

 **Sorry for the late update. Finals just ended and sembreak has just begun (well, _had_ begun). I decided to rewatch the entire TG anime and I am now rereading the manga to be able to recall everything again since it's been a while since I last read them and a lot of _other_ animes passed by so I got distracted XD. Never fear though since I'll be updating as usual. Thanks for the like, faves and reviews! I appreciate the love and it motivates me to update so thank you so very much!**

 **Till the next chapter guys and don't forget to fave and review!**


	15. Le Gourmet

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!

 **Anna Crosszeria:** I'm glad that I can actually pull of shocking surprises like that so I consider that a compliment and thank you saying it. Concerning your P.S. I can't really guarantee safety for all the characters seeing as this is in the TG world so expect a lot of tragedies to unfold *evil laugh*

 **lovinurbuks** : Thank you so much for the comment and yes, I made sure to add lots of fluff in the last chapter for all the readers to enjoy. I really hope to always make you guys enjoy this fic so thank you and I will do my best!

 **Mystirica18:** Thank you for the review and I hope I do live up to your expectations.

 **Guest:** Gosh, thank you for saying that it's a great fanfic! I really appreciate the review. TBH I try my best to update to the best I can since I can never really make a fixed update schedule due to my studies. Probably once every two weeks, the longest I guess to try and update this fic is a month so sorry for my very confusing update schedules.

Chapter XIV onwards (until where the gourmet arc will end) will be titled in French to give tribute to our eccentric yet loveable Shuu-chan (Well I find him not irritating so haters please no hating). Please forgive me for the terrible translation since, I admit, I am not well-versed in the said language.

Now… Back to the story!

 _ **A/N:** Reedited 01/31/16_

 _Dialogues and errors fixed!_

* * *

 **Chapter XV: Le Gourmet**

* * *

 ** _"You can't trust people who call themselves your friends after you've just met them…"_**

 ** _-Nozaki (Monthly Girl's Nozaki-kun)-_**

* * *

 _"They'll accept you no matter what so cheer up!"_ I could still remember Kaneki's words of encouragement to me before we parted ways last night. After that little scuffle about how I was able to eat human food, we ended taking up too much time in Touka's place without even realizing it. By that time, Anteiku had already closed and it was going to be difficult to gather everyone in one place because of the recent flock of doves in the 20th ward. I was glad that I'd have to talk to them tomorrow since I didn't think I was ready but the thought of just prolonging my nervousness made me gulp at the thought. Everyone in Anteiku looked up to me as the human being who could accept ghouls, so for them to realize that I was actually a half might make them reconsider the idea of there being any _good_ humans left. I really did want to prove them that there still are people who would willingly accept ghouls but how could I when I'm not even _fully_ human myself?

"Here." I snapped back to reality when I felt something cold touch my cheek. I jolted from the freezing shock and nearly toppled off my chair had it not been for Hide who managed to stop me from tilting any further.

"Eh?" I managed to say, my eyes blinking several times while I tried to think up of an explanation as to how I had ended up in the cafeteria when I should be in class right now. I checked my watch for any explanation and when I saw that it was already twelve in the afternoon, my eyes widened in shock at the thought of spending the entire first half of my school day in a daze.

"Finally back to reality, Ayame?" Hide chuckled. I gently took the cold beverage from his hands and nodded quickly, my mind still trying to process everything. Adjusting to the idea that I am part ghoul is… very difficult. Seeing as I didn't know how to use a Kagune and let alone control my Kakugan, I didn't know when the possibility of me actually slipping out might happen. Kaneki told me that chances of that happening was zero since I had no urge to eat human meat but we couldn't be reckless. Memories of the battle in the river flooded my mind and I knew that keeping up my human appearance and Anteiku wasn't the only thing I had to worry about. My eyes trailed off to Hide who was busy adding some ketchup to his food and even though Kaneki told me I couldn't tell Hide, it was one promise that I just couldn't keep.

"I really am such a contradicting person." I mutter to myself. What I hated the most was keeping secrets from each other and yet here I was telling Hide about all of this without Kaneki even knowing. I'm sure if he found out about it, no doubt he'd be angry and maybe even stop trusting me for good. The thought alone was frightening but to watch Hide smile here without knowing anything… I find that unbearable too because I know the feeling of being left out. Had I really been just a human then it wouldn't take long for Kaneki to stop telling me secrets too. Had I not been a half ghoul, would I be sitting here with Hide right now without any knowledge as to the fate and life of the person I like?

That would just be lonely and sad.

"Is it love problems? Kaneki can really be a dense person sometimes so it really takes some effort but-,"

"Hey, Hide. Do you have time after class?" I cut him off. I could see Hide about to say something akin to a joke but when he saw the seriousness of my eyes, he stopped and switched into that character that I was still trying to get used to. The side of him that could read through anyone almost like the incarnate of Sherlock Holmes himself.

"Is it about _them_?" He wondered, almost as if he was interrogating me. I gripped the can he gave me tightly before I nodded. With the number of doves increasing in the 20th ward due to the incident with Hinami, I knew that openly telling this to people is dangerous. I made a vow before to protect Anteiku since it was a precious home to Kaneki but we grew up with Hide and besides Kaneki, my family and Anteiku, I trusted him with my life too.

"I hope you aren't getting yourself into trouble, Ayame. I understand you want to help Kaneki but I hope you haven't forgotten what we talked about last time?"

"I know but this isn't about Kaneki…" I trailed off and before Hide could ask another question, the bells signaled that lunch was over and I knew that we had to continue this conversation later. I could see the way his calculative eyes looked at me as if trying to find the answer through my body language and it made me nervous. Kaneki made it sound so easy with the assurance that no one was going to hate me but not everyone was like him. I trust Hide but I'm afraid to still know the answer. The fear of the unexpected and unknown…

* * *

Classes ended and I sighed as I looked out to the fading blue sky that was now turning orange as the sun was beginning to set. I gathered my things and steeled myself as I walked out of the room and towards Hide's classroom where his last subject was being held in. I could see several people exit the room while I waited for Hide to come out. The moment I saw him standing by the door, I could feel a long staring contest as he hoisted his bag and walked to me. I gripped my shoulder bag tightly and followed him to our interrogation room- his house. The walk there was silent, the very first time it had happened since Hide always found ways to keep the conversation going. It only meant that he was taking my request very seriously and it made me worry. How would he react if he found out? Somehow Kaneki's assurances were starting to ebb away causing me all the more to panic when I found that we were already standing right in front of his door.

"So, what do you have to say?" He started off with the killer question when we went in and began to remove our shoes. He walked off to his room whereas I reluctantly followed while chanting mantras of it being alright and that he would understand all of this. I inhaled and exhaled slowly when I saw him sit on his study chair while gesturing me to his bed. I took my seat and calmed myself as I recounted to him slowly the events that happened in the river. His eyes widened at the predicament Kaneki and I got in too and I could feel my hands sweating like bullets while I continued.

I was telling him something he wasn't meant to know after all. I could already imagine the anger and disappointment on Kaneki's face if he found out. That was why I really am a hypocrite. I tell myself that it's painful to be kept out of the loop and to be lied too and yet here I was not only telling Hide all the events but I was also breaking my promise to Kaneki when he made me promise not to tell Hide all of this- including the truth about me. Even the idea of Touka finding out about this scared me because I knew the _rule_ she abided by and I feared for Hide's safety. That was why this secret between us was, even if it pained me not to tell Kaneki, something I could not reveal for Hide's sake. This was why Kaneki didn't want me to tell him and although I know he meant it to protect Hide, just the thought of Hide living a life without knowing this just seemed painful to bear as well. There was just no way I could do that to both of my friends and this was the only idea I could come up with- no matter how dangerous it was for both me and Hide.

"Thank you for telling me this, Ayame. I know this is dangerous for the both of us but there are times I just can't help but be grateful when I know how you two are doing. Unlike me, you know what is going on, so thank you. I know the dangers we humans face with the ghoul's secrecy but there are times I can't help but be envious of your bravery no matter how reckless they are." Hide chuckled which made my throat dry up when he called us both 'human'. That's right, this was the other main reason why I asked him to listen. I really prayed deep in my heart that he understands and that he wouldn't hate me. I want to tell him that those times when we were kids were not fabricated to fool them. The time I spent with them was real and every moment of it was not some joke I did out of idle time.

"Hide, please don't hate me for what I am about to say." I finally say and watched him turn serious again as he leaned back on his chair. I closed my eyes while reciting assuring mantras in my head as I opened them slowly, my heart resolved to tell him everything as my right eye began to turn black and red. I saw Hide's eyes widen as he jolted up and slipped off his chair, causing me to back away and give him space. I could see slight fear and surprise in his eyes and I wondered if I had made a mistake.

"Hide?" I called out to him but he was too shock to give me a reply. His gaze never left me and I could still see how frightened he looked even when I deactivated my kakugan with difficulty (considering that the tension alone activated it in the first place). So it really was a mistake… I thought that out of the three of us, Hide would have been the last one to react like that since he was the more understanding one. I couldn't blame him though, that was the same face I made when I saw Kaneki turn before me. Palpable fear and shock marred his face and I knew that there was no way I could redo this. I believed Kaneki's words too much so I had hoped that everyone would have accepted me for it. I didn't think that Hide, of all people, would be the first to give me such a reaction. I saw him stumble to get up, while maintaining distance, and I wondered if he not only feared me but hated me as well. I couldn't bear the idea since we had grown up together for so long.

"I'm sorry but I-I didn't know until I met the same man who killed my real parents. I didn't know that I was actually a natural half human and ghoul. I didn't mean to hide any of this from both you and Kaneki. So please don't make that look… None of it was fake, Hide. The memories we had weren't some trick to deceive you because I was a ghoul so please don't hate me. I-I Just can't bear it…" My voice cracked as I tried to keep my distance from him. I couldn't see his expression but the way he shook as he silently stood there made me think that he didn't hear me. That fear took over and he couldn't look me in the eye and see the truth.

I really am stupid… now Hide probably hates me, after all if it hadn't been for my kind then Kaneki would still be human. Or maybe I really did deserve such a face he was making? Because if I hadn't helped Kaneki get together with Rize then maybe she wouldn't have attacked him. She wouldn't have gone out on that date with him and we'd still be together, the three of us eating in the café happily without caring about the fear of the ghouls we had once dismissed as a lucid imagination created by man.

Maybe I really did deserve it…

"I see… I'm sorry for everything. I thought maybe you'd understand but I can understand why you'd be surprised and scared. I really am sorry for everything, Hide. I know I can't rewind time but please… just know that not once did I think of you and Kaneki as food. It wasn't plastic memories, Hide. Everything, all of it, was genuine so please-," I kept on apologizing and my body froze when I felt Hide wrap me tightly in a hug. I could still feel him shaking but I was too stunned to comprehend what was happening until he spoke.

"Idiot. What do you take me for? I'm not some sick bastard who'd abandon my friends just because they're a ghoul. I accepted Kaneki, right? What makes it any different if it's you? Yeah, I admit, I was too shocked and scared to speak but it didn't mean I hated you. I'm sure Kaneki would say the same thing if you told him. We never regretted the fact that you entered our lives, Ayame. So don't sell yourself too short. You meant a whole lot to us and so what if you're a ghoul? You're still the same person we met back when we were kids. That's why don't be scared, Ayame… I-I won't hate you." Hide assured me, I gripped the back of his shirt tightly, tears slowly streaming down my face from the gratitude that coated his voice.

I really do have that habit, do I? Always looking down at myself, I never really learned to notice that there were other people who didn't think that I was meant to be hated. Hide said so himself that he accepted me for whatever I was, Kaneki assured me as well that no one would hate me for not saying anything sooner… even Touka showed me that she didn't hate me. No one did.

"I really am such an idiot." I chuckled as I backed away from Hide.

"Didn't think it took you this long to figure it out." He chuckled, that smile of his that always cheered us up now prominent on his face.

"Worried me to no end when I saw you down in the dumps lately. Not something our resident ape woman would usually do." He added as a joke which made me laugh and knocked lightly on his head.

"I told you not to call me that anymore! But really, Hide. Thanks."

"Anything for a friend. Though this changes a lot about our deal now that you're actually part ghoul." Hide grinned but the seriousness in his tone surfaced ever so slightly amidst that smile of his. That's right. The deal we made not too long ago. I guess with the fact that I am now a ghoul it was only proper that we revised it.

"Keep him safe, Ayame. Even though I can trust Anteiku, the other ghouls outside of it are different. I wish I could help but when I look at things, I'll be more of a liability right now than an asset. At least with you around, you can look out for any suspicious people and watch each other's backs."

"Don't worry, I'll do my best. And Hide-," I was about to ask but before he could respond, I flicked him on the forehead which made him wince and glare lightly at me.

"What was that for!?"

"And you call me an idiot. Didn't you tell me not to belittle myself? The same applies to you too, Hideyoshi! Don't look down on yourself for being weak. I mean, between the three of us, you always were the more calculative one. You always got us out from a lot of sticky trouble when we were kids. Although most of it was usually yours or mine, your sharp senses always gets us out. It was kind of cool… sometimes." My voice softened at the end but none of my words ever escaped Hide's sharp sense. He looked surprised at first, seeing as it was very rare that I praised him, but I wasn't lying with what I said. He really is a great and cool friend to hang out with.

"Ara~ what was that again? I didn't quite hear what you had just said at the end." He grinned widely and I chuckled inwardly, knowing full well that it had actually gotten to his head.

"Nope. Not telling." I laughed and for the first time since Kaneki had turned into a ghoul, I had actually thought that life was finally back to normal…

* * *

Or so I had thought…

My confession to Hide had sparked my confidence in Kaneki's reassurance. It was quarter to five when I had gathered enough courage to walk to the doors of Anteiku. It was a few hours before closing time so only few people were around to make one last order before going home. I could see a few ghouls walking about but they didn't bother me since Koma-san and Irimi-san were there. I took my seat by the table where we had first met Rize and wondered to myself how many months had passed since that day. Too much painful memories but as what Kaneki had said… maybe painful things happen to let good ones come in. Even if I had lost my real family, I had found a home with my new family. Even if Kaneki had become a ghoul, he had found a place to belong in Anteiku.

I really do hope that good things happen from now on…

 _'It is thought to be the work of the gourmet ghoul based on the criminal profile…'_

"Ayame-san?" I looked away from the news and smiled to see Kaneki walking to me along with Touka.

"How's it going!? Been a while so I decided to stop by…" I tried to sound enthusiastic but for some odd reason, the confidence I had a while ago seemed to dwindle when I had finally made it to Anteiku. Kaneki noticed the tone of my voice which made him chuckle.

"What? It's not funny."

"You'll be fine so just relax." Once again the way he assured me always seemed to bring my spirits up.

"So are you two going to stop flirting or will Ayame order something?" Touka sighed which made us turn red.

"Y-you've got it all wrong." We both defended ourselves but that small smile that graced her lips for a few seconds made me realize that she too had noticed it.

"No way!" I said in surprise which made her shrug as she turned to walk to the bar, Kaneki completely confused as to what was going on.

"It was obvious. Even an idiot would have noticed unless that idiot was Kaneki." She pointed out which made Kaneki frown.

"Hey!"

 ***Ring* *Ring***

The sound of the door opening made us stop arguing as the three of us looked up to see the new guest who had entered the café. A tall, handsome man with light bluish hair walked into the room. The way he walked with grace as he approached our table made me wonder if he was a known artist or something since he looked good in those expensive looking clothes he wore.

A model perhaps?

"As I thought, this place has really calmed down." He smiled before offering a slight bow to Touka and Irimi-san.

"Long time no see. Touka-san, Irimi-san." He greeted and I turned curiously to Touka, wondering how she had met such a good looking person. Not that I was judging her but I believed Touka to be a secretive and careful person, so to have known a flamboyant person such as this man made me wonder what her connection was to him.

"Why are you here?" Touka narrowed her eyes and once again I was curious as to why she sounded hostile towards the man. So could it be they had a bad past together? Actually, the way Touka regarded him was more of a mix look of disgust and hostility.

"Is it wrong to drop by and see your faces from time to time? You're as cold as ever, Touka-san." The man shook his head playfully which all the more aggravated Touka as she shivered at his actions. Wow, she really hates him then.

"You're so creepy you smug bastard." She cursed which made the man laugh before his eyes settled to Kaneki who was standing next to my table.

"A boy with an eyepatch? You must be the tough boy who could repel the investigators." He snapped his finger in recognition which made me narrow my eyes as I looked at him suspiciously. So this man… by the way he said it so casually, I could only assume that he, like Touka, was a ghoul wandering the 20th ward.

"You're a lot more delicate looking than I expected, Kaneki-kun." He said while observing Kaneki which irked me since he was too close for comfort. I would have left it in silence since he was only looking but the moment he started sniffing Kaneki by the neck was the last straw as I got up and pushed him back.

"A-Ayame-san!" Kaneki called out in alarm but my steely gaze remained firm as I glared daggers at the man in front of me.

"Ahaha, what a spunky little friend you have here." He chuckled as he leaned to stare me in the eyes. The moment our eyes met, a flash of recognition crossed my mind when I looked more carefully at his face. It was probably because he was always looking away from me that I failed to look more carefully at him.

This man…those eyes… where have I seen it before?

"Oi! You're getting in the way with that creepy attitude of yours. Go home already." Touka's voice snapped me back to reality and I had noticed that the man too had looked as if he had been in a daze. Although, the moment Touka's voice finally got to him, the man just shrugged as he turned to us and bowed slightly.

"How inelegant, Touka-san. I guess I have to go. Next time, I'll come to drink some coffee leisurely when Yoshimura-san arrives. Well then, see you all soon." He just waved off as he casually walked out of the café, my eyes never leaving his figure until the door closed behind him.

"Who was that guy?" Kaneki asked Touka while I still continued to ponder in my mind where I had met him before. Touka narrowed her eyes as she stared at the door where the man had left before uttering her impression of the oddly familiar man.

"That man is a nuisance to the 20th ward."

* * *

 **-Past (12 years ago)-**

 _"Dad, where are we going?" I asked my father as we continued to weave through the countless of people that walked around town. Mom was at work when dad decided to take me out for a stroll. I never really did understand my father's work. One minute, he was busy and the next thing I knew he would always have the free time to take me out on walks. The usual walks we had were always around the park but today was different. We didn't pass the park and instead went further into town towards a very crowded area._

 _"We're going to visit an old acquaintance. When the need arises, they will be useful allies." Was my father's only reply. My mind couldn't comprehend what he had just said to me as I watched his back while we milled our way to a rather unfamiliar path._

 _"What are allies, Dad?" I questioned curiously before my father paused. I nearly tripped but managed to grab onto his hand as I followed his gaze to look up to a huge iron gate. I could see a fountain decorating the center of the huge and grassy lawn, several trees positioned around the place. My eyes stared in awe at the huge house that stood tall before us as dad ushered me to the side of the iron gate where a weird mechanism was._

 _'Who is it?' A voice asked from the mechanism._

 _"Kyuubi." Was my father's only reply before the gate creaked and I saw two people standing by the entrance to greet us. They were dressed in fancy looking suites and dark shades that covered their eyes but as the rays of the sun bounced on them from time to time, I could have sworn I saw them turn black and red._

 _"Please wait here." After the long walk through the grand building, we stopped in front of a huge cream colored door that was decorated with wooden vines and roses. If the door was beautiful then the inside was magnificent. Red curtains with gold linings decorated the room and plush chairs and sofas were positioned in the middle. A tea set with the scent of piping hot coffee was placed on the lavish looking table as we walked into the room. I stared at the blue carpeted floor and happily removed my shoes to enjoy the feel of its softness on my feet._

 _"Master Mirumo Tsukiyama will see you now." One of the butlers bowed before a door opposite from where we entered opened. An elegant looking old man with a well-groomed mustache and dressed in a regal attire entered the room along with two tough looking men. He had an air about him that made him look like nobility as he gracefully walked to me and my father, his small rimmed glasses shining in the light, hiding his eyes._

 _"If it isn't the Kyuubi himself… and it looks like you've brought your daughter along with you." The old man greeted as I followed my father's example and bowed to him as well._

 _"My wife is out at the moment so I decided to take her with me. I hope it's alright."_

 _"Oh, it's fine. I'm sure my son would love to have some company." The old man chuckled while lightly patting me on the head. I saw my father smile nervously at the gesture before they quickly changed and I saw him turn serious which made me worry._

 _I wonder what's on dad's mind right now?_

 _"Ayame-chan, why don't you go play outside for a while. If it's alright Mr. Mirumo. I don't think I want my daughter to hear any of this until she's ready." My father apologized and once again the old man waved it off, that small smile gracing his lips before he turned to me and gestured me to the door. I didn't understand what father meant when he said that he 'didn't want me know' but since he looked so stern when he said it, I didn't want to upset him so I decided to follow his order and left the room. The old man was nice enough to let me play around the mansion so I decided to take this opportunity and go on an adventure._

 _The sun was already beating down on the huge place when I stumbled upon a huge glass dome that was strewn with lovely flowers. My curiosity got the best of me when I wondered how plants grew inside glass houses while running to the glass door and opened it. The smell of floral fragrances wafted in the place as I walked in carefully through the maze of leaves, vines and flora. Even though it was so hot outside, the inside of the dome was actually very cool, the huge leaves acting as umbrellas that blocked the sun rays from fully invading the area._

 _That was when I met him._

 _When I made it to the center, my eyes widened at the gazebo that was surrounded with red roses. I could see a small table inside the gazebo and noticed that a tea set had been prepared on it, two chairs on both sides empty while in the center stood the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. His skin was like porcelain and his eyes were a vibrant hue of bluish-violet that made we wonder if he was a life-size doll._

 _"Hello, I didn't think I'd meet another person here. Could you be the guest my father was expecting?" The boy asked with a smile, his voice like baby bells that tinkled in melody. He must have noticed me gawking at him because of the way he tilted his head with humor dancing in those mesmerizing eyes of his._

 _"A-Are you a fairy?" I suddenly blurted out, seeing as he did look too elegant to be considered like one of us. His eyes widened a bit in surprise at my question before he chuckled and motioned me to enter his gazebo._

 _"If I said yes then what would you do?" He asked curiously to which I beamed and clasped his hands excitedly. He towered me over a few inches so I had to tiptoe and tilt my head up just to look into those eyes that I seemed to enjoy staring at._

 _"Then I was wondering if you can do magic? Mom told me fairies can make magic so can you show me one, Mr. Fairy?" I asked eagerly to which the boy just chuckled as he patted me on the head._

 _"I'm sorry, but I'm not a fairy although if you want me to make magic then I will." He added as he brought out a pure white case. I stared curiously at the case as he opened it and inside was a violin that was as pure and bright as the eyes of the boy that stood next to me._

 ** _*Listen to "Chopin's Nocturne Op 9 No 2 in E flat by Joo Young Oh" *_**

 _The moment he started playing, I felt as if the world before us froze and my eyes widened at the music that echoed in the quiet glass garden. His figure swayed solemnly as his hands magically created music on the violin. As if out of a book, the light breeze blew in softly, playing with his hair as the sun shone lightly from above us. A small smiled played on his lips as if reminiscing a memory and my eyes just continued to watch him play until he opened his eyes ever so slightly as his music slowly came to an end. I guess you could say that I must have been holding my breath because by the time I had realized that, I was breathing really hard as if I had the air knocked out of me._

 _"Well, how did you like my 'magic'?" He asked which made me look at him curiously._

 _"Are you really sure you aren't a fairy?" Was the only compliment I could give him but he seemed to accept it very much because he smiled as he settled to his seat and began to serve us some red liquid-like tea and sweet balls colored in red that were delicious when I ate them._

 _"I'm pretty sure that I am not a fairy but thank you nonetheless." He replied as he took a sip of the tea as well. If dad were to ask me how my day went before we left… surely I would count this as one of the best days of my life. I mean, not only did I find such a beautiful place but I also met a very beautiful fairy. Dad's friend really has a very nice place indeed…_

 _"You know… I never really did catch your name. I guess we seemed to have forgotten to greet each other in the midst of all the fun we had." The boy finally noticed when we were just sitting there while chatting anything we could think of under the sun. Now that he mentioned it… I really didn't get the chance to ask Mr. Fairy his name._

 _"My name is Himura Ayame."_

 _"Such a pretty name. Did you know that Ayame mean_ 'Iris' _in English? It's a known flower in both Florence and France because of their symbol the fleur-de-lis. It means faith, wisdom, cherished friendship, hope, valor, my compliments, promise in love, and wisdom. Of course in China, they call it the_ Tze Hu-tieh _or '_ The Purple Butterfly'. _It really does suit you because you have pretty eyes." He complimented which made me turn pink, seeing as someone as beautiful as this boy actually said I had pretty eyes. Not only that but he said my name was nice too and for someone like him to say it really means a lot to me._

 _"T-thank you Mr. Fairy." I thanked him which made him chuckle._

 _"You needn't thank me but let me return the favor by introducing my name. I'm not sure I can take too much of your compliment by always calling me a fairy." He replied as he walked up to me and kneeled on one leg, his hands clasped on mine as he kissed it ever so lightly, almost like I was watching some scene from a movie._

 _"Thank you for gracing me with your presence, Ayame-chan. My name is Tsukiyama Shuu." And like his name, I knew, this boy was a level beyond what I could possibly imagine. Like the moon that graces us with its beauty in the darkest of nights, this boy whom I had befriended had really lived up to his name._

 **-End-**

* * *

Adjusting to the night, I opened my eyes.

"So he was that boy…" I muttered, the memory now so vivid as if being let into the light after the longest time it had been hidden in the recesses of my mind. My eyes gaze to the window of my room as I look up to the luminous moon that bathed my room in silvery yet calm light. I didn't think for a moment that a memory like that would surface just right after I thought the man was familiar. The way I had interacted with him then was almost like he was a big brother to me. Seeing as I was the only child of my parents, one couldn't blame me for wishing for a brother too. Although I didn't think that my father actually had some connections to other ghouls, Touka did recount to me how my father was known as a lone wolf amongst the ghouls of the 21st ward.

"It must have meant that father knew… all this time, that peace was just a distant dream in the life of a ghoul." I whisper while reminiscing at the memory. It was the memory that somehow reminded me of the short-lived happiness with my real family. I wonder if he remembers me? After all, it had been such a long time since he last saw me. Touka called him a nuisance of the 20th ward but why would she call him one when my memories of him were actually very warm? What made her hate him for some odd reason? I wonder if she would reconsider if I told her my memory? Although I didn't take him to well since he was hovering all over Kaneki but maybe I had misjudged him? He was a curious boy when I first met him after all. I really do hope Touka didn't scare him away. It'd be nice to talk to him again and remember old times.

"I'm sure Shuu-nii wouldn't mind." I chuckle calmly to myself, the name I called him by only strengthening the trust that I had of him along with those warm memories when I first met him. Maybe for once… time would be so forgiving as to grant me this one wish to see his 'magic' again.

* * *

 **Well here is the update. Yes I know I'm sorry it took a while but I really did try my best so please don't kill me *hides behind Kaneki* It seems Hide has accepted Ayame which is a good thing for our heroine. Sorry if Hide felt a bit OOC here since I expected that the initial human reaction to a news like that would really scare the hell out of you (seeing as Hide really didn't expect Ayame to actually be a half-ghoul). Anyways we get another memory glimpse here of Ayame's past and it looks like she's somehow an old acquaintance of the Tsukiyama family. Sorry for any OOCness here (if there ever is please be so kind as to remind me). Seriously, I don't hate Shuu regardless of his twisted personality, for me I find him loveable and the lengths he'd go for those he cares about really is something to commend. Anyways, sorry for rambling and I hope you enjoy XV!**

 **Don't forget to Fave and Review guys!**


	16. Deux Faces D'une Même Pièce de Monnaie

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!**

 **Cindy:** Thank you for the compliment! There will be more memory arcs and yes since this is a TG fanfic then there is absolutely lots of action (although not yet at this time). Thank you for reviewing and enjoying my story!

 **Guest:** Thank you for the review and yes, I made sure to make their meeting beyond the normal hellos. This is Tsukiyama Shuu after all so he is bound to make the flashiest of entrances.

 **lovinurbuks:** Thank you for thinking that Hide's reaction was realistic. I thought at first that maybe I went overboard with it but to hear someone say that that's not really true is very assuring. And yes, Shuu maybe a maniac but I don't hate him. He's funny, unpredictable and flashy. TBH He's actually my second crush besides Kaneki. I don't know if it's scary but that side of him really is interesting.

 **Number 2415 L.S:** Thank you for reviewing. Sorry if it was a bit too filler-centric but it I had to get that whole story of Ayame's fixed before Shuu came into the scene. That way, I can focus more on the story with everyone finally in their position and not questioning with the 'whys' and 'hows' of Ayame's half-ghoul side.

Thank you once again. Happy Reading!

* * *

 **Chapter XVI:** **Les Deux Faces D'une Même Pièce de Monnaie**

* * *

 ** _"Sometimes it's not the people who change, it's the mask that falls off."_**

 ** _-Anonymous-_**

* * *

"I'm sorry for not saying anything all this time!" I bowed so low that I could almost smell the scent of floor wax from the newly mopped floor. Silence followed after my outburst of apology, my breath hitching up in worry at how everyone was taking the news. It was closing time when I had finally plucked up the courage to approach them all and tell them of what I really was. I could see Kaneki passing me an encouraging smile from the corner of my eyes which helped somehow ease my body that was now so rigid from all the tension. I could see Yoshimura-san's eyes widen for a brief moment at the news while Koma-san and Irimi-san eyed each other worriedly at the manager. Only Yomo-san was quiet but I could feel his calculative eyes observing me carefully.

"So, what's the verdict?" Touka broke the silence, her eyes hovering over mine for a brief moment before looking back to the others. I was already bracing myself for any the bad news so it really did take me by surprise when I felt a pat on my head which made me look up.

"You didn't know. No one's blaming you." The words that left Yoshimura-san's lips made me tear up in gratitude before lunging at him in a fierce bear-hug. Several chuckles resounded in the room but I didn't care because I was so grateful for such accepting people. To think that I was even jealous of this family because of my fear of losing Kaneki to them. All those doubts and apprehensions about them had gone down the drain in a flash as if a veil had been put up, allowing me to appreciate the color in its original form. Kaneki assured me I would not be hated and I really am thankful for his advice.

"But to think she was _the_ Kyuubi's daughter. Such a small world it really is." Koma-san nodded to himself as I let go of Yoshimura-san and turned to him curiously.

"You knew my dad?"

"It was a passing friendship. Back when I was still called the Devil Ape, I chanced upon him during one of my hunting trips. Claimed my territory as his and let me tell you-,"

"Yes, yes we know Koma, but I doubt telling her how we nearly turned the 20th ward into a blood shed that day will not make her think of more positive things about her father." Irimi-san butted in which made Koma-san chuckle, making me wonder as to what were their relationships at the time they had met my father.

"So your mother is a human?" Yoshimura-san asked me and I nodded as I tried to recall that shard of memory from the recesses of my mind. Her back faced to me as I watched her washing the dishes during that winter day… my legs swinging back and forth as I excitedly waited for dad to come home. Her eyes that brimmed with anger as the inspector entered our home, the shouting and the fighting until I watched with my own eyes as the light left her eyes.

"Ayame-san?" Kaneki patted me on the shoulder, bringing me to reality. Because of the jumbled mess my mind was in, that was the only memory I could ever recall of my mother. But those last few moments where I had actually thought that everything was still in piece was enough to make me know that both of my real parents had loved me as much as my foster family and Anteiku did.

"Yes, my mother is a human and her name was Himura Akane… I don't have much memories of that time except on that _day_ but for me to have had such a fond memory of seeing her face must've meant she was a great mother to me."

"I believe her to be a strong-willed woman as well. After all, to be willing to give up so many things just to be a part of your life is a feat not every human is willing to do." Yoshimura-san added, his wrinkled smile barely reaching his eyes as if he was reminiscing of old times.

"It's a surprise but it's glad to know you're one of us too, Ayame-chan. Once again welcome to Anteiku." Koma-san coughed to gain our attention which made me beam as I nodded happily.

"Thank you for having me!"

"Looks like Yomo-san and Touka-chan wouldn't be as cautious as they had been now that they know what you are. Isn't that great news?" Kaneki reminded me and I glanced at Yomo and Touka-chan who were busy talking with each other. Touka's eyes hovered to mine and quickly looked away but I could see the faintest of smiles grace her lips which made me warm inside.

"Although to be honest, I didn't think Yomo-san meant anything mean when he told you off like that. It was late and he was just worried. If you really get to know him more, he really is a good person." Kaneki smiled and I trailed this time to Yomo-san who gave me a quick bow before talking with the manager. What if the one being apprehensive was me all this time and not them? Maybe that was why I always judged them all too much because I feared the future where I couldn't belong. Maybe if I had looked a bit closer then I would have seen that everything really isn't as it seems.

That is why this time… I will try to set things right.

* * *

"And that was how it happened." I recounted to Hide, his back facing me as we stared at falling leaves at the school grounds. Kaneki was nowhere to be found since he was cornered by one of the professors so he had suggested that we take lunch first before he followed. I took that as my cue to tell Hide the news even though that guilt feeling of lying to Kaneki still persisted in my mind. I always keep reminding myself of the dangers that went with this selfish action of mine but I didn't want to keep Hide out of the loop about how we were doing. I made sure to disclose as little as I could of the others, seeing as Hide barely knew them but anything related to Kaneki and I was open for him to read. He is our friend and the least I could do was assure him how well we were right now.

"Heh… well, good for you. You should be lucky that everyone in Anteiku is very accepting of stray apes and such." Hide laughed earning him a playful smack on the head.

"Stop calling me that! How many times do I have to drill it into your head? But it really is great… to know that there are actually people who are very accepting right now. I doubt I could handle any more tension with this life I placed myself in." I sighed sadly as I took a bite off the burger Hide had given me. The sudden return of my memories, my true nature, the death of my parents and the arrival of doves… I doubt I could handle any more problems after that. Seeing, as I had no idea how to call out my kagune, I was just as weak as when I had no memory of anything. It was a bother, since I had to be armed for any dangers that lurked about.

The least I could do was slow everybody down.

"Nagachika! Where the hell are you?!" We flinched to the sound of someone shouting in the distance before a man snaked his arm around Hide in a vice-grip that offered no means of escape.

"Ah, Kobayashi-senpai. Since when did you get here?" Hide choked when the man released him and huffed as he grabbed him by the collar.

"Seriously, I understand you have a date and all with your girlfriend but we have club activities! The least you could do is attend one since you even bothered to sign up for it." He scolded which made my eyes widen at his implication.

"Girlfriend?!"

"I don't date ape women!"

That comment of his earned him a whack on the head before we both started bickering in front of Kobayashi-senpai. Really, are people blind or something?

"Fine, maybe I misunderstood but it still doesn't excuse you from the club, Nagachika. Seeing as she isn't really your girlfriend then maybe I already have permission to take you away then?" He chuckled evilly making Hide flinched as he back away and begged for mercy.

"No, wait! Ayame!"

"Sorry, Hide. You have clubs to do and seeing as we are done talking then he has liberty to take you." I chuckled at the thought of sweet revenge and watched him being dragged away forcibly by Kobayashi-senpai.

"You'll pay for this!" He shouted as I waved innocently at their retreating figure.

"Sorry, Hide! But it's my win." I shouted back and laughed inwardly at his defeated form as they made a turn and disappeared from my view.

"Ayame-san?" I looked behind me to the familiar voice and my eyes widened when I saw Kaneki along with the man we met yesterday. His eyes darted to me quickly and I took this as a cue to get up and introduce myself. It's been a longtime since I last saw him so I doubted he even recognized me after all this time.

"Are you by any chance the same Ayame-chan from twelve years ago?" I heard him speak and my eyes widened in surprise at the thought of him even remembering. Not that I have anything against it, seeing as I only remembered him just recently but it is still a surprise since I only saw him once or twice before the accident happened.

"Wait? You two know each other?" Kaneki darted to us making me scratch the back of my head embarrassingly at the thought of forgetting to tell him about it.

"I met him before, twelve years ago with my father." I recounted to Kaneki, the memories surfacing in my mind making me laugh. To think I mistook him for a fairy, I really do have such a very odd mind.

"So you really are, Ayame-chan! I overheard from my father about your family… I really am very sorry about the loss. You should know that had you come to us then we would have welcomed you with open arms. We do owe your father a lot for helping us." Shuu took my hands into his and shook them fervently. I assured him it was alright, considering that had I not stumbled upon my new family that day then I would have never met Kaneki and be here right now.

"But still. Should you seek help, then the Tsukiyama family will willingly help you as our esteemed ally."

"You needn't go that far, Tsukiyama-san. So, what are you doing here by the way? It is quite surprising to see you far from the mansion, did something happen?"

"I came to visit the 20th ward for a little vacation. I was on my way here to Kamii to look at the school when I bumped in Kaneki-kun here. Quite a surprise that he's an avid reader as well." Shuu explained before he paused and gave Kaneki a light smile making him shiver. I wonder… did something happen between them?

"Anyways, I invited him over to have coffee at this known restaurant for book lovers a few days from now. If you'd like, you can tag along and we can catch up for old time's sake."

"It's a nice offer, Tsukiyama-san. Thank you."

"Non non. You needn't be formal with me, Ayame-chan. You can call me Shuu-nii like you always did when we were kids." He tutted making me laugh. Shuu-nii never really did change, always using the same extravagant language like he used to.

"Alright, Shuu-nii. I can't wait to see you then."

"Merveilleux! I'll wait for both of you then. Three days from now on Sunday." He replied excitedly as he gave us a quick good-bye and walked away. I waved back as well, quite at ease to know that I would actually be going out with Kaneki and Shuu-nii without feeling troubled for once. I doubt Shuu-nii would do anything to us, considering he did seem sincere about the Tsukiyama's being an ally and old friend of my father. Somehow, today seems much brighter and I am grateful that things are finally returning to normal. Minus the fact that Kaneki and I are a half-ghouls but to think that things are going smoothly for once is a good thing indeed.

* * *

"Kaneki? Kaneki!" I waved in front of his face for the fifth time before I ended up flicking his forehead to gain his attention. We were on our way home after meeting with Shuu-nii in Kamii High when Kaneki started acting all quiet which didn't sit well with me. It wasn't the typical silence he would give off whenever he read books while walking but it was almost like a deep questioning silence, almost like he was thinking about something that I had a gut feeling would get him into trouble. That was why I had to break that train of thought of his, I didn't want him getting into anymore deeper trouble like that last time with Hinami-chan. Just for once can he try to be more careful?

"Ouch! Why did you do that for, Ayame-san?" Kaneki cringed from the pain.

"Sorry, you were in a daze and I can't help but worry." I admitted, causing him to grow silent as we rounded the corner that led to a familiar way to Anteiku.

"During my talk with Tsukiyama-san, he mentioned something about talking with Rize-san once. It made me curious as to how they knew each other. Add to the fact, you both knew each other, I can't help but feel like there's another side to Tsukiyama-san that I don't know about." Kaneki explained causing me to nearly falter as I stopped to walk. Shuu-nii knew Rize? When and how? And not only that but why did he bring it up to Kaneki. I understand that it could be because Kaneki is a ghoul and that it was only normal to know but… I wonder if Shuu-nii knew of Kaneki's true nature? It could explain the coincidence right?

"Ayame-san? Are you alright?" Kaneki noticed my silence and I took this as a cue to catch up with him and grab him by the sleeve of his jacket. This feeling… almost the same feeling when Kaneki met Rize. But it's impossible that Shuu-nii would hurt Kaneki right? Could it be an enemy of the Tsukiyama's trying to hunt him? It could explain why he seemed so dodgy about why he was here in the 20th ward. Or could it be that the doves are after him? Why is it happening again? Just when I thought that everything was already beginning to return to normal.

"Ayame-san?"

"Kaneki. Promise me something." I finally said just moments before we were going to part ways in the intersection not too far from Anteiku. Maybe I'm overreacting or maybe it's just my imagination but I just can't stop the feeling that sucking me in. I know it's silly and even I have no right to force it upon him but just to make sure… I just need to put my mind at ease.

"I know it's not all the time we get to see each other but just promise me you won't go looking for trouble." I almost begged him to promise. The first time was a double-edged blade, he survived but with the consequence of losing his humanity. I'm not sure I can handle a second one and end up losing him for good. I know he's going to ask me what's wrong but I just can't explain it, the feeling that something bad is happening and I don't even know what it is. Why I kept on thinking that everything will fix itself and return to normal, I will never know. Now that things have already been revealed, nothing is how it seems anymore. I asked for a colorful life before but I didn't think that my wish would result into this. I can only pray that I'm wrong. That all of this is just a result of being overly dramatic and a worry-wart. It's be better that way. For once, I'd rather be wrong than right.

"I'm not sure what's wrong, I just can't explain it. So please-," I tried to reason out again when he still remained silent and stopped half-way in surprise when he patted me on the head. A habit he'd been doing lately after the incident in the river.

"Don't worry. I can't make any promises but I'll do my best not to get into trouble. So stop making such a face, you're the one making me worry." He assured me making me calm down a bit. Although the feeling was still there, at the very least, it simmered down a bit now that I know Kaneki wouldn't be trying to get himself into any dangers when I'm not around.

"Sorry about worrying you but I'm just as worried too! So I'm holding onto your word for that okay, Kaneki. If you break it then I'll hit you, got it." I threatened lightly making him only chuckle and I sighed before we parted ways. It's not like I could break him, he knew that much. It was a light threat but if ever something happens then it won't be him breaking-

It'd probably be me…

* * *

"Hmm? Ayame-chan, is that you?" I looked up from my phone and froze when I saw Shuu-nii standing by the entrance of the apartment. I could see a black car parked next to it and it made me curious as to how he got my address.

"Shuu-nii? What are you doing here? Actually, how did you even get my address?" I asked him making him chuckle as he waved his phone at me.

"Never underestimate a Tsukiyama's connection. It just worried me that we didn't get the chance to exchange emails since I left too quickly. So I decided to visit you instead and get it." He explained as-a-matter-of-fact causing me to sweat drop at how far he had to go just to get a hold on me. I appreciate it, but using his connection was just too much.

"You could have just asked Kaneki, Shuu-nii. Or you could have just looked for me in school, you didn't have to go far." I replied making me him freeze at the realization. I giggled at his reaction as I slung the bag on my back.

"Anyways, thank you for the effort. Why don't you come in for coffee before you go?" I asked him and I guess it was enough to get him to snap out form his stupor, since he seemed delighted with the offer. I know Uta-san warned me of inviting ghouls over but that was when I was still _human_ , this time's different and even with the idea that ghouls had a scary habit of possibly eating their own, I doubt Shuu-nii would try to hurt me. My memories can attest to that.

"Merci, Ayame-chan! I look forward to seeing what your abode looks like." He thanked me and I laughed as we walked up to the apartments.

"Don't expect anything fancy, Shuu-nii. Unlike the gardens of your manor, mine is merely a small and plain room." I replied as I stuck in the key and twisted the door open. Lights flooded the room as we walked in and I left my cardigan, bag and shoes by the entrance. I saw Shuu-nii do the same as his eyes looked around my house like it's an art piece worth looking into.

"Sorry if instant coffee is all I can offer. As you can see, it's the only thing I have here that you can eat." I apologized as I began to brew the hot water while setting down two mugs on the table. I turned to where the fridge was located and I saw Shuu-nii open it, his eyes curiously looking at the food in the fridge.

"I see you have the whole _human play_ prepared and I commend you for your props. Although, I can't help but wonder as to where you would stock your _real_ food. Could it be you prefer them fresh? If that is so, then you have good taste in food as the human meat are much more delicious that way especially heavily toned ones since it has no unwanted muscles and fat." Shuu-nii explained to me in detail causing me to nearly turn green from his comment. I lived a human all my life, after all. Just the thought of him explaining to me how a human meat is chosen is still difficult to imagine. I know he thinks of human as humans think of pigs and cattle but still… just the thought of eating human meat is still…

"I-I don't really eat human mean, Shuu-nii." I tried to explain to him which made him pause as he stared at me incredulously. Shuu-nii has the right to know too, about what I am. Otherwise he might get worried and kill just to help. I don't want to give him that burden, especially with the doves out and about.

"Non non! I understand killing can be difficult, considering that your father didn't train you yet but starving yourself with coffee is bad. If it helps, then I can take you to my house and feed you the best cuisine." He chided me worriedly making me worried at what he might do to an innocent by-stander because of me. I guess explaining is out of the question, since he wouldn't believe me so I had no choice but take out an apple from the fridge and bit it in front of him. He froze at the sight of me eating the whole apple until none was left and I waited with abated breath to his reaction. Although it didn't take a while because the next thing I knew, he had me by the shoulder and was shaking me furiously.

"C'est Mauvais! Don't tell me that you've been eating garbage your whole life? Are you trying to poison yourself?"

"No! Wait." I tried to stop him from shaking me, trying my best to calm him down. Okay, maybe that kind of approach was a bad idea. I don't think trying to understand the French words were needed since it was obvious he was worrying to much about my diet.

"You just tried to poison yourself in front of me. How can I not worry and just wait?"

"It's because I'm not poisoning myself, Shuu-nii." I tried to explain, while at the same time that my right eyes was beginning to turn black and red. The moment my kakugan finally formed that was when Shuu-nii's eyes widen in disbelief.

"Santo Cielo… A one-eyed ghoul? You're a one-eyed ghoul? How did I not see this before?" He said in surprise as he lifted my face to meet his, his eyes looking at both my eyes. I shifted nervously at his gaze, wondering why he seemed so fascinated with a one-eyed ghoul. Is it uncommon to ghouls to only have a kakugan in one eye?

"I've only heard very little information about one-eyed ghouls so to see one in the flesh is really surprising. I didn't think that one would be hiding under my nose all this time. I wonder…" I heard him mutter to himself before he shook his head as he patted me on the head. I stared at him worriedly, wondering what was on his mind before the sound of the kettle hissed announcing that the hot water was now finished.

"No wonder you managed to live this whole time without hunting humans. Could it be that you are a half-human and half-ghoul?" He asked me as I poured him the coffee, causing me to nearly spill my share at the memory of my parent's faces. After all, trying to get over the idea that they are dead… is still slightly difficult for me.

"My mom's a human who married my dad who is a ghoul. So yes, I am one. That's probably why human food doesn't taste bad for me nor makes me sick."

"Incroyable! Then can you tell me what pork tastes like? What about fish or even rice?" He asked, the fascination in his voice very evident. I smiled a bit at his curiosity but nevertheless it still seemed upsetting that even if he wanted to know what human food tasted like, his ghoul-side couldn't grant him that pleasure. Could it be this is what Touka meant when she said that I had to also accept my human side for them? Could it be this was the way to bridge the gap between humans and ghouls?

 ***Ring* *Ring***

"Excuse me…" Shuu-nii excused himself when the sound of his phone ringing brought me back to reality. I saw his face frown as he listened on the phone before he brightened up again as he nodded before dismissing the call.

"It looks like my time is up, Ayame-chan. It was fun while it lasted but it looks like I have family matters to attend to."

"Is that so? Such a shame, you did seem interested at the topic and I couldn't wait to tell you about it." I frowned. It was surprising how much time had passed being with Shuu-nii. I guess when people have fun, they do tend to lose track of time. Shuu-nii seemed to notice the dejected sound in my voice because I saw him smile at me sympathetically before he pulled out a sleek black envelop from his pocket.

"Then why don't you tell me all about it next time? I'll be hosting a party after our little fun at the café three days from now. Of course, only a few privileged members are allowed but I can make an exception for an old friend. Of course the attire will be formal and from there maybe you can tell me all about it." He explained making me stare at him in shock before returning my gaze to the fancy envelop in my hand. A party for rich people? How do you even act in front of them? I appreciate the invitation but do I even have a dress? What if I mess up and embarrass him in front of the other people?

"You needn't worry about formality. I can have a dress prepared for you if you want. Consider it a token of gratitude for what your father has done for my family. Also, please don't forget to bring a mask. After all, every ghoul in the party is required to have one to keep their anonymity." I froze at the final sentence of his words. A party for only ghouls? Although, I really should have nothing to fear but walking in completely unable to use my kagune is like a cub walking into a lion's den. Even after I told Kaneki not get himself into trouble, who's to say I might not get into one if I go.

"If it's cannibalism you're worried about then you have nothing to fear." Almost like reading my mind, Shuu-nii assured me himself that not cannibalism was going to happen in his _party._

"I noticed you have yet to master your kagune, Ayame-chan. The kakugan in itself that you showed me was proof. You were still unstable. But you needn't worry. You can trust me to watch your back."

"If you say so… I really don't know what to say. The invitation… the dress… you really didn't have to go far."

"Non non. You're an old friend of mine as well as your dad is to the Tsukiyama's. It's only a simple token compared to all the things your father did for us. So if you really want to pay me back, then you have to go to the party." He chuckled and I smiled. How can this be a simple token? To go all the way out for an old friend he only met once or thrice in his life… Shuu-nii really is weird.

"Very well. I'll see you there, Shuu-nii. Thank you for the invite and hospitality."

"No, Ayame-chan. The pleasure is mine. I guess it's time for me to go. See you on Sunday along with Kaneki-kun." He patted me on the head and I nodded happily before waving him a good-bye.

"Wait… I forgot to ask him if I could bring an escort." I sighed before the idea of asking Kaneki to the party made me turn red and shake my head.

"Maybe not. I might just die from embarrassment. Besides, I can't get him into any more trouble." I shuddered at the thought before I looked back to the invitation and smiled. Who'd have thought I'd meet an old friend like this? It really is exciting to talk to Shuu-nii again and recall old memories. I'm sure had mom and dad been alive then they'd have been invited too. I sighed and shook my head, trying to erase the sad feeling.

I'm sure they'd want me to enjoy my life rather than sulk about.

"Well… Might as well prepare for tomorrow then." I stretched my body tiredly and walked on over to my room.

* * *

 **Now for the french words! (Please correct me in the review section should any of my french terms be wrong!)**

 _ **Les Deux Faces D'une Même Pièce de Monnaie -**_ The Two faces of the same coin

 _ **Non:**_ No

 _ **Merveilleux:**_ Marvellous

 _ **Merci:**_ Thank you

 ** _C'est Mauvais:_** This is bad

 _ **Santo Cielo:**_ I saw in the net that it somehow meant "Good Heavens" or more akin to "Oh my God"

 _ **Incroyable:**_ Amazing

 **Sorry for the super late update! As a graduating student, many works started piling up so it's been difficult to update. That's why thank you so much for the reviews and faves guys. It really means a lot to me. Looks like Ayame's been invited to the party as a guest...I wonder? is this a trick or not of Tsukiyama's? Stay tuned for the next chapter and don't forget to rate and review. Also do tell i** **f some of them have been walking into the OOC lane! The last I need is turn them into someone they really aren't.**


	17. Conséquences

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

* * *

 **Chapter XVII:** **Conséquences**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Nothing is as painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change…"_**

 ** _-Mary Shelley (Frankenstein)-_**

* * *

"Gah!" I shouted in pain when my body collided with the concrete wall. I could see Kaneki rushing to my aid and grabbed me just in time to save me from the onslaught of Toukas' Ukaku projectiles.

"Touka! I thought this was only supposed to be a light practice? You almost killed her."

"Light? How will she even learn to use her kagune if I go easy on her? I'm doing her a favor." Touka huffed while Kaneki helped me up. I could see a few scars beginning to heal as I tiredly wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. It's been three hours since we started practicing and till now no such luck in summoning my kagune. Touka told me I managed to use it back at the river but I had no memories of it whatsoever, the only thing I could recall was the fear of them dying before me and after that was just a big blur.

"Maybe you shouldn't go." Kaneki finally suggested causing me to nearly fall from surprise when I suddenly let him go.

"But I'll be fine! Shuu-nii promised that I'd be safe. I know I'm being a hypocrite for saying that you should stay out of trouble whereas I'm jumping into the lion's den but I have to know… I need to recall. Everything's a big blur and I want to know who I was before I lost my memories. I want to know who dad was, what he was like and maybe along the way find out about mom too. I promise to stay out of trouble after all this, keep a low profile but just once… even a little bit. Can I please go?" If one could describe the way my voice sounded, it sounded more like a child begging one more time to stay up a bit late. I really didn't think I'd be using so much effort to convince Kaneki when back then, I never really cared what he thought about the reckless things I did.

"You really are selfish, Ayame-san. But if it really means a lot to you then I won't stop you. I know you meant well for me but you should understand I mean well for wanting you to not go." Kaneki sighed making my eyes widen at what he had just said. He was actually letting me go? Even after I made him promise not to do anything reckless? I bit my lip at the thought, knowing full well how unfair this situation was.

"Sorry and thank you for understanding." I could only mutter. Apologies may not be enough but it was the only thing I could give as compensation for my selfish act just now. I really am a bad person for taking advantage of his kindness like this.

"You're too kind for your own good, idiot. Oi, Ayame. If you really are his friend then don't take him for granted. I don't know what honey-coated words Tsukiyama said to you but that man is a nuisance. If you really want to go there then you have to rely on your own powers. If you really are feeling guilty about being unfair then become stronger to protect yourself and those around you."

"Touka! I think you're going too-,"

"No, she's right, Kaneki. Maybe I am taking your kindness for granted. I can't always rely on the idea that this world will always fix itself. I should have known long ago that going back was no longer an option. I'm tired of always worrying that people will start leaving me. Maybe they do leave because I always rejected change. Maybe I have to change. If that happens then maybe it won't happen… maybe no one important to me would end up like mom and dad…" I cut Kaneki off, Touka's words bringing me to realization of why all of this was happening.

How many times have I told Kaneki that I would do what I could to protect him and Anteiku? Even to the point of gambling my own life for it. Many things happened to try and harm Anteiku and Kaneki and yet not once was I able to do anything to help. I was so scared to lose those dear to me that I ended up constricting them to the point that maybe I locked them up in a cage just to protect them. I know Kaneki won't think too much about it but I can't always let him carry the burden. The only way I can protect them is if I become strong enough that I wouldn't have to feel afraid of letting them go.

"I can see the conviction in your eyes but is that all you have? If you really did understand what I just said then come at me with all you have!" Touka taunted, her kakugan activating and her kagune beginning to materialize behind her back. That's right, I have to prove to them my conviction. My trust and resolve.

I'll show them what I'm capable of.

* * *

I winced when Kaneki rubbed the alcohol over the large gash on my arm. It was a little after five when we finally finished training and to say that everything went well was an understatement. Touka was true to her word and the multiple wounds coating my body was proof of that. She was too fast for my eyes to follow and to be honest I suffered a big defeat from her. Had Kaneki not intervened once again then maybe I would have suffered more than just a few cuts and bruises. But I wouldn't say the training was a big failure. I did manage to learn a few basic self-defense moves from Kaneki and I did manage to summon my bikaku, although it was a bit weaker unlike the one Touka mentioned she saw back in the river.

"At least, it's better than nothing." She only said after she bandaged her own wounds and took her leave to clean downstairs. Her presence, to be honest, was the only thing stopping this room from becoming anymore silent than it already was. I really didn't know what I wanted to say to Kaneki right now. Our silences before were always comfortable but lately it's become more difficult to feel the comfortableness in the silence with just the two of us. It really is irritating that he always made me feel more conscious of myself every time he looked my way or even so much as brush his skin over mine. It was like I was hypersensitive to his every movement and I didn't know if that was normal or downright creepy.

"Is Tsukiyama-san really such a good person?" We flinched simultaneously at the question he asked before I paused and looked at him curiously.

"He's weird but nevertheless I had good memories of him. So, for me, he's a good person. Why do you ask?"

"Ah… It was just a lingering question since Touka-chan seemed to distrust him. How your father even befriended his family really is a surprise." Kaneki answered after putting away the medical kit and he began to make us some coffee.

"He did mention about how his family owed my dad a debt of gratitude and it really did make me curious as to why dad would have connections with them. I didn't really get the chance to ask Shuu-nii last night since he was in a hurry after he left me the invite…" I trailed off before I noticed Kaneki pause from brewing the coffee.

"Kaneki?" I called out to him worriedly before he started quickly preparing the coffee and putting it on the tray. My eyes followed him worriedly as he took his seat opposite of mine, his eyes looking downcast as if he was deep in thought.

I wonder… did I say something wrong?

"I'm thankful you told me about the invite but I didn't think it wouldn't cross your mind to tell me that Tsukiyama-san went into your house the other night just to give it to you." I froze at his implication, knowing full well where he was getting at.

"Sorry… I was intending to tell you but it felt like the invite was more important. I know Uta-san's warnings were meant to remind me that not everyone outside of Anteiku could be trusted but I knew Shuu-nii wouldn't hurt me-,"

"You barely have memories of him, Ayame-san. It can be possible that he might not be the person you make him out to be." Kaneki sighed causing me to grip the cup of coffee tightly. Not the person I make him out to be? Could he be implying that I can't judge a person right? I know that Touka's words really gave him a terrible first impression of Shuu-nii but my memories say otherwise. Or could time really change a person? It was twelve years ago so a considerable time has passed since I last saw him. He could have changed then…

"I'm sorry. Maybe I'm overthinking things… I know that he did mean a lot to you since he is also a link to your past. Sorry if I made you doubt him but like you, I too get worried for my friend's safety. Uta-san made a point to remind you to stay safe even if the person was me. You should understand that as well, Ayame-san."

"I know but… Shuu-nii won't hurt me. I'm sure of it. I trust both you and Shuu-nii after all. Both of you won't hurt me." I smile in assurance. Even as a half-ghoul, my life is still not safe as I had assumed. But Shuu-nii promised he would watch over me at the party. Even if years have passed I'm sure nothing's changed. He'd still be the same kind, mysterious and slightly weird friend I had made.

"You believe in me too much. You should understand that even I can make mistakes. It makes me worried when you put me in such a high pedestal…" I frowned at his self-pity and got up, walked to him and lightly slapped both my hands on either side of his cheeks and forced him to look at me. It was embarrassing enough that I dared to even do this to him but for once… I wanted him to at least not degrade himself.

"There you go again with the self-pitying. I didn't put you in a high pedestal or crown you as some hero. There's a reason why I believe in you and if you think that after spending nearly all my childhood with you isn't enough to prove that then you have another thing coming. So stop wallowing again, we're in this together and we're both going to do our best to make it better. Remember, Hide's waiting so we have to do our best." I squeezed his cheeks and chuckled when I saw him wince. He gave me a light frown as he rubbed his sore cheeks but I was glad, at least he didn't have those defeated eyes now.

"You didn't have to go that far. Just telling me was enough."

"Yeah, right. The last time we did that, you suddenly went rigid during the auditions for the school play. Hide and I had to literally drag you to the stage!" I pointed out, making his eyes grow wide at the memory.

"That was different and you forced me to sign up for it and then left me hanging." He accused making me scoff.

"Nu-uh. It's not my fault I was a terrible actress for Snow White. They wanted me to be the evil Queen! That was a low blow for my morale back then." I huffed at the thought.

"You think being the prince was easy? Hide was laughing at me the whole time because of my poofy costume. Even the guys thought I was 'adorable'."

"Hahaha. Now that I think about it, you really were adorable then, a mini-prince charming." I laughed at the memory of Kaneki with the hat and long dashing cape. I could remember the whole school was abuzz and even the girls were gushing about him that time.

"What? You said before I looked like I was doused in blue paint then." Kaneki reminded me and I froze at what he had just said. I could already feel my cheeks burning red, I didn't think I even had the guts to say it to him that he really was adorable in the costume. Sure, I told him he looked like he took a bath in a tub of blue paint but it was because I was a kid then, I didn't even know I liked him then.

Just why am I suddenly starting to blurt out unnecessary and embarrassing things like that?

"Ayame-san?"

 ***Click***

"Oi! When are you two going to stop flirting in there? I'm not the only one working in this café, so you better help me unless you want to get killed shithead." Touka complained in a low growl, her feet tapping impatiently on the wooden floor. Both of us turned red as we looked at Touka, my heart hammering in my chest, wondering what Kaneki thought of all of this. I really am getting reckless lately…

"Flirting? You've got it all wrong!" We both said in unison which only made Touka snort as she turned and gave us one fleeting look.

"Yeah, as if your in-sync denial isn't proof enough." She added before grabbing a mop and glared at us.

"But you can convince me otherwise if you actually help me clean this place. You're helping too Ayame since you're the one who's taking up our time by learning how to fight. Consider it payment."

"Ehhhh!?"

* * *

By the time shop closed, my body was all sore as I collapsed on the seat. Kaneki was still busy wiping the windows and it amazed me at how much stamina he had since he cleaned almost half the shop while Touka and I shared the other half. I sighed at my lack of energy and wondered if maybe I should exercise tomorrow just to gain some stamina. I heard a clack of something being placed on the table and I opened my eyes to see Kaneki place a glass of cold water on the table. I muttered a quick thanks and sighed as the refreshing beverage slid down my throat and exhaled dreamily making him chuckle.

"You really are lazy when it comes to cleaning."

"Hey! I can be productive when I want to. I'm just not used to so much cleaning especially dishes! Our house was smaller than this." I pointed out, frowning inwardly when I realized how unfeminine I just sounded. In all honesty, if I plan to even impress him, I have to at least be more lady-like.

 ***Clink***

We all looked up from our cleaning, Touka busy in the kitchen so she didn't hear the sound of the door open to reveal Yomo-san, long gone was the usual coat he wore. In its place was a black long-sleeved shirt paired with jeans and shoes. So even the intimidating Yomo-san could look so normal sometimes.

"Oh, Yomo-san, it's rare to see you… what are you doing here? We were just closing shop and was about to leave when you came. Is there something you need in Anteiku? Should I call Touka-chan?" Kaneki asked him but Yomo-san shook his head before giving us a long stare. I fidgeted under the gaze, the same gaze I mistook for a glare back then. He really is a man of few words.

"No, I was merely passing by and noticed the shop still open so I came to check."

"Is that so? Well since you're here, I was wondering if you would like to see my kick? Maybe you can also help Touka-chan and I train Ayame-san."

"Sorry but I have business, maybe next time…" He trailed off before he gave us both a long look and sighed almost to himself.

"Do you both want to come along with me?" He asked us which made my eyes widen in surprise at the sudden invite, Kaneki though seemed frightened, like the idea of going with him sounded like a bad idea.

"Don't tell me were going to the mountains again?" He asked him making me raise my eyebrows in confusion at what he meant with mountains. Was it some sort of initiation amongst ghouls?

"No… I'm going to meet someone but that person randomly wanted to meet you both." He tried to explain but it was like he was debating with the idea of us meeting with that person he was referring to.

"That person?" I asked him making him sigh.

"But you both don't have to come along. It's troublesome right?"

"Huh? Why would it be, Yomo-san?"

"Err… just what kind of person is it?" Kaneki wondered and for the moment we saw Yomo-san give us a long look of confusion as he tried to think of what kind of person the one who wanted to meet us was like. Is that person really that bad? I mean, for them to want to eagerly meet Kaneki and I, especially that person is a friend of Yomo-san, one of Yoshimura-san's trusted ally. I doubt the person would mean any harm, right?

"Um. It wouldn't sound like a bad idea, the person went out of their way to ask for us so it'd be rude to decline…" Kaneki made up his mind and I nodded next to him, excited to meet a friend of Yomo-san. I mean I barely know everyone in Anteiku except for their names and their current self, so to know another side to them such as social circles and hobbies would help me better understand this world and the ghouls we would someday meet on a daily basis.

"Running off now are we?" We both cringed at the sound of Touka's growl and we turned to see her fixing us a glare as she held a tray of steaming coffee, one for each of us.

"You're lucky chores are finally finished or I might've tied you all up here until I squeezed every strength outta you guys for ditching me."

"You can really be a Spartan when you want to, Touka." I sighed tiredly but it was one thing that put me at ease. This was the Touka I was used to and if this is how she normally acts then there was nothing to worry about.

"Yeah, because I have such slackers for friends." She huffed which made my ears perk up. Did she just say the 'F' word? She must've realized it because she cringed and turned red when she saw me giving her that small smirk.

"Wh-what? Is there something I said?" She asked and flinched when I tackled her playfully.

"Don't be such a tsundere, Touka-chan! You just called us your friends! After all this time! This is a cause for celebration."

"Oi! Let go of me, how can you have such a tight grip? I said slacker I never said 'friends'. And I am not a tsundere!" She argued weakly, her cheeks turning redder in embarrassment. Kaneki laughed at our little banter and even Yomo-san who was silent was giving us a light and approving smile.

"Oh, stop being in denial! You just said it right there and everyone in this room can attest to it." I giggled, that honest laughter of mine… it's been a long time since I laughed so loudly and happily like this. Well there were some moments but this one makes it to the top list too. The acceptance was so evident and it made me glad to know once and for all what she felt about Kaneki and me. It was always Hide and Kaneki whom I considered my true friends so to have one like Touka-chan… I really am beginning to look forward now am I?

"That's it, everyone get out!" I guess that was the last straw because the next we knew, all three of us had been kicked out of the shop just like that but it didn't matter for me. Because in the end I had gained a good and indispensable friend.

* * *

I was still chuckling at the memory of Touka's flushed expression as she kicked us out of the shop when we strolled through the 14th ward, towards the shop of the friend of Yomo-san. I could see several graffiti marring the walls of the place and almost all the people seemed wary of everyone they bumped into. The sky was still light blue but with a tinge of orange from the setting sun, a clear indication that night was just about ready to take over.

"You know you'll never see the light of day if you bring that up to her again." Kaneki sighed but I shook my head, wagging my pointer finger as we walked into the deeper part of town.

"Sure she may get mad but Touka's threats are usually light. I'm pretty sure she's more of embarrassed rather than angry." I corrected him, the memory just too nice to forget. It was rare for her to say what she really felt so for her to actually admit something like that? I really won't let that go and I'll keep reminding her about it.

"Well, I'm not surprised that you would seem giddy. You always did want a friend that was a girl."

"It's probably the first time I ever had one since we moved here to Tokyo. Seeing as I did get into a lot of fights with the boys since they always bullied you, I guess the girls thought I was some scary gangster."

"Sorry for that… I guess I really am weak. You lost some potential friends because of me…"

"There you go again with the self-pity! I'm not regretting ever standing up for you! If they were so scared to befriend me then it was their loss, they judge too easily based on outer appearances. I don't need many friends, no matter how few they are, so long as they can accept me and you for who we are then they're okay for me." I point out angrily and my eyes softened when I saw him mutter me a thanks. That's right, all I need are people who can accept us for who we are, ghoul or not, if I can have friends like them, even if they are only measurable by my ten fingers then it is fine by me.

"We're here." Yomo-san finally said and we looked up to see a huge establishment towering above us. We followed Yomo-san to a case of stairs that led up and climbed it until we reached the second floor. A nearly dark hallway greeted us and not too far was a lone door with a closed sign attached to it. A sign was next to the door, the engravings calling the place the 'Helter Skelter' Bar.

"A bar? Aren't Kaneki and I a bit under aged to be going here? And it says closed, is there anybody in there?" I asked Yomo-san just as Kaneki opened the door and a hideous face greeted us making Kaneki shout in surprise as he back away from the door.

"Are you alright? What on earth was that for?" I shouted angrily as I hovered over Kaneki who had collapsed to the ground from shock before turning to the masked person. My God, just who even has the right mind to greet unsuspecting strangers like that? Imagine if the one who came had some heart problems? A shock like that could give someone a heart attack.

"Itori, cut it out." Yomo-san chided just as I saw the woman in the mask look up to see Yomo-san.

"Sorry, Ren-chan." She giggled and I raised a curious eyebrow. Ren-chan?

"Kaneki-kun, Ayame-san. Long time no see… Are my masks serving you well? A familiar voice asked and I noticed another shadow greet Kaneki. I looked up to see to my surprise that the voice belonged to Uta-san, his shades forgotten to reveal his kakugan.

"Kaneki… Ayame?" The masked woman asked us and I watched her take off the mask to reveal a young woman with long orange-brownish hair and orange-caramel eyes.

"Oh this kid must be the one mentioned before! Eyepatch-kun from Anteiku. And you must be the renowned Kyuubi's daughter! We have a lot of celebrities here, huh. Sorry for the surprise but I'm the bar-owner of this ghoul bar, Helter Skelter, my name is Itori and I'm an old friend of U-san and Ren-chan here. It's a pleasure to meet you both." She shook my hand lightly just as Kaneki got up and we both looked warily at the woman who started ushering us into the bar.

Maybe Yomo-san was right, it probably wasn't a good idea to go here…

"No need to be so stiff, this is my shop so you can both relax here, Kanekichi-kun and Ayachii-chan."

"Sorry, it's our first time here… and I'm not really Kanekichi."

"I'm the same, please don't call me Ayachii, Itori-san." I cringed at the nickname she gave us and sighed tiredly at her energy. I always wondered if female ghouls were either the quiet ones like Touka and Irmi-san, or maybe the seductive and cunning ones like Rize. Although, Itori is beautiful in her own way, she just has that large amount of energy and excitement in her that discerns her and makes her who she is.

"I really am glad to have both met you though. I've heard a lot from Ren-chan and U-san. Although it really does make me curious how you could stand being close to such a troublesome guy like Ren-chan." She waved off, taking a sip of her wine (if it really even is wine) as she began to point out how Yomo-san hadn't shaved and was wearing some attire from ten years ago. Wow, make it a strong woman, to even say that much about Yomo-san is saying something.

"Not really. I'm always being saved by everyone so I always end up apologizing." Kaneki sighed sadly to himself making me frown.

"Kaneki-," I was about to scold him when Itori-san just up and went to hug him, I could practically see her breasts resting very close to Kaneki and it's no surprise he saw it too because I could see him blushing red.

"What a good kid! So innocent, He has the pure heart that we have already lost."

"I'm pure now too." Uta-san defended himself just as Itori-san let him go and I huffed lightly, that irritating feeling of bitterness resting at the back of my mind as I sat back quietly down but it seems Itori-san noticed my frown and I cringed when I saw her smile.

"You needn't be so protective, Ayachii. I know when someone's taken and I respect that." She winked which made me turn fifty shades of red. Luckily, Kaneki didn't seem to notice it since he began to ask how they even all met in the first place. Embarrassment forgotten, even I couldn't help but wonder how Itori-san, Yomo-san and even Uta-san met. Three unlikely ghouls talking here like old friends, a deep friendship must be hidden behind it. The same kind of friendship Kaneki, Hide and I have.

"We go way back really ever since Ren-chan entered the 4th ward. Long ago, U-san and even Ren-chan never got along. It's because of them the 4th ward was such wreck than it is now. Gave me a headache really." Itori-san shook her head dejectedly at the memories, making me wonder if maybe she was the one always having to clean them up whenever they got into trouble. I chuckled at the thought, seeing as they did sound almost like us before and it was always Kaneki who tried to stop me and Hide from arguing.

"A long time ago, Renji-kun was like how Touka-chan is now." Uta-san joined in and Itori-san nodded.

"He was! They both match with how they went on rampages by themselves." I shivered at the idea of seeing a rampaging Yomo-san. Touka, I can handle but Yomo-san… not really a good idea.

"That's enough about me. Even that is too much." I cringed and moved slightly closer to Kaneki when I sensed the slightly dark aura from Yomo-san. Crap, did Itori-san and Uta-san just make him mad?

"Oh, he got mad."

"He's mad now." They both pointed out but no amount of fear were on their faces. I betted on the idea they were used to it but even still, there's a limit to the teasing and I wouldn't want Kaneki and I to be caught up in it.

"Didn't you have a reason for inviting them?" Almost like he did a 180, Yomo-san reminded Itori-san of the meeting making her widen her eyes in realization as she grabbed a wine bottle and two martini glasses, the liquid sloshing lazily as she handed us some.

"Here you go! You needn't worry about the drink it isn't alcohol." She assured us but the look we gave each other was enough to tell us what it was, the way the liquid seemed cloudier and thick… this was human blood and the scent alone was enough to bring a humming feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost like a beckoning to try it out.

 ***Clack***

I snapped back to reality just as I saw the martini glass of Kaneki lying on the table, the liquid spilling out and Kaneki's clothes being stained in red. The glass forgotten, I got up to check on him just as a clap from Itori-chan made me look at her.

"Amazing! This is the first time I've seen a one-eyed ghoul!" She said excitedly causing Kaneki to cover his eye. I looked at him worriedly and turned to Itori-san a bit angrily.

"You didn't have to force him to show it, Itori-san. It's hard enough as it is trying to hide it. If you wanted to know so badly then you could have asked us, I would have gladly showed you mine." I defended Kaneki which made Itori-san's eyes widen at my words.

"Wait? You're a half too? Ren-chan told me and U-san that you were Kyuubi's kid but I didn't think for a second you were a half. Just what did your dad get into?"

"Sorry for my dad getting into god knows what and yes I'm a half is there a problem with that?" I frowned and saw her eyes soften as she handed Kaneki a towel.

"Sorry for being rude but I was just curious. It's not all the time we see half-ghouls and to be honest, it is quite a surprise to see two of them just sitting here with me in the bar."

"Wait so you're telling us that we're a rare occurrence?" I asked her, my voice calming down a bit after her brief apology. I understand she wants to know about half-ghouls but she didn't have to go so far as to do something like that. Well, Yomo-san did warn us and I guess this is the price we have to pay for it...

"Say, what do you think happens when you mix a human and a ghoul together?" She asked us making me think back to my parents and then I pointed at myself.

"A half-half like me?" I answered her and for some odd reason, she seemed quiet and deep I thought about my answer.

"You're a rare case… it normal instances… the baby would die." She pointed out making us both freeze. It… would die? The fetus would die? But wasn't I proof that such a thing was possible? How could ghouls insinuate such a fact? Could it be because the idea of intermingling between human and ghoul was something only few did and in that instance only few natural half-ghouls would be born?

"I can see the confusion on your face but let me explain. If the mother is a human, then the ghoul child won't get all the nutrients it needs. And even if it is the other way around, her body will mistake the baby for nutrients and absorb it."

"But I'm alive aren't I? My mom was a human… so how can it be that I am alive?" I asked her which made her shrug as she swirled the martini glass.

"I can't really say. A miracle I guess. Even before I met you, there was already a rumor going about that a half half had been born too. By any chance do both of you know about hybrids?" She trailed off before resuming a topic about hybrids.

"I've read about them, in the event a liger is born between lion and tiger, the resulting specie would be far superior in form and nature than either of the side." Kaneki explained whereas I was trying to grasp the idea of hybrids. Talk about a trip down biology lane, I didn't think I'd be applying my school subjects even here.

"That's right a half-ghoul is stronger than a full-blooded ghoul. But like I said, only few have ever seen a natural-born one, with Ayachii being a lone case."

"Stronger than a full-blooded one? In all honesty, Itori-san I don't think I actually feel that powerful." I frowned, wondering if that really was the case then why wasn't I able to summon my kagune well. Sure I did it back at the river but Touka told me that I was literally not in the right condition then. Did having power mean having to lose your mind?

The idea alone made me shiver.

"It's probably because you were raised mostly by humans. I heard you had your memories jumbled from back when you were with you real parents. Using a kagune is an extension of your body, yes, but it also requires will power too. The stronger the ghoul the more powerful their kagune will be. You just need a bit more training." Itori-san assured me and for once, regardless of my wary view on her behavior, I didn't think she'd be showering me an encouragement at a time like this. She really is unpredictable.

"You said there was a rumor going about of another one like Ayame-san. Where is that ghoul right now?" Kaneki cut in, causing our three guests to look slightly downcast.

"No one really knows, like Itori-san said, most were just murky rumors. Ayame-san, aside, it is better that the two of you didn't dwell too deep into this one-eyed ghoul. I've never heard any happy stories concerning that enigmatic ghoul." Uta-san warned us and I could only swallow my bile as Itori-san joined in and explained how he ate his fellow ghouls just to satiate his vigorous appetite.

"But if other ghouls were to see the two of you then they would mistake you both for the rumored one-eye. That would be troublesome." Uta-san added to which I defended.

"But that Nishio guy didn't seem fazed at all when Kaneki turned to a half-eyed ghoul."

"He doesn't know because he'd young. It's been a while since the topic was brought up so younger generations don't really have much idea about him." Itori-san merely stated but it didn't help that the other one-eyed ghoul weighed heavily in my mind. To think that all this time I had been believing that Kaneki and I were just as normal as humans and ghoul. Although Kaneki's was a difficult case, one I was sure that Itori-san knew of, I couldn't help but wonder about mine. I thought that I was human and then turns out I'm not then just when I thought that I was just as normal as the ghouls, Itori-san claims to say that I am a rare case like the rumor. Just where do I even side in this?

"So that wasn't mere coincidence then? Someone did kill Rize." I heard Kaneki ask snapping me back from my musings. Killed Rize? Just what on earth were they talking about? First my whole human life was actually a lie and then the next thing I know, Rize could have been murdered? I had assumed everything was as simple as counting one to three but I guess I was wrong. The simple event of that day just turned into something more difficult with just a snap of the finger. Just how much is being hidden from us?

"Yoshimura-san kept quiet about it so that you wouldn't get caught up in the confusion." Yomo-sa apologized when he noticed the surprise look in our eyes. So even Yoshimura-san knew as well. I couldn't say I was mad because in all honesty we had a debt to him for the help he had done for us but what about Kaneki what did he think of all of this, that in reality he was just some 'bait' and because of coincidences he got dragged into the whole affair. Just how many lives and futures were sacrificed just to kill one ghoul?

Who on earth would even do something like that? It'd be nice for once to have Hide's reasoning skill to help me out. It would have been nice to tell him but there was a limit to how much I could tell him. Although this is related to Kaneki, the mere fact that a murderer could be lurking about is dangerous, if he aims to get rid of evidences then he would go after those who knew Rize and if by chance they knew Hide knew… I clenched my hands into fists at the thought. There was just no way I would risk something like that. Kaneki's right, I really am digging Hide's grave deeper by doing this. All I just wanted was to make sure Hide wouldn't get left out but if the price would end with his life then I have no choice but to be subtle of what I tell him next time.

"I have a rough idea on who might it be but information is hard to come by. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't tell you though." As if reading my thoughts, Itori-san gave us a small smile as she filled her glass again with the sloshy drink.

"But if i gave you the answer then what would you do? Revenge? But you're a good kid Kane-kun so I know that it's all for the profit of just knowing. So how about a trade, I'll give you secret in exchange for a request?"

"What kind of request?" Kaneki asked her worriedly his eyes showing the same concern I had. This is Itori-san after all, no doubt it'd be a very outrageous and dangerous request. The last I needed was getting him hurt.

"Recently, I've heard the 'gourmet' Tsukiyama Shuu has been following you around. If that's the case then wouldn't it be nice to know about the secret of the 'ghoul restaurant'. I knew shops like those existed but it's a well-guarded secret. Gourmet-kun would know a lot about those and seeing as you are a pet of his along with Ayachii then it'd be easier to get the information, right?" Itori-san explained making me nearly tip my glass as I stood up.

"In short, you want him to investigate the restaurant? Are out of your mind? That's dangerous and since he can't fully master his kagune how do you think he'll be able to fight them off?" I nearly argued causing everyone in the room to be silent. There was just no way I was going to let him go through with this. The last I looked away he nearly got killed by Rize and even after then it's been nothing but a string of misfortune here and there with Nishio and the doves. If I look away this time… I couldn't even bear to think of what would happen next. Although I trust Shuu-nii wouldn't hurt him, who was to say the other ghouls wouldn't? Who's to say that the other ghouls wouldn't eat him up? Not even Shuu-nii can stop them if the frenzy overwhelms them.

I just won't accept it.

"No one's forcing anyone here Ayame-san but sometimes decisions like that are up to the person themselves and not just you." Uta-san cut in causing me to look at him incredulously. Not Uta-san too? And here he was telling me be wary of my surroundings back then, now he leaves it up to Kaneki to decide. Don't I have a say too because he's my friend?

"I'll do it." And just like that, I could literally feel my hands shaking in anger. How could he be so blind? Didn't he know the dangers of going there? All for the sake of wanting to know who killed Rize? Just how obsessed is he over her? That bitter feeling in my stomach only grew as I tried to stop myself from shaking.

"Are you seriously pushing through with this? You know the risk don't you? So why are you going in there without even a decency to care of what would happen to you?"

"I know my limits so I know when to back out if things get worse."

"You nearly died three times, how is _that_ even knowing your limits?"

"I trust my instincts so I won't die, Ayame. It's my decision and not yours. I respected your decision when you decided to go to some party with Tsukiyama-san regardless of the risks. I think you know your limits too and yet you went along with it. It's only fair you consider mine as well." He pointed out, his tone rising for a bit and for once I was too silent to utter even a single retort. He was right after all, He was already trying to talk me out into going with Shuu-nii and yet I went anyway and he respected it but the assurances were different. And yet to see him talk back at me was like a whiplash, I wasn't used to seeing him like this. This was another thing about him that's changed ever since that day and to watch him staring at me with those dark and decisive eyes, there was just no trace of the person I had grown up with. It's like the more we delve into this, the less I know about Kaneki and it scares me. It always has hasn't it? The lingering fear that when I look back, he may no longer be there anymore… Even after i told myself that I would be more trusting of them and let them go, let them do their own things and hope for the best... I just couldn't help it huh, the fear of loss... I just couldn't accept the idea of absence.

"I'm sorry but I'm just afraid… afraid that if I look back-,"

"Ayame-san?" The moment he called out to me with that familiar and comforting voice of his, that was when I backed up and grabbed my bag, not even daring to meet his eyes nor anyone else's as I exited the bar and ran. Not even stopping to look back as they called out to me, not even caring when I made it outside the building and I could still hear him calling my name.

Because in all honesty, Itori-san is wrong, even when she says I'm strong… I'm just as weak if not maybe even a coward to face my fears.

* * *

 **Yes I know sorry for the late update. I really can't seem to get past posting one chapter for a month. I really was planning on posting this last Friday but my internet went and died on me and wasn't going to be fixed till tonight so sorry for those who waited. I know it starting to get dragging a bit and yes it is quite a surprise why I would get the timing wrong since clearly this event should have happened just right after Kaneki met with Shuu. I did this on purpose since Ayame had to be there to understand the idea of her position as a natural half-ghoul. Luckily, the event doesn't really affect the whole story plot so we would still be proceeding as planned. I'll be posting the next one probably by next week since I've just started writing a draft of it.**

 **Reviews and Faves are an author's special food. So please do click them and please message me if I made some mistakes or made anyone OOC. Like I always say time and time again, the last I need is butcher up the story by making them OOC.**


	18. Mensonges et Vérité

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!**

 **Guest:** Thank you for noticing the errors. I really appreciate constructive criticisms from readers because it helps me know in what area I lack and I have to fix. Yes it was really a bit sketchy at the end and since it really didn't specify what happened 'right' after the panel ends, I took it as a chance to add in that event. I had a doubt he had fainted right after and Tsukiyama carried him back to Anteiku so I had assumed he walked back to the cafe by himself. I edited the chapter below after noticing what you had pointed out so expect an added dialogue between them. I hope this time I got it right because in all honesty, even if she is my OC I still have the responsibility of making sure she stays true to her character in a _consistent_ manner (sorry I have a bit of an OCD when it comes to that).

 **The Great Banana Man:** Yes her mask is half. It covers her the half top of the face, almost like Irimi's black doberman mask but the snout is not that elongated and is meant to resemble a fox :D

 **Mystirica18:** *Sobs* Oh the waterworks are working up again (Hideeeeeee!). I still couldn't really accept the fact the anime killed him off whereas in the manga his fate remains unknown and although it hurts to say it... *sobs again* I can already foresee something terrible that Ishida-sensei has in store for us with his fate...

 **Guest:** True, she really has no right to his decisions but I guess one could say it was a 'human' thing to react for the safety of the people you care about. Sometimes some people lose sight of looking after themselves because they focus too much on others and sadly that is the case of Ayame, hence the reason why she reacted like that.

 **Mystirica18:** Maybe... maybe not (Decides to pull a 'Ishida Sui' on you). hahaha like I said the romance here is very slow but I'll make sure to add some fluff here and there if I can.

 **Blanknight:** More regret on her part indeed. But like I said, it was an instant reaction on her part because she was too worried. Without even considering her actions, she made that decision.

 **Once again happy reading!**

 _ **A/N:** Reedited 03/06/16_

 _Thank you so much for the comment. It really did call my attention and I'm sorry for the terrible way the story went. So here's a update to fix some rather 'off' parts of the story. Really, I want to make this a very good fanfic so I want it to go as smoothly as possible. Sorry for the sudden edit of this chapter because I wanted it to be out within the week as promised but I guess I got too hasty and it didn't end the way it should have. Sorry for some errors! Here's the reedited chapter and hope you guys enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter XVIII:** **Mensonges et Vérité**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Memories are dangerous things. You turn them over and over, until you know every touch and corner, but still you'll find an edge to cut you. Each day, the memories weigh a little heavier. Each day, they drag you down a bit further. You wind them around you, a single thread at a time, and you weave your own shroud, you build a cocoon, and in it madness grows…"_**

 ** _-Jorg Ancrath-_**

* * *

I looked at myself in front of the mirror and sighed.

Today was the day Shuu-nii invited us out for lunch but the feeling of despondence due to yesterday's little spat gave me no motivation to even step outside. What was I even going to do if I saw him? To be honest, we never really were able to resolve the issue since the argument consisted nothing more but chasing and doors slamming. I could still remember the events of last night and cursed myself for being too open with my emotions. It got the best of me and look what it did. I never really realized that his words actually made me see that both of us were no different. In our attempts to protect those around us, we always forget to look after ourselves. I never gave my life much thought, always thinking of the safety of those around me and willing to sacrifice myself in exchange. It never came to me that if did waste my life then it'd just bring hurt to those around me.

Kaneki was right. I am too selfish with my decisions. It's no surprise why he'd be upset. He allowed me to go even with apprehensions for my safety. He trusted me and yet I couldn't even do the same for him, even going so far as to think of him as too weak to protect himself. He had been training as much as I did and even before that so clearly no matter how hard I compared, he'd be stronger than me. Didn't I just tell them and myself that I'd be more willing to accept these changes? Such shallow excuses to hide my inner fears. I couldn't even stay away if I tried because I'm tired of not knowing anything and yet I can't bear to admit anything.

How ironic and selfish indeed.

 ***Ring***

I jumped to the sound of my phone ringing and I could see Kaneki's name flashing across the screen. I gulped at the incessant ringing, contemplating if whether or not I should answer. What should I even say if I picked it up? Sorry was too shallow an answer because even if he did forgive me, I'd never be able to remove the guilt of having done something to hurt him. I could only stare at the ringing phone, watching it light up for the third time and waited for it to die. In the end, I couldn't even muster a single courage to answer.

 ***Ding* *Dong***

Just when I had pocketed my phone and proceeded to leave the house to face my fears half-heartedly, that was when the doorbell to my house rang. I peeped through the hole and froze when I noticed that familiar black hair, Kaneki's eyes were looking worriedly at the door as he fingered his phone in his hands.

"H-how-," I nearly whispered before a recognizable voice resounded from behind the door.

"Still no answer it seems. Did something happen? I was so sure that she seemed excited at the prospect of coming along with us."

"Of course she's excited, Tsukiyama-san. It's just that… well…" Kaneki tried to explain before I sighed and gripped the door handle tightly as I twisted the door. Kaneki stood face to face in front of me, his eyes widening a bit in surprise at my sudden exit. Heavy and awkward silence hung in the air, Shuu-nii being the only one assessing the situation as to why we seemed so quiet.

"Bonjour, Ayame-chan. I'm sorry for the sudden appearance even after we made arrangements to meet up in the shop after me and Kaneki-kun went to table tennis. We were just worried when you didn't pick up Kaneki-kun's calls and thought if maybe something was wrong. By the way I see things it seems there is?" Shuu-nii guessed noticing the heavy tension between me and Kaneki. I fiddled with the strap of my sling bag, the guilt only worsening since I even dragged in Shuu-nii into the argument. Just how many people was I going to worry before I even speak up? Accursed mouth, why can't I be brave enough to say things without getting scared of the consequences. Oh yeah, I just tried that and look at the effect of it.

"Well, anyways, shall we go? I'm sure the café will be able to alleviate your worries even for a bit." Shuu-nii merely smiled, as he gestured to the stairs and I gave Kaneki a quick glance, saw him looking at me worriedly, and looked away.

I really am hopeless.

"Three iced coffee." Shuu-nii ordered as we sat by the glass window of the small coffee shop. The ambiance was nice and comforting, the scent of coffee somewhat calming me down as the kind waitress listed our order and bustled off.

"The ice will help us cool off so we'll be able to enjoy the taste of the blend." Shuu-nii started as my eyes continued to enjoy the coffee shop. Several shelves with different books decorated a not too distant portion of the café, my peripheral vision turning to Kaneki to see him enjoying the view as well. It was no surprise after all, an avid reader like him was surely going to enjoy a place like this. It'd be no surprise that had Rize not been a ghoul then maybe he'd have gone to a date with her here next. Once again that pricking feeling of jealousy invaded my thoughts and sighed in relief as it subsided with the arrival of our order. I had no right to those kinds of feelings. Right now wasn't about Rize, she had been long dead and although the story of her being killed by someone still lingered in my mind as well as our argument, I had much more current issues to handle.

And that was the issue of how I was going to fix all of this.

* * *

"How is it? A perfect place for reading, isn't it? It has a nice atmosphere but it is quite upsetting that we won't be able to see Takatsuki though." Shuu-nii's voice snapped me back to reality, taking into account that the other reason we were here was to catch a glimpse of Kaneki's favorite author as well. My iced coffee felt cool to the touch as I took a sip of the cool beverage, the flavor giving me a slight boost in energy as I sighed lightly.

"However, if we did happen upon Takatsuki today then clearly you both should have chosen a more high-class outfit today." He clicked his tongue causing us both to stare at our dresses and then to each other before the memories of the other day came back and we looked away.

"This is the same type of thing I wear but then again in the end… I guess it's no good huh."

"Well, I'm not really a fan of books so I hadn't expected to dress formally. I'm sorry."

"That won't do. Even if we aren't waiting for someone important to come, one must always look their best in the presence of people. Kaneki-kun, you're a little petite so you would look nice in a style that draw attention to your upper half as much as possible. Therefore, the bottom should be chic while the upper half should show your playful side. The same goes with you too, Ayame-chan. Vertical lines help accentuate your height so look for clothes like those. Matched color schemes also do the trick, so your top should also match your shoes. Seeing as you're wearing a dress, make sure you don't make it too long, just by the ankles is enough and heels work wonders with the legs. You have a good figure, Ayame-chan. Make sure you make yourself presentable if you want to impress someone." Shuu-nii pointed out. It was to be expected after all, coming from a rich family, he does know a lot of fashion tips and advices.

"Amazing, which makes it so obvious why you can do it magnificently, Tsukiyama-san." Kaneki complimented, taking the words right out of my mouth. Shuu-nii really does have an air about him that makes him unique and classy, no wonder I mistook him for a fairy then.

"Ah, I see laughter in those eyes. It looks like I'm making progress, aren't I?" He chuckled and for that moment, all the events came rushing back and both Kaneki and I turned to each other before I looked away first.

"No? Well it looks like I have to try I my hardest then…" Shuu-nii sighed but the challenge in his eyes seemed evident. Even if he didn't know the reason for the argument, to think he'd still be willing to do his best to help us. It looks like I'm the one being like a child in this group. If only I could muster the courage but it was so difficult. Just how does one even make amends without being embarrassed?

"Ouch!" My head snapped back to reality just as I saw a handkerchief land on Kaneki's fingers, the splotches of blood being absorbed by the fabric.

"Did something happen? Are you alright?"

"No, no. I just cut myself, no need to worry, Ayame-san." Kaneki assured me just as the bleeding stopped and the wound healed.

"N-no, I'm not worrying… well maybe I was but…" I stuttered and just shut my mouth when no coherent words would come out. Better just zip it than make myself an embarrassment. I just can't help it, even the slightest cut and I get all worried. I guess it was because he was being bullied all the time that I couldn't help seeing him so defenseless. Even when I know so well that he can handle it, I just don't want bad things happening to him.

"Come to think of it, you told me once that you and Rize-san met before. What kind of things did you discuss with her?" Kaneki suddenly blurted out making my eyes narrow suspiciously at his question. Itori-san's request from the other day made me worried and adding to the fact that Kaneki just bringing up that woman made me frown. I hated where the conversation was going since such a thing might result into Shuu-nii saying a bit about the restaurant. I prayed deeply that somehow that wasn't the case and that this would have been a fruitless quest. I just didn't understand the obsession he had to know why Rize was murdered. Better for everyone that she did since she killed and ruined lives.

 _Stop being so bitter. You're just upset because he chose her and not you._

I shook the negative thoughts away. I clearly accepted the fact that telling him about my feelings would have to wait. I already took it into heart that he might not return the same. I wasn't being bitter, it was a stupid mistake on my part after all for not realizing my feelings sooner. But it didn't help that sometimes, when I would sit by myself or think about those times before this all happened, that maybe he would, even for a tiniest bit feel the same. But like I said, I had already accepted it and such thoughts were only just casted aside after a while, locked up in the recesses of my mind and hoping to myself that I wouldn't dawdle for long in daydreams.

"That woman… we talked a lot about books and food. But she didn't care about what I saw, if she was full then it was all that mattered. Just a pig that would swarm around grain! A pig, a pig, that pig bitch! The gluttonous female pig ridiculed my 'food'!" I flinched at the sudden outburst of anger from Shuu-nii. His usually calm and cheerful face marred with disgust and anger, the cup cracking from the way he gripped it too hard. It took me by surprise that never before had I seen this side of him. When we were kids I had always assumed that he was one who was not quick to anger. This side of him scared me because it was his unpredictable side, one where I didn't know how to act should it happen again. It seems that even Rize's presence had a negative effect on him which only added to my small shard of hatred at how she always seemed to ruin the people around me. That even in death, she would still find ways to torment me with her powerful memory and presence.

"I'm sorry… I lost my cool. Truthfully, at first, we had a good relationship but since that time… it seems we went our separate ways. That was the last time I saw her." He didn't say any more about Rize after that, which for me was a relief since I didn't know how much more I was going to take if either one of them mentioned her again. It was only silence after that, the coffee was enough to relieve us.

"It looks like we're about to leave. Did the bleeding stop? Is it alright if I go wash it off before we head out?" Shuu-nii finally said before he took his leave with handkerchief in hand. With him gone, it was just us left, making me wonder if some force out there was doing all of this. Usually we would have considered this as the comfortable silence of friends but that was when I didn't know that I actually liked him, add to the fact that we had an argument the other day because of me… I really don't know-,

"I'm sorry." Kaneki apologized, breaking my train of thought as I looked at him with eyes wide as saucers. No, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen! Seeing as it was my fault, I was the one meant to apologize and yet why was he the one taking the blame? Is it because of his dogma that it is better he gets hurt rather than for others to get hurt?

"N-no! It's my fault so I should be the one apologizing first." I mustered every strength I could and nearly shouted making him flinch in surprise. I mentally slapped myself, knowing full well how stupid I sounded.

"Look. I'm sorry. I said some harsh things and yes I admit I am very selfish for wanting you to not do the request. I just couldn't help it… You were delving too deep into the matter and it worried me that when the time comes to go back then maybe you might…" I tried to say but that as far as I could manage without making it sound so sappy and make him worry even more.

"I'll come back. I'm sorry if I said some harsh things too but you needn't worry. I'll come back." He assured me. It was like he casted some magic on me really, how he could make something so unsure feel so reassuring, that everything would be fine and that things would finally settle down and resume to how they were before, not in a sense of before 'before' but to the time when it seemed much better cleaning the whole Anteiku than sitting here and facing the imminent danger that came with accepting such a request. Here I was fretting for nothing, but in the end sorry was all we could give. Shallow as it may sound, the only thing making sure it didn't feel that way was the assurance that came with it.

That everything will return after all of this.

* * *

I stared worriedly at the masked ladies as they ushered me into a dressing room after I took my bath.

We were on the way to the party when Kaneki had asked the question. In all honesty I was hoping he wouldn't but he promised me he'd come back and likewise I had reluctantly accepted his decision. It didn't sit well with me with the way he had asked it but the relief only came when I realized that the party I was going to was the same 'restaurant' Itori-san was talking about. Although if I had known such was the case then maybe Kaneki wouldn't have been dragged to this as well. At least, my fear would alleviate if only a little because it would mean that I get to watch over him should anything go wrong. Not that it was safe for both of us but at least the chances of us making sure both were within eye-distance was assuring.

"Trés Belle, Ayame-chan! Just like a blooming iris, the color suits you." I turned to the sound of clapping and saw Shuu-nii dressed in a formal pure-white tux and sporting a crescent shaped mask applauding me from the doorway. I blushed at his compliment taking in the sight of my dress from the mirror. The top of my dress was an off-shouldered violet bodice that hugged my figure and a pair of white gloves that reached my wrist covered my hands. The lower part of my dress consisted of a violet overskirt that reached till the floor, creating a flowy kind of movement as I walked, the overskirt parted to reveal an inner white skirt that reach till my ankles, violet open-toed heels decorated my feet while a black choker with a simple violet pendant decorated my neck. My make-up was simple seeing as my mask would cover it anyways while my hair was tied to a loose pony-tail, with a few hairs hanging loose, the clip decorated by an iris flower.

"I'm not really sure. I bet a lot more people out there are much more beautiful than me."

"No need to be humble. You're very beautiful just like your mother." His assured me, the mention of my mother snapping my head back to face him, the mask obscuring the surprised expression I was giving him.

"You knew my mother?"

"Ah, it was during our last meeting when I saw her. Father really did like her even though she was a human, she had this air about her that made the flowers blossom in her presence. I was quite surprise to find out she loved flowers too, the iris being her favorite hence why it became your namesake. It's such a shame really… what happened to them and I'm sorry that we couldn't do anything to help you even after we owed your father for what he had done." Shuu-nii apologized, his eyes hiding an emotion I couldn't seem to understand. Was it a mix between regret and guilt? But it was assuring to know that even within the ghoul society such as Shuu-nii's, my mother was well loved. I guess even if I wasn't able to do it, my mother who fell for a ghoul had connected something, a string that would someday allow ghouls and humans to accept one another for who they are.

Yoshimura-san is right, my mother was a brave woman.

"Just so you know, dinner is about to start. We have already readied the food but you needn't worry. I had made sure to keep your 'diet' a secret. Let's just hope no one steals it though." He joked as he gave me a bow and took out his hand. I giggled at his grace, almost like we were back to being kids, he really had that presence of something akin to mystery.

I took his hand as we made our way past a long corridor, the window overlooking a starless sky. The moon was nowhere to be found and I didn't have the time to find it just as we were greeted by a group of masked butlers that helped us through the door. The bright light made me squint as I saw countless of masked people, no, ghouls seated on their respective seats.

"In this room my name is MM, secrecy is the rule here so your name shall be Madame Iris, alright." Shuu-nii reminded me as we greeted a few people while making our way to our seats. Shuu-nii quickly excused himself for a bit, having mentioned something about doing the introductions. I was worried at first since he had walked too far for me to follow but I erased that thought as I scanned the area for that familiar mask and mop of black hair. He assured me that we'd be safe so the main thing I have to do is not cause trouble and make sure I find Kaneki first. In this throng of people, surely I would have noticed him since I came with Shuu-nii, no doubt he should have been here first.

So where was he?

"And also today's main course is a strange meat… that of a ghoul!" A speaker announced and I noticed a few people muttering about being not into cannibalism. The words why… why was there a heavy air around me that made me shiver at the announcement. The chattering of the people only sounded like jargon to me as I frantically scanned my eyes for Kaneki. It's all just some sort of delusion due to worry, there's just no way… no way…

 _Lies._

"Ladies and Gentlemen! It is not unreasonable to feel bewildered. Eating ghoul meat is meritless since it has a coarse flavor but our meat here is a different case. What I noticed from _him_ was _his_ 'scent'. Although he has a ghoul body, it gives off a pronounced human scent." My eyes could only widen as my body shakily got up from my seat, frantically making my way to the crowded area at the edge of the balcony. No, no, no, no, no. Please don't be him, please make it all some big mistake. Please…

And my body froze just as I saw him standing on the center of the cage-like arena.

"Are you interested at what the taste of a ghoul that smells like a human? This is a stimulus to your sense of scent and taste! An unknown flavor! Today I made sure to have him work up sweat during an exercise and also consume some coffee. The meat will come apart easily and supply us with a fragrant flavor… Now then… We shall enjoy the ultimate gourmet meal!" Shuu-nii announced in exuberance, every ghoul applauding as I could only stare in hopeless despair at all of this. So he did this all because he wanted to get to Kaneki, earned our trust only to have him killed. Isn't this all some joke? Surely, he's just playing a game and yet why can't I accept it? Why can't I believe that none of this is real?

 _Because it's the truth, just like that time…you will lose them again…_

"Now then let the dinner show start! The scrapper for tonight has appeared. Please enjoy the scrappers dismantling show!" The announcer shouted just as I heard metal against metal scratching, like a door being raised and I could hear the sound of heavy footstep from the arena. My eyes wearily gazed at the sight of a hug monster dressed in barely any clothes save for the pants he wore and a red fabric mask that covered his face. He looked like an executioner and the giant saw he had with him was proof of that.

"Ahhhhh!" I could only close my eyes as I heard the sound of ripping flesh in the background. Apparently, the man with Kaneki has just been killed. I couldn't stomach it. I couldn't even understand why it was happening. How was I even going to save him? In this stadium full of ghouls, no doubt I would be killed. If I jumped down there, would I even manage to save him? I don't even know how to release a strong enough kagune to kill the huge scrapper. He was not only robust but quick as well. I don't even know if he's even a human or a ghoul.

"Kyyyaaaaaahhhh." The woman's turn was next, I could hear the sound of something being fried and the scent of burning meat entered my nose. I could feel bile rising, the sound of applause and screams of the people were being tuned out as if everything was in slow motion. I can't even muster a voice, no one in Anteiku would be able to help us, the only who could save him was either me or himself, if he musters his kagune. Would Shuu-nii even help? No… he couldn't… he wouldn't. It was his fault, everything was set up by him. He made me believe he was the good guy when in honesty he was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Does that mean all of my memories were lies? Which ones were the truth? Or did I even have anything to begin with? When he said something about my mother… was he only playing to make me believe him?

 _If you don't do anything soon, he'll die just like mommy and daddy… Just admit it, you were wrong. Kaneki was right all along, Tsukiyama Shuu could not be trusted. No one in your past before the 'you' now could be trusted. Mommy? Daddy? They left you didn't they. The scary man took them. If you don't hurry soon even this scary man will take him away. Then you will be aaaaallllll alone~~~_

I closed my ears to the ceaseless sound of my own mind. I won't be all alone, no one is going to die. No one is going to go away. That's right, this is all a dream, right, just a bad dream. It could be that I overslept and the events of today are lies. I'll wake up and it'd be the same as in the morning, maybe this time I'll be more honest. Maybe this time, I'll apologize to him first.

"Hahaha! As if an ordinary saw like that can cut through a ghoul." I could hear one of them laugh before I felt a shadow loom over me, making me look up. His eyes held nothing but sadistic amusement as he looked down on me, there was nothing left of those gentle eyes that made me mistake him for a fairy. He was a demon, a trickster, a liar…

"What are you doing down there, Iris? If you don't hurry soon then your food will get-,"

"Don't fuck with me!" I cut him off, my arms outstretched, grabbing him by collar, my voice vibrating in the stadium had set all eyes on me.

"Non, non. You shouldn't say such vulgar words. You must be hungry, maybe that's why you have such a sour tone."

"Shut up! I trusted you and all this time you played me? You said you owed my father a debt and yet why? Why are you doing this to me-," No sooner had the words left my mouth, the sound of ripping flesh echoed in the stadium. My eyes trailed to my stomach to see a hand just pulling from out of it. Blood coated my dress as he held me up into the air by the neck for everyone to see.

"Ayame!? Ayame!" I could hear Kaneki call out to me, my hazy eyes looking down to see his frantic black ones. I could feel blood dripping down my lips as I tried to call out to him before I felt a momentum and I could feel as if all the bones in my body were breaking as Shuu-nii slammed me to the wall.

"It's true our family owed him but your little friend there is not part of such a promise. Now look, you got my hands all dirty… such a bad thing to do, little mousy." He clicked his tongue in a chiding manner, several onlookers staring in silence at the aftermath. I could still hear Kaneki shouting my name, his voice coming in ragged breathes from the effort of running away from the killer.

 _That's right. This is all your fault~ Maybe if you had been more careful then maybe you wouldn't be in this position. Maybe if you had just trusted in your instincts sooner then maybe none of this would have happened. You'd still be sitting at the café with Hide and Kaneki, thinking to yourself how life is such a blisss~_

"No need to panic, everyone. I was just fixing a little problem you see. Continue on with the show while I'll have my servants clean up this mess." He waved them all off as I felt hands bringing me up.

 _If you don't hurry… then you'll never be able to save him._

Move.

Please, stupid body of mine. Move!

Don't take them away. Don't let anyone die. Don't let them leave me alone.

Please… anybody?

 _You were always alone._

* * *

 **\- (3** **rd** **person POV)-**

Kaneki wasn't sure if he was going to make it out alive.

He knew the moment they entered the door, there was no longer a way to get out.

And yet he had to.

He had to see how his friend was. He couldn't stop screaming for her when he saw Tsukiyama stab her right through the stomach, her eyes wide with shock and fear. He overheard her screaming a while ago, demanding an answer from the person whom she trusted would never harm them. No sooner had she said it that was when he did the deed. He could feel anger seething in him at watching her limp body not only being hoisted into the air by the neck but he even had the nerve to slam her to the wall, leaving a huge dent that no doubt broke almost half of her bones. Her scream in agony only fueled his anger as he dodged the huge scrapper that ran after him, even using his own coat as a means to blind him.

"Shtop! Lhet me kirrrr." The scrapper bellowed. Like hell he would stop. Even after the saw broke, the huge beast still lumbered after him. Kaneki was sure he would have been saved but that Tsukiyama had to throw the scrapper a suitcase. The very same case that dove had used on him back then. Only rather than a huge round like hammer that came out, this time a saw was what popped out and for Kaneki he knew that this time this saw would cut.

"Go, Taro-chan! Mama is rooting for you!" Madame A cheered for her own 'child' the enthusiastic encouragement only invigorating the monstrosity to want to make his 'mother' proud. Kaneki's mind was divided, both for the safety of their lives as he drowned out the sound of impatient ghouls demanding for their 'food'.

"Maybe it might work…" He thought to himself just as the scrapper raised its hands. Using his momentum and memory from those martial arts book he read, Kaneki grabbed the scrapper's hand and with a twist, used his body to deliver a bone crushing blow. The scrapper howled in pain, his prey temporarily forgotten just as Kaneki scanned the arena for a way out.

"You pulled out your knowledge from the books as fast as possible! That is the Kaneki-kun I know! But unfortunately, I seem to be one step ahead of you. The moment you entered this masquerade, your future fell into my hands! The finale to this show has been determined." Tsukiyama announced loudly enough for him to hear just as he felt his body go numb before nearly dodging a saw that grazed him on the hip.

"Guahhh!" He coughed in pain, his mind trying to decipher his sudden incapability to move properly.

"We conducted a special measure for this case. Should they have not taken the coffee, we prepared a gas for them to inhale. This slowly limits movement so resistance will soon be impossible." The announcer said, making Kaneki realize the reason for the airtight room they went through. An elaborate plot to set him up, had he known then maybe he wouldn't have gone. Maybe he would have stopped Ayame from coming to the ball. No one would be hurt… this was all his fault for being so weak.

"Lemmmeeeee kirrr. Sawing, sawing!" He could hear the bounding of footsteps as the scrapper came close, his body barely moving. He could only avoid just one more attack… if he failed then… He swerved just in time from the attack, his effort was enough to activate his kakugan that sent the whole stage into a frenzy.

"Only half a kakugan!? It's a one-eyed ghoul! Taro get him! Kill him now!" He could hear the voices growling in excitement. Those eyes that begged for him to be eaten, Kaneki was sure he was going to be killed this time.

Even after he promised that he would come back…

"Aaaaahhhh!" The sound of screaming was enough to jolt the entire audience into silence, everyone's eyes moving to the source of the voice. Kaneki's eyes widened in horror, when he saw it. Tendrils of blood forming from her back to look like butterfly wings. Her bikaku, like that of a twin-tailed fox's, lifted two ghouls and whipped them to the opposite wall. Her eyes were hollow, her right eye turning black and red. He had heard from Touka-chan about Ayame's power but to see it in actuality… he just couldn't imagine his own friend, the one he nearly grew up with, turn into a ghoul before his eyes and kill without remorse in her eyes. He and Hide had always joked that she somehow had a strength of an 'ape' but to imagine that in the form of a ghoul... he didn't think he'd be able to stomach the idea.

"Everyone will die! They'll leave me alone… where will I go? Mom… Dad…" He heard her scream as she covered her face and lashed at some more ghouls who were still too stunned to react. The feeling of being abandoned... Kaneki knew the feeling all too well and he couldn't blame her for fearing the idea to the point of killing. Although, everyone in the arena deserved to die for such a barbaric act, never did Kaneki think that he would do such a thing literally. So to see his own childhood friend going on a killing spree... To think he had placed her in such a position and even let her shoulder the burden of someone's life.

He couldn't bear it.

He promised her he would come back but would the same be for her? To crush a life in your hands wasn't easy and Kaneki's read enough books to know that once you start killing, returning was difficult. On the day he encountered that dove, even when his life was on the line, even when he wanted to avenge Ryouko-san, he didn't dare to raise his kagune on the human. Why? Because the man could have had a family waiting for him, it wasn't the man's fault that he had to kill ghouls. It was the society itself that turned him into one. What was wrong was not the humans nor the ghouls but the world itself for judging who was evil or not. He wouldn't have dared to take the man's life because he would have been no different from his aunt who took away his mother if he did. Killing was never his nature and he knew his friends had the same thought too. He didn't think Ayame would have taken his belief into action. The idea of getting hurt rather than others was a norm, a wall he built up to avoid losing anymore people important to him. To hurt herself, no, to turn herself into a killer to protect the people she cared, Kaneki knew he and Ayame were the same but to kill just to achieve it? Kaneki never delved into the idea and yet his friend had. For his safety, she took lives and it was one thing he would regret for the rest of his life.

"Another one-eyed ghoul? Shit! She's up on the stage, guah!" Some of them shouted in alarm, enough to get some to flee and avoid the onslaught of her bikaku. Bodies falling off the stage and blood decorated the arena as Kaneki looked away a bit from his friend and felt his blood turn cold as a huge shadow loomed over him. The scrapper, having finally been snapped back to reality, had taken his chance to finish off his work. Kaneki cursed inwardly to himself, knowing full well that his body was beyond moving. He could have used his kagune as well, if possible, but the gas alone was making it hard for him to move.

Was this really the end?

"Chimmeee chu kirrrr!" The scrapper laughed giddily as the saw was raised into the air and was ready to do its job until-,

 ***Stab***

A violet-like tail went through the scrapper, the tip inches from Kaneki's face. The sound of blood dripping was the only thing he could hear before the sound of flesh tearing made him watch in horror as the huge scrapper was torn into two as another tail went in and aided in the quick dismantling. Few onlookers watched in stunned silence as Kaneki saw his friend tower above him, her eyes tiredly looking down at his. Her bikaku rested on either of her side as her huge butterfly-shaped Ukaku fluttered slowly in the air.

"Ma…Ma…" Kaneki could hear the scrapper calling out for his mother and he cringed when he saw her tail lash at it and decapitated the scrapper. He could see her eyes glower at the stage as she turned to Tsukiyama after her little 'episode'.

"Forgive me for the intrusion but this dinner is over. I'm sorry if our presence has induced some fear into some but allow me to make amends. Since clearly this 'one' is not meant for 'eating' how about I deliver you a different meal instead? I doubt Mr. MM would decline the prospect of serving you the taste of a 'scrapper'?" Ayame finally spoke followed by an applause that made him flinch and Ayame frown.

"Trés Bien! I was just thinking the same thing, Miss Iris. So how about it? What do you think of the taste of Madame A's pet, everyone?" Tsukiyama happily announced, which was enough to calm the audience as they agreed to the idea of eating the scrapper.

"H-how? What did you do to Taro-chan?!" A complaint from a woman with odd-looking shades made all three of them look up to the so-called Madame A, her eyes in disbelief at the sight of her mutilated child.

"Forgive us for the impoliteness but haven't you gotten tired of Taro-chan lately? How about I prepare you a new pet? One to your utmost liking? Aged 10 to 20 and of western descent? Give me a month and I will give you 1, no, maybe 2-3 of them if you'd like." Tsukiyama smiled making Ayame shiver as he glared at her so-called 'friend'. The heartless woman was readily biting into his prospect as the remaining audience cheered for their long awaited food.

It was a bargain she knew would work. But to have used 'Tsukiyama' as her saving grace was so ironic she wanted to throw up. To think she would be relying on the help of the one person she had once trusted and now hated, truly the heavens were mocking her for this. While the audience were busy awaiting their 'food', Ayame couldn't help but look away in shame at Kaneki. She had trusted Tsukiyama and in turn Kaneki had believed in her that he meant no harm. To think he was in this situation because of her made her sick.

She had blacked out then, her mind devoid of any emotion to those masked clowns who thought her friend was some sort of 'food' they could play with. When the adrenaline of killing ended, she wondered if she had made the right choice in having done something irreversible. She could still see the corpses, that a few minutes ago had just been talking and chattering, litter the arena. Had she done this? Out of the need to protect Kaneki, she had done something that time and time again her foster parents had always told her never to do-,

And that was to take a life.

She stared at her bloodied hands as it shook, wondering if maybe the prerequisite to protect someone was to become a killer yourself. It's better to be hurt than to hurt others, Kaneki had taught her that notion and she had abided by it like a law. Because if it meant protecting the people around her, to prevent the fear of becoming alone or losing anyone again, Ayame had brought it up to herself to do whatever she could to save them.

"Ayame?" His voiced called out to her worriedly just as her kagune vanished. She was frozen in stupor at his call, making her wonder if he feared her. She had killed in front of him and her blood stained dress that was covered with more than just her blood was proof of that. Did she even deserve to look him in the eye and believe that his eyes would hold no sense of slight apprehension towards her? She had done the same back then didn't she, when he had first turned into a ghoul and attacked her. A slight feeling of fear engulfed her then and it wouldn't be a surprise if he felt the same right now, the way he flinched at the mere sight of her. Those eyes that held a slight fear at her presence... she was afraid of what he would think of her.

A killer, that was what she was.

"Am I a monster?" She finally managed to say in a half-whispered, her question surprising Kaneki. A monster? Did he just think of his own friend as one just a minute ago? He could see her face hidden by the mask, her eyes mirroring overwhelming fear and regret at what she had done. He had remembered a scene like this before, except it was in reverse. That time he had hurt her and he saw the look of fear and alarm in her eyes as his hunger overtook him. He had thought of himself as a monster then, with nowhere to go and probably the only way to live was to kill humans... he couldn't live with that kind of life. He couldn't take the idea of someday killing either Ayame or Hide with his own hands. And yet... even after he had tried to kill her, she stayed. She was shaken and yet she stood there and welcomed him back even after he had hurt her. Ayame had assured him that she would never leave him, even if the whole world were to cast him aside, she and Hide would always be there for him to welcome him back. She was sure he would never hurt her and no matter how many times he said otherwise, she still remained firm with her answer. It was no different with him, right? She did it to protect him, like her, he was sure she would never hurt him.

"No... What's wrong isn't you, what's wrong is this world that judged us. I'm sorry if I made you do this... for making you shoulder such a burden all because of me. Maybe had I know... then maybe you wouldn't have killed for me. I'm not scared of you. But I do hate myself for not being able to protect you..." He replied back as he watched tears streamed down her face as she collapsed to her knees and looked at him face to face, both his hands reaching out to her cheeks, the mask easily falling off to reveal her kakugan looking back at his own.

The overwhelming sense of relief washed over her as she hugged him tightly, her voice racked in worried sobs as she apologized over and over for what she had done. He was frozen in stupor for a while but his eyes softened as he returned the gesture in the same manner of relief to know she was alright. It wasn't like it was only her fault after all, he too had been ignorant and his obsession to find the truth about Rize and his transformation into a ghoul was what urged him to take Itori-san's request. Had he known the collateral damage that came with it, then maybe he would have rejected it instead. Because in the end, he achieved nothing and in exchange Ayame had dirtied her hands for him and they both had nearly gotten themselves killed.

"I appreciate the sight but why don't we do this elsewhere?" Both bodies froze at the sound of that sickeningly sweet voice. He was behind Ayame in minutes, her eyes narrowed into thin slits as she growled at Tsukiyama. Kaneki protested at the idea of his friends being a shield for him, he knew she was capable but she had just sported a stab to the stomach and a few crushed bones so she was obviously moving through sheer willpower alone. After what she had done and what she had experienced, Kaneki wanted nothing more than to never let her kill again. He didn't want to see that horror in her eyes at what she had done, like she had branded herself as something to be afraid of. He didn't want her to make that face, the face of fear for what she was. If it meant taking her place and become her shield then he would do it just to avoid her from taking up the burden again.

Kaneki would have willingly jumped to her aid right now if he could but the medicine was affecting him from making any movement. He cursed at his own weakness, everyone was always there trying to save him and he hated it. He didn't want that, he didn't want to lose them like he did with his mother. That was why he needed to get stronger because he feared the day that when he opened his eyes then those he cherished would suddenly be gone in a blink of an eye.

"I meant this all as a petty joke, Ayame-chan. So why don't we forget all of this for now?" Tsukiyama assured her earning him a growl before she coughed up blood as she gripped her stomach tightly.

"J-joke? Bastard, I trusted you. It just so happened that you wanted him all to yourself that's why you saved him. Sick, sadistic, manipulative jerk. I hate you, if could, I would kill you. Why? Even though I was so sure that none of it was a lie!" She cried back, wondering why the person she had thought she could trust would do something like this to her. The garden and the music and the stories... we're they just all a figment of her imagination? Just like that time she had thought her parents were alive... was it just some trick to obscure her mind from recalling what he really was?

"And yet you couldn't. I thought at first to eat him for myself, Ayame-chan, but I decided that hurting you was a grave mistake on my part and I'm sorry for it. So to make it up I saved you both." Tsukiyama merely stated but Ayame didn't believe it one bit. Everything in her 'past' could never be trusted. All that mattered to her now was her 'present' and if someone from her 'past' were to harm it then she would make sure to kill those who got in her way.

"If we don't treat your wounds soon then it could get bad. Rest assured, I mean no harm and this I pledge in the name of the Tsukiyama name." He bowed but Ayame refused to budge. What if he attacked when she looked away? If she closed her eyes for a bit, who knows what could happen to Kaneki. She couldn't risk it. She just couldn't risk losing any more important people to her.

"Ayame, it's alright. You can rest now." Her head snapped to Kaneki's face in alarm.

"What are you talking about? I can't trust him, he'll kill us. No one in my 'past' can be trusted. They'll destroy it. Whatever little happiness I have left will only be taken away if I trust them!" She growled, her eyes begging him to reconsider the idea. They had to get out, she could still move a bit, carry him and make a run for it. The idea was too tempting and maybe if she catches Tsukiyama by surprise then she could create an opening. Just as she was about to do it though, something dark covered her eyes, making her freeze.

Kaneki knew he was making a gamble. He doubted that whatever Tsukiyama said was true but if Ayame was right and Tsukiyama wanted him all to himself (no matter how sick that sounded) then surely the 'gourmet' himself wouldn't dare to harm them. If it meant helping his friend calm down then he might as well bet his luck in this game with death. He couldn't stand seeing the fear in her eyes, the idea of losing anyone important to her as evident as his own. He also didn't want losing anymore people because of him, this was his last option and if it could help them then he would be her shield for now if it means stopping her from getting hurt any further.

"I'm back now, Ayame. So no need to panic. If what you said is true and you can't trust your 'past' then surely you can trust me, right? So rest, if you do trust me, then when you wake up, I'll be there. We're all shaken up but you needn't worry. Like I said, I'll come back." Kaneki assured her, his voice soft and calming, sending tears dripping down her face as she controlled the urge not to cry and trust in his words.

"Welcome back…" She choked, a faint smile gracing her lips while her eyes remained covered by his hands. The energy was finally draining from her body before long, her shoulders sagged and he caught her just in time before she fell.

"I'm finally back…" He whispered back.

* * *

 **Yes chapter 18 is up guys! Once again sorry if anyone is OOC. If ever please do comment and tell me so I can make adjustments. Thank you for the support and the faves guys! Comments and Faves are an author's life blood so keep them coming XD.**

 **And now for the French terms (once again do correct me if I got them wrong)**

 **Mensonges et Vérité:** Lies and Truth (Hope I got it right)

 **Trés Bien:** Excellent


	19. Beginning of the End

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!**

 **animefairy299:** Sorry it was late and thanks for the comment. Like I said, an author's lifeblood are your comments, faves, and follows.

 **kitsunelover300:** I started the manga and anime myself not too long ago too. Really, Ishida-san knows how to tug at a fan's heartstrings T-T. Thank you for the comment on Ayame's integration in the story because I really am doing my best to make sure she stays that way as I write this fic. I do know this is a TG fanfic but I made sure to put her here to have her own story as well.

 **Guest:** Thank you for the comment and I fixed the error in translation already. Sorry for that since I'm not really well-versed in French (mostly all of them came from the internet). As for the pairings, I didn't think I wrote her relationship with Hide to be what you think it is. Since this is a Kaneki X OC, I'm sorry to have to say that their relationship will never go so far as just being friends (or will it?) Kidding aside, thank you for the comment and stay tuned for the next chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter XIX: Beginning of the End**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy…"_**

 ** _-F. Scott Fitzgerald-_**

* * *

It was as vivid as staring right into a portrait.

I could still remember the masks that tried to suffocate me. Like clowns in a circus, they gave that jeering look that made me shiver with fright. It was meant to be just a 'normal' event of enjoying a dinner with _him_ but when I saw Kaneki in the center of that arena-like cage, I felt as if all my memories of Tsukiyama had suddenly turn distorted. Almost as if I had been jolted out of a dream and only to be thrown into a nightmare. I wanted to believe it was all a lie but he had shown his true colors and stabbed me literally. All those memories I had thought were real… could it all have been just some imagination I made up? I could no longer tell which one is real anymore in my ' _past'_. It makes me question sometimes if maybe it had been better if I had never looked for it at all…

"…me…Aya…Ayame!" The flick to my forehead was enough to jolt me back and I see a worried Hide looking right back at me. It was just after class and it was obvious on my part that I was dazed through the whole lecture. My hand was holding onto my pen, the writing material trembling in my grasp as the memory of that night returned. The dinner… _his_ true nature… my own power… I could still recall the life leave their eyes as I 'killed' them. I was conscious as I did it and it scared me because I didn't know I could do something so unforgiveable. I want to believe they deserved to die for what they had nearly done to Kaneki but every time I do think of it, there is always this small voice at the back of my mind that tells me otherwise. That it made me no different from them if I did kill.

And yet I did.

I had killed them and right in front of Kaneki's eyes. It scared me as to what he would think of me because of it. If he would think I was some sort of 'monster' because of what I had just done. It was all to save him and yet… and yet… it scares me at the thought that even if he did say it was alright, maybe deep down, he was just as scared of me as I had been when I had seen him turn into a ghoul for the first time.

"Ayame! What's wrong? You're not your usual self. Did something happen?" Hide was persistent but I couldn't tell him what I had done. I was already scared enough as it is when I told him that I was a half-ghoul. To tell him that I had killed… I didn't have enough courage to do it. It would be better if I lied but Hide's smart… he would always find a way to figure out what was bothering me. It's been two days since the event and every day the nightmares would come back. Sometimes it was those masked people I would kill and sometimes it was my family, other times it was Kaneki, Hide or anyone important to me. I had been lacking sleep lately because it was too scary to sleep. I wouldn't be so sure if the next time I woke up it would all be real and I did end up killing them.

"Oi Hide! We have to go, classes are about to start." I could hear one of the students call out to him. Yes, that's right. He has to go… everyone has to go. If they don't then they will only end up getting hurt because of me. I don't want to lose anyone anymore and yet it feels like that's not case. I keep thinking everything will finally be over and yet it's not the case. How many more times do I have to keep seeing them get hurt? Even if I were to use this power to help them… Who's to say that one day I may end up using it to kill them?

"You go ahead! I'll catch up." I heard Hide call out causing me to drop the pen I was holding as I got up, my things clattering to the ground as I stared at him in shock. He's staying? Is he really trying to get himself killed? It was better if he had gone ahead and ignored everything wrong with me. I want to be accepted but not like this… I don't want to be a killer… That's why it's better if I'm left alone for a while.

 _And yet you hate being left behind._

"Come here!" It was tighter than I had expected as he grabbed my hand and half-dragged me outside. I tried to pry my hands free but it was funny because I wasn't using enough effort. I could pull away and yet why was I not doing it?

 _Deep inside it's because you want someone to tell you it's alright._

But what if it isn't alright. If I told Hide what was wrong then would he really tell me it's alright? Or would he pretend that it is but deep inside he's starting to fear me. Because that's what I am now, a killer. Society dictates that it's alright to kill ghouls because they harm humans. But I'm no longer a human now, I am half of each side. Killing them was not because of what they were but what they did but like humans, they too have their own values. I was willing to lay down _my_ life for my friends and not _others_ lives for it. Thinking of Ryouko-san, what if those ghouls had families too. To take away someone from others… I don't want that.

"No one's here but us, Ayame. Seriously, you've been acting like this since morning. Did something happen that you're not telling me? Is about Kaneki or the ghouls? Talk to me, Ayame." I could feel Hide shaking me lightly trying to coerce me into saying something but is it alright if I did tell him? About Tsukiyama, that night at the dinner party, Kaneki being placed there as food, and the deed I had done. It's my fault isn't it, why Kaneki ended up there in the first place. Because I had believed Tsukiyama could be trusted but he was a liar! And to make it all end, I ended up taking away lives like they were nothing. If only I had known sooner, then none of this would have happened.

"I didn't do it! None of it had to happen if only I had known sooner… I trusted him and yet… yet…"

 ***Slap***

The pain lingered as I touched my throbbing cheek. Shock was evident on my face as I turned to the source of the one who had jolted me back to reality. His eyes were steely but wavered when he saw I had registered to his action. Sure when we were young, we always were at each other's throats but Hide never did try to hurt me… this was the first time Hide had actually raised his hand at me.

"Are you sane now? Can you tell me what happened or is it something you can't tell me?" He tried again, only this time it was much calmer than the worried questioning he had been doing a while back. I was still in shock but nonetheless I tried to answer him.

"I-I wish I could tell you but… I'm scared. I want you to know but what if you hate me for telling you? Aren't you scared that I'm digging your grave deeper by knowing all of this? The price of knowing something like this and not telling is-,"

"Is punishable by death, I know. I'm not stupid, Ayame, and you should have known that by now. Didn't I say before that no matter what, I will always accept you and Kaneki for what you are? What scares me is not knowing and seeing you both drift away from me so I'm willing to listen if you tell me. What digs my grave deeper is not you telling me all this but for not doing anything for every time I see you both struggle. So you can tell me, I won't hate you." Hide assured me, those eyes never wavering as I looked into them. Hide knew the risk and yet he let me go on and tell him everything about the ghouls. On both sides he is a threat that needs to be killed and it scares me to know that. I can't afford to lose any more important people to me. But Hide knows what I feel as well. Isn't that why he wants to know? Because he doesn't want to lose people important to him too.

We all want to protect something, isn't that why we do what we can with our power to attain it?

"Am I a monster, Hide? I asked Kaneki and he said I wasn't but is that really the case? After all that has happened… I…" And so I told him while wondering to myself why Hide made it so easy to get me to tell him all these things. The day I met Tsukiyama up to the party and what I had done, I waited for his reaction but his face was unreadable until I had finished my story. I was so adamant about my decision not to tell him and yet here I was doing the exact opposite. Was it because of the way he persuaded me? Or because deep inside I wanted to know an answer that didn't involve with me lying to myself thinking that everything was going to be alright if he had not known. I'm still not so sure about Kaneki's response to all of this since the last time I had seen him was _during_ that party so it scared me of what they would all think of what I had done.

"Well, Kaneki and I always did bet on whether or not you were a descendant of some super powered ape or something. And we did call you a monster once so it is surprising why you'd feel affected by it right now."

"We were kids, Hide! That's a different story. Does it not bother you that I took away lives? Doesn't it scare you that one day I might lose and control and… and-,"

"And what? End up killing us?" I flinched at his sudden retort, hugging myself at the memory of the dreams where I saw the light leave their eyes because of me. My dream-self relishing at the carnage I had done and it scared me to know that it might one day happen.

"Then do it, Ayame. No one's here and you can kill me as easily as breathing." Hide egged me on, his arms outstretched, ready to take a hit. My eyes widened in horror at his action as I rushed to him and forced his arms down.

"Are you crazy?! I'm not going to do that!"

"Then what are you so afraid of?! If you have control over it then I'm sure you won't be able to hurt me. You had a reason for killing them, everyone has a reason for taking away lives, Ayame. If killing was so bad then shouldn't we be condemning cops for killing criminals? You made a choice, Ayame. It was either them or Kaneki. You can't blame yourself for killing them. I have no right to say that I understand what you are feeling but if you were to ask me then I would have done the same. If it was either them or you and Kaneki then I would killed them to save you both."

"Because it makes me no different than the man who took away my real parents! What if those ghouls had families too? They didn't do anything and yet I killed them. We have different morals and values so it's no surprise why they would act like that towards Kaneki… I don't have the right to take away a life, Hide."

"No one has the right and yet we kill anyways. We do it to survive just as humans kill animals for food, ghouls do the same but animals, like humans, have the capacity to want to protect those important to them too. A hen will protect her chicks and attack those who come close to them. It's no wonder why we would attack others just to protect those important to us whom they tried to hurt. You wanted to save Kaneki, remember that. I'd assume you'd kill a lion if Yukiko got hurt right?" Hide pointed out, my mind imagining myself trying to come in between the lion and Yukiko.

"I… would do it. If it means saving her then I would."

"You see. You were both provoked and you only did what was you think was the right way. It was either them or Kaneki, Ayame. Never forget that. You say it would have made you no different than the man who take away your family? That's wrong. You were doing it to protect someone important to you." Hide's words left a lingering thought in my mind. He admits no one has the right but there are times that when 'necessity' becomes a reason, we have no choice. Ghouls kill humans because they need food just as humans kill animals to live. But when provoked, everyone has a right to retaliate, to protect what matters to them. But still, I had gone overboard with what I had done. Maybe what matters is not wallowing in the past but learning from it. If I fear to kill then maybe I mustn't kill. Could you even save if you didn't kill? But isn't that why I had been training all this time with everyone in Anteiku? It's because I want to have the power to protect everyone without hurting anybody.

"Earth to Ayame! Are you spacing out again? I already told you-,"

"None of it is my fault. I know, Hide. I'm sorry for acting off but thanks for listening to me. It's been hard ever since the 'incident' and to be honest, I'm not sure sometimes if I'm still me…" I cut off, the idea of trying to not hurt anyone but while saving those around me still lingering in my mind. That's why I need to get stronger. I will be the shield that protects those important to me.

"You and Kaneki are so similar sometimes it creeps me out. Always keeping things to yourself, what's the point of even making friends with me if you can't even confide in me! That's awfully cruel y'know. And what's this about identity crisis?! You're already 18 for crying out loud!" Hide joked, the dark mood somewhat turning lighter. I frowned at his comment but I knew he was cheering me up. Isn't that what the three of us had always been doing ever since we were young? Cheering each other and making sure we never feel alone or unneeded? Maybe that was why I was meant to meet them… I doubt I could handle this myself and to know people like them care even when I had finally lost faith in myself… I really am thankful for having people like them. I'm sure everyone back home would do the same if they found out. I'll make sure to tell them this coming summer when I visit them…

"Thank you, Hide. For listening to me. I really am turning into an emotional wreck lately."

"I can see that! Even if it scares me, I am starting to miss the ape-woman I grew to know and hate."

"Oh, I'll make sure you see a lot of her soon."

"Crap! I take it back."

"No take backs."

"Ayame!" We stared at each other for a long time and burst into loud guffaws.

"I really miss these times… Someday soon, I really do hope Kaneki can join us and it'll be like old times." I finally say. It really will take a while and both Hide and I knew that but it was the one thing that made us sure we weren't losing it. The only sanity left I was hoping we could still have.

A future that everything will be alright.

* * *

"You owe me a free meal for making me skip my class for you, Ayame."

"That's not fair. I thought you were doing it because you cared."

"Sure but I should at least get some compensation for it. My kindness doesn't come free y'know."

"Cheapskate!" I stuck my tongue out earning me a chuckle just as we exited the building. Classes were over and right now, I was on my way to Anteiku to see how Kaneki was doing. It was obvious he was in a much more terrible state than me and to be honest, I also wanted to have a decent conversation with him about that day. I wanted him to at least know my thoughts and hoped he would understand me or in a sense get a better answer than the vague one he had given me back at the party.

"You better make sure you say what you want to say, Ayame. Kaneki's terribly dense so be more concise. It'd be nice if you can drag him back to school too. He's been skipping a lot lately and I can't keep covering up for him all the time." Hide reminded me, his last advice just before we parted ways by the intersection. It was getting late and I had assumed the manager and Yomo-san had already gone home by now, leaving Touka-chan and Kaneki to clean up the place. With hastened footsteps, I jogged to the café only to be greeted by a huge closed sign and a locked door.

"That's odd…" I trailed off, wondering why they had closed so early when clearly there still an hour before closing time. Maybe I had missed something and that today they had a day off? Thinking it to myself that it was the case, I decided to back track when my foot stepped on something that gave off a crunching sound. Looking down, I saw a cream colored paper all crumpled up with a ripped rose next to it. A feeling of dread engulfed me as I shakily opened the paper and read the contents.

"Once the gourmet has set his eyes on a target, he never really lets them go." I snapped up to an unfamiliar voice only to see the twins I had bumped into the last time I had my checkup with Kanou standing side by side and looking at me with cold and lifeless eyes.

"You were those girls back in Kanou's hospital. What are you doing here? For you to know his true identity… you must be ghouls then?" I questioned them suspiciously, my body hunched up in anticipation as I eyed them distrustfully. For them to announce Tsukiyama's identity so openly meant they knew what I was and it worried me that if that was the case then chances are they knew the truth behind Anteiku and Kaneki as well. Word did get out about Kaneki's fight with the dove and it's no surprise that a few ghouls looked up to him but these twins were different. They were obviously not after Kaneki but for a different purpose and it made me shiver as to what it was.

"Perhaps, but our true nature is not the issue here." The white-haired twin said before the black-haired twin moved forward making me more cautious at their movement.

"Then what is the issue? I have more important things to do than dawdle here and talk with you. If you're one of _his_ goons then I won't let you stop me."

"His goons? We aren't as low as to work for such a man like the gourmet. In all honesty, we couldn't care less if he died."

"Then leave. I don't have time to talk with you." I argued walking past them in an attempt to make it to Kaneki in time.

"Can you really save them? I doubt they need your help right now." I stopped at what they had said and turned to them angrily.

"What are you talking about? My friend is in danger from an obsessed-driven killer. If you have nothing else worth noting then I have to go and help them."

"We aren't here for idle chat either. There is no point for a ghoul who fears to kill to join in on a battle where the winner is decided on who lives or dies. You are needed elsewhere." The black haired girl replied but just before I could argue, a hand shot out of nowhere and covered my mouth with a cloth. I struggled from the grip and tried to summon my kagune to try and push the assailant away.

"Resistance is futile. We made sure to bring an Rc suppressant to prevent you from using your kagune. Like we said, you are not needed here but elsewhere." Those were the final words that I remembered just before my vision went hazy and I blacked out.

* * *

 ***Plip* *Plip***

I felt something wet hitting me on my face as I groaned and opened my eyes. A grey wall greeted me as the events of a while back made me jolt up as I scanned the unfamiliar room. By the looks of things, it was obvious I was in a cell room. Wherever the twins took me, I couldn't tell and it made me worry as to how I was going to get out. I shifted and tried to get off the makeshift bed only to be stopped by a pair of chains that cuffed me on both my arms and legs.

"I have no time for this…" I curse inwardly, knowing full well that right now Kaneki could be in danger from Tsukiyama. The reason for this sudden kidnapping would have to wait just as I tried to summon my kagune to break the chains.

But all to no avail.

"You just inhaled an Rc Suppressant with a dose enough to render a SS-rate ghoul immobilized for a few days. Escaping is futile no matter how you look at it." A voice chuckled making me look up to see a hooded figure squatting down and… Watching me? The bandages covering the entire body made it difficult to see the expression but the voice alone and its tone was enough to make me deduce that it was female and she seemed like she was enjoying herself from her position.

"Who are you?" I questioned, doing my best to summon my kagune and only to curse at how correct she was. It was like my body was weakened and even so much as the effort to stand was getting tiring. Whatever those people made me inhale was no joke and clearly my fate rested on these mysterious people.

"It's a secret~ Ayame-chan. It'll ruin the whole story if you knew who I was."

"H-how do you know my name?"

"Tsk. Tsk. You ask too many questions. Let's just say that I found out about it from someone who's been looking out for you." The hooded figure chided as the gates to my cell opened and I saw her walk to me making me cringe. Not only did she scream 'danger' but her presence gave me a bone-chilling feeling as she leveled her eyes to me. I barely knew anything about her and yet why was it that she somehow knew something about me. She said she found it out from someone who's been looking out for me but who could that be? And she knew I was a ghoul too, could it be that those twins told her about it? Did this mean that she is a ghoul too?

Just what on earth is going on?

"You have the most beautiful eyes did you know? I'm sure your two friends or your adoptive familt have told you about it." Her words made me freeze as I stared at her with wide eyes. She knew about Kaneki, Hide, and my family? Just how much did this mysterious person know about me? She must've noticed the alarm in my eyes because she chuckled eerily at it.

"Hahaha look at the despair mixed with it! It makes it lovelier to _tear_ off." She laughed before an ear-splitting scream erupted from my throat as an unbearable pain erupted from my left eye. I could feel blood dripping down my cheek as I watched her playing with my eyeball before she swallowed it making me tremble in fear.

"Look at how you shiver. Did you honestly think I would just sit here and answer all your silly questions? Such a funny little thing you are. It'll be fun to _break_ you." She giggled making me flinch in fear at her emphasis. I could already feel the fear of hopelessness enveloping me, wondering why this was all happening. Just when I was assuring myself that I was ready to face Kaneki and the reality of killing. Just when I had assured myself I could control my powers and protect everyone.

In the end I had failed to even do it.

I could only imagine the possible events transpiring with Tsukiyama and Kaneki and I prayed deep down that someone like Touka or even Yomo-san noticed this and rushed in to help. All the things I had never said to everyone… was this the feeling of coming to terms with death and accepting your fate? The shows made it sound so peaceful or was it because my fate was in the hands of some child-like ghoul with sadistic tendencies? I had assumed I would have lived long enough and yet to see my life to actually be this short. Just when I had resolved myself to protect everyone…

"I really like it. The mix of hopelessness in those eyes. How many times, I wonder, did you ever think about how weak you were to save anyone? I want to see more of it really, how far you'll sink into this chasm of darkness. Did you know-," She giggled as her breathe tickled my ear her voice but a whisper but was enough to open a void so deep as my hands shook, rattling the chain as a wave of anguish erupted from my throat which created a dissonance of duet with the girl's laughter.

"How lovely. So pretty, those hate filled eyes that it makes me wonder. Are you becoming slowly like me now?" She backed away slowly, my hands straining painfully to reach for her neck and strangle her.

"Yes those are the right emotions. I look forward to seeing you both change soon, Aya-chan."

"I'll kill you! Give them back! Dammit give them back…" I growled and screamed at her retreating figure before I felt tears streaming down my right eye from shock and anguish. How many times was this going to play out in my life… the feeling of loss over and over again like a broken record? Was it because I was weak to begin with? My inability to protect everyone because of my belief that if I willingly prepared myself to die then no one would get hurt because of me. Was it really better to kill to save than to sacrifice to save? Her words still lingered really… That whisper that spoke volumes louder than any shout I could think of. Is this really my only fate? To keep losing everything…

 _"To live is to kill. Did you think death would honor sacrifices, Aya-chan. Death doesn't choose who die, we are the ones who do. Did you know, I had a wonderful dinner with your family yesterday? The feast was exquisite. I didn't think your sister tasted so delicious even your mom and dad too. Sorry if I got the house dirty but it's not like you'll be coming back there, right?"_

"Stop… make it stop! Not again always the same ending. Why does it keep repeating? Mom… dad… Yukiko-nee. Why is it always those around me? Why not just take me instead…" I cried, my hands banging on the stone floor, blood coating the floor, the pain numbed by the void that filled my heart.

"I promised that this summer I was supposed to come by and visit remember? So you'll wait for me there, right? This is all a dream… all a bad dream. But why am I not waking up? Why does it feel so real? Or is this really real? Which is fake? Lies… truth… so tired. Everyone's leaving again like before. I want to go home…" Inaudible words spluttered out of my mouth as I lay there, staring off into space. Her news swirling in my mind over and over.

 _Hide and Kaneki will be next, Ayame. Like she said, to live is to kill._

"Don't take them away too. No more please… stop…" I continued to mumble until my hazy eyes looked up to see a shadow looming over me, the black cloak covering their face and figure. Did death hear my plea, I wonder? Will it grant my wish to protect everyone in exchange for my own demise?

Will no one die this time?

"Will you protect them if I die in their stead? Tell me death, will you let them live this time? I don't want to be left all alone… don't take them all away…" I begged as the figure loomed closer and a warm hand patted me on the head.

"If you so wish. But their lives will be in your hands not mine." Were the final words the stranger told me before I felt my eyes close and darkness took over once again.

* * *

 **-3** **rd** **Person POV-**

An explosion set the alarms off as several hooded ghouls ran to the source of the alarm. Kanou sighed as he saw a black hooded figure carrying the black-haired teen he had sent his two 'floppies' after from the camera of the prison cell.

"I had expected the arrival but I didn't think it would be this soon. They know far too much that it makes me wonder if we have a spy in our midst." He muttered as the two disappeared from the view of the camera and his body turned to face his guest who gave off an eerie smile as she twirled a necklace in her fingers. The necklace sporting a small and worn ring that barely shone in the setting sunlight from the windows.

"I assume you had done what you had wanted to her. Tell me, how was it?" He questioned before the necklace slipped from her fingers and landed on the ground. She skipped lightly to the fallen jewelry and picked it up, the necklace straining from the force she was using on it.

"Oh, it was just how I wanted it to happen. You should have seen it really, how she _snapped_ just like that with a single sentence. I didn't think it was so easy to break her… although in the first place she was already broken and unstable to begin with." She giggled just as the necklace broke, the ring bouncing until it stopped a few inches from the feet of Kanou.

"It sounds like you had some fun with my little side-rat. Do you suppose my main attraction will provide the same entertainment as well?"

"I look forward to his story too. So many tragedies it makes me wonder if I'll have enough time to write it all down into a book."

"I suggest you make a draft soon. The pieces are already making their move and it looks like the play I set up is about to start." Kanou merely says as he stares at the two faces of his experiments.

The play of our tragedy has now begun.

* * *

 **Sorry once again for my erratic updates. College has finally ended and guess who's graduating! Since summer's started already, I'll see if I can update properly this time and save you all the agony of waiting for the next chapter. By the looks of things the gears of fate have begun to move and it looks like we'll be going down tragedy-lane from here on out.**

 **Stay tuned guys and please Fave and Review!**


	20. The Storm Descends

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: and now for the lovely reviews!**

 **kitsunelover300:** It really was painful to have to kill them off but it had to be done if it was ever going to get Ayame to finally accept the fact that sacrificing yourself won't always protect those you love. One way or another, you really will have to kill to protect. Good luck on your fanfic, creating a crossover between two such tragic and gore-filled anime is going to be one tear-jerking and fear inducing masterpiece that's for sure.

 **The Great Banana Man:** Well we can't blame Eto's sadistic tendencies and in all honesty writing about dying families usually doesn't sit well for me but this is Tokyo Ghoul and we all know that its one anime where losing a head or an arm is just child's play. Killing people is just one of its day-to-day events so i had to just accept it. Whether we like it or not, TG won't be TG if there is no prominent death in it.

 **Number 2415 L.S:** Maybe but I'll do my best that it doesn't end up like the usual anime trope of NAKAMA power up. I'll try to stick to making it as realistic as possible.

 **So there we have it! Enjoy the chapter guys!**

* * *

 **Chapter XX: The Storm Descends**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _You can't change anything unless you can discard part of yourself too. To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity…"_**

 ** _-Armin Arlert (Shingeki no Kyojin)-_**

* * *

 **-Unknown Time-**

 _I opened my eyes, the faded blue ceiling of my room greeting me as I groggily got up._

 _The smell of mom's cooking wafted into my room making my stomach grumble as I stretched my body and began to leave my room. The door to Yukiko-nee's room was slightly ajar, revealing my adopted sister's serene sleeping face as she snuggled comfortably on her bed._

 _"_ _Yukiko-nee, breakfast is almost ready." I announced before hearing a muffled '5 more minutes' which made me giggle and nod as I slipped past her room and walked down the stairs. The moment my feet landed on the floor, the doorbell to our house rang making me stare at the door that led outside._

 _"_ _Ayame, can you check and see who it is?" I heard my father call from the kitchen as I proceeded to the door and peeped in the hole. Dark eyes greeted my violet ones as the person moved back and I saw Kaneki and Hide grinning from behind the door._

 _"Mornin' Ayame! Surprised?" Hide laughed as I shook my head, humor dancing in my eyes as I let them in._

 _"Surprised? Both of you do this almost every weekend, how is this any different?" I laughed while they set aside their shoes and we made our way to the kitchen, bumping into Yukiko-nee along the way just as she was tying her hair up in a ponytail._

 _"Oh, Hide and Kaneki, good morning." She greeted as she took her seat next to my chair. The sight of the food on the table made my mouth water earning me a chuckle from mom._

 _"Breakfast is served. I suggest all three of you take your seats now before Yukiko beats you to the bacons." Mom said just as Yukiko scarfed down on the pile of bacons she stole from the main plate._

 _"Hey wait! No fair." I argued as I quickly took my seat as well as Hide and Kaneki._

 _"You guys are too slow." Yukiko managed to say as she chugged down a glass of orange juice and sighed._ _I scowled at her reply but nonetheless I didn't argue any further. It was the usual way breakfast went here in our house. Me and Yukiko-nee always arguing about who gets the most of which food. During weekends, like now, Hide and Kaneki would always come to visit and it was always those days where to me my day was always at its best. What more can I wish for?_

 _"But this is just a dream, right? Because I killed them." I froze at that voice and looked up in horror to see the hooded-woman standing behind mom and dad. The scene shifted as she moved, long gone were the smiles on their faces as they greeted me 'good morning'. The kitchen was splattered in blood, dismembered body parts and organs scattered all over the room making me slip from my chair as I tried to get out of the table, only to scream as I saw their lifeless bodies (or what was left of it) coating the floor and making squishy noises as I stepped on them._

 _"Such a delicious treat~ You should have gotten a taste of them too!" She giggled as I lunged at her in anger and agony, my kagune raised and plunging straight into her heart._

 _Or so I had thought._

 _"A-Ayame?" The voice called out weakly, my body shaking as I looked up in horror to see Hide looking at me, eyes staring blankly as the light left his eyes. My kagune dissipated in an instant as I caught his body, tears streaming down my face as I tried to shake him awake._

 _"Hide? Hide wake up?! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I thought… I-," I sobbed just as the sound of footsteps made me look up to see Kaneki looking down at me, horror in his eyes mirroring mine._

 _"Hide? Wh-what happened? What did you do?!" He demanded, his voice strained as I tried to muster an answer but all to no avail._

 _"You killed him?! I trusted you! I thought you were our friend?!"_

 _"I-I am! I didn't mean it-,"_

 _"Shut up! Stop lying, I saw what you did back at the ball. You tricked me there too, didn't you? You've been lying to us all this time!" He accused and I couldn't breathe at the sight of his eyes full of anger, hatred, and betrayal. He had trusted me and in the end I had committed the unforgiveable. I couldn't forgive myself because why should I? I deserve to die for what I had done. I had let those people kill my only family and chances are Hide could be in danger because of me. Because of what I had done, because of what I had told him about us._

 _Everything… everything is all my fault._

 **-End-**

* * *

 ***Splash***

The cold and wet feeling of something splashing me awake jolted me up.

My body shivered as the wet fabric of my clothes gripped onto me, my vision disoriented when I noticed that my left eye couldn't see anything. Memories of other day and the nightmares I had surfaced in my mind again as I felt for my left eyes and the feeling of something like a cloth was what greeted my fingertips.

"How are you? You were screaming in your sleep." A deep and unfamiliar voice asked as I quickly looked up to see a pair of dark violet eyes greeting mine. Before me stood a man probably eight years older than me with dark messy hair that reached till the nape of his neck, his skin slightly darker than mine (probably from basking too much in the sun), and dressed in black. A necklace with an old worn ring decorated his neck, the jewelry somewhat familiar as I looked at it.

"Wh-who are you?" I questioned in alarm, all my senses heightened up at the unsuspecting stranger. I scanned the room and my stomach dropped as I stared at the decaying walls, the faded pink wallpaper greeting me where several old scrawny drawings were still pinned to the wall even after all this time.

"This room…" I trailed off as I clumsily got off the old bed, my feet touching the cold and dusty floor as I walked to the drawings.

"So it's true then… you don't remember?" The man behind me asked as my hands took one of the drawings off the wall, a family of four smiling back at me from the paper. Wait, Four people? But I was so sure it was me, mom, dad-, and…and-!

Brother?!

I spun to the man behind me, the same identical description as the one on the drawing but only older. I gripped my head as the world spun around me, causing me to drop the paper as I kneeled on the floor painfully.

 _"Let's go out and play big brother!"_

 _"Not now, maybe some other time…"_

 _"Where are you going?"_

 _"Somewhere far, but I'll be back soon."_

Images in my mind as well as voices began to war in my head as I felt hands on my shoulders, helping me up and leading me to the bed.

"Don't push yourself." He said as he offered me water and I drank it in, all the while trying to not pass out from the headache I was having.

"So you… you're-," I tried to say as the man sat next to me and nodded confirming the shocking news that I still had one family member left.

"That's right, my name is Himura Makoto. I am your older brother." He introduced himself, the name very foreign to me but still somewhat giving off that feeling of comfort and assurance. It was what I needed right now. With the tragedies left and right, I'm surprised sometimes how I manage to still stay somewhat sane. Those giggles and the ripping flesh, the bodies littering the floor in my dream. Hide dying in my arms and Kaneki's betrayed expression.

I just couldn't stand it.

"I have to go back…" I murmur, enough to surprise my 'supposed' brother. I didn't have to explain where, it was obvious enough with my strained voice and blood-shot eyes that I was trying to keep it together. Trying to hold on to any lifeline and assure me that everything was just some lie to taunt me. I want that to be true but after spending so much time facing death on the face… There are times I wonder if such a word called 'alright' or 'okay' even exists anymore.

"I wish we could but doves are flocking that place like bees to a honey. I don't know what those Aogiri's did but the place is like a bloodbath. It won't be long before they realize you're not there among the bodies and deduce you to be the culprit." Makoto explained making me clench my teeth as I clawed at the sheets, the self-control I had to refrain from leaping off the bed like an antelope almost thinning out.

"I'm not the one that killed them! It was her, she did it. It's always like this even with my real parents… Everyone around me is dying. What did I do to even deserve it?!" I cried. Even after I was granted a fresh start with new people the past still has its ways with coming back to me. Even though I wanted so badly to erase it, there was just no way for me to do so. It had all been my fault after all, had I never helped Kaneki hook that date with Kamishiro Rize. Everything went downhill after that and it didn't help when Kaneki began to lean closer to accepting his ghoul side. The more he did each day and the closer he was into the world that was when my past began appearing. That was when the peaceful world I thought I was living in began to crumble. Nishio, the Doves, Tsukiyama and then Aogiri… just how deep and dangerous did we have to be in before everything would finally right itself for us? Is there even a world where we could live in peace?

"A ghoul's life is never peaceful. Mom and Dad knew that was why they took every measure they could to keep us safe. As a brother, I should have been there when it happened. But I wasn't and it plagued me every day. So when I found out that Aogiri had captured you, I had to do whatever it took to get you back. I overheard what Eto had done to you and your new family… I'm sorry, I couldn't do anything again to protect you." I heard him apologize, his hand grasping mine firmly. I looked to face him, his face almost identical to mine. The same eyes only darker, same hair color only shorter… I lost my real parents to doves and ironically my adopted family were taken from me because of ghouls. I thought I was losing everyone around me and yet here he was. My remaining family left… the one thing still trying to tell me that I shouldn't give up yet. That he was still here along with Kaneki, Hide, and Anteiku.

"Live not just for the dead but for the living too." I murmured, tears running down my face as I recalled those memories of both my old and new family. Those warm smiles and eyes that were filled with nothing but love… I always thought that they would live long enough to see me graduate college along with Yukiko-nee, I was even planning on my using my first pay to go out on a family vacation with them.

To have them taken so quickly right before my eyes…

"Living beings, whether ghoul or human, will die. I realized that when I heard the news. Just not the way we wanted our lives to end but death can't be avoided. Preserving them in our hearts is the only thing making us believe they were alive." Makoto explained, his fingers playing with the ring on his necklace. The same ring I saw mom wore when I was young, only the one he had was larger and I knew why. Aogiri… and that woman working for them, just how many lives do they have to crush just for enjoyment? Just what did they want with me that they had to take away my family?

 _"How lovely. So pretty, those hate-filled eyes that it makes me wonder. Are you slowly becoming like me now?"_ I could still recall her sadistic voice giggling with glee at my despair. I wasn't like her, even if I wanted to tear her head off right then and there I would still never end up like her. A ghoul who enjoys toying with lives like a game and having fun seeing others suffer… I won't become a monster like her.

"Makoto, I know I'm not in the best condition but I have to go."

"Go? I thought I told you it's too dangerous to go back-,"

"Not back _home_. There's nothing left there even if I did go… I'm talking about going back to the 20th ward." I cut him off, that girl's sing-song voice still making me shiver with fear and anger. She knew about Hide and Kaneki and after what she had done to my family… I just couldn't fathom losing anyone again because of me. At the very least I have to keep them safe with my own power. I'm not even so sure if the issue with Tsukiyama is already over since those twins caught me off-guard when I tried to get to Kaneki to help. As I stared out the window of this crumbling house, I had estimated I had been gone for about a day or two, no doubt by now everyone back in the 20th ward will be worrying about me. I had to let them know I was fine and to warn them-

That a storm is approaching.

"Is it your friends? I heard you allied yourself with Anteiku. Anteiku's people are a force to be reckoned with but Aogiri has numbers with them and a few very strong ghouls. If we did go, would you have the will to take a life? Growing up with humans all your life, I understand even using your kagune will be foreign to you. If the rumors I heard is true then chances are the eye-patch ghoul is their next target." Makoto explained making my heart drop at the mention of that nickname. So they've made a move on Kaneki and by the looks of things no one from Anteiku knows of this. If we go there then I would be forced to fight and take a life. I still couldn't stomach the sight of hacking at the ghouls in that party. I was desperate and that was the only thing keeping me from losing myself as I saw their body going limp and lifeless by my blows back then. It was all to save Kaneki and right now it seems that I would have to do it again.

Hide assured me I had control over my powers and I believed him. Even if the dream I had showed me that my powers may one day end up killing them, I want to believe in his words that it wouldn't happen. So long as I knew what I was going to use it for and what purpose and no one important to me will die then I could do it. I will do what I can protect them. I stared at my hand, it was still fresh in my memory the sight of blood on them as I clenched it into a fist, trying to control the shaking of my hands.

I was naïve to think that life will always be peaceful and because I always believed it, Death would take someone important from me. To achieve peace, people kill… a collateral they believe is necessary just to maintain order. Aogiri, in my view, is the chaos disrupting that order. If it means that I have to dirty my hands just to give those I love that peace then I would have no choice.

I would have to take lives.

"I-I can do it." I try to say with finality, my voice shaking but I did my best to remain firm. I thought sacrificing my life would be enough of a compensation just to let everyone I love live but it is because of that kind of thinking that they are always getting taken away from me. It's better to hurt than to hurt others… Tell me Kaneki, is that dogma really possible? The deeper we go into this bloodbath, the less I believe it. Because if I didn't take their lives then those I love will die… even if I did die for them, how can I be assured that those people wouldn't hurt them when I'm gone? I'm sorry Kaneki, if it means keeping you, Hide, and Anteiku safe…

"Are you sure? If you have the will then tell me… do you have the power? These aren't like any other ordinary ghouls. Aogiri made sure even the lowest of them are a strong enough to take down a ghoul investigator." He asked me as I clenched the sheets tightly, knowing full well that even if I did have the will… I still lacked the power. Even if I accepted my fate to kill, I'm still no stronger than a month old pup. I can't save them with this power, even if I did go… I still wouldn't be able to save anyone.

"Fuck it all." I cursed at my weak self. The 'me' who had always thought everything was going to be alright was a fool. If I had only known then maybe I would have tried to get stronger like Kaneki, maybe by now, I would have the power to not lose any more of those I love.

"There is a nest of ghouls controlled by Aogiri somewhere not far from here. I failed to protect you so many times so consider this as a payment for it. But even then it is still more of a curse than a blessing…" Makoto simply said, his body shifted as he pushed the chair and got up. I followed him as he walked to the window, the cold air of late November entering the room. That's right, Christmas was fast approaching and yet the plans I had set up with both my family and friends were no longer possible. Hide and I even prepared a surprise for Kaneki on his birthday and yet I knew it was impossible for that to happen. With the way things our now, I would never have thought that my Christmas would be so full of death and bloodshed.

"It's true that half-ghouls have a diet of both normal human food and humans themselves but our kagunes need human meat that allows us to use their full potential. I'm sure you've heard about cannibalism, Ayame?" Makoto asked me, taking me by surprise that he actually addressed me by my name. It was still difficult getting used to him, seeing as he was one of my 'past' and I didn't know if he too would be no different than the others in them who would only betray or leave me. It was what came with the package when I tangled myself up in this tightrope dance with humans and ghouls. I had learned on the long run that giving your trust half-heartedly would never end well.

"I've heard of such. When the ratio of humans to ghouls becomes low then ghouls would resort to eating their own to survive."

"If you really want to save them then you should understand we're lacking time to do it. I may not have the time to teach you how to fight like a human properly but I can teach you how to fight like a ghoul. But to do so, a sacrifice must be made." Makoto turned to me, his left eye turning red and black before nine tail-like muscles exploded from his lower back, each tail pulsing in nightmarish violet.

"Like father, I inherited his name the 'Kyuubi' a rated S-ghoul wanted by the doves after I nearly destroyed their branch in the 17th ward when I heard my whole family had been killed. I was young then and stupid but time and a little reflection can change a person. You though, inherited both kagunes of father's parents. A pair of rated A-ghouls who prowled the 15th ward during their time. A chimera born ghoul is very rare so much so that a hefty price is always placed on their head since their use of two kagunes is like a trick box. Unpredictable." Makoto explained while motioning me to release my kagune. When I did so, nothing came out making him frown as he leaned back onto the chair, his kagune dissipating.

"I guess they weren't joking about the gas. I guess we really do have no choice." He shook his head making me anxious as to what he meant.

"I can't handle anymore riddles, Makoto. My friends could be in danger and I need to help them. You told me I had to pay a toll to learn this power and I'll do what I can to pay it. Anything just to save them. Just tell me what I have to do." I begged, my dreams plaguing me as I shook desperately at the idea of seeing them die before me.

"Then you would have to become a kakuja. A ghoul who has fed on nothing but his own brethren becomes a kakuja, a much more powerful armored ghoul than a normal one. To become something like that though comes with a price, like I said. The price of such a power is your sanity and to accept to kill without remorse. In the end you must become a monster." As his sentence died that was when the lightning danced in the sky. A cheesy trope I would have laughed at had the seriousness in his voice not kept me focused. To save them with my own power alone wouldn't be enough, I could barely defend myself and even controlling my kagune was still difficult. With the given time we had I knew it was only a matter of time.

But could I do it? Become a monster.

I told myself I wouldn't end up a monster like Eto. Why is it that whenever I decide on a decision that was when something would appear to make me judge that decision I had done. If I didn't get this power then everyone I love would die because I had not done anything. Sitting at the sidelines and just letting them get plucked off by Death like that, I knew we couldn't cheat him but if for a chance I could prevent them from dying earlier than they have to then I would do it. But to lose my mind just to achieve it… could it be that this was what my dream was trying to tell me? That if I would choose this road then I would one day end up hurting those around me? That to becoming a kakuja would protect them but in the end I would be the one who ends up killing them… I couldn't stomach that thought. I thought I was ready to take on whatever Makoto was planning but in the end I couldn't do it. Gripping my shaking hand tightly, I knew I couldn't sacrifice my sanity just to achieve the power to protect them. I'm sorry Hide, but I'm just too scared to be the one who ends up killing everyone because of that power.

"I can see your decision is wavering. I knew it wasn't an easy decision but it wasn't like I was forcing you. I'm just saying that if you want power, given the small amount of time we have, then this is your only option… I'm sorry, Ayame but like I said, this is more of a curse than a blessing."

"Heh, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I'm just afraid of gaining a power that might one day turn itself against those I love. I'm scared that if I lose my mind then _I_ would be the one that ends up killing them…" I chuckled, trying to drown out the hopelessness from my voice. No one said gaining power was going to be a walk in a park. With great power comes great responsibility after all. An equivalent exchange would always be paid for everything. In this case, that would be my humanity. But what could I do to help them? I didn't want to always be the one who gets saved or the one who has to watch them die and be able to do nothing. I want to help them too but with such a price to be paid, it scares me.

Hide told me to have more faith in myself. Kaneki told me that no one would hate me for what I had become. Touka and everyone in Anteiku accepted me for who I am. Everyone I love had told me their most honest opinion but as in every decision, things are easier said than done. When my brother had saved me, I begged him to take my life away if it meant saving everyone. I didn't realize that when he agreed to it, what he had inferred to me was not my _life_ but the future I was going to give up in exchange for what I would do if I took this offer. A kakuja, like what Makoto had said, is a mutated ghoul twice stronger than an average ghoul. It wouldn't be a surprise if they get ranked to an S right away. A mindless killing machine with that kind of power could only spell disaster to those around them and I would have to become one to save Kaneki and the others.

"Eto chose the monster she became. You didn't give me enough time to explain but becoming a kakuja doesn't necessarily mean you turn yourself into a mindless monster. If you have the will power to endure it then you can tame the monster that will eat you whole. Eto became a monster when she used her powers for her own sadistic pleasure. I suggested this to you because I knew you could do it. That only you will be able to pull yourself out of the insanity of becoming a kakuja. I'm not saying this to force you into the decision but as your brother, I have faith in you should you push on with this." Makoto's hands made their way to my shoulders, trying to assure me that I wasn't going to become a monster like Eto. Just like Hide, he had faith that I wouldn't lose control should I walk down that path. He wasn't forcing me but he was assuring me that if ever I went with it then he had faith I would pull myself out before I got drunk with power and lost my way.

"A monster protecting those important to it. Since when did those two suddenly fit in the same sentence?" I questioned him, my mind still searching for some sort of final assurance in his eyes. I didn't think I would be throwing my trust again at my past since nothing good had ever come out of it. People would find it funny for someone like me who had lost all hope to just suddenly pray to a god out there for it but I was becoming desperate. People, even ghouls, do the craziest of things out of desperation.

"I'm not so sure but if you are doing this for the people you love then wouldn't that make the whole world full of monsters? As what Machiavelli once said, the end justifies the means." He finally said and with that final assurance I closed my eyes and nodded at his words.

"To kill is to protect. I'm sorry Makoto but can you help me… help me become a kakuja." I finally said, my voice no longer quivering from apprehension. In this world, the strongest survive and for me, I have to be strong. I'm tired of being weak and incapable of protecting anyone.

It's time the spider is the one who gets eaten by the fly.

* * *

 **-3** **rd** **POV-**

He was worried and Touka couldn't do anything as he paced while nearly spilling the coffee he was carrying on the tray. He had just gotten back with her from the battle with Tsukiyama and those injuries they received were nothing to scoff about. Nishio's addition to the group was surprising but with number of capable people in their hands then there was no problem now was there. Just when they thought things were actually looking bright for once, Kaneki's friend Hide had called. That call alone made Kaneki pale and Touka watched him as he dialed another number, the longer the ring, the more his face contorted into one of pure fear and worry. Touka couldn't blame him, unlike Kaneki she was just good at hiding her own emotions.

Ayame was missing since two days ago.

Kaneki couldn't really understand how he had missed such a prominent detail. He should have noticed it when Ayame didn't appear yesterday to see how he was doing like she usually did. Apparently, according to Hide, the last he had seen of Ayame was when she was on her way to them, the same day he ran with Nishio to save Kimi-san. Hide only noticed her disappearance when she didn't attend class and wasn't picking up her phone. The visit to her house was the proof that she was missing and that was when Hide had called him. Kaneki pondered in his mind on who could have done something like that. A kidnapper? Ghouls? Doves? Kaneki just didn't know and it was scaring him.

He didn't want to lose her too.

 _"Several murders caused by ghouls have been running rampant after the recent events caused by the Binge Eater and Gourmet. One of the recent murders was a family of three. Doves have yet to determine if this was caused by the Binge Eater or the Gourmet but the marks on the bodies confirm that it was the work of a ghoul."_ The reporter announced as Kaneki's eyes hovered to the screen, hoping to calm himself but as if the news of a murder was even going to calm him. Just the thought of what had become of his missing friend made him incapable of doing his work right. Even Touka reprimanded him for his sloppy job but he couldn't blame her, she was just as worried about Ayame-san as he was. Yoshimura-san had already sent Irimi-san and Koma-san to look for Ayame and Kaneki prayed deep down that they would be able to find her safe and sound.

 _"We're still investigating on the murder so it might take a while to determine who killed the Fujiko family…"_ The name that left the investigator's lips made Kaneki freeze, dropping the glass in his hands as he quickly turned his head back to the T.V. screen, his heart beating accelerating at the familiar faces of the three people he and Hide had nearly grown up with.

"No… way." He could only muster to say before Touka rushed to him with an angry look on her face.

"What on earth is wrong with you shithead? Dropping glasses out of the blue. Are you trying to run us out of business?" Touka fumed before Kaneki pointed to the screen and Touka eyes followed. Her grip loosened from him collar as the memories of her and her brother losing their parents resurfaced in her mind. Could that be why Ayame vanished? But this news was being televised live so she couldn't have known about it yet unless-,

Unless someone told Ayame beforehand and the thought alone made Touka frown.

"Kaneki… I have a feeling that Ayame might be in danger." Touka murmured which made her flinch when she saw the fear and hurt on his face. 'Ayame' and 'in-danger' was not the right thing to say to him since he had just seen his childhood friend's family murdered but he had to know and Touka had to tell this to Yoshimura-san. She was hoping what she and Kaneki had taught Ayame might help her but the news specifically stated that ghouls were the ones who killed them and if that's the case then what they taught Ayame wasn't enough to get her out of the trouble she might have gotten herself in.

"I know you don't want to hear it but if she's missing then she might have known this happened to her family. For her to know something before they broadcasted in in T.V. meant she had contact with the murderer. Think about it, she might already be meeting with those bastards right now."

"Then we have to go and save her! We have to tell Yoshimura-san and the others." Kaneki pleaded, thoughts of Ayame being alone and fighting against those who killed her parents circling his mind. It's not that he had no faith in her strength but she was still incapable of fighting like he and Touka could. She was scared enough as it is when she killed those ghouls in the restaurant and that hesitation of hers was what was going to get her killed. No, he had to stay positive, she wasn't going to die and he was going to make sure she came back to Anteiku safe and sound.

"I'll go call Yomo-san then. We can leave the shop to Nishio for now and then we can rush ahead to the place to look for her." Kaneki agreed to Touka's plan as she began to look for her phone just as the door to the shop opened and both looked up to see who had entered. A towering, stout man with short flushed hair and an oddly-shaped beard enter the café, his eyes scanning the place until they landed on Kaneki and Touka.

"Is the shop manager here?"

* * *

 **Sorry once again for the late update. In all honesty, I thought life would have been much easier after college but apparently, when your striving to become a CPA well, it doesn't really get easier than I thought it was. Our review for the board exam is around the corner hence the difficult time of updating. I hope you guys can understand that. Looks like the peaceful days are coming to an end and this time, the lane will be filled to the brim with tragedy and blood.**

 **Stay tuned and don't forget to fave and review.**


	21. Slipping Sanity

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: And now for the reviews! Sorry for those people that I might have skipped** **L** **I go by the recent chapter reviews so if I ever skipped anyone, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY!**

 **Oblivan:** Thank you so much for the comment. I'm glad to know Ayame had fitted so well into the story since I was aiming for that kind of feel from her. I do hope I can continue making her a wonderful OC. In fact, I even took a Mary Sue exam and lucky for me she didn't pass as a Mary Sue so yey for me!

 **Guest:** Sorry about the sudden announcement. Consider this one as a small compensation because I did worry that you guys might be waiting for too long. Seeing as I was relieving some stress, I do hope this update will help.

 **crazywriter9:** Good luck to you! Considering I already posted this right about now, I do hope you passed the exam!

 **Anna Crosszeria:** Will do! Thank you for the support, it really is a good motivator for me!

 **So there you have it! Enjoy this chapter guys!**

* * *

 **Chapter XXI: Slipping Sanity**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Better a cruel truth than a wonderful delusion…"_**

 ** _-Edward Abbey-_**

* * *

The Aogiri base Makoto told me was a small rundown warehouse located in an abandoned pier.

I could already imagine myself gorging on the remains of dead ghouls, sending shivers of apprehension and disgust throughout my body. Even though I kept telling myself to accept that this was the only way, a small part of myself still couldn't stomach the idea of killing nor even eating a being so similar to me, whether they were ghoul or human. It was a common notion that eating your own kind was not programmed in the genetic make-up of a living being. I mean, even dogs wouldn't eat their own kind unless it becomes a matter of life or death. I had the option to not do it, since my life was not on the line but Kaneki and those important to me were so I had no choice. I had already accepted it, after all, to kill is to protect.

"I scanned the perimeter. About three ghouls are guarding the area outside and twenty more are inside the building. Mostly all of them are ranging from ranks C to B so we can assume the big bosses aren't here. Are you up for this, Ayame? Like I said you have the chan-,"

"I'm ready." I cut him off, wanting to hear no more last time offers of backing out. I already agreed to this and we were running out of time, I had to be strong enough to protect everyone, I need the power and this is the only way given the small time we have before the inevitable. I can already tell that everyone is worried sick about me and I wish I could tell them I was alright but I had no means to contact them. The journey back to the 20th ward would have been fast and a quick reminder to tell them I was alright would have been enough but like I said, we were pressed for time. Every minute counted and just the smallest lapse of wasted second might be catastrophic. Besides, even if I did go, knowing Kaneki, he'd dissuade me the moment I mentioned the idea of becoming a kakuja. I know he means well but… he has to understand that he shouldn't shoulder everything on his own. If even a little… if this means I can protect everyone too…

I wish they would understand. If I finally get this abomination of a power for them then maybe Makoto is right, for the sake of those I love- becoming a kakuja was the only way to go on par with Aogiri.

"Wait for my signal. I know you still can't use your kagune due to the effects of the gas so I'll do the hunting. I'm sure the nourishment from the ghouls will jumpstart the Rc Cells in you, so for now, lie in wait and maybe take some pointers while you're at it." Makoto reminded but just as he was about to jump, I stopped him.

"Thank you, but why go this far for me? I mean, I understand we're siblings and all but we-," I tried to ask before a reassuring pat on the head made me look up to see his dark violet eyes turning red and black, a small smile gracing his lips after he patted me.

"I failed as a brother then, I won't fail again to protect you. You lost a lot and I'm not planning to let you lose more. I know the painful feeling of it and if I can do anything to make sure you don't go through it then I'd do anything. Remember that." He said as he jumped from the roof of the warehouse, kagune poised and ready to attack. Several shouts of alarm resounded in the warehouse and I watched in both awe and fear at his prowess, his precision with the use of his kagune and how he killed nearly half of the ghouls within the vicinity. Excitement marred his features, like a lion enjoying his hunt as each ghoul who dared rise up to him where cut off like rag dolls.

"Everyone retr- guhaww!" One of them tried to order before Makoto's kagune pierced through him like tofu and ripped him apart making me nearly heave. It was a sight I was not accustomed to and a sight I want to forget ever since the restaurant.

"And yet it's the only way." I murmur to no one in reply, trying my best to not look away no matter how horrifying the sound and sight of bloodied bodies and screams echoed in the warehouse. I had to come to terms that I would be always be seeing this kind of scene happen before my eyes. The only thing keeping me sane was the thought that all of this was for those I love. My own weakness and incapability to protect others was what caused this tragedy and killing my enemies before they kill the ones I love is the only way to protect everyone.

"Ayame." Makoto only said and I took that as my cue to jump down the building and walk to the carnage. Decapitated heads, bodies with missing limbs and blood coated the warehouse. Makoto stood at the center, his eyes gleaming red and his kagune glowing in deep and ominous violet. Blood coated his body, the image of what a ghoul would look like after a hunt burning in my brain, showing me the image of what I would become if I took the path. I took the image in, my mind barely wavering as I collapsed on my knees to the ground, the scent of blood permeating in the building. I could feel the liquid on my skin as I dipped my finger in it, the feeling of taking it into my mouth revolting yet frightening. Could I do it? Could I really give up my humanity and become a kakuja? The thought alone made me cringe, the sight of blood… I didn't want it but it was either them or everyone I loved. The silence was palpitating as I slowly placed my bloodied hand near my lips.

I cringed at the taste, it was like I was drinking spoilt milk. I gagged at the taste as I swallowed my bile and licked my hand clean all the while Makoto was watching me worriedly.

"I didn't think that we tasted _that_ bad." I tried to make a light joke as I gagged again when I scooped up the blood and drank it all in while coughing and gagging, tears running down my face at my pitiful state.

"But it's for them… so I have to do it. I don't want to lose anyone anymore." I cried just as I was about to grab an arm. Everything went dark for a second just as I took the mutilated hand, making me flinch at my sudden blindness.

"Just hold your nose while you eat. It works just the same to block out the taste. I'm sorry if this is all I can do. I want to help you too but my strength alone isn't enough against the entire Aogiri. Just don't forget that no matter what, I'll always be here to help." I heard him whisper in my ear while feeling him secure the blindfold he had covered my eyes with.

So he did know that I was still apprehensive about all of this. But even so I still had to push through with it because it was either this or my friend's lives. But I was still scared to do it, to eat a flesh so similar to my own. They may have taken lives too but these people must have something worth fighting for too like me. So to take away their chance… I just felt guilt and disgust for what I was doing. This was all wrong but it was choosing the lesser evil and this was my choice. I had also thought that every memory in my past before I had met my foster family was a lie. A world full of death and abandonment. Ever since Tsukiyama, that was when I thought that my past was never worth it if all it meant was getting those in my present hurt. I didn't think I'd find Makoto in it. The brother I barely knew of. I thought he was no different than them but it turns out he wasn't. He came back and he did what he could to atone for what he had done. He had saved me from Aogiri, he had offered me this choice and even though it was nearly impossible for me to do, he read me like a book. He knew what I wanted and he helped me to achieve it. This blindfold was proof of it, he knew I was scared of the sight… it was the only thing he could do and all I can do for him is to show him my resolve.

"Are you ready?" He asked me, the sound of ripping echoing in the background. It was less traumatizing when I wore the blinds and even if I knew what he was tearing apart, it was still comforting to know that this blindness was enough to prevent me from flinching in disgust.

"Here." Was all he said before I felt something wet and sticky on my hands. Cringing at the feeling yet swallowing my bile, I nodded to my brother (hoping he did see me nod) and with a gulp of air, covered my nose and gorged at the meat my brother handed to me. I nearly heaved the contents out of my mouth but I persisted and swallowed it before gasping, the aftertaste of the meat making me cry for a glass of water in my mind. It was like chewing raw pig intestines that were left to decay for three days. The thought made me dry-heave, I could feel my brother patting me gently on the back.

"Just take it easy."

"N-no! Give me another one. I can't risk another minute l-like this. I-I have to save everyone." I gasped and felt for the ground for any meat. It was either this or my friends' lives. I would rather eat a whole truck of these if it means saving them from Aogiri. I'm not going to allow my weakness nor my incompetence to be the cause of someone dying before me again.

After feeling on the blood soaked ground, I felt something brush from my fingertips and I grabbed the meat, taking a mouthful of it before realizing I forgot to hold my breath and ended up nearly gagging at the taste of rotten vegetables coating my tongue. I gripped the meat tightly in my hand and swallowed it before biting onto the meat again. Tears streamed down my eyes as I gorged on more of the meat. As I continued the feast the more my tears fell, before long I stopped and choked back, a wavering smile plastering my lips as I laughed yet cried.

"I must be losing it. Why is it that the more I eat the less I taste it? I thought I should be happy and yet… am I becoming a monster?" I cried. I thought that losing the taste of the meat would be good but the more I got used to it, the more I realized that the moment I had gotten used to eating…

That was when it dawned on me that I had gotten used to eating the flesh of a ghoul.

It took me three bodies to realize it, the horrid reality of what I was becoming. The inescapable fate I had now placed on myself. I kept repeating my mantra that 'to kill is to protect…' in my head, knowing that this was the only thing close enough to keep me from losing my mind at the thought that I was already immune to eating ghoul meat. The taste no longer mattered, no matter how coarse or dry it felt to the tongue. It felt as if my mind had blocked out the taste, making it possible for me to make it past the sixth body without throwing up.

"Ayame." By the time Makoto had called me, I was already at the tenth body. I froze at his voice, the bright light taking over my eyes and I blinked before my eyes widened at the sight of Makoto standing in front of me, his eyes laced with worry.

"For a second-," He stopped halfway before I realized what he meant and I dropped the meat I was holding, the shock only registering now. Somewhere along the line, I had failed to notice the blinds come loose, for that to have happened without me noticing-

That was when I snapped.

"I-I-," I tried to say but what could I have said. It was plain as day. I was nearly consumed and along the way I had eaten nearly half of the corpses in this room to only realize it. I thought the realization of losing the taste was bad enough but to have nearly lost myself along the way to the point I could even eat them without the blinds…

"We should stop. Rest for now and this time I mean it." Makoto's voice brought me back to reality before I felt something cold touch my finger. I looked at the bottle of water and back up to Makoto, my body frozen at what nearly happened to me. I nearly got consumed by my own demons. My weakness nearly consumed me to the point that I had lost myself and craved more power.

"I'm sorry, Makoto. Gods, I-," I tried to choke out. It was always my weakness that got to me. My incapacity to use my kagune to protect those around me. I wanted nothing more but a peaceful life and yet I can't seem to achieve it. It always slips by from my fingers. I don't why it always seems to happen so fast. It's like life just won't give me a break and throws all of these at me just to watch me break.

"Even though ghouls are not meant to eat each other, we still do it. Why? Because it's a nature of every living being to want to seek power. Power over others, power to break free from oppression, and power to protect others… We all yearn to achieve it. It's only natural and for that power we gain, a sacrifice is made to achieve it. You shouldn't fear what you are doing for others, Ayame. What you should fear is not doing anything at all." Makoto said to me as kneeled down to my level, my eyes staring into familiar violet ones.

"Haven't you said it before? Didn't you make this decision already? To kill is to protect, isn't that what you kept telling yourself? So see it to the end because those who don't will sink into an even deeper despair than those who did." He added, causing me to grip the water bottle in my hand tightly, tears beginning to fall down my face. How many times have I always cried like this? Always questioning my decisions and in the end regretting why I had never done it sooner. I couldn't help it really, I've lost so much already that I couldn't bear to lose more. I think I'm about to lose it if I lost everyone too. Anteiku, Hide, Makoto, and Kaneki…

I just want to go back to those days.

"Thank you, Makoto. I want to it to stop raining now… I want to see the sun rise where I can see all of them safe and sound. Even if I can't go back, at least don't let me lose this last solace I have left." I murmur just as the doors open and both Makoto and I perk up to see two figures by the entrance. My eyes widened at the sight of Yoshimura-san and Yomo-san, both of whom were surprised as well to see us.

"We heard there was a slaughter here but Ayame-," Yoshimura-san was about to say before I tackled him, hugging him tightly as I cried in relief at seeing them both.

"A-Ayame? I had heard from Kaneki and Touka that you had been kidnapped. I sent Irimi and Koma to look for you and yet how?"

"It was Aogiri… they killed them, Yoshimura-san. Mom, dad, and Yukiko-nee… Aogiri took them all away and now they'll go after Kaneki next, they're going to take _them_ all away!" I cried, failing to notice the increasing crease of worry on Yoshimura-san's face when I had said the name Aogiri.

"So it is them…" I heard him whisper before I felt a hand on my forehead and looked up to see Yoshimura-san looking down on me with his kakugan.

"As you've said… Kaneki might be in danger." Yoshimura-san could only say, my eyes widening at having the truth being told to me twice. I quickly turned to my brother, his eyes warily looking at Yoshimura-san and Yomo-san before relaxing when he saw me looking at him.

"This is my real brother, Himura Makoto. He was the one who saved me from Aogiri." I introduced quickly, noticing Makoto give them a light bow, both Yoshimura-san and Yomo-san returning the gesture.

"He's the one helping me how to become a kakuja..." I added slowly earning me both surprised looks from them.

"Kakuja?" Yomo finally spoke before he noticed my bloody appearance and the sight of several decapitated ghouls decorating the warehouse. Worry was evident on their faces before Yoshimura-san turned to Makoto who was behind me.

"You've told her the repercussions?" He asked but I was the one who answered.

"He did and I'm fully prepared to take that burden. I… I don't want to lose Anteiku and everyone in it. I'm tired of only watching. The peaceful days I want won't be easily solved if I did nothing. For me, to kill is to protect." I explained to them. I expected a rebuke from them, really. Imagine to my surprise when I received a reassuring pat on the head from Yoshimura-san and a simple nod of approval from Yomo-san.

"You've been raised well. Maybe had I been more like your father then…" Yoshimura-san trailed off before he just shook his head, a longing look settled in his eyes before he turned serious again.

"Now that this has been taken care of, we have to return to Anteiku now. Kaneki-kun needs out help." Yoshimura-san explained but he didn't have to tell me. I knew fully well what my answer would be.

"I'm coming with-,"

"You are staying." Makoto cut me off, his gaze settling onto my surprised eyes at what he had just said. H-He wants me to stay behind?

"But you heard Yoshimura-san! Kaneki needs help we have to-,"

"Assuming we make it in time then what? Can you fight? You couldn't even kill all these ghouls without my help." He pointed out while spreading his hands as if gesturing to the whole bloody aftermath he had created which made me frown at what he had said.

"B-but I… not again. Please don't make me have to do it again!" I argued back at him, my violet eyes blazing in desperation. Not again, I don't want to have to sit here and do nothing again. If I do nothing then once again I'll end up…

 _"You'll end up losing all of them too~"_ Her voice giggled in my mind making me close my ears with my hands, trying to drown out her taunts.

"I-I have to go…"

"You're being reckless, Yoshimura and Yomo can take-,"

"No! I have to go... I _need_ to go." I shouted back, my kakugan activating just as I felt my kagune explode from my back, fiery violet-blackish red wings blazing wildly like fire.

 _"If you don't hurry…"_

"If I don't hurry then… then…" I panicked, her voice echoing in my mind, repeating the same twisted words over and over again like a broken record. She's going to break them just like what she did with mom, dad and Yukiko-nee. She's going to take everything away from me again…

"Then prove to me that you can _kill_. Remember what I told you? An even deeper despair will only befall those who leave halfway, Ayame. If you beat me here then I'll let you go." Makoto egged me on, enough for me to momentarily regain composure as my eyes widened at his proposition.

"Are you insane?! I can't kill you!"

"But you have no choice. If you can't kill me then who's to say you can protect them?" Makoto countered, his kagune on the ready as well as we stood face to face, Yoshimura-san and Yomo-san standing by the sidelines and watching with worried glances at our sight.

"I'll think of something so please just let me-," I didn't have enough time to finished before his kagune shot out and missed me purposely by a few inches taking me by surprise.

"The enemy won't wait for explanations. They won't even wait for expressions. For you to have missed me try to make a move on you… Aogiri would have already killed you before you even opened your eyes. You can't save him like this Ayame." He said before lunging again and this time I dodged but only to slip on the blood and nearly got impaled by his kagune before my own had blocked it.

"Stop it, Makoto! Y-you're not the enemy so I won't fight you." I retorted and rolled again before another kagune could impale. I don't understand why he couldn't let me go. Not only that, it's like his moves were really intent on killing me. But why? I don't understand at all…

"Is dodging all you can do, Ayame? Are you running away again?" Makoto taunted me, enough to make me pause before I felt a sharp stab on my arm and I screamed in pain. It was like my arm had been cut off with a dull saw, I could feel tears stream down my face, my wounded arm lying limply as I watched Makoto loom closer, his kakugan pulsing nightmarishly at me making me back up to the wall. I don't understand… what happened to the Makoto I was with a while ago? The man before me… I don't know him.

 _"Ara, Aya-chan. You're going to get killed~"_ I could hear her whisper in my ear, her voice completely apathetic yet sickeningly sweet as if enjoying a wonderful scene presented before her.

 _"I won't."_ I argued back.

 _"He's not stopping~ He'll kill you and then I'll be free to kill them!"_ She giggled making me shiver at the thought of dying yet failing to protect any of them from her. If died then she'll kill them… If I die then… then…

 _"He won't kill me. I won't let you kill them."_ I stuttered in my mind, my voice barely stable enough to sound firm but it was enough. I could already see with horror in my eyes at her sadistic smile at the sight of my hopeless eyes looking at my brother who was now poised to kill me.

 _"But you can't even fight. You'd purposely let him kill you just like that? Such a weak pathetic little c-o-w-a-r-d-,"_

"Shut up! I'm not… I won't… can't… ENOUGH!" I yelled at the figure in my head, my tail-like kagune thrashing as I desperately stared at Makoto. I can't die… if I die then they'll die. I don't want them to die, I don't want anyone I love to die a meaningless death…

"So please don't…" I cried, grasping at my chest tightly as I felt my blazing wings wrapping me in a warm embrace of assurance. It was sickeningly warm as it lulled me to sleep as if whispering for me to rest and that everything would be alright.

It whispered promises of a future I could have with everyone as I was lulled into sleep.

* * *

 **-3** **rd** **Person POV-**

Makoto dodged the tail that aimed mercilessly at his chest.

He had only meant to lecture her about the meaning of recklessly charging in without a plan. He hadn't thought that her desperation to not lose any more people around her was this deep. He really is a terrible brother for not noticing this sooner. He jumped away from the other tail that tried to grab him, using his own kagune to block the other strike.

"It looks like the kakuja has awakened." He heard Yoshimura say and he turned to see both of them walking into the fray as well, both had steady gazes of worry as they looked at her Ukaku begin to throb before it started wrapping her in a cocoon like embrace, her eyes rolling up as her consciousness slipped into oblivion due to the toll and stress from her little outburst.

"Be careful, Makoto." Yoshimura warned him just as a tail lashed out and they all jumped to dodge in time. Her Ukaku started to turn almost liquid-like, wrapping her in a pulsing violet-black armor that reached till her waist. The liquid-like substance also started making its way to her head, covering half her face in a hardened armor-like mask. Pointed ears like a dog's formed on her head just above her real ears.

It was almost like her armor resembled a huge dog.

 _"_ Gy **aa** a _ahh_ … m **a** ** _ke_** _it_ **s** ** _t_** _op_ … **ma** k ** _e her_** s _t_ _ **o**_ _p_ … ** _"_** Her voice gurgled out as she screamed in agony, her body ducking on all fours as several more of her foxlike tails exploded from her lower back. Makoto's eyes widened at the sheer number of her kagune, all six tails out in the open.

"We have to stop her, Yomo." Yoshimura instructed causing Yomo to activate his kakugan. Ayame remained motionless as if anticipating a strike. The moment Yomo's foot raised and made contact with the blood-stained floor, Ayame's head quickly looked up and growled, her voice feral like a rabid animal.

"Gh…" Yomo gritted his teeth when he caught her kagune with his bare hands. Ayame used the chance and lifted him high into the air, intending to slam him to the ground but Yomo jumped just in time. Makoto used the distraction and swiftly jumped behind her but her tail raised itself just in time to block his attack.

"Stay back." Yoshimura instructed causing both Makoto and Yomo to stand aside as he released his kagune, causing Makoto to widen his eyes at the sight of that familiar kagune.

 _"The one-eyed owl?!"_ He thought in surprise before jumping up to follow Yomo who had fled behind Yoshimura.

"Ayame, can you hear me?" Yoshimura called out, causing Ayame's head to tilt to where the voice was coming from, saliva dripping down her chin as she breathed heavily in the cold afternoon.

" _Y_ …mu **ra** …. ** _n_** " She managed to say before they could see tears leaking from underneath the kakuja mask.

" _Sav_ … m **e** … Y **o** _shi_ …san… **Yo** m _o_ …n… **K** _an_ e…Hi **de** … ** _Nii-san_** …" She begged before jumping into a hysterical laughter that echoed in the empty warehouse, her body convulsing as her voice switched from laughing to crying and then back again as if she was slipping out sanity. Fits of screams and wails of begging continued to echo in the room, Makoto watching in horror at the plight of his sister.

This was all his fault.

He had thought she could overcome it and yet he didn't realize that what she had put up was a façade. Her desperation had driven her to this and it made him hate himself at not realizing this sooner. He was her brother and yet he could only watch helplessly at the sight of his sister, all covered in blood and laughing like a mad man. He could stop her if he could but her movements were unpredictable. If he went all out, he might accidentally end up killing her.

And yet that was the only way to stop her.

She was asking to be saved. As the insanity of the kakuja tried to eat her up, she still had the sanity to utter those words. It took him by surprise that for the first time since they had reunited, she had actually called him nii-san. He had been gone for too long and it was because of that that she had suffered so much tragedy as she grew up. His incapability to protect her is what led them to this now.

"She doesn't blame you, Makoto." Makoto's head looked up to see the one-eyed owl himself glance at him, a light smile gracing his lips as if encouraging the young man.

"She begged for you as well, didn't she? I've watched over her this whole time and all she ever wanted is to protect everyone she loves. I know the feeling well but to strive for it alone is not an easy task. She'll need you so as her older brother, be her support." He added before turning to where Ayame stood, her hunched back looking down hungrily at the sight of the bodies decorating the floor.

"St ** _ron_** ger…g _et_ stro **nge** r… _can_ n **ot** d _ie_ … **sa** ve **_him_** …s _av_ e **_them_** …Ah ** _hhh_** ah _a_ ha ** _hah_** ah **ah** a." She rambled on before erupting into another fit of hysterical laughter her teeth sinking into the flesh she had grabbed from the floor.

"Ayame." Her head perked up to the sound of her name before a strong force knocked her down, her scream of agony echoing into the warehouse as Makoto's nine tails pinned her six tails, the other three holding down her body as it tried to thrash wildly to break free.

"I have faith you can make it out of this insanity. You told me yourself, didn't you? That you will not become like her." Makoto called out to his sister, the girl pausing to his words before a hysterical laugh erupted from her mouth and then she started sobbing again, shifting between the two emotions as her bloodied hands tried to crawl out of the kagune that impaled her to the ground.

"L **et** …m _e_ … _go_ …I… **ne** e…s _av_ e… **le** t…me… ** _die_** ….." She choked out, saliva dripping down her mouth as her nails broke from the immense pressure she used to try and claw at the solid ground.

"Die? Do you really want to die, Ayame? Will you die peacefully knowing they could still be out there to hurt those you love? Tell me, Ayame- was your resolve really this weak? Will you always lock yourself in this cage of false lies you built up?" Makoto rambled on, whether his sister was listening or not he didn't know but he had to let it out.

That even within this insanity, his voice could still reach her.

"So stop looking back. Stop thinking you can make your happy pasts a reality in the future. So face forward, Ayame! Walk out of that cage you locked yourself in!" Makoto shouted out, causing her to freeze, her bloodied and damaged hands clenching itself into fists as her gurgled hysteria formed into a loud wail of agony.

"I…miss…t ** _hem_** …all of **the** m…I miss…the wo _nder_ ful...bri **gh** t…past… _I hate_ this p _resen_ t…this **tragedy** I can't **un** do…getting st **rong** er… **is** all I _can_ do…" Her somewhat coherent voice spoke out, her hands beginning to reach out into an empty space as if trying to reach out for something.

"And yet all we can do is look forward, Ayame. So please, come out of that cage. It may not be a wonderful future but you still have other people waiting here for you. The dead will watch over us so for them all we can do is mourn but the living… they're still here…waiting. Just as you're afraid to lose us, we are afraid to lose you too. So please… don't leave me alone too…" Makoto nearly begged, taking his sister's hand into his as he gripped it tightly, hoping she had heard…because it was all he could do for her.

Pray and hope she would make it out of this.

* * *

 **Yes, this is an update!**

 **Our pre-board had just ended so I was relieving my stress by updating. It doesn't necessarily mean I'll be updating frequently as I used to, this is just to relax myself and to see if you guys are still there. I know it was a sudden Hiatus so I apologize for that. To those who are still there, thank you for being patient! I'll make sure to make it up to you guys when the board exams are finally over.**

 **So stay-tuned for the next chapter in October!**


	22. Morals of a Fading Humanity

**Disclaimer:** **I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.**

 **A/N: And now for the reviews! Sorry for those people that I might have skipped. I go by the recent chapter reviews so if I ever skipped anyone, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY!**

 **Anna Crosszeria:** I am so sorry it was unexpected but here it is. Sadly I did not bring the bacon home and you can imagine how depressing it is. So sorry if it's only short but it's really hard to keep writing knowing the weight of another five months to review is looming closer. But I hope I managed to update right this time.

 **Crazywriter9:** How was the exams? I hope you did better than me because I don't want you to be feeling this terrible depression too. In all honesty, it isn't a good feeling and it hinders my writing.

 **Guest:** Well I'm back! Just hope it's the 'right' back since the effects of the results are affecting my will to write…

 **Oblivan:** Thank you for the comment. Thanks for making my day and sorry for the very short chapter. In all honesty, I tried so hard to try post this but like I said in the previous reviews, the results really had a bad impact on me and writing this while having that thought linger over you is not conducive for writing.

 **Shini Kurogane:** I know what you mean (escpecially with the new chapter of TG:Re) it's like a roller coaster of feels in every chapter and I'm not even sure if TG will have anyone surviving in the end. Let's just hope for the best for everyone in TG.

 **Guest:** She did but she's a ghoul so technically it'd regenerate quickly **.**

 **Spnwinchester125:** (Internally laughs sadly) thank you so much for the support but sadly I didn't pass… So I have to do well this May 2017 board exams…

 **Lizyeh2000:** Thank you for the support! I hope I can always make this fic live up to the expectations the people are expecting it to be.

 **Kitsunelover300:** I really do what I can to live up with those expectations. Makoto is a dear character as well so you'll see more from him and his interactions with Ayame. Everyone deserves their own growth as a character and Makoto should get one as well and not just be some plot convenience tool and then fade into the background. Hahahaha, I doubt Ayame would have the guts to kiss him, knowing her she'd probably punch him but we'll see. I know what you mean about Kaneki being the one-eyed king, man that was the greatest plot twist since I had expected that the one-eyed king was some final boss that Kaneki had to face… never expected it'd be him who was the king :O.

 **So there you have it! Enjoy this chapter guys!**

* * *

 **Chapter XXII: Morals of a Fading Humanity**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friends, you have found another way; a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that had tried to break you…"_**

 ** _-Lev Grossman-_**

* * *

It was deathly quiet in the house.

"Well, well. Look who we have here. Come to join me for dinner?" She asked me, that smile of hers beginning to etch onto her bandaged face. The lights above us flickered on and off almost like I was in a horror movie, making me chuckle.

Wasn't this already a horror movie to begin with?

"What's so funny, Aya-chan?" Eto tilted her head in curiosity as she asked me making me shrug before I turned my gaze at the blood-splattered floor marring the kitchen of _my_ home.

"I don't know. You tell me." I reply before shifting my gaze to the food on my plate. _Their_ eyes lifelessly looking at me.

 _The flowers are wilting… soon you too will be consumed…_

"Someone's calling out for you. Won't you answer them?" Eto asked me another question and this time I look up to the ceiling, my ears straining to hear for my name being called but I could hear nothing.

Nothing but the silence and her taunting voice.

"You're not going to eat _them,_ right? Can I take it?" She asks me after noticing I had yet to touch my food…my food…

No…my _family._

"I guess I can't, huh? But not to worry, not to worry! I still have a few leftovers." I could imagine her beam, after I answered her with my silence. This time, I could feel the scene shifting before me as the light stopped flickering and the dark sky outside was replaced by the morning sun.

"You remember this, right? Oh, wait. I doubt you do. After all, your young mind refused to believe such a thing exists. The cold reality of what a human could do. The first time you knew how weak you were to protect anyone important to you." She giggled as she stood up from the table. The table that I knew so well from the number of times I visited _his_ home.

Footsteps echoed on the wooden floor, causing me to look u. A young girl with long black hair zoomed right past me, her violet eyes excitedly scanning the area.

"Kaneki?!" She called out before walking to the hallway, my body suddenly moving on its own to follow the girl whose eyes once shone like mine.

"Do you remember it? This forgotten fragment you could not understand." Eto whispered into my ear but I ignored her. This memory, I know it all too well. If I had a list for all the things I regretted the most then this would probably be on it.

"Useless Child! Why did I even have this life?! This worthless and tiring life!" A familiar voice echoed angrily from the hallway, both me and my younger self pausing to look at the door that was slightly ajar from the rest.

"Kaneki?" My younger self asked curiously, her body apprehensively making its way to the door. I remained faithfully behind myself, knowing where this memory would lead. If only I had said something to him back then, then maybe…

"Then what? You're both the same, Ayame. Always putting others before yourselves. It's because you clung to his ideals that you were left behind. It's not such a bad thing to sacrifice for something but if in the process you would only end up destroying yourself… well, isn't that such a tragic thing." Eto giggled behind me, making her move first as she followed my younger self who had now peeped through the barely opened door.

The door that showed me the terrible truth.

"I'm sorry, mom! I promise I won't ask for anything again. So please… please stop!" His whimpering voice echoed in the room followed by another hit and a barrage of shouting complaints from his mother. My younger self stood motionless by the door, her eyes that were so innocent now beginning to crack.

"Shut up! Just shut up! Why am I the one who has to suffer! Why do I have to be the one who gets the short end? I did everything a good mother should do, right?! So why? Why am I the one?" She continued shouting followed by another hit to her only son. Kaneki lay on the ground in a fetal position, trying to block with his small arms his mother's painful hits.

"Stop." I finally say, tears streaming down my face but the image just won't leave. Even when I close my eyes, I can still hear the hitting, the crying, and the yelling.

"Please, stop!" I could hear my younger self yell, the door opening wide as she dashed into the room, taking Kaneki's mother by surprise as my younger self pushed her away and stood between them and the young boy still crying on the floor.

"Of course! How silly of me to think that you've forgotten this. This is a memory you know all too well. How weak you were to protect anyone important to you. I see…I see… To love is such a cruel thing indeed…" Eto giggled mockingly at my hunched form as I stared at this all too familiar scene.

I lost my memories of my real parents because I couldn't stand the sight of my world cracking before my eyes. Maybe, because I had feared to lose any more of those important to me, my 'new'-self had tried to never suffer forgetting what was important to me but even then, whether I forget or not, the shadow's arms that threaten to destroy what little happiness I have will always come to haunt me.

This memory is no exception.

"Ayame-chan…" Kaneki's mother trailed off, my younger self flinching at her voice as her small frame tried to seem strong while standing with arms outstretched in a feeble attempt to protect 'him'.

"W-why were you hurting him? Mom told me that mothers love their children. Even if they make mistakes, a mother never hurts her-," My younger self never had the chance to finish before the sound of a loud slap echoed in the room. My younger self tumbled to the ground in fear, her hand shakily making its way to the throbbing cheek that Kaneki's mother had slapped.

"It's not that I've forgotten… It was for his sake that I pretended it was all a lie." I murmured as I watched Kaneki's mother get up, her looming figure casting off an imposing and frightening aura that frightened me.

 _It was all for his sake…right?_

"I'm not hurting him, Ayame-chan. It's merely discipline. Every parent does that when their children become rotten…become a _burden_. Just like now, you've been a bad girl. So I'm merely enforcing discipline, nothing more nothing less." Kaneki's mother explained to my younger self, the 'me' who could not understand as I watched her walk out of the room, my younger self beginning to take action as she rushed to Kaneki's side, the throbbing pain from the slap forgotten.

"Kaneki?" She called out, tapping his shoulder lightly to see if he was awake.

"I-I love mama very much… that's why I can't afford to make her get hurt any more than she already has. It's not her fault… it's mine…" He whimpered making me click my tongue at my weakness then.

It isn't his fault… Why did she have to make her own son suffer that much?

"But that is the painful truth of that boy's ideals. Better to hurt than hurt others… that line has brought nothing but pain to those who live with such a belief. That ideal has killed Kaneki's mother, that belief has turned Kaneki away from the people who care for him, and that ideal has made you weak to protect everyone important to you. You should already know, Aya-chan… to kill is to protect." She whispered just as the scene vanished and there I stood before her, the field of violet irises greeting me once again.

"You did it for his sake, you say? Lying to yourself that Kaneki's mother was good just to protect the twisted wish of your friend only resulted to this. Endless suffering all because you thought it was better to suffer this memory yourself than destroy the one thing that your friend loved." Eto pointed out, my eyes refusing to look at her, to show her that all that she had said was right.

"Not going to talk to me now? Are you going to ignore me like you had done to everything you've seen? Don't be like that, Aya-chan." Eto clicked her tongue as if reprimanding me, her fingers tracing my chin as she lifted it up. My kagune bloomed behind me as my eyes met hers, the violet irises surrounding us beginning to set fire. Eto's smile widened from behind her bandaged face, a giggle escaping from her lips.

"That's right, Aya-chan. Killing is the only way out."

 _She's right… the only way out of this cycle you've trapped yourself in is to kill._

"No! You're wrong!" I yelled, my eyes glared at her as I shook her grip off of me, my wings blazing in defiance to her words.

"To kill it to protect… I've also given that thought as the only way out but I'm not you, Eto. I thought solving everything by just killing those who harm those important to me would be the answer but if such were the case then would it really make anyone happy? Had I told the truth about Kaneki's mom… would it make Kaneki happy? Would satiating my own wish to protect those around me really make anyone happy? The only one being happy with such a selfish wish is me and I don't want that!" I yelled the field of irises before us now a blazing a deep crimson red of flames.

"He loved his mother very much. Even if he hides it well behind a façade the truth, I don't want to destroy that small happiness he believes in just to say that it was all for his sake because in the end it's not. In the end it'll only be nothing but a selfish thing I wanted and even if it will make me happy if in the end it'll only make them suffer then it's not worth it."

"And there is your weakness, Aya-chan. In the end, you never really had the heart to kill. You still cling to the belief that you could make everyone happy in expense of your own happiness. That self-sacrifice will be your downfall just as it had been for Kaneki and his mother." Eto shrugged her back to me as if she found the sight of being in a sea of flames enjoyable.

"It's not a weakness to make people happy. To give them something to move forward for is not weakness. My only mistake was that I was weak. The weakness is in myself and not the belief. All I have to do is to be strong. My strength to believe in myself and in others will be what will crush this delusion. The 'me' now is different from before. I will not kill others but at the same time I will not let them hurt me nor those important to me. I will not become like you!" I yelled and lunged for Eto, kagune at the ready and slammed it at her exposed back. The impact sent her flying but she easily held her ground as she twirled to me, a smile still plastered on her face.

I didn't give her enough time to retaliate nor say anything else as I slammed my kagune down onto her, preventing her from making any moves.

"Ahahaha, a little rough now are we?" She giggled but I continued to look down on her, giving her the feel that I was no longer being controlled by her.

"Don't give me that look, Aya-chan. After all, I'm no match for you in this world… I'll let you win for now. But never forget that not everything can be solved by just that alone. In the end, you will become like me, soaked to the brim in blood…" She chuckled and that was when I aimed for her but in the end I never gave her the satisfaction.

In the end, I did not accept her but _erased_ her.

After all, she's wrong. To accept her would mean to accept the chance of becoming like her. But I'm not like her, Makoto told me as much. Unlike her, I can still change my path and I intend to do it. Both for my sake and for those I love.

* * *

 **-3** **rd** **Person POV-**

The silence was palpitating.

Everyone waited with abated breath. The moment a flicker of movement came from Ayame's fingers, Makoto's body tensed in worry. It had been a while since her last tantrum, after he had stopped her, she had done nothing but wail until she tired herself out and lost consciousness. It had been the longest waiting game Makoto had endured since he wasn't so sure what would become of his sister from here on out.

Yoshimura had assured him it was alright to let go but Makoto wasn't going to allow it. He wasn't going to let his sister do something reckless while in such a state. So he had decided to stay where he was, wait until she was conscious again and this time try to take her back from wherever her insanity had thrown her in.

"Nii-san…" She muttered making Makoto flinch as he widened his eyes at his sister's body. The hard as steel armor beginning to liquefy. Her tails began to dissipate as well, leaving her completely vulnerable as her eyes opened.

"Ayame? Are you back?" Makoto asked her, trying his best not to sound too shaken from both worry and relief. A weak nod was the only thing she could muster and Makoto took at as a cue to get off of her. Yoshimura and Yomo made their way to them, the older man sporting a look of relief at the sight of her having survived the ordeal with her sanity still intact.

"I'm back…" She murmured weakly as she tried to get up, her wounds beginning to heal. Makoto caught her the moment her body collapsed from exhaustion but she didn't lose her consciousness.

With the time constraint… she couldn't afford to lose herself to weakness now.

"I'm sorry, I cannot fight you. But it doesn't necessarily mean that I do not have the will to use my kagune to force my way should you try to say no. I fully understand what I have to do and to be honest, it was reckless of me to rush out without a plan. This time… I will save him. So please, let me go back to Anteiku." She finally said, her eyes hardened and firm as if she was a different person. Whatever happened in her head while she was out, Makoto couldn't ask her.

Somehow, she had changed and he didn't know if it was for the best or not.

"Then would you stop me if I said that I would go with you?" He suddenly blurted out, taking her by surprise at his acquiescence to her words.

"I'm not but… thank you for understanding." Ayame could only say before suddenly being engulfed into a hug by Makoto which took her by surprise.

"You're my sister, of course I'll try to understand but I'm not going to leave you alone this time. I've left you twice now and I won't make the same mistake the third time." He admitted, Ayame's eyes beginning to water as she returned his embrace.

"I thought I lost everyone. When you came back I was angry and frustrated because you left me… everyone I cared about had left me! But I'm glad… to know that you're alive. To know that it's still alright to keep believing that I won't be left behind again. That's why thank you for coming back…" She cried on his shoulder his embrace on her only tightening as he felt tears trailing down his cheeks. To let it all out in the open… Makoto took each of her frustration knowing that it was all his fault she had lived such a life thinking she was being abandoned by those around her.

He couldn't stomach having done something like this and he was prepared to accept her hate. What he wasn't prepared for was her forgiveness and acceptance and Makoto just wasn't sure what to do with the emotions that were beginning to spill from the bottle he tried so hard to prevent from spilling.

This time, he was going to live up to his role and protect her.

* * *

 **-Ayame's POV-**

I stared at the sky that was beginning to darken.

Nothing could quell my beating heart. The nearer we were getting to the 20th ward the more I began to get frantic. Yoshimura-san told me as much, Kaneki was in danger and we had to get back to Anteiku. Even though I wanted to believe that he was safe, my mind refused to listen. Rationally speaking, he might have already been captured.

I didn't want to accept it but lying to myself would only make it worse. I just had that way with both Hide and Kaneki, there was this thread around us that could sense it. If either one of us was in danger, we always had that way to know. I wonder how Hide is taking it. Does he sense it like I do to?

"You believe in him, right?" Makoto suddenly said snapping me out of my internal conflict and turned to his back that was jumping from tree to tree in the night. Somehow, something had happened that caused the entire wards to suddenly go on full alert, because of this, we were forced to take the longer way to Anteiku since the train stations had suddenly put up temporary Rc Scanners to calm the public.

"I do." I only say because in all honesty, Kaneki had this more figured out than I did and he trained hard with Touka so I knew he was almost a decent fighter.

"Then he'll be fine. Even if the enemy catches him, he'll find a way to get out." Makoto assured me just as we made it to the open road, everyone managing to compose themselves while Yomo-san tried to hail us a taxi.

"You're right. He's not the same cry baby I met when we were kids." I chuckled at the memory, the storm in my heart somewhat settling down from the assurance of my brother's words.

"You both are strong people. Your willingness to go through lengths for those you love in itself is something to be proud of. Meeting people like you is what makes life worthwhile to live for. Always know that Anteiku will always be open for you, your brother, and Kaneki-kun." Yoshimura-san smiled at us just as a taxi stops before us, my eyes widening at his words of encouragement.

How could I have forgotten? The people around me that I tried so hard to protect… they too share the same sentiment as mine. Even they want to protect those they love and they too strive to become strong for such a sake. To be strong, it doesn't just have to be you alone… you don't hurt alone even those around you will also hurt when they see you hurt. Kaneki wasn't wrong but he should have seen it… that only hurting yourself will also hurt others because they too do not want to see you suffer.

Protecting is a give and take. When you protect others, in turn, they too would want to protect you.

"I've forgotten it but thank you, everyone. I thought at first that this was a fight with myself to get stronger for everyone but I realized I wasn't the only one suffering, all us are suffering too and to be strong isn't by fighting it all by yourself but by facing it together with everyone. Kaneki had locked himself from me and Hide. The next time we meet, I want to show him, show him that he doesn't have to fight this by himself anymore." I say as I face everyone, the darkness preventing me to see the grateful smiles on their faces at my words.

"Strength is in numbers, after all."

* * *

 **-20** **th** **Ward-**

The shattered glass of the store as we walked in was enough to let me know. My hands were shaking in worry but I had to be strong, we all had to be.

No one greeted us as we entered, another reason that made the atmosphere even tenser. Following the scuffle and path of destruction, my foot unconsciously made its way up to the rooms above, my hands shaking as I calmed my breath and opened the first room, my eyes widening in alarm when I saw Touka collapsed by the tattered couch, her body completely covered in wounds that were slowly healing.

"Touka-chan!" I panicked as I rushed to her side, her body flinching at my voice as she lifted her head, wide eyes meeting mine as if she had seen a ghost.

"A-Ayame? Where have you been? We heard in the news… your parents…" She managed to say before coughing, blood trickling down her lips at the effort. Her question caused me to wince at the memory but I tried my best not to show it, the pain of losing my family still lingered but like what Makoto said, I must live for those who are here now. The dead will watch over us and for that I had to be strong now. No more 'Ayame the mother hen' I have to believe in both myself and in everyone so that I don't lose anyone else to the brutal deaths I could not stop back then.

"Makoto saved me. He's my real brother… He saved me when Aogiri kidnapped me… Can you stand?" I mustered to say, supporting her as I helped her up onto a couch far from the shards of glass.

"I'm sorry. You have no right to help me. I failed to stop them… they took him and I couldn't even do anything to stop them." She clenched her teeth in frustration, her hands gripping onto mine tightly as if she was controlling the urge not to cry out.

"I want to believe you did everything you could. I'm sorry as well for not being here to help… but we have to believe he can handle this. You trained him with that Spartan training of yours, right? So he'll be fine. That's all we can do for him, be strong for his sake and find a way to help him. So we should work together rather than blame each other, alright, Touka-chan?" I assured her, her eyes quickly looking into mine in shock.

"I don't know what happened but you look different. I don't know it it's good or bad but you really did change… Those weren't your eyes the last time I saw you…"

"I take that as a compliment then?" I tried to lighten the mood earning me a scoff and a slight murmur of 'thanks' from Touka making me smile.

"Yomo-kun… gather everyone. Looks like Anteiku will be closing for a while." I finally heard Yoshimura-san say and that was when Touka and I froze, the reality now setting in at the grim truth that we both tried so hard to calm.

That Aogiri had taken Kaneki.

* * *

 **Sorry for the late update.**

 **Like I said this was meant to be posted after the exams but the results came up and to tell you the truth, the shock alone was very devastating. I'm not over exaggerating it because the moment I saw that big 'F' glare at me from the screen, it was enough to make me want to cry. It was a depressing moment but I tried my best to update. Sorry for the short chapter but I was trying my best to keep up with the promised deadline so here is the story. Please do rate and review for any errors or OOCness from the cast (including my own OC).**

 **Stay tuned for the next chapter guys!**


	23. This Tightrope We Walk

Disclaimer:I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners. I tried to make a sketch of what Ayame looks like so please see my profile for her picture and her bio.

* * *

 **Chapter XXIII: This Tightrope We Walk**

* * *

 **"Beware, that when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become one..."**

 ** _-Friedrich Nietzesche-_**

* * *

I blocked the kagune aimed for me, gritting my teeth in the process as I dug my sole onto the ground to prevent me from flying. Releasing my own, I tried to attack my opponent with a barrage of projectiles from my Ukaku but he had easily predicted it and used the pillars to block it.

"Close but not enough," Makoto spoke out as he emerged from the damaged pillar, his kagune retracting back as I finally let myself relax and collapsed to the floor tiredly, my body taking in ragged breaths.

"10 minutes. That's how long you can keep up with me in your Ukaku before you wear out. Your projectiles can kill a few ghouls in a closed area but I think it would be better to only use this when you are absolutely sure you can win against them. Let me see your bikaku," Makoto explained, enough to give me time to rest and retract my Ukaku. With a huff, I managed to conjure my twin-tailed bikaku but only for me to collapse to the ground tiredly, the kagune dissipating as I did so.

"As I thought…A ghoul's meat is not enough," Makoto murmured to himself while I wiped the sweat trickling down my face.

It had been two days since Kaneki had been taken. Two days I had been training. It was my only source of sanity- training non-stop with my brother. If I had let things go by without doing anything then I might not be able to save Kaneki with such a weak power such as mine. Yoshimura-san had strictly given us ten days to prepare before we stormed the Aogiri's base.

In all honesty, I wanted to run there to his side quickly but I knew that I'd be dead the moment I take my first step in the base. It tormented me to know that until everyone could mobilize then I would have to be patient. I want to believe that Touka's training has done its magic and that somehow Kaneki would survive until we get there. It was the only false hope I had to keep me sane and the only reason I kept on training until Makoto had to force me to stop from the number of times I nearly broke my body just to keep on fighting.

I had managed to at least summon my kagune without effort and even control my kakugan from emerging when I got too frustrated or angry with myself. It was a progress for my first day but on my second day… things didn't look too well for me when I had to use it for combat. All I kept doing was running and every time I did, I could hear her sneer in my head at how weak I was. I did my best to block her out but there were times she would take control and I would always end up being pinned to the ground by Makoto because I got careless.

"What do you mean it's not enough?" I gasped tiredly as I tried to regain my composure back from the strenuous effort of summoning my bikaku. My hoarse voice echoed within the sewage system we used as a training ground when I spoke. I could hear mice scamper from above the pipes, their squeaks sometimes in sync with the sound of water droplets connecting with the damp ground below.

Makoto never had the chance to reply before footsteps besides ours echoed in the secret tunnel. Our bodies instantly jerked to the sound in alarm only to relax when we saw Yoshimura-san appear from the shadows.

"I think it's enough for today, Ayame-chan," He spoke which caused me to frown at him. Rest wasn't in my itinerary, the thought of Kaneki probably suffering because it was taking us forever to get to him. I really wanted to believe Yoshimura-san's words and wait it out before we struck Aogiri but when it concerned Hide and Kaneki, a part in me just couldn't stay still.

I'm already losing so many important people to me because of my weak self. I can't afford to lose more...

"I-I can't. I'm sorry, Yoshimura-san," My apology seems to only upset him, his eyes barely opening to reveal his reddish black kakugan.

"You've done your part, Ayame. Don't forget that we are all here working together. You aren't alone in this, remember that." Yoshimura-san drops the honorifics and this time I really do stop what I am doing when he reminds me that I'm not alone.

It's not that I forget that they are here. It's the fact that I don't want to be a burden to them that makes me strive this hard. The feeling of weakness, ' _she_ ' had made it perfectly clear to me. Taking everything from me, I don't even know why she would do so. Why she wants me to suffer.

And yet, it's because of her that I see the world in a much different and darker shade. It is because of her that the clouded haze over my eyes have been lifted. As much as I wanted to live the lie of peace... I know that the only way to move forward is to come to terms with the reality being presented to me.

"Besides, you have a guest upstairs looking for you." Yoshimura-san adds with finality, my ears perking up to his words.

A guest? Who could it be?

* * *

"Yo, Ayame!" I stare dumbfounded at the sight of Hide saluting to me, a hot cup of coffee remaining untouched on his table. Everyone in Anteiku leaves us be- back to work like usual while Makoto remains next to me. Hide notices him in a heartbeat, his eyes curiously turning to my brother.

"Oh, who's he? I didn't think you moved on so soon." He teased causing me to turn red in embarrassment. "W-what?! Knock it off, Hide. He's my brother!"

"Brother? Wait, you mean you had a brother?!" It took a moment for it to sink in but when it did, he looked as shocked as I was when I first met Makoto. Only my brother remained calm to the whole situation, although a light smile could be seen marking his lips as if the sight seemed amusing to watch.

"So... Uh, looks like introductions are in order then...Sorry for the confusion." Hide chuckled nervously while extending his hand for a shake. Makoto returns the gesture, both of whom already hitting it off rather nicely. "I'm Hide by the way. Ayame and I go way back when we were kids."

"Nice to meet you, Hide. My name is Makoto, Ayame's real brother. Nice to know she has good friends surrounding her."

"Anyways, as much as it'd be nice to speak with you, I'm sure you and Ayame have a lot of catching up to do. I'll leave you both for now." Makoto makes it clear with his statement that as much as I want to train, rest would be the best course of action for now. Although I already told them that I have no option to rest, the sight of Hide makes me realize that I've been a terrible friend by leaving him like this.

Kaneki and I have been drifting away from him and it makes me guilty for doing so.

"Why don't we go for a walk, Hide?"

* * *

The park is silent for once, the late afternoon sun bathing the sight in orange and red as if on fire.

"Kaneki and I have been worried sick, you know. Disappearing out of the blue without even a word and then you come back with a long lost family member like it's nothing. If only Kaneki were here then you'd get a earful from him." Hide continues to reprimand me, his back facing me while he rummages his pocket for a change for the vending machine.

I let him continue without speaking up, knowing deep down that I deserved it. I've been so focused lately about trying to save Kaneki that I failed to consider Hide's feelings. The feeling of being left out is painful. Regardless of the dangers, Hide still continues to reach out to us. I've been selfish to both him and Kaneki, I should have paid more attention then maybe things wouldn't be falling apart like this.

"I heard the news... About your family. They said a ghoul did it- is it true?" Hide asks me carefully, my body going rigid at the memory of her words at how she killed them. Hide takes my silent treatment for a ' _yes_ '- taking his seat next to me by the bench as he hands me a can of cola.

"Is that why you left? Or why Kaneki left? Leaving me without a word... It gets pretty lonely, you know."

"I-I..." I try to speak up but no words form. What could I even say to him? The way he said it, the slight crack in his voice, even though Hide carries himself like nothing can faze him, I've known him long enough to know that all of it is just his facade. The real him worries just as much as both Kaneki and I do and for him to be incapable of doing anything to help... He's just as frustrated as I am with our helplessness.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. I'm just glad to know that you're back and even finding your real brother along the way. But I guess this is my karma for being selfish. Is it wrong to just ask for one more day of normalcy? Both you and Kaneki have been distant lately. I understand that we all have our own lives but-,"

"At least try to keep in touch. You and Kaneki always seem to forget that rabbits get lonely." He finally finishes with a small empty smile while tossing his half-finished cola into the bin.

"I'm sorry, Hide. I know I should have let you know that I was back. After what happened with my family... I've lost a lot of people around me that's why I have to get stronger to protect you all. It clouded me..." I apologized, admitting along the way my own weakness and fear.

"But you, Yoshimura-san and brother have made me realize it. That I don't have to shoulder the burden alone. That you, Kaneki, and everyone in Anteiku were there next to me... That this battle is not mine alone but everyone's as well." I add, mustering the courage as well to face him. Hide's gaze feels like he's staring far-off, a small smile on his lips while he does so.

"I see. I'm glad to know that. Hearing the news... I thought you would become clouded by revenge and leave us to go with your brother. Sorry for being melodramatic but with the way things are now... " Hide shakes his head, probably banishing thoughts that too once plagued me, "Never mind. Just glad to know you're back safe and sound."

"I'm sorry... But once this is over then we can all finally relax. Hanging out at Anteiku, complaining about homeworks... Also it'd be nice if you got to know Makoto as well. Makoto isn't as scary as he looks..." I trail off, the idea of such a future causing us both to grin even amidst the looming reality approaching us.

That's right, after all this is over, things may not be back to normal but at the very least... We can all finally stop running away.

"That's a nice idea. I'll be looking forward to it Ayame." Hide nods- not even bothering to tease me for being too cheesy. After all, we've been waiting for that future to finally happen and no matter what-

I intend to fulfill it.

* * *

We walked in companionable silence- something I missed ever since Kaneki had become a ghoul.

Walking like this... It made me realize how much everything has changed since then. As I glance at Hide's form silently walking next to me- the longing for the day where all three of us would finally be walking together happily again grows strong in my heart.

It's a simple wish. Something I hope would be granted to us after all the things we've been through.

"Do you have any plans after university, Ayame?" The sudden question throws me off-guard, my foot tripping on an invisible rock which made Hide chuckle. I pass him a light glare before contemplating his question.

Before all this ghoul fiasco had started, I never really gave my future much thought. Working by the country side with my family close to me was probably the only thing I could think of then. But with those taken away from me...

What do I even have left back there?

All I have right now are these festering regrets eating up at me. The harsh truth that because I let things pass by as is then it got those important to me killed. All because I wanted to belong in the world I had thought I could never cross.

"I don't know anymore, Hide. All I've been doing these past few years was just following you both around. Unlike you and Kaneki, I never gave my future much thought. And now... I just don't really know where to go from here." I admit, our stride slowing down the more we got closer to Anteiku. It's like neither of us want it to end quickly, even though I know that I have to train harder for Kaneki.

The human part in me still wishes to enjoy this moment with Hide- to at least keep me grounded and know that I still have a human side to go back to. I wish Kaneki could see past it as well though. Maybe that way... We wouldn't all be suffering like this and maybe-

I banish the thoughts away. It's a selfish request and no amount of wishing will bring it back even if I asked. The present and future is all that's left and I have to look at that now.

"You and me both. I guess now that we've come to this, I'm not so sure as well what to do after college. Will life return to normal after all this? But then again it wasn't normal anymore to begin with." Hide admitted, that sad smile on his lips accentuating the loneliness aching in out hearts.

"It's lonely but-," I punch my right hand over my left palm and mustered the bravest look I could manage. "But it's just for now! I'll bring Kaneki back and I'll make sure to drag him by force to apologize to us, Hide. Then we'll fix this issue so that-"

I didn't even get to finish my rant before Hide patted me on the back lightly, his lips curved into a small smile of relief which took me by surprise.

"I'll wait for it, Ayame. You're the only one who can bring him back and I'd bet on the ape-woman any day." He teased lightly, the heavy cloud over us somewhat lightening up.

"You better or you'll be next on the pounding list." I tease back, our light banter and laughter muffling the aching of our hearts for the good old days.

"Ayame. It's time." Makoto's calm voice causes us to turn to the source, his figure standing by the door to Anteiku. Dark violet eyes like mine regarded us with a somber look, Hide lightly patting me on the shoulder which made me turn to him.

"See you both soon." He merely says before walking ahead, passing my brother a long look before nodding and walking off. I watched Makoto approach me after their encounter, his eyes now closed as if deep in thought.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone." He only says but the weight of those words finally relaxes my pounding heart that, awhile ago, was anxiously beating at the knowing look between Hide and Makoto.

"I'm sorry. But he deserved to at least know." I could only muster an apology knowing full well that my action may have put us all in jeopardy. It's not like Hide would rat us out but Makoto didn't know much about Hide and Kaneki so the least I could do was assure Makoto where Hide's loyalty lay.

Makoto merely gave my apology a short contemplation before nodding and heading into the café, his gesture telling me to follow.

It's been a two days now since Anteiku has closed. Luckily, no one thought it was odd seeing as the news about the doves flocking here had affected the businesses due to the mass panic they instigated. More doves meant that the ghouls were becoming agitated in the eyes of the people. With Aogiri on the move... I just don't know when this will finally end.

Ten days. Only eight more before we storm Aogiri and save Kaneki. I've improved in the span of two days, even Touka admitted that my newfound determination to kill to save everyone was one thing she told me would serve well.

I admit that the words were touching but with what I have now- I know that that isn't enough. Makoto mentioned awhile back that even amidst my ' _forced_ ' diet on ghoul meat... The power and nutrients it gave was not enough. It made me realize that I had to-

The thought alone made me sick. But wasn't this what I wanted? How many times have I already repeated that and yet how many times did I waver?

That kind of reluctance was something I could not afford. I should've already known this after everything that's happened. Ryouko-san, the event with Nishio, Shuu-nii's betrayal, my family's death and my encounter with Aogiri. Every time I remember it, I could only shiver in fear at the thought of who would be next to walk upon death's door.

I'm still weak. So very weak. Incapable of walking alongside them at this state. Even Makoto admitted that even with my kakuja, I would still be easily killed because of my weak mental state to control it.

So very weak. Just not enough. But the idea of eating humans for that power- I may not be like ' _her_ ' because of the purpose as to why we want power but is it just an excuse so that I won't feel guilty?

Weak...

Pathetic...

I will lose everything if I waver...

Am I a ghoul or a human?

Now I know what Kaneki meant. Even with what I have that makes me human, a part of me strays me from that side. I'm half of both, belonging to neither fully. Always in the middle never closing in on the other, just like walking on a tightrope. Will I willingly let myself fall or stay balanced?

I'm not like Touka. I'm not strong enough to endure it. I can already feel myself slipping. I had thought I was a human once but after realizing everything. After knowing the whole truth of who I am... Am I still capable of going back to being a human?

My adopted family that gave me my humanity. Hide and Kaneki were the ones who solidified it. They were my whole world and now everything of my humanity is being taken away.

Anteiku and those in it gave Kaneki and I a home. A place to belong. Ideally, it would make you realize that being a ghoul is the only path you have left but-

Hide is still there. He's waiting for us and that was one side I could not abandon. Why I could not let go of my humanity just yet. Even though I fear the day that I may not be able to go back, so long as Hide's waiting then maybe a sliver of hope still remains for me... As well as for Kaneki.

So long as Hide's waiting for us, I can overlook it. For just this time until Kaneki is saved, I am willing to fall from the tightrope but refuse to let go of it.

I promised Hide we will return and over my dead body- we will.

* * *

 **-3rd Person POV-**

Makoto stared down at his sister, wondering what thoughts were plaguing her as she stared at the bloodied plate before her. It was just the two of them, a request Makoto politely asked Yoshimura. Luckily, the manager accepted it with a small knowing smile, as if he knew what it felt to Ayame to be stared at by them.

Although they were both half of each, Makoto had long since embraced his ghoul-side. The only time he ever needed his human side was when he blended into the crowd to avoid suspicion.

Ayame's case was different. She had lived her whole believing she was just a normal human being. Had he never left that day then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult for her right now. Adjusting would be the most scarring part for her. Ayame must've finally realized that and it explains the blank expression she had been giving him after he told her what must be done.

But then again, she really didn't need him to remind her about it.

"Could've at least cooked it so that it'd be more comfortable to look at." She joked mildly, her lips thinned into a grimace.

"Would you have wanted me to?"

"Yes but there's no point now is there? I have to learn at some point to accept it. You didn't kill this person, did you?"

"No. She committed suicide by the highway. Yomo found her body. You're taking this calmly than I had anticipated, Ayame. If you don't want to continue then-," She didn't give him the chance to finish, her body passing by Makoto and easily settling herself before the dish.

Her eyes may appear stoic and devoid of emotion but her hands betrayed her. He could see it when she picked up the silverware, they were trembling ever so slightly. Makoto wondered what she hoped to gain by acting tough? Yoshimura had told her that Anteiku wouldn't leave them both behind, it's alright to show even a shy of weakness.

Locking it up like this, it would only make it more difficult for her to move on with the burden she had put on herself. It just goes to show that the full trust he wanted from her has yet to happen. It's not like he was forcing her though, for her sake, he would try to be more patient.

"Well, here goes nothing." She mustered a weak grin, taking in a quick gulp of her saliva to calm herself. The silence was deafening in the room, neither refused to speak for fear of ruining the focus.

With a sudden movement, probably to just get it over with, Ayame took the whole meat into her mouth. Blood from the raw meat dribbled down her chin as she mustered the strength to chew the food. She probably had wanted to swallow the whole thing without having to bite but seeing as she couldn't due to how large it actually was, she ended up having to force herself to chew it.

Makoto could only watch his sister pitifully, something she would have hated if she had seen it. The process was excruciatingly slow, it was almost like torture to the two siblings. Only when he had heard the distinct sound of swallowing did he finally turn to his sister's face, her eyes betraying once again her true emotion.

Tears cascaded down her face like a waterfall, her body trying to reject the food in disgust, her hands gripping onto her silverware tightly, her knuckles turning white.

"Why? But then again-," She spoke more to herself, controlling her words that seemed to become nearly incomprehensible since she was crying. "It was to be expected. It's like a drug... So delicious but to know what it's made of."

She looked like she wanted to vomit but she tried her best not to. Her kakugan had long since activated ever since she ate the meat. The taste was divine, like a newly cooked beef in a fancy restaurant. Is this the description Tsukiyama had meant when he spoke of humans as food?

Disgusting.

And yet she was a part of this. She had enjoyed its taste, so much so that it made her sick. This was the truth right here. That she was more of a ghoul than her own body led her to believe. The meat, although uncooked, tasted just as savory as any other human food was to a human. She had assumed that it was probably because she was a picky eater that food always tastes so bland to her but now she knew.

The meat gave her strength, she could feel it and it made her tremble. When she said she wanted to walk alongside Kaneki in this world, this was not what she meant and yet it was the only way. He would have never looked their way if she had been human. He would have drifted away from them and she couldn't afford that.

She loved him too much to just turn a blind eye to it all.

"S-some more... Please." It took every ounce of her being to beg for human meat like this. If she numbed herself then maybe it would be like last time, it would be much easier for her and soon she'll probably adapt. Adapt enough to gain the strength to be able to save Kaneki from Aogiri.

She couldn't, after all, afford to dawdle any longer. She could already feel the masked woman's arms snake around her, whispering to her the repulsive things she would do to Kaneki and it made her blood turn cold.

She didn't want anyone important to her dying anymore because of her weakness.

"No it's enough for today." Makoto's voice cuts away from her inner turmoils, her head snapping to his direction in alarm. Enough? But she hadn't even felt like it was enough.

"No, I can still handle it!" She lied but she refused to acknowledge it. Refused to believe that it was ' _enough_ '. It will never be enough. Not until they get him back safely. Not until she sees him in the cafe, talking to the customers like nothing happened. Not until... Not until-

Not until everything is as it should be.

She knows that there is no going back. She knows that the secret she, Kaneki and Hide hold will never help bring back their lost past but at the very least, she begged that she could enjoy it once again. The playful banter they shared after class and the outings they did during the weekends. She already lost so much- her real family, her adoptive family, the trust she had for the past, and her humanity.

Please, she begged, at the very least grant her this small wish.

* * *

 **Yes, I know it's been quite a while since the update. No, I won't abandon this story like so many others I've deleted over the course of my activity here in Fanfiction. Yes, I'll do what I can to update. No, I can't give a specific date when I'll be updating.**

 **Sometimes I wonder why I even took up my course. It hampers me from moving towards my career in life as well as my drive to write. The studies are piling up again since I failed the two consecutive board exams and I am now required to take a refresher course to be able to retake the exam for the third time.**

 **So I apologize for this terrible update time. Also, I'd like to thank those who PMed me to ask how I am doing and this fanfic's readers for staying even when there were times the update looked too bleak to happen. I'd like to thank all of you, really, the very reason that still pushes me to update this. Thank you for the patience you've given this fanfic and its author.**


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